best lube?

March 31, 2008 7:11 AM

LubricantFilter, possibly NSFW.

Has anyone (any woman, that is) had a good experience with one of those lubricants that one inserts ahead of time? (like replens). I'm in a new relationship, and having trouble producing all the lube I need on my own (medication) but I really don't want to go into the med thing with my partner yet, so. I'd obviously like it to be as tasteless as possible--or rather, as close to the natural taste of me as possible. Any thoughts on a good product? Men, if your ladyfriends use these products, any you particularly like? I read an earlier thread on this topic, but that was discussing lubes-for-the-moment, not ahead-of-time lubes. We're using condoms, if that matters, which of course only exacerbates the problem.

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (11 answers total)

This is not an answer - but have you considered simply telling your partner that you'll need some for-the-moment lube? It's not like perfectly healthy, non-medicated women don't still sometimes need a little lube.
posted by Tomorrowful at 8:00 AM on March 31, 2008 [2 favorites]

I don't have any experience with the ahead-of-time lube either, unfortunately, but I do agree with Tomorrowful. Even the slipperiest of us need some assistance from time to time. You don't have to tell him what your medication is for, or even that your dryness is due to medication, just that you'll need lube. Chances are he won't mind, and he might even be relieved to hear that. (If your partner had a medical issue that meant he had difficulty maintaining an erection, you'd probably rather hear about it upfront than get frustrated after an hour of fruitless foreplay and assume you're not turning him on, right?)

This is assuming you haven't told your guy about this yet, of course. If you've already had this conversation with your guy and you'd both prefer you come prepared, feel free to disregard my advice.
posted by Metroid Baby at 9:08 AM on March 31, 2008 [2 favorites]

Even nose spray for sinus problems can create dryness problems; you don't need to tell your boyfriend it's the antidepressants or whatever. You don't need to hide the problem, really, you can save your privacy and avoid unpleasant friction.
posted by matteo at 10:05 AM on March 31, 2008

Contra to the first three answers here, I actually applaud the original poster's guile. It's a new relationship, and she doesn't want to scare the guy or hurt his feelings. I see this as a sneaky kindness, deviously admirable.

(Men feel inadequate all the time, often for ridiculous petty reasons. They just don't say so. Women who find small ways to make their men feel extra-adequate are cherished by those same men. Just saying.)

I don't have a product to suggest, though. Maybe you could ask the doctor who prescribed the whatever, since it sounds like it's a known side effect?
posted by rokusan at 10:21 AM on March 31, 2008 [1 favorite]

You mention "taste," which indicates he's going down on you. In that case, like pieoverdone says, the lube is his saliva, and you don't need anything additional for that activity. In fact, even if the lube was tasteless, I'm sure he would still notice a difference in consistency (having only been on the receiving end of cunnilingus, I'm not certain of this).
posted by desjardins at 10:36 AM on March 31, 2008

I don't think this is a sneaky kindness, I think it's a deception about a perfectly normal aspect of sex for women, which is that as willing - even eager - as the spirit may be, the flesh is not always sufficiently wet.

Just tell him you need some help to make you both happier, and take care of it in the moment, whether with a product, different lead-in activities, or whatever.
posted by caitlinb at 10:36 AM on March 31, 2008 [2 favorites]

Is there some reason nobody on MeFi can ever just answer the freakin' question? This is not a moral debate on how Anonymous chooses to manage her personal lubrication issues.

Anony, the absolutely vile named Pre Seed is a lubricant you insert ahead of intercourse that has no taste. It is designed for couples who are trying to conceive, though, so I'm not sure if it's condom safe. You can ask your pharmacist, though.
posted by DarlingBri at 10:44 AM on March 31, 2008 [3 favorites]

ReplensMD sounds like it might be good option for my GF. I really like the idea of it promoting natural lubrication and maintaining pH. The ReplensMD faq says that there is no taste and if it does result in natural lubrication I would imagine any taste it might have would be masked by your natural taste. Try it, it will let you be discreet about your problem and unlike every other lube I've had experience with you probably won't have problems with using too much or with taste.
posted by robofunk at 10:58 AM on March 31, 2008

My gf used replens i think, and i could tell no real difference in taste or texture. You have to insert it 30 minutes before any activity, but it is supposed to last for three days (more like 2 days in my experience.)
posted by schyler523 at 11:34 AM on March 31, 2008

having trouble producing all the lube I need on my own (medication) but I really don't want to go into the med thing with my partner yet

metroid baby has it exactly right—lots and lots and lots of women can't or don't always produce all the lube they need on their own. it's nothing to do with medication, it's nothing to do with your partner's skill level or ego. there's nothing wrong with needing to use lube! if your partner is a grown man, he's most likely already had sex with women who've used some. it's not and should not be a big deal.
posted by lia at 4:04 PM on March 31, 2008 [1 favorite]

I, too, don't think you need to get into medications to say you need lube. I'm not on any medications and I need lube depending on what time in my cycle it is, or sometimes just because. If he acts weird about it, he's the weird one.
posted by Nattie at 7:50 AM on April 1, 2008 [2 favorites]