What to do about an over-perfumed coworker?

March 5, 2008 3:56 PM

How should I deal with someone higher up on the org chart who wears way too much perfume, and who my direct superiors have been reluctant to confront about it?

The manager of a group within my department, but which is not my group, is about to move into an office next to mine. I am allergic to her perfume, to the point that when she simply walks through the office suite, I can't think straight for half an hour due to swelling eyes, itchy nose and mild headache. Last year, when she started attending a monthly meeting I participated in, I talked to my manager's manager (who is at the same organizational level as she is) and he advised me to skip the meeting and to feel free to take a break in the fresh air whenever she was going to be in our office suite. Obviously this won't work once her office is 15 feet away from mine.

I've talked to my manager, who agrees that it sounds like a problem, but doesn't have any ideas. I offered to take a laptop and work from somewhere else on campus, because I thought she was only going to be here for a week or two. He told me that it's more likely to be for the next five or six months, so that's probably not a realistic solution.

From talking with my co-workers, I know that I'm not the only one bothered by her perfume. I think I'm the most affected, though.

I've asked my manager's manager's manager (the director of our division) about the possibility of making our shared office space a fragrance-free zone, and while she agreed in principle that it might be a good idea, she seemed uncomfortable with actually trying to do anything about it, so I haven't raised the issue again. We're moving to an open floor plan cube farm later this year, and eating in the cubes has been preemptively banned out of consideration for others who would have to smell the food, so I might raise the perfume issue again then.

Closing my office door doesn't work for long--there's negative air pressure in here thanks to the ventilation system, so all the smells from the shared suite get sucked in through the cracks. Should I invest in a case of Ozium? A face mask and charcoal filters? Should I take it another level up the org chart, to the assistant vice president? Just let it go and hope I develop a tolerance? Get a prescription for something?

Is there a polite way to tell someone they're wearing enough perfume to strip the paint off the walls? Given how reluctant anyone I've talked to has been to raise this with her, she must have some kind of political clout, so I don't want to offend her myself. I'd managed to almost completely avoid university politics in my seven years so far; I can't believe perfume is what's going to suck me in.

posted by hades to work & money (33 comments total)

Have you tried just telling her this directly?
posted by delmoi at 4:01 PM on March 5, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

"I know this is going to sound kind of weird, but I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to your perfume. The scent itself doesn't bother me at all, but whenever I breathe it in, my eyes swell, my nose itches, my head aches, and I get totally distracted. This doesn't happen except when you're around and I smell your perfume. Since we're both going to be working in the same space for the next several months, I was wondering if you'd be willing to switch perfumes or not use any while you're in the office during that period. I know it's a lot to ask, and I feel awkward even starting this conversation with you, but it's a strange situation and I want to make sure I can do my work going forward. I'm happy to talk about other options as well that might work for both of us. What do you think?"
posted by brain_drain at 4:04 PM on March 5, 2008 [9 favorites has favorites]

Yeah, a polite email explaining your medical condition and asking her if it would be too much trouble to please reduce the amount of perfume she uses is the way to go. "I certainly don't mean to offend, and hope this note making you aware of my medical situation can be taken in a friendly and cooperative spirit" - that sort of thing.

It'll be one of the most difficult things you'll ever write, probably, and life in the office will probably be awkward for a bit afterwards even if she agrees, but it's what you have to do.
posted by mediareport at 4:05 PM on March 5, 2008

Take it to HR. Let them know that you've run it up your chain discreetly and haven't gotten the results you need in order to prevent a negative impact to your job performance. Ask for it to be handled with confidentiality.

Listen, if you don't get the resolution you need, your performance is going to take a hit, and you'll still be on the line for not be sufficiently proactive.
posted by TheNewWazoo at 4:07 PM on March 5, 2008

Why don't you just talk to her directly? Bring her a coffee in the morning, or a new office-warming present (a plant or something?) and sit down with her.

