How do I climb out of my shell online?

April 7, 2008 12:41 PM

How can I be more myself writing online? I’m a quiet person, but I do have a good sense of humor and I’m quick-witted. I can be a good conversationalist. When I write online, though, I snap back into an academic mindset, and I have a hard time thinking of banter, or even decent conversation.

I can write to my close friends and be charming and funny, but that’s because they’re in my head and I’m drawing off of their personalities. What are some ways to stop being that stuffy English literature/History student when I’m writing? How do I invent that energy that will help pull me out of my own head a bit (you know, that energy you get from talking to an actual live person)?

Pretending that I’m writing to one of my friends doesn’t work, because (especially on MeFi) everyone has pretty distinct personalities and I can’t superimpose my friends’ personalities. Not only would it be rude, but it also just doesn’t work that way in my head. Thanks for you help.

posted by doubtful_guest to writing & language (23 comments total)

What sort of writing are you concerned about?
posted by tiburon at 1:12 PM on April 7

Pretending that I’m writing to one of my friends doesn’t work

Well, one way or another, it comes down to knowing/imagining your audience. Who are you writing for? If you want to develop a humorous style, you're going to exclude some people who don't have the same sense of humour, and that's okay -- it's not rude at all. If you try to write something that pleases every type of personality, you're not going to get results you'll be pleased with.
posted by winston at 1:14 PM on April 7

I'm mainly asking about writing online, in forums like this, where things tend to be pretty informal.
posted by doubtful_guest at 1:23 PM on April 7

Why does it matter that everyone on MeFi has distinct personalities? If you want to write more informally, imagine your "audience" as one big lump of essentially nonthreatening, vaguely friendly people who have a reasonable sense of humor and who really aren't paying that much attention to what you say, because essentially that's what they (we) are. If you want to imagine a specific friend to be talking to, go ahead; aside from in-jokes you might have with that friend, I don't think it would matter that much.

For me, I'm fairly certain that no one cares what I say, if they even read it at all when they're skimming through; that knowledge alone helps me loosen up my style. Then again, I'm not the least bit academic to begin with. I write things that I think are funny; I don't worry about whether others will think it's funny. I try not to overthink or explain jokes. If people get them, great! If not, meh. I just try not to be (too) offensive.
posted by Koko at 1:24 PM on April 7

Pick a MeFi member whose writing you like and is at least a bit distinctive. Emulate him or her for a while. Also, record or relive (or even rehearse) a conversation between you and one of your friends and then write it down. Study that and try to recreate it.
posted by aswego at 1:27 PM on April 7

Do you have a dictaphone or something similar about the place? I occasionally have problems with my brain being faster than my fingers, meaning I can't type as fast as I think (and therefore as fast as I would speak), and that I therefore lose some spontaneity from whatever it is I'm writing. I have, on occasion, recorded myself speaking a LiveJournal post and then transcribed it to text. It actually worked quite well; I found talking as though I were speaking to someone a lot easier than typing as though I were speaking to someone.
posted by aihal at 1:27 PM on April 7

Not only would it be rude...

Step one is to get rid of this idea. You can think whatever you want without being rude as long as the thoughts stay in your head. Do whatever works; don't worry about whether it's "rude" or not.

Pretending that I’m writing to one of my friends doesn’t work, because ... everyone has pretty distinct personalities...

Then choose one person and pretend you're just talking to them. Maybe you could choose the person based on context, e.g. if you're writing about politics, choose a friend who you often discuss politics with.

Give yourself the freedom to use tactics that are silly and arbitrary. It will end up normal once you've written it down -- the reader has no way of knowing you used some wacky device in your own mind.
posted by jejune at 1:27 PM on April 7

Going by what aihal said, you can always try podcasting. Record yourself talking about what you want to talk about (and yes, it helps to imagine the audience) and edit when finished.

Or you can also transcribe it to text per aihal's tip.

As far as confidence issues, don't worry about offending anyone. I mean, if you can't say it to a certain type of person, why even bother thinking about saying it to anyone?

In the end, you might find that the audience may enjoy your type of witty banter and occasional quip. So, go! Write something! :)
posted by exegence at 1:33 PM on April 7

"Not only would it be rude" was a joke. And I'm not afraid of what people will think, the problem is that my brain just won't come up with anything that isn't academic and formal-sounding when I start to type. I'm looking for ways to tap into the part of my brain that is apparently activated when I'm talking to someone. Writing is not the same as talking, so I sound completely different when I type than when I talk. Suggestions for ways to bridge the gap (other than the not-very-helpful "just do it"; if I could just do it I would have already done it) would be great.

