New parent - Baby not sleeping at night question
March 3, 2008 1:54 PM Subscribe
We have a beautiful two week old baby girl. She is very well tempered except at night when we try to go to bed. We have been trying to get her into a routine (bath, story, feeding, bed) but she outright refuses to go to sleep in her crib or in the co-sleeper. The only place she will sleep any amount of time so we can sleep is in between us in bed. This has been really stressful for me an my wife because we are terrified of rolling over onto her or that she will suffocate on the pillows or blankets. During the day she sleeps in the playpen without any issues too. Does anyone have any advise as to how we can get our little angel into her crib and out of our bed? When we do put her down, she wakes up two minutes after you put her down and screams until you come get her. Or is this something that we just need to wait out because she is a new born?
Adding: I had great luck with this blanket and no luck with any other blanket. But then my kid was a behemoth.
posted by ROTFL at 2:05 PM on March 3, 2008
posted by ROTFL at 2:05 PM on March 3, 2008
Congratulations on your baby girl!
It is completely normal for a baby to want to sleep near her parents. I understand your safety concerns, however it is possible to co-sleep safely.
Here is a link to James McKenna's website, who has done extensive research on co-sleeping, and has a list of recommended safe practices.
http://www.nd.edu/%7Ejmckenn1/lab/faq.html
Good luck, you will sleep again someday! All babies learn to sleep by themselves eventually.
posted by PJensen at 2:06 PM on March 3, 2008 [2 favorites]
It is completely normal for a baby to want to sleep near her parents. I understand your safety concerns, however it is possible to co-sleep safely.
Here is a link to James McKenna's website, who has done extensive research on co-sleeping, and has a list of recommended safe practices.
http://www.nd.edu/%7Ejmckenn1/lab/faq.html
Good luck, you will sleep again someday! All babies learn to sleep by themselves eventually.
posted by PJensen at 2:06 PM on March 3, 2008 [2 favorites]
Congratulations!
Wow. Two weeks old is, in my experience, far too young for such a routine to make much of a difference. Babies that young are more-or-less driven by their desire for a) food; and b) warmth/love/companionship. Day and night are not going to make any difference for her.
How is she sleeping during the day? Is she being held? She's not going to want to sleep one way during "the day" (which she really doesn't have any concept of) and another way during "the night".
My top three bits of advice for you are:
-- Make sure your wife is sleeping whenever the baby sleeps. This was the absolute hardest thing for me (my son is now 19 months), but its the most crucial. At two weeks of age this probably means your daughter will have a cycle of about an hour or two of wakefulness followed by two to three hours of sleep (your baby may vary, of course). This is totally normal.
-- Don't be afraid to have the baby in the bed with you. I was also very nervous at first of having our son in the bed with me, but over time it became clear this was the way we both slept best, and still do. Millions of parents all over the world do it. If it makes you feel better, use one of those sleep positioner they sell (there are tons of styles on the market). (FYI, the biggest "danger" in co-sleeping (and I really hesitate to use the word danger) is the child rolling or being overcome by blankets and/or soft bedding. Parent overlay by adults who are not drinking or using drugs is very, very rare.
-- Get the baby gradually accustomed to sleeping without being held at other times during the day. My bet is that she is held all day, even when asleep, and so is finding it hard to sleep without being held at night. So put her down in her cosleeper after she's fallen asleep during the daytime, when its not quite so crucial.
I would encourage you to also get a copy of happiest Baby on the Block (there is also now a DVD apparently) and learn about swaddling, and to read the blog Ask Moxie, which is, for my money, the best parenting blog out there. (you might be interested in this post about "The Witching Hour" and sleep problems with a three-week old, for example.)
Also experiment with other sleeping situations. For example, when my son was born I spent many nights sleeping in the recliner with my son asleep on my chest and daddy upstairs in bed.
On Preview: luriete, two weeks is far, far to young to put Ferber into practice. Even the most hardcore advocates of Ferber don't recommend starting this program until the baby is four-five months old.
I'm going to conclude with something that may or may not be helpful to you, since its really just my own parenting theory, but FWIW -- of course she wants to sleep with you. For nine months she was never alone. The sound of her parents voices, her mother's heartbeat, your voices, even your snoring was with her wherever she went. I find it so odd that we want our infants to be able to sleep alone suddenly, as though being independent were something that is programed into us. Its not. We are social, pack creatures. Even now, the nights I sleep best are the ones where my son sleeps right next to me, his foot wedged in the small of my back (or my armpit). I find the warmth of him there reassuring, and I'm sure he find the warmth and smell of "the big bed" to be a comforting thing as well. Your baby will have the rest of her life to be independent. Keep her close while you still can.
