Help me keep my new job!

March 25, 2008 7:18 AM

How would it look to come in with a fresh haircut two days after it's announced that everyone will be given a hair follicle drug test?

I really need a haircut, and no, it certainly wouldn't hurt my chances of covering up some holiday indulging. I just worry that it would look odd. I'm not a heavy smoker by any stretch of the imagination, so I'm not terribly concerned, but a haircut would help me sleep better (not to mention look and feel better, I am way overdue)

posted by anonymous to work & money (16 comments total)

Impossible to answer this question without knowing your workplace or coworkers. How could we know how they'd react?
posted by agregoli at 7:24 AM on March 25, 2008 [1 favorite]

If the test is defeated by a haircut then it's not really a very effective test anyway. Cut away.
posted by GuyZero at 7:28 AM on March 25, 2008

Maybe just ask for a trim to clean-up the edges
posted by hungrysquirrels at 7:30 AM on March 25, 2008

If there isn't enough head hair for a sample, they will go to your armpits, chest and even your groin if the hair collector feels like that's necessary. Given this set of facts, wondering what your co-workers might think of your new (head) haircut is small potatoes. Knowing that they might go below decks for a hair sample, now that's a different story entirely.
posted by heathergirl at 7:32 AM on March 25, 2008

I wouldn't worry about it at all. As long as you're not shaving your head, you should be fine.
posted by craven_morhead at 7:37 AM on March 25, 2008

They only test the first 1.5 inches, so unless you buzz it, I don't think a haircut will help. (See the link for some unendorsed commercial products for people in just your situation.)
posted by ottereroticist at 7:43 AM on March 25, 2008

You might get a little ribbing from co-workers? Roll with it and point out that there's still plenty of hair to test (I'm assuming you're not shaving your head.)
posted by desuetude at 7:44 AM on March 25, 2008

Agreed, they only test from the top of your hair connected to the scalp. So unless you shave it all off with a straight razor you will still have a viable test. And it shows everything in the last 90 days supposedly.
posted by nougat at 7:53 AM on March 25, 2008

According to your question, it's your follicles being tested. You're not getting a follicle-cut, you're getting a haircut. Getting a haircut would only "look odd" to people who don't know what the word "follicle" means. If you work with such people, yes, there is a possibility you might get a funny look or two.
posted by majick at 7:56 AM on March 25, 2008

I think those answering the question are assuming that anonymous is a man and is not clean shaven, "below deck."
posted by Pollomacho at 8:17 AM on March 25, 2008

I really need a haircut

Get a haircut! As has been said, unless you cut it shorter than 1.5 inches all over, it likely won't do a thing to cover up those holiday bonghits, but at least you won't look like a shaggy dope-smoking hippie. Don't let this plate of beans cause your brow to furrow. Your coworkers will think what they like -- I'm sure they already do -- but if looking sharp is a crime, I don't want to be innocent. If you need an excuse other than wanting to clean up, tell anyone who asks that you have a date, a new drivers license photo, important client meeting or similar event that prompts a need to look your best.
posted by mumkin at 8:41 AM on March 25, 2008

Cut it. You won't be able to fudge the test with any kind of haircut (Even if you buzz it, they'll take armpit or pubic hairs). i can't see people really frowning on you unless you come in freshly bic'd.
posted by nameless.k at 9:32 AM on March 25, 2008

cut it! At work, it's always better to be a stoner than to look like a stoner.
posted by jenkinsEar at 10:22 AM on March 25, 2008 [1 favorite]

Get it cut, definitely. It won't affect the results of a follicle test.

Use the new cut to find a new job, where they don't subject you to such indignities.
posted by Justinian at 11:06 AM on March 25, 2008

Again, follicle tests only check follicles. They don't bother to process the (dead) strand itself; they pull hair out, and test only the follicle - the portion that is usually UNDERNEATH your scalp. So a haircut will have zero effect.
posted by luriete at 11:43 AM on March 25, 2008

luriete please to be providing a link, because I find a whole lot of discussion about "hair follicle" testing describes it as sampling the content of the first 1.5 inches of hair from the scalp. I know what a follicle is, and I grant that most of the content is aimed at/written by rather vague stoners. If you can link to a solid description of what the testing entails, then we'll have much better information than, say, otteroticist's link, which appears to be broadly disseminated by people with magic shampoo to sell. This home hair-testing kit's instructions, however, appear at odds with your assertion.

Also, anonymous might ask robot how the test went.
posted by mumkin at 12:56 PM on March 25, 2008