How/where do girls meet other girls (platonic) in NYC?

March 27, 2008 1:26 PM

How/where do girls meet other girls in New York City?

How/where do girls meet other girls in New York City?

I am a 24 year old straight woman, in a relationship with a great guy for 2 years. Although I'm friendly and nice to be around, I seem to lack close female friends. I have a fair amount of male friendships- but we generally see each other at parties and social events. I'm looking for girls I can spend time with one-on-one, talk about personal matters with, and of course go out for the occasional drink and weekend party!

I went to college at NYU and met a lot of friends there. The girls I met and bonded with were those that I lived with in the dorms at school. They are great girls but since graduation most have moved away or we've grown apart and lost touch.

I find it really hard to meet platonic girl friends. I'm not sure why since I have no problem bonding with guys right away.

I am funny and intelligent and a genuinely happy person. I work in the music industry and am obsessed with all things music- particularly punk rock and anarcho-folk punk (Against Me! being the most recognizable of the genre). I can be cynical and jaded at times (all in good fun). For example, I am not easily swayed by advertisements and other media that tries to dictate popular opinion. Whatever band Spin Magazine told you to like this week, I most likely heard about it a month ago and thought it was crap. I am tattooed with dyed black hair, which I suppose is off-putting to some. Perhaps it makes me seem less approachable?

I'm open to trying out cool classes and other activities, but I'd like to find some that would attract others with similar dispositions and tastes. More importantly, once I do 'click' with another girl...how does one begin a friendship (exchange numbers, email addresses) without seeming weird? (This part always seemed like such a no-brainer when these were my dorm roommates and classmates).

Please help me by sending specific links, names of organizations, bars, clubs etc.

If you want to know more about me or need me to clarify anything please ask!

posted by dm_nyc to human relations (11 comments total)

this is happening tomorrow night
posted by Stynxno at 1:33 PM on March 27

i had the same problem. i randomly got adopted into a tight group of women through an ex, but obviously that's serendipity, not a strategy.

you might look into crafting classes or taking yoga or belly dance or something--there are plenty of people who look like you who are into those things. volunteering might help, especially with something that tends to attract women, like for a crisis hotline or animal shelter. also, take advantage of networking opportunities in your field--is there a mediabistro for music industry types?
posted by thinkingwoman at 1:34 PM on March 27

Go to Mefi meetups? I don't know...I have this same problem. A lot of the girls I met when I was living in NYC were too...well, girly. Now that I'm between Baltimore and NYC, I simply lack time to make lasting connections. So, I don't really have an answer for you, but you're definitely not alone.
posted by youcancallmeal at 1:34 PM on March 27

Bust Magazine has release parties for each issue, and a calendar of other stuff on their website. You might have luck at some of those events.

I met a great bunch of women to craft and have Naked Lady clothing swaps with through getcrafty.com when I lived in New York. Check their boards to see if there are any upcoming meetups.
posted by MsMolly at 3:08 PM on March 27

I think its best if you dont go into an encounter thinking "maybe this can be someone i can up my girl:boy ratio with!" ... This is such typical MeFi advice, but find a group of people who love what you love and hang outwith them.
posted by softlord at 5:02 PM on March 27

I'm in Toronto, but I run a social group for women called, specifically, 'Females for Friendship' on meetup.com. The fact that everyone there is explicitly looking to meet new friends helps take some (but not all) of the awkwardness out of taking the next step and turning a casual acquaintance into an ongoing friendship.

Meetup's 'Women's Social' meetup listing for New York City.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:19 PM on March 27

I thought about this one for a long time. When I first moved to NYC, most of the people I hung out with were guys, but over time, I have built up a decent number of female friends. And I thought about where I met all these friends, and the bulk majority were people I met places I go regularly. Regular attendance = friends. For me, it was church, pilates class at the gym, Metafilter meetups, short-term volunteer activities, school (I went to NYU, too), parties where I'm seeing the same friends of my friends over and over. I suppose people do make platonic friends at bars and clubs and concerts, but I don't think I ever have- even if you go regularly, so many of the people around you aren't in that same mindset. I think friendships most naturally spring out of places where people are making some sort of attendance commitment. I also think that making an effort to show people you care is often a tipping point in a friendship. I can keep in touch with a friend from college on Facebook, but when I started attending his theatrical performances, we became closer. See if you can figure out ways to show people you know casually that you want to get to know them better.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:23 PM on March 27 [1 favorite]

This is something I've wrangled with too. I tend to have interests that lead me to meet more men than women.

One idea: straight guys often have girlfriends. If you like your friends, chances are you'll like their girlfriends too. Invite your male friends to do couple-y stuff with you and your boyfriend. Better yet, invite a few couples over to play Wii, Guitar Hero or board games.

Another thing that has made me happy is being more open to friendships with people who aren't my age, don't look like me and don't have lives that resemble mine. Most of the people I meet through dogs, volunteering and other interests are older and more conservative (lifestyle-wise, not necessarily politically). When I was new in town, it used to bum me out that most of the women I met were in their forties or even older, or were the same age but super-settled. These friends don't want to come out with me to see shows, or even go to my shows, but I like having lunch dates, going for walks and talking on the phone with them. They're not the friends I was looking for when I was lonely and new in town, but great friends are great friends no matter where you find them.
posted by freshwater_pr0n at 7:05 PM on March 27

Check out this previous AskMeFi post as well.
posted by anthropoid at 9:18 PM on March 27

Thanks everyone. Was just trying to see what's out there. I'm a bit too shy to join groups or take classes all by myself, honestly. But warmer weather is just around the corner and I'm looking forward to hanging out more at outdoor cafes, parks etc.

By the way..for anyone else with a similar dilemma as me, I've found Nonsense NYC to be a great email list serve containing radical events, clubs, classes, apartment listings, etc. Again, the problem of attending all these things alone presents itself, but it may be of use to some.

http://nonsensenyc.com/cgi-bin/dada/mail.cgi/list/nonsensenyc
posted by dm_nyc at 11:43 AM on March 28

(Late to the party, etc.)

Pay attention to if you're acting differently around girls, too. I have the same problem you have, and I'm still in University! But what I've noticed is that I will definitely modify my behaviour around girls I don't know. I tone down the sarcastic remarks and snarl quite a bit, I tend to be a lot less provocative, discuss less controversial subjects, agree a lot more/am hesitant to disagree, and I match whatever it is they're talking about. Which means that I'm less likely to meet girls I like and girls who like the real me (e.g. the side that gets along so well with my guy friends).

If you do notice that you act differently, maybe consciously compensate for that?
posted by Phire at 1:01 AM on April 3