Feel free to email me at any time, day or night. I'm a first time mom, but I'm surrounded by a great community and I love to talk about mommy stuff. Even if you just need to vent, feel free. Trust me, I've been there. I know.
posted by anastasiav at 2:16 PM on March 3, 2008 [6 favorites]
Wow. Two weeks old is, in my experience, far too young for such a routine to make much of a difference. Babies that young are more-or-less driven by their desire for a) food; and b) warmth/love/companionship. Day and night are not going to make any difference for her.
How is she sleeping during the day? Is she being held? She's not going to want to sleep one way during "the day" (which she really doesn't have any concept of) and another way during "the night".
My top three bits of advice for you are:
-- Make sure your wife is sleeping whenever the baby sleeps. This was the absolute hardest thing for me (my son is now 19 months), but its the most crucial. At two weeks of age this probably means your daughter will have a cycle of about an hour or two of wakefulness followed by two to three hours of sleep (your baby may vary, of course). This is totally normal.
-- Don't be afraid to have the baby in the bed with you. I was also very nervous at first of having our son in the bed with me, but over time it became clear this was the way we both slept best, and still do. Millions of parents all over the world do it. If it makes you feel better, use one of those sleep positioner they sell (there are tons of styles on the market). (FYI, the biggest "danger" in co-sleeping (and I really hesitate to use the word danger) is the child rolling or being overcome by blankets and/or soft bedding. Parent overlay by adults who are not drinking or using drugs is very, very rare.
-- Get the baby gradually accustomed to sleeping without being held at other times during the day. My bet is that she is held all day, even when asleep, and so is finding it hard to sleep without being held at night. So put her down in her cosleeper after she's fallen asleep during the daytime, when its not quite so crucial.
I would encourage you to also get a copy of happiest Baby on the Block (there is also now a DVD apparently) and learn about swaddling, and to read the blog Ask Moxie, which is, for my money, the best parenting blog out there. (you might be interested in this post about "The Witching Hour" and sleep problems with a three-week old, for example.)
Also experiment with other sleeping situations. For example, when my son was born I spent many nights sleeping in the recliner with my son asleep on my chest and daddy upstairs in bed.
On Preview: luriete, two weeks is far, far to young to put Ferber into practice. Even the most hardcore advocates of Ferber don't recommend starting this program until the baby is four-five months old.
I'm going to conclude with something that may or may not be helpful to you, since its really just my own parenting theory, but FWIW -- of course she wants to sleep with you. For nine months she was never alone. The sound of her parents voices, her mother's heartbeat, your voices, even your snoring was with her wherever she went. I find it so odd that we want our infants to be able to sleep alone suddenly, as though being independent were something that is programed into us. Its not. We are social, pack creatures. Even now, the nights I sleep best are the ones where my son sleeps right next to me, his foot wedged in the small of my back (or my armpit). I find the warmth of him there reassuring, and I'm sure he find the warmth and smell of "the big bed" to be a comforting thing as well. Your baby will have the rest of her life to be independent. Keep her close while you still can.
Feel free to email me at any time, day or night. I'm a first time mom, but I'm surrounded by a great community and I love to talk about mommy stuff. Even if you just need to vent, feel free. Trust me, I've been there. I know.
posted by anastasiav at 2:16 PM on March 3, 2008 [6 favorites]
When my baby was little, she slept in a box between me and my husband.
When she got older, we Ferbered her. (Sorry, sweetie. I'll pay for the therapy when you're older.)
posted by The corpse in the library at 2:17 PM on March 3, 2008
When she got older, we Ferbered her. (Sorry, sweetie. I'll pay for the therapy when you're older.)
posted by The corpse in the library at 2:17 PM on March 3, 2008
Could it be a noise thing? Maybe it's too quiet at night? White noise of some sort may help.
posted by kjs4 at 2:21 PM on March 3, 2008
posted by kjs4 at 2:21 PM on March 3, 2008
Swaddle. The Miracle Blanket was a lifesaver for us. Used it for 5.5 months. And unless you drink, take drugs or are have carbon monoxide in your home, it's very unlikely that you would roll over on her. I was never able to co-sleep well because I'm a light sleeper, but one thing we did was put the baby on the foam part of a diaper changing pad on the bed (like this, with a cover on it). The raised sides were enough of a cue to us not to roll there.
