Hard-on just a minute there!

March 8, 2008 8:16 AM

Embarrassing male issue: Help me be able to stand up in class without embarrassing myself.

Please help!

I’m 30 years old and am having what feels like an adolescent’s problem. As embarrassing as this is, I need to either commiserate with others with this problem or find out if this is something to be concerned about.

It seems that when ever I sit down for long periods of time (>30 minutes), I get an erection. This problem pops up most noticeably when I start to get drowsy. I perpetually feel sleep deprived, so whenever I have to sit through a lecture or class, I always have to worry about embarrassing myself. This has been going on for at the very least 4 years. I have noticed that if I can get engaged in the lecture or if I have to actually concentrate on learning something or figuring something out, my erection will subside. I have actually tried many times to really put effort in getting focused on something during class, but it often fails due to being so sleepy. I should say I am not generally hypersexual, nor am I thinking of anything sexual when this happens.

Is this natural, just a side effect of possibly increased parasympathetic tone when sleepy, or is this some sort of physical ailment? Is there anything I can do to make this stop? This is a very serious question, since I spend a lot of time in classes and lectures and I am getting more and more frustrated with worrying about having to stand up unexpectedly.

Thanks in advance for any advice.

posted by anonymous to health (31 comments total)

FWIW, me too.
posted by Sys Rq at 8:35 AM on March 8

I don't know about making it stop, but if you have to stand up, just tuck in your waistband. (Isn't that how most dudes made it through middle school?)
posted by solipsophistocracy at 8:38 AM on March 8 [1 favorite]

I don't know about making it stop, but if you have to stand up, just tuck in your waistband. (Isn't that how most dudes made it through middle school?)

Anonymous, the uptuck is a vital skill you should have learned at half your age.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 8:42 AM on March 8 [6 favorites]

I perpetually feel sleep deprived

Key point. I also have drowsiness issues, caused by (severe) insomnia. You haven't said whether you've sought a doctor, but if the erection occurs without related arousal, you might have any number of medical concerns that I am in no way qualified to diagnose, but other people can treat.
posted by StrikeTheViol at 8:50 AM on March 8

Have you tried getting more sleep?
posted by almostmanda at 8:50 AM on March 8

I find that this happens to me when I'm very sleep-deprived. Overall I don't have sleep issues, and overall it's not a problem. It's just when I don't get a good night's sleep.

I think if you address your sleep issues, the occurrence of your harder problem will go down in frequency. (Obviously, I am not a doctor... nor am I above corny puns.)
posted by fogster at 8:58 AM on March 8 [1 favorite]

Someday you'll look back on these days and remember fondly when you could get an erection for absolutely no reason. I recomend the uptuck, and also the quick fumble and repoint. The Madeleine Albright Naked thought can be useful. As can the remembering that most people don't really look there right away, and the ones that do might appreciate it.
posted by sully75 at 9:11 AM on March 8

Note: your shirt should be untucked when you tuck it into your waistband. Otherwise there's a chance it might peek out.
posted by creasy boy at 9:13 AM on March 8

Here here, the uptuck is your solution. Adjust your junk and you'll be fine.
posted by porn in the woods at 9:18 AM on March 8

How is the uptuck done subtly? Classroom environments don't often make themselves the most useful for slyly going into your pants. Any tricks?
posted by Corduroy at 9:36 AM on March 8

Perhaps if you gave your friend more attention in private you'd sleep better and he would embarrass you in public less often.
posted by Good Brain at 9:51 AM on March 8

I am getting more and more frustrated with worrying about having to stand up unexpectedly

How often do you find yourself having to stand up unexpectedly. It's a serious question. Because you mention that you're worried about having to stand up unexpectedly, not that you HAVE to. After all, it's college and you're not being forced to "write your answer on the board", right? So maybe you're worrying yourself over something that doesn't happen much.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:52 AM on March 8

As can the remembering that most people don't really look there right away, and the ones that do might appreciate it.
Yes, most of my people who look there will appreciate it... And (hopefully) college students are mature enough to not be like "OMG X HAS A BONER."

(And hey, you might get something out of it having someone see it)
posted by majikstreet at 10:03 AM on March 8

How is the uptuck done subtly? Classroom environments don't often make themselves the most useful for slyly going into your pants. Any tricks?

Were none of you ever fifteen? You reach in through your pocket, like you're fishing around for a pen or a stick of gum. Ideally, you do it while facing a wall or sitting behind a desk so nobody's got direct line of sight to your package. If that's not an option, you leave your hand in your pocket for a while, and then make the adjustment as quickly as possible while doing something else — looking suddenly away, moving your other hand — to redirect attention.
posted by nebulawindphone at 10:06 AM on March 8 [4 favorites]

How is the uptuck done subtly? Classroom environments don't often make themselves the most useful for slyly going into your pants. Any tricks?

good advice above from nebulawindphone. However, there's a fine line between a quick uptuck and full-fledged pocket pool, so it's crucial to know when enough is enough.
posted by porn in the woods at 10:12 AM on March 8

Were none of you ever fifteen?