Taping something is an interesting idea, but I think it would only work for certain situations, and only when I'm not at work. Maybe I'll try it, though....
posted by doubtful_guest at 1:50 PM on April 7

So you want a more conversational tone when you write comments, is that it? Have you ever experimented with writing skits, or anything involving dialogue? Maybe a book on writing dialogue (playwriting, screenwriting etc.) might help you. Find some dialogue exercises and practice, a lot. Eventually, you'll be able to write as someone would talk without thinking.
posted by Koko at 2:05 PM on April 7

(not talk without thinking, but write without ... well, you know. It will come naturally)
posted by Koko at 2:06 PM on April 7

And FWIW, the way you write in this thread isn't that bad ... a little dry is all. I think writing exercises could help you breathe some life into it.
posted by Koko at 2:08 PM on April 7

How fast do you type? I know that for me it's easy to type as if I'm talking, because I feel as if I'm talking with my fingers. I type at around 85wpm. Would learning to type faster (if you don't already) perhaps jumpstart your brain into processing things a little differently when you're writing online?
posted by laconic titan at 2:15 PM on April 7

I have no experience writing anything but academic papers, so a book on writing dialogue is a really good suggestion.

I'm not the best typist, but I'm not super slow. For me I think it's the mindset -- too many years of spending a lot of time writing dry (but interesting) papers have made me associate typing with that type of thinking. I never did much creative writing or letter writing, so I never had anything to counteract the dryness, and now my brain automatically loses all humor when I even look at a keyboard.
posted by doubtful_guest at 2:23 PM on April 7

"..and now my brain automatically loses all humor when I even look at a keyboard."

That was funny! See, you're getting better already! :)
posted by platinum at 2:36 PM on April 7

I think you're probably right, d_g, that a lot of it comes down to having written so many things in a certain voice. You have to learn/practice other voices in order to do what you want. Be kind to yourself, though. Writing and talking are two different ways to communicate. You can't translate them 1:1. There are inherent limitations, benefits, and drawbacks to each that you have to learn to work with and around.

FWIW, I know exactly what you mean. When I speak to people, I joke an awful lot. My stories are short and fairly fluid, and I get a fair amount of laughs. When I write, it tends to plod down a bit. When I try to write the way I talk, it comes across as yuk-yuk. If I really wanted to write as I spoke, I'd have to learn better how to write in that voice. I can't just plop down what I say onto paper and expect it to work. ;-)
posted by tcv at 2:40 PM on April 7

Just remembered something: My wife had to learn passive voice for academia and then needed to unlearn it when she wrote for other places. If passive voice permeates your academia writing, you might want to learn how to change into an active voice which can make things much more interesting.
posted by tcv at 2:55 PM on April 7

Write under a pseudonym to protect your anonymity until you feel more comfortable. You might feel more comfortable incorporating wit and whimsy in your writing knowing no one knows who you are. (Sorry for that horribly awkward sentence.)
posted by HotPatatta at 3:00 PM on April 7

I have this issue too. I can write formally, but I have a really hard time coming up with clever things to say in this kind of environment; I'm more of a wallflower observer than a witty participant. I just practice. If you write well with a friend in mind, try also writing with a particular style in mind. Try different voices on for size. The dialogue suggestion above is a great one. Practicing your typing may also help. The more time you spend typing casual comments, the less you'll associate typing with formal writing.

Perhaps, too, you're digging yourself into a hole by becoming preoccupied with this idea. (I know I do, and it feels silly, but it's true.) Are you a good enough typist to close your eyes and just go? Try doing that sometimes, to be more spontaneous. Try imagining a conversation in your head with someone you speak easily with, and then transcribe the good bits. Play around. If you write something that sounds academic, don't despair; just keep practicing, and try to mentally relax somewhat. (Which is hard, for sure, and it may take time.) But do try playing around, anonymously if that frees you, and have fun.
posted by bassjump at 3:24 PM on April 7

Sounds like it's time for a sock puppet. Those are good suggestions, thanks. I do have the expectation that I should be able to write how I speak, but it sounds like I need to develop a "writing voice" instead.
posted by doubtful_guest at 3:43 PM on April 7

write with a purpose and digest the words

try to make every sentence end at the end

put some structure and then some thinking

into what you say.  the rest will fall in

place.  this exercise of filling the line

exactly without going over will help much

or it may be a red-herring.  only you can

tell. now i have to finish this what pain

it is, also haiku, 5-7-5 to make the line

end up the same.  say no to formatting or

the like, make your words fit like that..

posted by zengargoyle at 3:48 PM on April 7

This may not be the most orthodox technique, but why not do what I do and stick a bottle of Vodka by the computer, and take a little hit, say, after every sentence?

Soon you'll find that yer writing style flows a lot more naturally.

Its prery - I mean, "pretty" - effective to help improv your confidence, but - shit sorry about the spelling in this!

Actually Itsa fuckn pain when yo wanna smell good - HA HA AH! I meen SPEEL good but wehatever.

An I never got in a fuuckin argumen HEY FUCK YU HA HA ha no I meen just hav a GODDAMM DRINK WHYDONCHA huuh?
posted by the quidnunc kid at 2:42 AM on April 8 [1 favorite]

Just write more.

The more you write in a particular community, or in response to people with particular personalities or styles, the more you'll "fit in" and write more like the people there. It's automatic. Your brain is designed to imitate the behavior of others.
posted by mmoncur at 6:23 PM on April 8