I'm going to beat the hell out of something, can you recommend a bat?

April 4, 2008 8:55 AM

I want to be able to beat the crap out of the inside of my car or truck with some sort of non-destructive implement. What do you suggest?

Seeking aggression outlet. My car is my most private and isolated space, therefore is frequently the venue of emotional releases that need to take place right now. The 10-minute scream is no longer doing the trick, and I had the thought of maybe just beating the heck out of something...without hurting it or me. I was thinking foam bat, but a google search indicates that foam bat doesn't mean what i think it means. I was thinking some sort of sturdy/stiff spongy-type bat. I seem to recall those from childhood. The type without a core. But all the stores i found online sell foam bats which are much stiffer, not spongy foam, with a core, and I'm not sure if that would cause damage or leave marks in my vehicle. Can you either recommend a place i can buy the type of bat I'm looking for or recommend something else that would serve a similar purpose? I'm not looking for a discussion why i have this aggression, whether this is an appropriate aggression outlet, or why specifically it has to be safe for the car. I have my reasons and believe they're sound. I just want advice on the implement/tool itself. Thanks!!!

posted by Soulbee to sports, hobbies, & recreation (19 comments total)

Hulk Hands!
posted by cowbellemoo at 8:57 AM on April 4, 2008 [2 favorites]

How about a piece of closed-cell insulating foam, the kind you put around pipes? Also sold as swimming pool flotation noodles. Hope you get the relief you're looking for!
posted by ottereroticist at 8:58 AM on April 4, 2008

A single blocker (they are used in martial arts as a kick/hit target).
posted by jamaro at 9:13 AM on April 4, 2008

There's also bataka bats but they can be pricey and they are more like cylindrical pillows....not much in the way of "dang, I clobbered that one but good," tactile feedback.
posted by jamaro at 9:21 AM on April 4, 2008

Have you considered pool noodles? It'd be hard to hurt your upholstery with those, but they do give off satisfying thwacking sounds.
posted by MrVisible at 9:24 AM on April 4, 2008 [2 favorites]

Similar to the hulk hand suggestion, but ridiculous to the next level, would be #1 hands.
posted by letahl at 9:26 AM on April 4, 2008 [1 favorite]

And what about a foam hammer? That's a little one, but I've seen giant ones, too.
posted by letahl at 9:27 AM on April 4, 2008

A squeaky hammer should help defuse some of that rage. Plus it'll amuse other drivers.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 9:32 AM on April 4, 2008

I got a dollar store oversized inflatable hammer as a joke gift. It sparked a series of apartment duels (or rather, beatings) and we eventually had to deflate it and hide it to bring an end to the escalating hostilites.

I highly recommend.
posted by utsutsu at 9:46 AM on April 4, 2008

A pillow or two on the passenger seat should work great for punching and pounding with your bare fists. Is the interior of your car really big enough to swing a bat around? Even with something soft and foamy, it seems like you'd risk tearing off your rear-view mirror.

Also, I find that twisting a thick roll of big-bubble (1"-diameter?) bubble wrap can satisfy that same urge. None of this wimpy one-by-one bubble popping here. If you roll a sheet of the wrap up until it's about 6 inches thick, then grab the two ends and twist, it takes enough muscle to let out some aggression. And if you twist even harder, you can always get one or two more to pop. Think of it as wringing someone's neck, rather than beating the crap out of them? Or something.
posted by vytae at 9:48 AM on April 4, 2008

Seconding Hulk Hands. Those things are fantastic for getting out some wall-punching aggression.

If you can't find those, perhaps Sock'em Boppers?
posted by Metroid Baby at 10:58 AM on April 4, 2008

Along the line of pool noodles(?) just head to a hardware store and pick up an appropriate length of pipe insulation.
posted by geekyguy at 11:06 AM on April 4, 2008

Get a plastic bat. I had a similar issue back in law school. Plastic bats make a very satisfying slapping sound when you hit something with one.

You might also consider lifting weights while listening to DMX or heavy metal.
posted by reenum at 11:39 AM on April 4, 2008

A whiffle ball bat might work
posted by fermezporte at 12:17 PM on April 4, 2008

I don't know how feasible utsutsu's oversized inflatable squeaky hammer will be in an enclosed environment, but I can absolutely second the ludicrous amounts of entertainment they can be.

Nothing reinforces the surreality of life quite as effectively as spontaneous hammer duels complete with over-the-top comic book dialogue. Beware Piddletron, your doom is nigh!
posted by Skorgu at 12:30 PM on April 4, 2008 [1 favorite]

Try child-therapy tools, such as these foam bats, or the anger/aggression therapy tools sold by the company that invented bataca/bataka bats.
posted by catlet at 1:16 PM on April 4, 2008

NSFW answer: A really long "realistic penis" dildo. Not only will you probably start laughing out loud, but imagine anyone seeing you.
posted by lothar at 1:29 PM on April 4, 2008

lothar FTW!!!!

Also, I second hulk hands.
Bonus: Have a few friends over. Make sure the hulk hands are innocuously sitting in one corner of the room and leave a digital camera on the table. Serve beer. Enjoy the resulting pictures for years. Don't sweat the inevitably broken knick-knack.
posted by terpia at 1:58 PM on April 4, 2008

thanks for so many great ideas. i feel i have a wide variety of valid options here. you guys rock, as usual.
posted by Soulbee at 5:21 PM on April 4, 2008