Tips for inexpensive dating?

March 9, 2008 2:44 PM

Does anyone have any tips for dating with a tight budget?

I've recently come out of a long-term relationship with a wonderful girl who I met when I moved cities for a new job, and we've stayed friends.

I'd like to get back onto the dating scene. However being a man its often expected that I pay for the date: a meal, a movie, drinks, etc. These activities are usually costly and are quite conventional and, in my opinion, somewhat boring. Now that I'm single I'm cutting back on my expenditure to reduce my debt. Paying for an expensive meal with someone who I might not see again feels like burning cash I should be saving.

So, I'm looking for suggestions of new experiences to take my dates on that won't empty my bank account.

It might be useful to know that I'm in my mid-20s, I'm UK-based (yorkshire), I slog it out in a 9-5 job, and I drive.

posted by refactored to society & culture (25 comments total)

Many art galleries cluster in particular districts and many have events called First Thursday or something like that where they all stay open late and it is one big cocktail party taking place in multiple galleries. You could drink and nibble and probably learn a lot about your date looking at modern contemporary art and it is free.
posted by 45moore45 at 2:57 PM on March 9

Bike ride to the countryside.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 2:59 PM on March 9

Picnic in the park, take a bottle of wine, an old blanket and something to nosh on.
Cook together, something really hands on, such as sushi.
posted by piedmont at 3:00 PM on March 9

Previously
posted by donajo at 3:01 PM on March 9

"These activities are usually costly and are quite conventional and, in my opinion, somewhat boring." - refactored

It sounds to me like you already know the answer to your question (you wanna find things more creative and cheaper).. you just dont know what they are. I'm not in the UK, so I dont know what resources are around you, but here is my opinion:

1) whatever happened to a simple: "Hey, lets go catch coffee or a drink sometime?..."
Its WAY cheaper than dinner/movie, and gives you a lot more time to talk and get to know if you like the person or not.

2.) I've always found that if you put a little creative effort into making something specifically for the person you are interested in, they appreciate it. Take notice of the little things that interest them (their crafts, hobbies, job, clothing,etc) and then do something small and crafty for them they might appreciate. Examples: Notice she likes art?....look around for a cheap local art gallery opening or show, buy two tickets, enclose them in a hand-made card (decorated in the same style as the show) and leave them for her. Notice one time she said her favorite desert is carrot-cake?... jump on the web and find some recipes for carrot cake and make her a couple little carrot-shaped carrot-cake snack cakes. Does she have a bicycle?..is she a nerd?.. is she a music afficionado ?... etc,etc... you gotta pick up on these things and be creative in the way you show interest to her.

3.) Keep tuned in to local events (popular bars, concerts,etc)... so that if you do run into someone new, you have some ideas to throw out in conversation. Also, dont disregard the honesty of just saying, "Hey, I'm a little short on money at the moment, but I'd really like to hang out sometime." I did that to a girl once and her response was, "Sure, lets go back to your place and jam some music and smoke a big fat J.".... relationship never developed, but it was enjoyable casual.


I understand what you are saying though, its difficult to be single and broke and find a date without looking cheap/creepy. Just relax..be yourself, take it slow so you dont look desperate :P
posted by jmnugent at 3:04 PM on March 9

To expand on mpls2's grocery shopping idea, make meals at home. Cooking together is a great date. Granted, it's sometimes not a great first date because it's not somewhere public, but if you do quickly get to that comfort level it's a fun, inexpensive activity.

As for going out, I think that it's acceptable to skip dinner entirely. I think that you could get away with NEVER paying for an expensive meal on a first date. If drinks are in order, how about a tour of your city's dive bars? It's something fun and different, and you save money on drinks. If alcohol isn't on the agenda, you can never go wrong with coffee/tea.

Also, YMMV, but in the US, at least amongst people in my area in their mid-20s, splitting the tab seems to be more and more commonplace.

Other cheap/free things which I think are great getting-to-know you activities: hiking, window shopping, mini-golf, board games, weekend matinees, and renting movies.
posted by TurkishGolds at 3:06 PM on March 9

As someone who goes on a lot of dates, why not meet for coffee, drinks at a bar, free concert, hike, dog park etc? Leave the dinner to the second (or 3rd/4th) date so you don't feel like your burning cash. Also, you don't have to pay for your date (at least not on the first). Just split the check.
posted by special-k at 3:19 PM on March 9

There have been about three past AskMe threads on this, so you might google for the two besides the one Donajo looked up.
posted by salvia at 3:24 PM on March 9

Picnic in the park, take a bottle of wine, an old blanket and something to nosh on.