"Hey, [person]. So, your office is going to move nearby soon? Yeah, that's cool. Well, I just wanted to address something... I happen to be severely allergic to the particular scent you're wearing, and it really inhibits my work. I hate to ask this of you, but would it be possible for you to refrain from wearing such scents? I love the smell [even if it's a lie], I just happen to be really allergic! Yeah, swelling eyes and difficulty breathing and everything."

Hopefully it'll work. Good luck!
posted by Verdandi at 4:11 PM on March 5, 2008

you could send an anonymous email message with a place like this:

http://www.sendanonymousemail.net/

my 2 cents
posted by Jackie_Treehorn at 4:13 PM on March 5, 2008

Taking it to HR like TheNewWazoo sounds good, if it is a possibility for you.

However, I am enthusiastically nthing taking a deep breath, reaching down, sacking up, and telling it to her straight.

I don't wear cologne to work. But if I did, and someone told me it was making their face hurt, my response would probably be, "Holy shit, I'm sorry! I'll stop, starting tomorrow."

CAUTION: If she takes offense to this, she is probably a stuck-up bitch.
posted by crunch buttsteak at 4:15 PM on March 5, 2008

I totally sympathize, as I've been in similar positions. Here is what I did.
In order to feel like I had done everything I could, I tried to not prejudice my interaction with the person in question beforehand. That meant to tough it out for a little while, to see if it was doable for me. I gave it a week, just to be sure. It turned out that it wasn't, even with antihistamines like Claritin.

At that point, I walked over to the person's office when I was in obvious distress (sneezing, puffy eyes) and asked for a little time. I then explained very clearly that I had severe allergies and asthma, and that perfume in general tended to set me off. I told her that as it turned out, by the vagaries of the air conditioner, her wearing perfume in the office was really affecting me for some reason. I told her that I had tried very hard to deal with it on my own, but that it wasn't working, and I asked her very kindly if it was even remotely possible that she would be willing to help me out by not wearing perfume in the office.

Because I made the request all about me, rather than about her being inconsiderate (and I could tell her straight faced that I had tried to tough it out), it was a lot easier to get her on my side.

So yea, a long winded way of telling you to talk to her directly. Even if she is a lot higher on the ladder than you, not many people would be able to refuse a request like that, if it's put to them in a way that doesn't put them on the defensive. I bet she will be horrified at the effect she is having on your allergies.
posted by gemmy at 4:19 PM on March 5, 2008 [6 favorites has favorites]

As gemmy says, I recommend talking to her WHILE you're having an allergy attack....too many people throw around the word "allergy" to mean "I don't like the smell" and I think people get defensive about stuff like this if they think you're just exaggerating for effect.
posted by tristeza at 4:23 PM on March 5, 2008

I'm the cynical HR chick stuck with this job. more often than not. The first time the smell was really terrible, and it turned out that a diabetic IT programmer's foot had gone necrotic.

No to anon e-mail, no to e-mail generally. Get HR's coaching on how to approach it, but approach it verbally, at the end of the day, on a Friday, so she can go straight home. Totally okay to go meta first - "I'm not sure how to approach you about this, and I keep hoping the problem is something else, but after eliminating all other allergens....etc insert request here...braindrain's language is great. At the end, go meta on the request again, and ask, "are we good? I was afraid to ask you about it but thank you for being so considerate. If there's ever anything I can do for you, please just let me know." On Monday bring her a card to say thanks, just that - thanks or "I appreciate your help"

Document the conversation, her response, and if it doesn't stop, you've already gotten HR coaching so they'll be sympathetic and likely to create some rule for everyone to follow. Don't bother your boss again with it, except to score some points that you handled it on your own.
posted by pomegranate at 4:25 PM on March 5, 2008