That said, you are in the period where anything goes and babies just cry a lot. Eventually I learned with my son that I had to hold him for about 15 minutes after he fell asleep, through two mini limb-flailing periods, before he was really out. Otherwise he would wake when I put him down.
I personally don't recommend "cry it out"/Ferberization at this age. I believe even Ferber himself says that six months is the earliest because babies still need to eat round the clock at this age and training her not to cry--her only communication method--may result in low weight gain.
It'll be better soon. Good luck and congrats!
posted by cocoagirl at 2:26 PM on March 3, 2008
That said, you are in the period where anything goes and babies just cry a lot. Eventually I learned with my son that I had to hold him for about 15 minutes after he fell asleep, through two mini limb-flailing periods, before he was really out. Otherwise he would wake when I put him down.
I personally don't recommend "cry it out"/Ferberization at this age. I believe even Ferber himself says that six months is the earliest because babies still need to eat round the clock at this age and training her not to cry--her only communication method--may result in low weight gain.
It'll be better soon. Good luck and congrats!
posted by cocoagirl at 2:26 PM on March 3, 2008
Cosleeping parent here. I agree with everything anastasiav just said. But I wanted to add that cosleeping might not be for you, or it might be something you will ease into over time but you're not ready for yet. Right now, do what you need to do to stay sane.
Do you have more beds in the house? If you feel like cosleeping is the best way to keep the baby asleep right now, then maybe it'll decrease the stress by having only one parent sleep with her at a time. The other can go sleep blissfully alone. Trade off as necessary.
You might want to invest in the Arm's Reach Co-sleeper (look on Craigslist first!) to have her in a sidecar but not right in bed with you. Oh, and swaddling is awesome.
As far as her waking the instant you put her down -- all I can say is she's two weeks old, and things will change rapidly. Your biggest struggles of today may very well be distant memories in the space of a week. This too shall pass.
posted by kmel at 2:27 PM on March 3, 2008 [1 favorite]
Do you have more beds in the house? If you feel like cosleeping is the best way to keep the baby asleep right now, then maybe it'll decrease the stress by having only one parent sleep with her at a time. The other can go sleep blissfully alone. Trade off as necessary.
You might want to invest in the Arm's Reach Co-sleeper (look on Craigslist first!) to have her in a sidecar but not right in bed with you. Oh, and swaddling is awesome.
As far as her waking the instant you put her down -- all I can say is she's two weeks old, and things will change rapidly. Your biggest struggles of today may very well be distant memories in the space of a week. This too shall pass.
posted by kmel at 2:27 PM on March 3, 2008 [1 favorite]
My wife and I weren't comfortable with our babies sleeping between us. When they were that small and needed to be in bed with mom then I went to the couch. I loved the peace.
If she sleeps fine in the playpen then you can let her go to sleep in it well before your own bedtime. You can even keep the light on for her if it helps.
posted by monkeymadness at 2:34 PM on March 3, 2008
If she sleeps fine in the playpen then you can let her go to sleep in it well before your own bedtime. You can even keep the light on for her if it helps.
posted by monkeymadness at 2:34 PM on March 3, 2008
Several quick thoughts:
- As ROTFL said, swaddle her.
- It is absolutely possible to co-sleep safely. OTOH, getting over the worry is harder for some parents than others, and if that's too much for your already-sleep deprived minds to take on, there are other options. (Being convinced before the baby comes is easier, IMO.)
- New babies = sleep deprivation. It truly does not last forever.
- My son slept, swaddled, in a car seat (propped on one end so he didn't slump) in the bassinet attachment in the pack'n'play beside our bed. He "chose" this little arrangement by objecting to everything else. We could turn four hours into six by moving him to the swing when he woke up. I think he was three months old when he transitioned easily to his crib and slept for 10 hours each night.
- The transition does not have to be from your bed to her crib. Take all of your assumptions, and if they're not based in absolutes, scrap them, and let her communicate.
- If she likes sleeping in the playpen, try to get her to sleep there at night. The routine you're using sounds great, but the association with going to sleep will have to be with her for a while before you can use it to put her to bed any place you choose (and she's telling you she doesn't like the crib for now). Once the routine involves falling asleep, changing the sleep location makes the routine even more effective; eventually it means it's time to sleep, wherever that might be (whether you travel often or get away once a year, this is a big perk).
- Two weeks is so young--congratulations!--and she's got so much to figure out. Give her the *full* routine (including sleep, wherever she likes it) and some time to learn night from day and all that jazz.
posted by whoiam at 2:57 PM on March 3, 2008
- As ROTFL said, swaddle her.