Don't know about the UK, but if you did this in most parks in America, you are going to end up with an open container ticket at the very least. That might throw you over budget.
posted by B(oYo)BIES at 3:29 PM on March 9

A friend of mine had several dates with her now-husband that involved a long walk in the park and throwing bread to the ducks that lived there. Some of my favorite outings with my husband are walks around the city. Biking is fun too, but unless you're both very slow or very good it's hard to talk while biking, which might put a damper on things.
posted by christinetheslp at 3:53 PM on March 9

Agreeing with special-k. As a single girl originally from Yorkshire I'd say few women in their 20s are going to expect you to shell out for a posh do, unless you're specifically looking for the high-maintenance status types.

Do the easy-going afternoon coffee thing first, then if there's a spark just ask her what she'd like to do? Come up with ideas between you, then call her later to organise. If she's suggesting a whirl round the Prada counter at Leeds Harvey Nicks you might reconsider whether or not she's second date material. Go easy and play it by ear, first dates are best kept light.

Otherwise, just thinking about the 'wonderful girl' you've just split from. That sentence looks like a red flag, why do you need to mention her at all in this question, are you sure you're really ready to start dating yet?
posted by freya_lamb at 4:15 PM on March 9 [2 favorites]

Mr 26.2 took me to matinée of a classic movie for our first date. Then we went out for coffee and a snack. I was charmed by it and it wasn't an expensive date. What made it awesome was that he's a fan of old movies, and he was sharing something he loved with me.

The key is to find something you're interested in doing. It gives you something neutral to chat about and relieves some of the pressure of having to force conversation.
posted by 26.2 at 5:13 PM on March 9

Cooking together, and taking long walks are both better ways to get to know a person than going to a movie. It can be fun to go to art openings just for the free wine! (sometimes the art is good, sometimes the art is good to make fun of.)
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 5:13 PM on March 9

• One of my favorite cheap dates involves only the cost of parking your vehicle at the airport. Take some typical tourist snack foods/drinks inside the entrance of the airport (before the screening facility), find a bench and people watch. Not just people watch though - make up stories about who they are and where they are going or who they are talking with on their cell phones, etc. The fun part of this kind of date is you get to know each other's creative side and it affords you both lots of laughs. The two of you can make up stories that could make daytime soap operas envious. Scandals, affairs, secret rendezvous, mother heading to her adult son's house for a surprise visit, Secret Service, movie stars incognito... the list is endless.

• Put together a kite and head to the park with a picnic lunch to test your kiting skills ( you might want to pick a windy day for this activity).

• Historical walking tours in your city or one close by with cameras in hand. Compare photos afterwards.

• Cemetery tour - especially the old ones with interesting headstones.

• Invite her to dinner at the cheapest hamburger joint you can find. Tell her you can get a window seat because you know the Maitre de. Go to one of those "everything is a dollar" dollar stores and get a plastic table cloth, wine glasses, silverware, plastic flowers and a votive candle. When you get to the hamburger joint, set the table special for her. Enjoy watching everyone else around you smiling at your 'formal' dinner.

Have fun. I never went out with a guy who asked me to dinner and a movie twice in a row --- BORING!

DeeDee
posted by cainiarb at 8:24 PM on March 9

I like cooking, myself. If you do too, then you're set. Almost always less expensive than dining out, makes a nice impression if you don't totally fail at it, provides convivial together activity with joint payoff, and gets her back to your place with candles lit. Disclaimer: This may not work on a first date, where you might need to establish a bit of trust before inviting her back to your kitchen. Your question comes up a lot, though, in one form or another, as was referenced in Metatalk a while back. From that thread, you may wish to see:

What can we do together?

What do you want to do? I don't know, what do you want to do?

Carpe the crepescular diem

Help us turn off our TV

Budget dating without being cheap

Reclaiming the marital entertainment space
posted by mumkin at 8:42 PM on March 9 [3 favorites]

Bus. Coffee. Cake. Walk through the park along the river. Making out. Bus home. Rice krispies for breakfast. 16 hours. Total cost $10.

Limo. Tux. 5-star restaurant. Dull conversation. Realizing we have nothing in common and bore the crap out of each other. Cab. Total cost $180.

World of Warcraft. 18 hours. Total cost $0.50.

Cost is, at best, vaguely correlated with fun. There are millions of things to do for free, or nearly so. The point of dating is the chemistry between you, not the activity done. The activity is a stimulus to conversation, and a backup in case the conversation fails.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 9:06 PM on March 9

Nthing splitting the check. My most awesome girlfriends (past and present) all understood that I was a human being, not an ATM, and treated me as such. Sometimes we split the bill, sometimes I paid, sometimes they paid. If I had cash and they didn't, I paid. If they felt like being generous, they paid. Sometimes it can be a delicate path, since it's easy when you start alternating to lose track of who's paid what, which can lead to concerns that someone's paying too much. But, basically, when you are dating, just split the bill. Personally, I wouldn't want to end up with a girl who honestly thought I should always pay for her.
posted by Deathalicious at 10:26 PM on March 9

B(oYo)BIES: "Picnic in the park, take a bottle of wine, an old blanket and something to nosh on.

