Minute Man To The Rescue

April 1, 2008 8:10 AM

What are some techniques to help prevent premature ejaculation? (NSFW)

I am surprised there is not more on AskMefi about this. I usually ejactulate within 1-3 minutes of penetration. I even once had an instance where I pulled an American Pie and came simply from some hot and heavy body rubbing. I am young (19) so I know that raging hormones and my youth have a large factor in it. I work very hard at foreplay (gotta compensate somehow) and both my past girlfriend and current girlfriend seem to be satisfied with the sex. On top of that I can usually just jump right back in after 5 minutes and last much longer.

However, my new current girlfriend is not as easy to bring to climax as my first one. She needs a little more. I am aware that I don't need to be a marathon man to have satisfying sex with someone. I am aware that penetrative sex is not the only way to orgasm. And I'm aware that an orgasm isn't always necessary for good sex. I don't need to hear that.

I am happy with my current sex life. However, I still feel like I could bring it to new levels if I had increased ejaculatory control. I'm always looking to improve.

So my question: Aside from the obvious (becoming more relaxed and comfortable over time and therefore lasting longer,which happened to a small degree with my past girlfriend) what techniques can I employ to give myself more control over my ejaculation.

-Exercises?
-Trying to work out math problems in my head? (I usually get really into it)
-Just deal with it and wait till I get older?
-Deep breathing?
-???

I especially want to hear from people who have used the techniques and found success. Although all input is welcome.

posted by anonymous to health (21 comments total)

Dealing with it and waiting till you're older is the tried and true technique. One thing that does work, though, is to relax your face and your abdomen as much as possible, then simply pay attention to your breathing. Helps to ground and calm you.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:24 AM on April 1

I've heard Kegel exercises help some men, but then I hear a lot of things. Try taking a peek at page 6 of this paper [PDF].

But don't worry dude, you're only 19. You have plenty of sex in your future; you'll get better.
posted by aheckler at 8:29 AM on April 1

When I want to delay orgasm, I like to visualize a complete Kevin Youkilis at-bat. Usually I have him foul off a ton of pitches while wiping sweat from his forehead before finally drawing a walk. Sometimes I give him a base hit. Never a home run though, that would be too exciting.
posted by 1 at 8:34 AM on April 1 [8 favorites]

Set aside more time, get a blow/hand job, rest, resume screwing dude.
posted by Freedomboy at 8:35 AM on April 1

Kegel exercises. They're not necessarily going to fix it on its own, but it's one avenue. Another way, if your girlfriend is willing to put some work into this too, is to have sex slowly. When you realize you're close to orgasm, back off on what's bringing you to it. You need to figure out how your body is processing the sensations and figure out ways to relax as they build up. A great book to have (in general, but it has tips for what you're going through) is The Guide to Getting It On. It really sparks up a bookshelf.
posted by ictow at 8:38 AM on April 1

Math problems, I dunno.. I'd probably lose my wood. YMMV. Have you tried edging? Wiki it.

Relaxation, as mentioned by Burhanistan, really helps. Something as simple as resisting the natural urge to consciously tense up my legs, my body, my PC muscle, etc, can mean the difference between having control and losing it.

Remember that what works for some will not work for all, and you might as well try everything (within reason) to get what you need.
posted by crunch buttsteak at 8:39 AM on April 1

IANABoy but I'm guessing it would help to masturbate before you see her. Dr. Drew offers that advice, at least.
posted by nessahead at 8:45 AM on April 1

The whole masturbation thing to increase stamina is really short sighted. The "death grip" desensitization will only make you more prone to building up steam quickly.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:53 AM on April 1 [1 favorite]

The idea of the pre-sex masturbation is to "get the easy one out of the way". Depends on the person, I guess.

My opinion would be to spend a day with her just screwing your brains out. As the day wears on, it should take longer and longer to finish. As that's happening, find a way to visualize and enjoy the act of sex- train yourself to enjoy the fucking, not the ejaculation.
posted by gjc at 9:07 AM on April 1

The "death grip" desensitization will only make you more prone to building up steam quickly.

Not in my experience. At one point I had to wean myself off masturbation because I was having trouble reaching orgasm at all. Individuals are different, I suppose.
posted by crunch buttsteak at 9:10 AM on April 1

Do some research into tantric methods; they are very good at controlling your orgasm. Essentially it's breathing techniques which help you to move sexual energy so that it's not so focused in one area of the body and one action with the body. Not only will you be able to control your ejaculation better but you will have orgasms that are more full-body. There are tantric exercises you can do that allow you to practice the breathing techniques while masturbating; some of them suggest that you NOT ejaculate but bring yourself to that point and stop, rechannel the energy and start again. I won't go into it here but there is so much information out there that you will find it easily. I remember reading a book about it by Margot Annand (The Art of Sexual Ecstasy) which is kind of long and sort of hippy-ish...good info but you may have to take some of it with a grain of salt.
posted by kenzi23 at 9:26 AM on April 1

Teach yourself that you don't have to climax just because your body is ready to. When you next masturbate, get a feel for how it feels, if you'll pardon the pun. There's usually a few seconds before actual ejaculation when you'll feel things "tighten up" in preparation. Get to know this feeling in your body, and when you feel it starting to happen, stop all stimulation.

Practice doing this a few times, and you'll get to know the "tipping point". Also, do kegels. They'll make your orgasm much more intense, as well as enabling you to clamp down on your orgasm better - you can tighten the muscle just before ejaculation, and ride the wave, then just carry on. Doing this really helps your orgasm feel better.
posted by Solomon at 10:29 AM on April 1

Pre-sex onanism can be helpful, but I've found it's most useful if you're going to have sex and you haven't gotten your rocks off for over a day or two.