- It is absolutely possible to co-sleep safely. OTOH, getting over the worry is harder for some parents than others, and if that's too much for your already-sleep deprived minds to take on, there are other options. (Being convinced before the baby comes is easier, IMO.)
- New babies = sleep deprivation. It truly does not last forever.
- My son slept, swaddled, in a car seat (propped on one end so he didn't slump) in the bassinet attachment in the pack'n'play beside our bed. He "chose" this little arrangement by objecting to everything else. We could turn four hours into six by moving him to the swing when he woke up. I think he was three months old when he transitioned easily to his crib and slept for 10 hours each night.
- The transition does not have to be from your bed to her crib. Take all of your assumptions, and if they're not based in absolutes, scrap them, and let her communicate.
- If she likes sleeping in the playpen, try to get her to sleep there at night. The routine you're using sounds great, but the association with going to sleep will have to be with her for a while before you can use it to put her to bed any place you choose (and she's telling you she doesn't like the crib for now). Once the routine involves falling asleep, changing the sleep location makes the routine even more effective; eventually it means it's time to sleep, wherever that might be (whether you travel often or get away once a year, this is a big perk).
- Two weeks is so young--congratulations!--and she's got so much to figure out. Give her the *full* routine (including sleep, wherever she likes it) and some time to learn night from day and all that jazz.
posted by whoiam at 2:57 PM on March 3, 2008
Congratulations, chuma!
It will get better. But maybe not for a month or two. Pend the idea of schedule for now; I'm with Dr. Harvey Karp in thinking that they need to "bake" for an additional three months before they're really done. She's still in the "What the hell is this?" panic mode.
I'm thirding swaddling (Miracle Blanket mentioned earlier is great, but a square of soft flannel will do it too) and Karp's "Happiest Baby on the Block." Buy or borrow and use the five S's. Maybe this will help soothe her enough to stay asleep once you put her in the co-sleeper. (Swaddling will help cut down on the involuntary jerking that can wake babies.)
I find that a sling increases my baby's sleeping time during the day and lets me do what I need to do. She goes to sleep more easily when she's been worn all day.
It may be that your little one has trouble with transitions; maybe you can try feeding, bath and massage and draw the process out a little more? (I know that's not what you want to hear.)
FWIW, my baby sleeps for three hours on her own, nurses and then we fall asleep together. I sleep on my back, without pillows, with my right arm sticking out at 90 degrees from my body. I place her high up, near my head, with her legs propped up on my upper arm; there's no way I can squish her and the blankets never creep up (they'd cover my mouth first, and I would wake up). I know you're nervous about co-sleeping and want her in her own space. But she's just a little thing, alone and afraid in a world she never made, to quote the old poem. Plus, we ALL sleep better when we do it this way.
Good luck. This, too, shall pass.
posted by MonkeyToes at 3:13 PM on March 3, 2008 [2 favorites]
It will get better. But maybe not for a month or two. Pend the idea of schedule for now; I'm with Dr. Harvey Karp in thinking that they need to "bake" for an additional three months before they're really done. She's still in the "What the hell is this?" panic mode.
I'm thirding swaddling (Miracle Blanket mentioned earlier is great, but a square of soft flannel will do it too) and Karp's "Happiest Baby on the Block." Buy or borrow and use the five S's. Maybe this will help soothe her enough to stay asleep once you put her in the co-sleeper. (Swaddling will help cut down on the involuntary jerking that can wake babies.)
I find that a sling increases my baby's sleeping time during the day and lets me do what I need to do. She goes to sleep more easily when she's been worn all day.
It may be that your little one has trouble with transitions; maybe you can try feeding, bath and massage and draw the process out a little more? (I know that's not what you want to hear.)
FWIW, my baby sleeps for three hours on her own, nurses and then we fall asleep together. I sleep on my back, without pillows, with my right arm sticking out at 90 degrees from my body. I place her high up, near my head, with her legs propped up on my upper arm; there's no way I can squish her and the blankets never creep up (they'd cover my mouth first, and I would wake up). I know you're nervous about co-sleeping and want her in her own space. But she's just a little thing, alone and afraid in a world she never made, to quote the old poem. Plus, we ALL sleep better when we do it this way.
Good luck. This, too, shall pass.
posted by MonkeyToes at 3:13 PM on March 3, 2008 [2 favorites]
First, some good reading about the crap that is 'CIO'. That stuff is shameful; parenting is a 24/7 deal...
