The Sudden Godparent

March 26, 2008 5:46 AM

I've just been asked to the godfather of a 13 y.o. kid. I'd also like to present him with something which codifies the responsibilities of a godparent. What are some traditional gifts/symbols that go along with this? [caveat inside]

Here's the thing: what I'm looking for shouldn't be exceedingly religious in nature, as I'm not Christian and while he is, he's also a "big thinker" who is delightfully open-minded for being raised in the buckle of the Bible Belt. So, to clarify, the role I've been given is more of a "stand-in" type father figure who provides moral support and some degree of spiritual and/or life coaching. Thanks in advance!

posted by moonbird to religion & philosophy (17 comments total)

Perhaps something that will let him know you better, so that he'll feel closer to you and comfortable calling you up if he has a problem. This is going to sound banal, but it's sincere: perhaps tell him a little bit about how your life is arranged, so he'll know (for example) that you're usually available to talk between 6:30 - 9:00.

A watch might make a good gift if you're comfortable with it. It could be with him always (if he wore it), symbolic of "guidance". I realize that not everyone wears a watch now, but I thought I'd mention this just in case.

You could also offer a book of philosophy -- maybe excerpts/highlights, a survey book. Not necessarily something you agree with completely, but fodder for discussion. It should be something you read, too.
posted by amtho at 6:01 AM on March 26 [1 favorite]

Books.

I would start with Tom Brown's Wilderness Survival Guide. It's exactly what a 13yr old boy needs.

I would give him practical books for the first few years, and then ease him into philosophy and finance, the two areas we all need to study most.
posted by ewkpates at 6:08 AM on March 26 [1 favorite]

Seems to me I've heard that the traditional gifts are a watch (already mentioned) and a Bible, so I'd go with the secular equivalent of a Bible - a set of ten or twelve books carefully chosen to educate and enlighten him. The philosophy book is a good idea. You might also try a book on science, history, a few novels, biographies, poetry, how-to books on woodcarving or martial arts or rocket building. Think back to what you enjoyed at his age, think about what you wish you'd read at his age, and think about his interests and abilities (i.e., Does he like sports? Find him a book about the history of the Olympics).
posted by orange swan at 6:12 AM on March 26 [2 favorites]

What a kind thing you're doing!
Howzabout a Complete Package:

1) I like the idea of a wristwatch; engrave your cellphone number on the back of it with the words
"Time To Call Your Godfather!" so he'll always have it in case he needs you.

2) Then give him "The Godfather" on DVD, and watch it with him and discuss it. He'll get a big kick
out of it.

3) Coupons (home-made) for regularly scheduled "Pizza Nights" where you go do guy stuff
together and chat for an hour or two.
posted by Dizzy at 6:17 AM on March 26 [3 favorites]

A gun. This is not a joke. Traditional gift from moral guide / father figure to 13 year old boy = gun. Get him a BB gun or a .22 and take him out shooting sometimes. I have relatives who speak with great fondness and pride of receiving their first gun. It can be a great honor, a sign of respect for his intelligence and impending maturity, and a great "grown-up" social activity.

Possibly run that by his parents first.
posted by thirteenkiller at 6:26 AM on March 26 [3 favorites]

I remember when I was 6 or so. It was the holidays, and I had wanted, desperately, a train set. When me and my brother opened our gift, it was a book of short stories. He and I wailed for an hour (I hope it was that short).^*

As I grew older, I came to really treasure that book. There were some wonderful stories in it, stories that also reflected humor, insight, and wisdom that shaped me at least a little bit.

At 13, he's definitely old enough to theoretically appreciate a book. I'd choose one that is just above his ability to understand fully, but at the level where he can at least grasp the fundamentals. Non-fiction is probably fine but I think sometimes good teachings come across better through subtler form in stories. If you make it something a bit more profound, he will turn to it when he is older.

Inside the book, write a short paragraph about why you chose this book and why it is significant. Nothing too preachy, just from the heart, and sign it. This way it is especially from you and he will think of you when he sees it. On that note, make it a relatively *thin* book -- i.e. nothing more than 200 pages or so. If you choose a thick tome (like a Bible or something similarly hefty) he might think twice about lugging it around when he moves. If it is thin enough to slip into his backpack he will never leave it behind when he goes to a new place.