Don't know about the UK, but if you did this in most parks in America, you are going to end up with an open container ticket at the very least. That might throw you over budget."

Just so you know: drinking outside in the UK is totally the norm. A British friend of mine came to the States and was shocked when they was scolded for walking around, in public, holding an open bottle of beer. It was completely beyond their understanding. Go to the UK and on a nice summer's day most of the pub's establishment will be drinking, not inside the pub, but on the "pavement" (sidewalk). Just so you know.
posted by Deathalicious at 10:30 PM on March 9

Lots of good advice here. No really, some thoughtful responses up thread.

That said, my own deal is that I'm in graduate school and perpetually broke. The idea of going out and spending even $50 USD on a meal, let alone more for drinks, and some sort of entertainment is daunting. I really have to plan carefully and ask myself questions like, "Do I like this person? Do I see this going on for more than a few dates?"

That said, at least in my experience here in Chicago, I feel like the dating scene has mellowed some. It seems like the recent handful of "first dates" I've been on have been low key, meet for a drink, but not dinner, split the bill type deals. If we hit it off then a fancy dinner may be in order, if not then it's no loss for either person. Of course, generally the women I'm attracted to are independent and free of social hangups about who pays for what and any chick who is looking for me to drop a lot on her on the first date isn't the type of chick I'm looking for anyway. YMMV.

Paying for a dinner or night out is a nice gift. You wouldn't give a nice gift to someone you don't expect to see again would you? Don't sweat it.
posted by wfrgms at 10:55 PM on March 9

Ikea
posted by garethspor at 3:15 AM on March 10 [1 favorite]

For many years I was not only broke, but shy and introverted. I never dated, but several times, when I learned that a girl I knew was interested in something, I would suggest we get together and actually do something. The end result was better than dating.

Pick a task that takes at least an hour or two, you will end up with something to show for your day and most importantly, you find out pretty fast if you will ever be able to work together, solve problems and have fun.

This is a list of stuff I have actually tried and liked:
Build and fly a kite, build a tissue paper hot air balloon, make a short animated film (webcam and shareware), help paint a friend's room, make handmade party invitations for a mutual friend's party, make bread from scratch (first time for either of us), go mushroom photographing, figure out the best bus routes to get home from school, buy and replace a broken light switch, figure out a way to make and transport 100 liters of alcoholic fruit punch, procure, shave and cure a goat hide for a drum, go buy an used telescope. You get the idea.
posted by Dr. Curare at 3:57 AM on March 10 [2 favorites]

Try the White Horse in Kilburn. You can climb up to the top above the horse - the views are amazing. You can see right across the vale of York, on a clear day you can see the Minster which asks only for a donation and is well worth a visit.

There is loads of cheap stuff to do in York, the park and ride will save the extortionate parking fee. Most of the things i can think of are dependent on good weather. The city walls are worth walking around. Food is likely to be your main expense so, as others have suggested, picnics are the way forward. You can sit around all afternoon eat cheap food and decent alcohol. Museum gardens are a good place for sitting.

Outside of York: Benningbrough Hall - a national trust building with nice gardens that lead down to the river. Castle Howard is also impressive - not sure if its free though. Obviously there is the coast to explore but there are too many places to mention here. Finally, Brimaham Rocks is also a cool day out if the weathers ok. Stay away from girls from Hull.
posted by verisimilitude at 4:31 AM on March 10

What do you like to do? Just invite her along! Ideally, she'll invite you to participate in something she enjoys, so you can check out her own interests first-hand, but most girls really want or expect the guy to do the date-planning.

Examples: throw a frisbee in the park, go for a hike, ride bikes to the fresh market, watch a tv show together, play Rock Band at a friend's house, go rock climbing, invite her to a party, go for ice cream... (Sorry, I dunno what you like to do for fun.)

The traditional dinner (at a restaurant) & movie (in a theater) is usually BORING, and IMO makes horrible first date fodder. But making dinner together and watching a movie at your place is almost a guaranteed success -- of course, save it for a third or fourth date where she knows she can trust you alone.
posted by LordSludge at 11:09 AM on March 10

"Don't know about the UK, but if you did this in most parks in America, you are going to end up with an open container ticket at the very least. That might throw you over budget."
Really? I'm snack dab in the red state territory and this is something I've done more than once, I don't even think about it being an issue in parks.
posted by piedmont at 6:47 PM on March 11

Thanks for your comments guys. All very helpful, especially for second/third/nth dates.

I think my main worry is the first date. Usually public places are preferred, somewhere reasonably quiet to chat, normally on a weekday evening... I'll have to spend a couple of nights wandering round my local city to see what matches that criteria but is slightly different.

Thanks verisimilitude for those tips; I'm leeds-based so those places aren't too far from me. And I'll be sure to steer clear of the girls from Hull! ;o)
posted by refactored at 11:38 AM on March 23