There just aren't any documented cases of healthy, nursing (the prolactin is important) mothers rolling over on their babies. Do see the link to James McKenna's site. Also Kathy Dettwyler, especially this, and kellymom.com.
I say "Get the baby gradually accustomed to sleeping without being held at other times during the day" is totally unnecessary. In my experience -- and some research backs me -- you cannot possibly make a baby too secure. My daughter is 6.5 months old and still naps on me in a sling a fair bit; it doesn't mean she can't sleep off me, never has; I 2nd MonkeyToes' experience. She has been relentlessly coddled and cuddled and she can be put down when we need to put her down, not the opposite. Baby was in Mum and carried day and night for nine-plus months; make the transition to ever being put down as easy as possible, I say.
Do make sure she is soundly asleep before de-cuddling if you need to get up. But my husband and I spent about the first six weeks of our daughter's life pretty much being her mattress, and it's something I have very, very fond memories of.
But I do heartily concur with "far too young for such a routine to make much of a difference." If it is not simply aggravating her. Just keep day bright and interesting and night dark and boring and you needn't worry about those silly 'routine' ideas. I'm not sure where the idea comes from. Baby's natural bedtime, once she settles to night/day ideas, will bounce around quite a bit.
posted by kmennie at 3:35 PM on March 3, 2008 [1 favorite]
There just aren't any documented cases of healthy, nursing (the prolactin is important) mothers rolling over on their babies. Do see the link to James McKenna's site. Also Kathy Dettwyler, especially this, and kellymom.com.
I say "Get the baby gradually accustomed to sleeping without being held at other times during the day" is totally unnecessary. In my experience -- and some research backs me -- you cannot possibly make a baby too secure. My daughter is 6.5 months old and still naps on me in a sling a fair bit; it doesn't mean she can't sleep off me, never has; I 2nd MonkeyToes' experience. She has been relentlessly coddled and cuddled and she can be put down when we need to put her down, not the opposite. Baby was in Mum and carried day and night for nine-plus months; make the transition to ever being put down as easy as possible, I say.
Do make sure she is soundly asleep before de-cuddling if you need to get up. But my husband and I spent about the first six weeks of our daughter's life pretty much being her mattress, and it's something I have very, very fond memories of.
But I do heartily concur with "far too young for such a routine to make much of a difference." If it is not simply aggravating her. Just keep day bright and interesting and night dark and boring and you needn't worry about those silly 'routine' ideas. I'm not sure where the idea comes from. Baby's natural bedtime, once she settles to night/day ideas, will bounce around quite a bit.
posted by kmennie at 3:35 PM on March 3, 2008 [1 favorite]
I recommend co-sleeping--at least for the first few months.
Co-sleeping is in conformity with science:
* regulates baby's breathing by keeping her close to mom's breathing which she is used to hearing for the last several months in utero. (This makes for lower risk of SIDS)
* prolongs extended nursing=adequate milk supply/natural child spacing/reduced risk of cancer for mom.
And it seems like common sense to me:
* can you imagine a woman from a primitive culture (w/o houses) putting her baby on the other side of the room to sleep by herself?
* it's easier.
* baby spends 9 months inside mother's body, feeling her heartbeat, hearing her breathing...it's unreasonable to think that she is ready to sleep away from her.
On the developmental side of things, I tend to believe in the "law" that if you push a child into independence before she's ready (esp. w/ something major like sleeping on her own), you get the opposite effect: the child isn't ready to graduate to the next step, she's not developmentally ready so she will cling and fight with all her developmental instincts to get what she needs....that is, until, dissattachment is achieved by letting her cry it out. (It's good that you're baby/toddler is crying for you. Something is wrong if he isn't.)
The other "law" that I believe in is that kids naturally strive to be a part of the world of big-people. They want to grow up...when they're ready.
In my experience (my wife and I have co-slept with all of our three kids who are now ages 11, 8, and 4), you have a better chance of her graduating to the next step (and a better chance of getting "your" time) by not pushing her to it before she is ready. She's not manipulating you. Not having reached the age of reason, she isn't capable of that. She's simply being a normal baby and wanting YOU. Babies wants ARE their needs. So, your best bet for getting her to the next step in the quickest and healthiest manner is to meet her needs at THIS stage of her development (her need to be close to you)...otherwise she will be stuck on fighting to get this need met as she is biologically programmed to do.