Also, if you really are there as a father figure, by far the most valuable gift you can give him is your time. I was from a medium-sized family I guess - 3 kids - and some of the most absolutely precious moments from my childhood was spending time one on one with my dad.

ewkpates advice on books that are useful is solid, but since you stated your role is partially to serve as life coach, I would get him a book that is geared more towards life teachings rather than practicalities as your first gift (i.e. the focus should be on wisdom rather than knowledge or information). Assuming you will be present in an ongoing fashion for this young adult, there is plenty of time for you to give him practical advice.
posted by Deathalicious at 6:28 AM on March 26 [2 favorites]

* Yes, my brother and I did finally get the train set
posted by Deathalicious at 6:28 AM on March 26

Oh and avoid at all costs The Alchemist. It's not a bad book by any means, but getting this book for him will be the equivalent of him buying you a "World's Greatest Godfather" mug.
posted by Deathalicious at 6:30 AM on March 26

Look into A Quaker Book of Wisdom by Robert Lawrence Smith. Yes, it's written by a guy from a specific faith view, but I found the book very interesting myself. You might want to read it yourself first to see if it captures what you are looking for.
posted by Doohickie at 7:37 AM on March 26 [1 favorite]

Since you are to be the Godfather, I think at least one gift should be spiritual in nature. Go to a bookstore and look through the shelves. There are great books these days that speak to kids at various ages. My son has a bible geared specifically towards teen boys. Other non-bible books are also great. Things have come a long way since I grew up in terms of what is available and its level of "coolness" and ability to relate to young people.
posted by maxg94 at 8:16 AM on March 26

Seconding the Quaker Book of Wisdom. Very, very interesting, even for atheist/agnostics.

Also, just to clarify for later respondents: you refer to yourself being a "stand-in father figure." Does your godchild have a father in the house?
posted by WCityMike at 8:38 AM on March 26

Seconding the gun - I received my first .22 when I was 12, I'll never forget how completely grown-up and responsible I felt. I received it from my uncle, who was this sort of great bear of a man. However, part of the deal that he brokered with my mother was that it would be kept at his house until I was 14 (and had taken hunter's safety). So whenever I wanted to shoot it, I had to go over to his place. (I was there quite a bit, anyway). I learned how to take care of it and the rudiments of firearms safety. Eventually, I learned enough from that little plinker that my dad started letting my shoot his 20 gauge shotgun and clean the other rifles. It was good, I think, because it taught me so much about the men in my family. It also demonstrated to me that while society at large (especially the media) still considered me to be a child, the men in my family expected me to act as an adult and they were willing to trust me with some level of responsibility.
Today, I no longer keep or own any firearms, but it was a very meaningful experience when I was a young man.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 9:03 AM on March 26

Also, when I was 13, my uncle from out of state visited and took me to a bookstore to buy me the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Needless to say, this had almost the same degree of profound impact on my development.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 9:05 AM on March 26 [1 favorite]

There are tons of awesome books for teen boys out there, and if he is a reader -- by which I mean, a person who actively enjoys reading -- I'd recommend getting him a few fiction tomes that you think he'll enjoy. Some of my personal favorite writers for guys are Chaim Potok (this might get him thinking a bit about other religions and cultures), Ned Vizzini (modern author; his first book, Be More Chill, is about the general stresses of trying to be "cool" in school, while his second is more of a serious tome about depression. Madeleine L'Engle's books are fantastic, and if you choose her I would recommend going beyond A Wrinkle in Time and buying the whole quintet for your godson.

Then again, if your godson is not a reader, go for something that piques his interests. Buy him a few DVDs and then have a movie night. (While I think The Godfather is a funny and fun recommendation, you might also try for some movies that are a bit more thinky.

Oh, and my personal favorite: concert tickets. Take him to see a show. Do you know what bands he likes? Get great seats to see something you'll both enjoy. It was my godfather-like friend of the family who took me to my first rock show, and I'll never forget it.
posted by brina at 9:14 AM on March 26

Since you describe him as a big thinker, you might consider getting him a really nice leather-bound journal. You can inscribe it, pointing out that you're always there to listen to him, but that sometimes it's enlightening to put your thoughts and dreams and questions and souvenirs stories and adventures into a book for safekeeping, further reflection, etc.

(I'm thinking of the kind with a leather wrap as a closure, to permit the book to expand if he pastes stuff into it.)
posted by desuetude at 9:50 AM on March 26 [1 favorite]

Maybe a few shares of stock in some company? He can follow the Dow Jones and possibly earn some money in the process.
posted by Oriole Adams at 11:49 AM on March 26 [1 favorite]

Excellent ideas, all! I had no idea what the "traditional" gifts were, so I'm already hunting down the watch. The book recommendations are great (had thought about "The Dangerous Book for Boys," these others are perfect too), and I'm liking the Quaker book. He's already got a BB gun, and uses it wisely.

I've actually known him well for the past 2 years, and was a kind-of counselor to him for a while, so I know him pretty well. He looks up to me as a father figure (his real father was a horrible person), and this responsibility formalizes something that was forming already. WE've had a lot of experiences together, so I like the concert idea, we haven't done that yet.

Thanks a lot for your thoughtfulness on this, hivemind!
posted by moonbird at 12:00 PM on March 26