++ to gemmy's response
posted by pomegranate at 4:26 PM on March 5, 2008

I am sensitive to fragrances, and over the years have often had to tell people that their hand lotion/perfume/smelly shampoo/patchouli/whatever was causing me problems. It's never easy. But since I've done it about a million times at this point, I just want to chime in and support gemmy. Not so much the "in the middle of an attack" part--I don't get visible stuff unless it's hives, I just get dizzy and get terrible headaches, and it can literally take me the better part of a week to recover from a bad exposure--but the idea of keeping it about you. Offer information, admit how awkward the whole thing is, describe how it affects you. Practically everyone I've ever told in a nice way, "You know, fragrances can cause me to get bad headaches, and something you're wearing seems to be setting me off," has been chagrined, sympathetic, and 100% willing to do their best to help me out. For that reason, I'd say, don't be too afraid of this conversation. A lot of people have never considered that their scent might cause anyone problems, but they don't want to be making people sick.

That said, if putting on perfume is part of someone's routine, there may be some slip-ups, so you may have to do some gentle reminding while the person is getting into a new routine.
posted by not that girl at 4:39 PM on March 5, 2008

The suggestions for how to talk to her directly are good and worth trying. But it should be noted it's your manager's job to deal with things that detract from your ability to do your job. If talking to her doesn't work, it's your manager's responsibility to see that the problem is resolved.
posted by winston at 4:39 PM on March 5, 2008

I'm definitely not the world's most assertive person, but i would have no problem telling her this directly. I can understand how this might seem scary to you, but, from an objective perspective, I can assure you that this will not cause offense or embarassment if the request is made in a friendly way. Remember to smile.
posted by mpls2 at 4:40 PM on March 5, 2008

I have been dealing with this situation for years, so I'll be watching this thread with interest. The thing about perfume allergies is that unlike other types of allergies, people don't believe in them. It's very frustrating. Also, due to media hype about finding your "signature scent" and so forth, people seem to identify very strongly with their perfume, which makes it really hard to have an objective conversation about it. For that reason, I think the e-mail approach is best, because it makes it seem more like something you've been thinking through and taking seriously, rather than just a random complaint. It also seems more official and leaves a paper trail if you're worried about how the conversation might possibly be recounted to others.

A lot of social mores are aimed at minimizing our physical impact on others: bathing, not passing gas/belching, moving out of the way, etc. In general, we don't want to smell one another. Perfume is kind of weird because it was originally developed as a way to cover up B.O. and thereby *not* inflict your bodily unpleasantness on others, but thanks to modern technology we now have the B.O. problem licked; meanwhile, modern synthetic perfumes (and virtually all of them are synthetic) have gotten waaay stronger than the original botanical versions, so that now the smell can fill an entire office and linger for hours after the wearer has left.

In other words, it now has the exact opposite effect: perfume is a very effective way of inflicting your smell on others. Also, now we're all working crammed into these airtight buildings with recirculated air. Under these circumstances, it seems to me that the only polite thing to do is to make yourself as unscented as possible, and certainly to refrain from using products whose only purpose is to add scent. I hope everyone reading this thread will consider not wearing perfume/cologne to the office anymore, and instituting a fragrance free policy at their workplace if they are in a position to do so. /end rant
posted by Enroute at 4:53 PM on March 5, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

I sympathize with you as a fellow perfume allergy sufferer. That sucks. If you are at risk of a severe asthma attack this is a huge health issue.

Hygiene and cologne are often addressed in employee handbooks, a university would probably have a well documented outline of what is appropriate in the office. By all means consult HR as many have suggested, and you can even talk to the clinic if you have one. I'd probably go the route of having someone else deal with her but if you decide to confront her directly, gemmy good suggestions. Be prepared for her to take offense or say no. For some women perfume is like make up, an important part of feeling ready for the day.

I also think that when you get into the cube farm it will be more of an issue for the office as a whole. Even though you are the most affected no one wants to work in a cloud of stench all day. Having policy and a coalition of co-workers on your side can make a huge difference.

In the meantime, a small portable fan for air circulation can help.