For what it's worth, I was a fifteen-year-old girl, and quite frankly this is fascinating to me :)
posted by kalimac at 10:15 AM on March 8 [16 favorites]

Involuntary erections are associated with sleep, but mainly with REM sleep, as far as I know.

If you are getting erections during the day when drowsy, in the absence of thoughts with sexual content, as you report, I think you should look into the possibility you have some form of narcolepsy, which involves the intrusion of REM episodes into waking life. If there is a sleep disorders clinic you have access to, I think you should go there and talk to them about this.
posted by jamjam at 10:43 AM on March 8 [1 favorite]

The uptuck ... LOL never knew it had a name. That's the ticket.
posted by Agamenticus at 11:18 AM on March 8

Parasympathetics point sympathetics shoot. Now you'll never forget the effects of autonomics on the penis.

Look into the sleep problem, since that's a Big Deal. If it happens only when you sit on hard surfaces, consider getting your prostate checked. If you have painful erections, especially if they wake you up at night, see a physician.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 11:38 AM on March 8

This problem pops up most noticeably when I start to get drowsy.

Wow, I had to laugh when I read this -- I thought I was the only one. It's definitely linked to the drowsiness, isn't it?It happened all the time in school, and (twenty years later) it still happens during meetings! So odd...
posted by scamper at 12:06 PM on March 8

While addressing your insomnia with someone more qualified, take steps to not get drowsy in class.

When you notice yourself drifting off, ask a question. Any question, doesn't matter. It can even be one with a totally obvious answer that you already know, although it's better if it's a legit question. You might get the lesson derailed in a more interesting direction, but even if you don't, the stimulus of being the center of attention for a moment or two will keep you alert for another several minutes. Repeat if necessary. Ignore all the other students wanting to murder you.

I alternate that with legitimately trying to study the material by imagining a possible exam question that would require information I just learned, and just plain copying down every word the instructor says (on a separate sheet from my real notes) in as perfect handwriting as I can make.

I hardly ever get sleepy in training while I'm doing those things.
posted by ctmf at 12:06 PM on March 8

Some good advice above. I would add this: If you wear briefs, switch to boxers. I find that I get way more erections without sexual thoughts when my penis is more constricted.
posted by cerebus19 at 12:10 PM on March 8

Sleep causes erections, the REM mode fires all sorts of areas in your brain, some which control that reflex. I'm guessing that when you're drowsy, your mind fires along similar paths-- cure your drowsiness, cure your embarrassment.

Or in more layman terms.. your winky is an antenna for dreams.
posted by Static Vagabond at 12:49 PM on March 8 [1 favorite]

Go pee more.

Seriously. Hit the bathroom before going to class. The bladder sits right on top of prostate, so as the bladder fills and stretches, it'll put some pressure on the prostate which might make you a bit rubbery.

In extreme cases you can slip your hand under your shirt like you're scratching your belly and then dip in and tuck under.

NOT THAT I'VE EVER DONE ANY OF THIS HEY GIRLS WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
posted by OrangeDrink at 1:11 PM on March 8 [1 favorite]

If the uptuck proves unwieldy, there are some other tricks and tips in this episode of Kenny and Spenny.
posted by doublesix at 1:13 PM on March 8

If you already wears briefs, switching to boxers would just make the problem more devastating. If you wear boxers, you should try briefs.

The uptuck is your friend. I never knew it had a name. If you wear jeans or somewhat tighter pants, often all that's required is to have it pointing up. Pull your shirt over your crotch to provide a second layer of shielding. You should "rearrange" while you're seated. You can do it with your hands on the outside of your pants. Just wiggle in your seat a little bit while you do it and it should work.
posted by BeaverTerror at 1:30 PM on March 8

I was a fifteen-year-old girl as well, and I never ever noticed a single instance of the supposedly superabundant adolescent male erection. Then again, I also labored under the delusion that erections stuck straight out--it made sense at the time--so I always wondered why no one around me ever had one.
posted by Powerful Religious Baby at 1:32 PM on March 8

As a girl I read Judy Blume's "Then Again, Maybe I Won't" and the boy in that story just held his jacket in front of him.
posted by IndigoRain at 2:00 PM on March 8

I too was a fifteen-year-old girl and never once noticed either an erection or an uptuck. I think teenage girls are just oblivious. It's kind of sweet to think of all the needless anxiety you poor boys put yourselves through over this.
posted by Enroute at 5:14 PM on March 8

Apparently, your plight is shared by this guy
posted by fermezporte at 9:44 PM on March 8 [1 favorite]

It took me over half of this thread to realize what the hell you guys meant by "uptuck". I had to Google it!

And FWIW, I have never noticed this either.
posted by triggerfinger at 3:24 AM on March 9