Comments on: i see your schwartz is as big as mine

Question: i see your schwartz is as big as mine

edjusted — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 10:08:28 -0800

Certain people in our office *have* to talk to me if we're in the bathroom at the same time. No, they can't come into my office before or after, they just have to talk to me while we're in the freaking bathroom. What's a good way to politely but firmly tell them "hey, let's talk shop outside of the bathroom, when I'm not holding my private bits!" I mean, I'm not the kind of guy that thinks it's gross or anything like that. But I think it's kind'a rude and a real imposition.

By: amanda

amanda — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 10:12:53 -0800

Don't answer. Be totally non-committal. "Mm-hm." "Ah." "Hm." *cough* "Gotta go." No eye contact. Wash hands and head out.

I chat with co-workers in the bathroom but generally only around the sink. Once people head into the stall, no talking. If someone keeps talking they get the non-committal, non-encouraging response. If asked a direct question you can say, "I don't know. I'll have to think on it." And then be quiet.

People are weird.

By: Dizzy

Dizzy — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 10:16:45 -0800

I'd say, "Hey, let's talk shop outside of the bathroom, when I'm not holding my private bits."
Amanda speaks true: People are weird...

By: alan

alan — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 10:20:37 -0800

I think a straight forward "hey, let's talk shop outside of the bathroom" is your best bet.

If that's too formal, translate it into dude/brah work speak

"Dude, I'm taking a piss, don't talk to me."

If you're not comfortable speaking directly to him about it, as a last resort you could pee on his feet.

By: iamkimiam

iamkimiam — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 10:26:31 -0800

"I'm sorry, but I have to focus on my work right now. Can we finish this when I'm back at my desk goofing off?"

By: backseatpilot

backseatpilot — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 10:28:52 -0800

At my previous job, there was a company in the building that did typical "corporate" stuff and had some stereotypical "corporate" glad-handing types. They always answered their cell phones on the john, which seemed totally bizarre to me. The weirdest thing, however, was when one of them answered the phone and said to the person at the other end of the line, "I'm just taking a quick bio-break." Which, while a bizarre turn of phrase in itself, is also an acknowledgment to the other person that you are, in fact, talking to them while taking a huge dump.

So, I suggest something along the lines of, "Let's do some mind-melding about shifting paradigms after this bio-break." Use lots of corporate speak, but try to make it implicitly clear to the other person that you are so much the shit that you can, in fact, bullshit with them while holding your wang.

The other option is to make lots of panting and groaning noises as they approach.

By: Green Eyed Monster

Green Eyed Monster — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 10:47:37 -0800

Yeah, there's certain of my fellow ladies here at work that don't realize the stall is a no-chatting zone. Around the mirrors and the sink? Fine. Don't bug me while I'm peeing, I like some privacy. I just don't answer them. They probably think I'm unfriendly. Which means eventually they'll stop trying to talk to me, if my plan works.

By: krisak

krisak — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 11:09:26 -0800

I've told coworkers in the past to wait a minute so I can come pee in their office while we chat. The downside is that you risk the humor falling flat and insulting the person. But I figure it's worth the risk for a low level person like me.

By: Brandon Blatcher

Brandon Blatcher — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 11:14:14 -0800

Certain people in our officef

What type of certain people? Are they just extroverts, who perhaps who grew up with a large family, where one person in a bathroom was unheard of? If so, then ask to talk business at another time. After all, they my think they're doing anything wrong, so it falls about you to set the boundary. Be polite, but firm and that should be fine.

By: fogster

fogster — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 11:15:40 -0800

Airhorn when they start to speak?

I just ignore people who try to talk to me when I can't see them. It's great in the bathroom, but also for when people try yelling to me from great distances. I don't know if they think I'm hard of hearing at distances, or just a jerk, but it works.

By: Inspector.Gadget

Inspector.Gadget — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 11:31:32 -0800

If you're a dude: strategic splashback.

By: adamk

adamk — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 12:32:08 -0800

This happens. It's weird. I ask "Can this wait a few?" and stop talking.

As a guy, I feel that the only acceptable time to talk and emit bodily waste at once is when you're intoxicated at a party or sporting event and peeing on or in something with a (potentially new-found) friend.

By: MsMolly

MsMolly — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 13:04:08 -0800

The editor in chief of the publisher I worked for at my first job out of college would actually tell people to follow her to the bathroom so she could continue a conversation while she peed. Because I guess she felt like she was just that busy and important. So... at least it's not your boss forcing you to talk business in the bathroom?

By: Mblue

Mblue — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 13:32:50 -0800

Depends (ha,ha). Seriously, follow this individual into the head next time they go and stand uncomfortably close while discussing office politics.

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 14:55:23 -0800

"I'm sorry but I can't hear you when I'm peeing. Catch up with you outside?" It doesn't have to be true, just believable and direct.

By: tdischino

tdischino — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 15:46:58 -0800

If you're a dude: strategic splashback.

Or the turn-your-whole-body-as-one-movement-to-face-them-and-in-doing-so-pee-on-their-pant-leg maneuver. That should shut them up.

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 15:49:23 -0800

Ignore, ignore, ignore some more. Maybe --maybe-- give a response once you're over at the sink.

By: tristeza

tristeza — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 15:56:13 -0800

(Psst - not to bug you while you're peeing, but I think you mean "schvantz" not "schwartz".)

By: gjc

gjc — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 16:12:27 -0800

Assuming this is a male bathroom. Mom's old advice of "just ignore them" won't work in this case. The bathroom talkers will take this as a sign of weakness and/or differentness, because they are doing the bathroom talking thing to show that you all are just guys in the john. No, the answers that say give them a good natured blow-off are right. "I can't think and pee at the same time, I'll catch up with you in a minute."

By: rokusan

rokusan — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 21:33:56 -0800

What I say: "Wait. Busy."
And then a few mins later, OUTSIDE the bathroom: "Okay, what was that you said there?"

Do this three or four times and they'll adjust their behavior.

By: rokusan

rokusan — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 21:37:38 -0800

I think you mean "schvantz" not "schwartz".

The OP's spelling is correct. It's a Mel Brooks pun.

By: I_Love_Bananas

I_Love_Bananas — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 12:15:56 -0800

In my experience (ladies room), people are pee-talkers or not. Not really much middle ground. Over time you get to know which is which and act accordingly.

By: krautland

krautland — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 01:54:09 -0800

I_Love_Bananas: "...and act accordingly."

this would suggest there is a third type here - the person who adjusts to the communication preferences of the other.

By: averyoldworld

averyoldworld — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 07:18:11 -0800

"We don't talk in here."