Having sex with her on top can help quite a bit. Later on in life, supposedly, it'll be tougher to maintain an erection in this position, but when you're young, all it does is slow things down a bit.

Do you use condoms? Having done both (the other in a marriage, I'll have you know) I can tell you that they make a big difference for the guy, but not so much for the gal.

As for mental tricks, the best kinds that I've found are similar to what 1 said. You should think about a process, something with multiple steps and things to remember, rather than just Babe Ruth trotting the bases.

And lastly, sometimes you can just stop if you get too close, calm down, and start again. After maybe a few cycles of that, you just might level off and start really enjoying yourself. There's often a tipping point where, once you beat it, you can cruise for a while.

But just remember, you will get better as you age. I'm 29 now, and practice plus maturity have definitely helped.
posted by Doctor Suarez at 10:37 AM on April 1

If the question were about a girl who couldn't come quickly but had a boyfriend who wanted her to be a rocket rabbit, there would be a chorus of DTMF comments for his unrealistic expectations of her.

Seriously, especially at 19 how long "should" someone last from penetration? Is this a case of unrealistic expectations? re: thinking of baseball, if you're distracting yourself enough to push back orgasm, you'll likely be losing some wood. Even if you don't go limp, you'll still lose some girth. There are also numbing lotions, but that doesn't sound like a lot of fun.

Heck, I'm in my 30's, and the first time I'll still be done in 1-3 minutes for the time I come. Luckily ms. nobeagle is a quick and frequent finisher, and I'm, also aware of ways to pleasure her and prime her before hand. As well, I'm in the same camp of quickly being ready for more, while still taking longer to finish. However, when I was young it took at least to the 4th or 5th time until I took longer to come, and foreplay was usually where I came the first time, and sometimes 2nd time. Now after the first time I can break the 1-3 minute range. I'm not sure that keigels have helped me much, and the same with edge training (however, that's quite fun, especially if your partners helping you work with that (hey, try a game and see how long you can both play with each other, but everyone working so that no one orgasms)).
posted by nobeagle at 10:43 AM on April 1

I've had lovers who were occasionally a bit "quick on the draw". So we tried out some of the available numbing creams/gels/sprays on them. When used judiciously (you don't wanna overdo these things!), it can help to reduce those overwhelming sensations just enough so that you won't climax as fast. It certainly helped them last much, much longer and we were both pleased with the results.

You should be able to find these numbing products at your local sex shop or erotic boutique, depending on where you live. You'll need to experiment a bit to see when is the best time to apply it, the specific quantity which works best for you, etc. Good luck!
posted by Jade Dragon at 10:48 AM on April 1 [1 favorite]

Getting one orgasm out of the way early on is a good idea, but I'm not sure why you'd want to sneak off and masturbate beforehand when there's a girl right there who wants to have sex with you. Talk to her, it'd pretty hard to be upset by someone telling you they're so hot for you that they can't help climaxing right away, but that they want to make sure you're satisfied too. Tell her that, and see if you can't just manage a quick, no-holding-back orgasm before proceeding with foreplay as usual. If she's like most people, getting you off will be pretty exciting on its own and make her more receptive to whatever non-penetrative play you care to engage while you get ready to go again.
posted by contraption at 11:13 AM on April 1

You really just need to pull out when you see an orgasm on the horizon. Cool your jets for a bit (maybe pleasure her or something), then go back at it. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Of course, when you're young, it's harder to see that orgasm coming until it's right in your face (so to speak), so really, what everyone else said: It takes time.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:15 AM on April 1

Instead of masturbating before having sex, why not work a beej or a handjob from her in as foreplay?
posted by pieoverdone at 11:52 AM on April 1

They sell condoms that slightly desensitize the penis so you can go at it longer. Give them a whirl.
posted by munchingzombie at 1:06 PM on April 1

I can usually just jump right back in after 5 minutes and last much longer.

Isn't that the best answer then? Come as quickly as you come and then spend the next 5 minutes pleasuring her before you "jump right back in".
posted by Neiltupper at 1:09 PM on April 1

Get her off and she probably won't care how long you last. So get her really super hot, ideally give her an orgasm before you even penetrate. Of course this probably only works well if you don't fucking suck at going down. When you know she's got a headstart and going for her second before you've even had your first, you need to catch up anyway.

You might find you're fucking too fast - I mean, physically thrusting faster than you need to, nice long slow strokes can be pretty damn good, you know. Even if you're not, when you feel like you're getting close to ejaculating before you want to, just slow down without even withdrawing might do the trick, depending on your position, this could be a good time to move your face closer, maybe kiss her a bit, on the neck or wherever.

Otherwise, withdraw and go down on her until you lose your head of steam, then go for it for a while again, or use the excuse of changing positions to withdraw and cool off a bit as you guide her body to where you want her. Rinse and repeat until you know she's satisified.

Also, in my experience shagging a girl I don't really know terribly well yet (one night stand, or one of those 'first date that just kept going' things) means I can go for as long as I want (last time I actually had to conciously decide it was time, and change my stroke intensity up a few levels), when I'm with a girl I really dig, though, I can get worked up much faster.

If you're like me and stay hard after ejaculating, and think she either hasn't gotten off yet, or is going to orgasm again soon, then just keep going. (Whether this is safe for you probably depends on the kind of protection you're using, it might not be a great idea to risk it with a condom.)

They sell condoms that slightly desensitize the penis so you can go at it longer.

Tautology?
posted by The Monkey at 6:07 AM on April 3