If worse comes to worse and you're stuck with Manager Stinky, ask again if you can work from another office.
posted by red_lotus at 4:58 PM on March 5, 2008

Given how reluctant anyone I've talked to has been to raise this with her, she must have some kind of political clout,

It's probably that they are reluctant to talk to an employee about a body-related issue, and things like odor and appearance can be really sensitive topics. That doesn't mean they're right to not talk to her. I just mean that their reluctance doesn't necessarily have anything to do with her position or clout.
posted by Airhen at 5:00 PM on March 5, 2008

I don't like Verdandi's and gemmy's suggestions. I think that this situation is very sensitive, and when you talk with someone about very personal topics such as fragrance selection, you shouldn't necessarily expect to be accommodated.

From what I have observed, a woman's fragrance selection can be a very personal matter --- she may have been wearing it for years, for all you know --- and the suggestion that she STOP wearing what is intimately associated with her, may be entirely unwelcome.

Have you considered visiting an allergist? Have you looked into taking allergy shots or some other remedy for your allergies?
posted by jayder at 5:29 PM on March 5, 2008

I, too, am very sensitive to many fragrances. "Exquisitely sensitive" said my allergist. There are no shots and no pills that will remedy these reactions. Avoidance is about all sufferers can manage. Employees do have the right to have their need for non-fragranced air accomodated.
posted by Carol Anne at 5:39 PM on March 5, 2008

I, too, have seen an allergist about this and there are no shots or pills that will help it. As for the fact that she may have been wearing it for years, that's no justification for continuing to do so when it is causing a co-worker discomfort.
posted by Enroute at 5:50 PM on March 5, 2008

Have you considered visiting an allergist? Have you looked into taking allergy shots or some other remedy for your allergies?

Why should she get poked and undergo an otherwise unnecessary medical procedure because someone else can't be considerate?

This suggestion is a last resort, if your bosses and HR fail you, and you like the job that much. And by last, I mean "after OSHA."
posted by stevis23 at 5:51 PM on March 5, 2008

And by "she" I mean the OP, who I see is not. Stupid lack of 3rd-person gender-neutral.
posted by stevis23 at 5:52 PM on March 5, 2008

My boss wore a perfume that I was allergic too. After about three days of misery I made a comment "I wonder if it's someone's perfume." The next day I didn't have any problems and she mentioned she hadn't worn any to see.

Let her see how miserable you can get. If she has any heart she'll cut it out right away after telling her.
posted by Octoparrot at 5:52 PM on March 5, 2008

Some perfumes trigger migraines for me, to the point where I have difficulty going to a movie theater because there is always some clod somewhere bathed in designer stink. This is an HR problem-- contact them and tell them it is impacting your ability to work. Some workplaces are scent free so why not ask yours to become one as well? You probably aren't the only one nauseated by it.
posted by 45moore45 at 6:44 PM on March 5, 2008

Thanks, all. I'll see how bad it is after she's been here for a few days--who knows, maybe I'll get used to it, or Claritin will work. If it doesn't work out that way, I'll double-check with my manager to see if there's a good reason why I shouldn't approach her diplomatically about it, and then (assuming there isn't) bring it up.

If she's anything like my mother, then it is a personal scent that she's been wearing for years, and has to wear more and more of as she burns out the receptors in her own nose. I can sympathize with that, but I know I'm not the only one bothered by it, so if I do bring it up and for some reason she refuses to tone it down, I'll take it to HR. Which should be interesting, as the only interaction I've had with them in the last seven years has been to send them my time sheets via email. I'm not sure I've ever met my HR contact in person.

Given that the only allergies I know I have are some tall grasses, some cats, and some perfume, I'm not thrilled about seeing an allergist. I can avoid grasses, cats and (until now) perfume.
posted by hades at 8:55 PM on March 5, 2008

I have to disagree with most posters here, if there is any question at all in your mind about the outcome DO NOT talk to her about it, any chance of tainting your work environment is not worth taking. This is a job for HR, not you. Insist that they address the problem and do it without involving you.

Tangentally related story: At my work the "smell battle" is an ongoing one and is complicated by having lots of employees from lots of cultural backgrounds. In one instance one of the worst and most clueless offenders even commented on the policy saying "that's why I always wear lots of NICE perfume".
posted by Cosine at 9:12 PM on March 5, 2008

I imagine what I'm about to describe is not feasible in many companies, but what happened in mine was that we hired an improv group to do some motivational entertainment. One of the skits they did was mimed charicatures of everyone in the office -- done very diplomatically yet with great humour so that EVERYONE was entertained and NO-ONE was offended. Our office head is notorious for wearing tonnes of cologne, and the particular impersonation done of him was of him sloshing the stuff on before every meeting. Everyone fell out of their chairs in stitches!
posted by randomstriker at 10:28 PM on March 5, 2008

I would deal directly, tactfully and privately with the perfume wearer. It will show class and maturity. And kindness. A higher-up in a company getting called into the HR office to be spanked for an issue like this will be embarrassing for her, and possibly cause her career trouble. Give her the benefit of the doubt that she is a warm, caring person who would be mortified to know she is causing discomfort.

I can't speak for everyone, but I know that I would be embarassed by a conversation like this, but nowhere near as embarrassed as knowing I was a topic for discussion and that someone has gone to HR about me.

"Mrs. Jenkins, can I speak with you in your office for a moment? I've heard that you will be moving to the office next door, and I wanted to let you know about a sensitivity that I have to certain perfume ingredients. I can't be sure, but I think the scent you wear might be one of them. I hate that I have to ask you this, but I wonder if you could not use that brand while you are working next door."

At this point, if the allergy is real, you'll be choking to death. If she doesn't get the message after doing that, head into HR with both metaphorical guns blazing and demand, regretfully, that it get stopped. And mention the conversation- if she doesn't stop after a conversation like that, she's a jerk.
posted by gjc at 2:29 AM on March 6, 2008

Agree to talk to her directly, and to start out all meta. "This is really awkward and I'm really hoping that you don't take offense, but..."
posted by desuetude at 6:24 AM on March 6, 2008

It can work with a third party or directly, depending on how close you can get. Seriously. I've been the offender and the offendee, and it's never a fun thing to go through.

When I was the offender, I was told by the person directly, but we had a good previous history, and I believed him when he said he was affected by my scent, even though it wasn't visible to me. I'd be mortified if a third party was telling me about serious physical effects my body odor/scent was having on someone I knew, but that's me.

I don't wear perfume often, and very little when I do. Most perfumes smell like soap to me, and perfumed soap just sends me out of the room, with many of the same symptoms as the OP.

When one of my coworkers started wearing some expensive cologne, I literally could not get near him. It smelled like Lysol, and burned my eyes. I mentioned it to someone who was close to both of us, and she said "you don't like it? I think it smells great!". She ended up talking to him, and he didn't wear it to work after that.
posted by lysdexic at 8:16 AM on March 6, 2008

Manager Tools, a podcast on being an effective manager, has covered this issue. I recall them doing a good job covering all the issues in a professional and appropriate manner when considering this issue.

"How to Handle, Yes, Body Odor"
Part 1, Part 2
posted by fief at 11:12 AM on March 6, 2008

Late chiming in here, but I wanted to share what happened in my office when I approached someone in private with a request that she wear a little less perfume because it was giving me bad headaches (we had to share an office). She went all belligerent on me, got totally pissed off, and hated my guts for the rest of her tenure there. It was full-on war from that day on. Personally, I won't ever speak to someone about it again, but instead leave it to HR to speak to the offender and/or request a blanket no-scents policy in the office.
posted by acridrabbit at 8:10 PM on March 7, 2008

A follow-up, in case anybody's curious: our director sent out email to everyone last week (unprompted by me) asking us to refrain from wearing fragrances, as they can cause migraines, nausea and asthma attacks. And so far, it seems to have worked. Yay!
posted by hades at 11:37 AM on March 17, 2008