Recommended reading:
The Science of Parenting, by Margot Sunderland
Nighttime Parenting, by William Sears
The Family Bed, by Tine Thevenin
And I second the James McKenna reference.
posted by keith0718 at 3:42 PM on March 3, 2008 [1 favorite]
Co-sleeping is in conformity with science:
* regulates baby's breathing by keeping her close to mom's breathing which she is used to hearing for the last several months in utero. (This makes for lower risk of SIDS)
* prolongs extended nursing=adequate milk supply/natural child spacing/reduced risk of cancer for mom.
And it seems like common sense to me:
* can you imagine a woman from a primitive culture (w/o houses) putting her baby on the other side of the room to sleep by herself?
* it's easier.
* baby spends 9 months inside mother's body, feeling her heartbeat, hearing her breathing...it's unreasonable to think that she is ready to sleep away from her.
On the developmental side of things, I tend to believe in the "law" that if you push a child into independence before she's ready (esp. w/ something major like sleeping on her own), you get the opposite effect: the child isn't ready to graduate to the next step, she's not developmentally ready so she will cling and fight with all her developmental instincts to get what she needs....that is, until, dissattachment is achieved by letting her cry it out. (It's good that you're baby/toddler is crying for you. Something is wrong if he isn't.)
The other "law" that I believe in is that kids naturally strive to be a part of the world of big-people. They want to grow up...when they're ready.
In my experience (my wife and I have co-slept with all of our three kids who are now ages 11, 8, and 4), you have a better chance of her graduating to the next step (and a better chance of getting "your" time) by not pushing her to it before she is ready. She's not manipulating you. Not having reached the age of reason, she isn't capable of that. She's simply being a normal baby and wanting YOU. Babies wants ARE their needs. So, your best bet for getting her to the next step in the quickest and healthiest manner is to meet her needs at THIS stage of her development (her need to be close to you)...otherwise she will be stuck on fighting to get this need met as she is biologically programmed to do.
Recommended reading:
The Science of Parenting, by Margot Sunderland
Nighttime Parenting, by William Sears
The Family Bed, by Tine Thevenin
And I second the James McKenna reference.
posted by keith0718 at 3:42 PM on March 3, 2008 [1 favorite]
Congratulations chuma! I think that transitioning the little one to the crib is going to be hard if she really wants to sleep with you. Are you swaddling her already? If not, then Nthing the miracle blanket and Happiest Baby on the Block. We used swaddling and a white noise machine at night. If you are OK with the idea of co-sleeping but want to find a way to make it safer, you can buy a snuggle nest and place baby between you in the nest, so you would feel the nest if you rolled over.
Moms don't really have to worry about rolling over onto baby (unless they are using drugs, alcohol or are extremely obese), as it is apparently built-in to sense where the baby is. Dads do not come pre-installed with the appropriate instincts, so another option is to use a bedrail and have baby sleeping between the bedrail and Mom. You should probably use a snuggle nest or similar too, while baby is so small she could get caught up between the bedrail and the mattress. If you used the bed rail, you might find that over the course of a few weeks, you could slowly transition her to a co-sleeper at the side of the bed, as she gets used to being to one side of Mom.
Also, +1 to everything anastasiav said :)
posted by Joh at 3:49 PM on March 3, 2008
Moms don't really have to worry about rolling over onto baby (unless they are using drugs, alcohol or are extremely obese), as it is apparently built-in to sense where the baby is. Dads do not come pre-installed with the appropriate instincts, so another option is to use a bedrail and have baby sleeping between the bedrail and Mom. You should probably use a snuggle nest or similar too, while baby is so small she could get caught up between the bedrail and the mattress. If you used the bed rail, you might find that over the course of a few weeks, you could slowly transition her to a co-sleeper at the side of the bed, as she gets used to being to one side of Mom.
Also, +1 to everything anastasiav said :)
posted by Joh at 3:49 PM on March 3, 2008
But my husband and I spent about the first six weeks of our daughter's life pretty much being her mattress, and it's something I have very, very fond memories of.
Mm hm. Before you know it she'll reach the point where she no longer wants to sleep on you, and you will miss it like hell, even if you just thought it was a nuisance at the time.
Before these two weeks she spent 9 months in complete symbiosis. Give her time. And try to enjoy it.
posted by regicide is good for you at 3:53 PM on March 3, 2008 [1 favorite]
Mm hm. Before you know it she'll reach the point where she no longer wants to sleep on you, and you will miss it like hell, even if you just thought it was a nuisance at the time.
Before these two weeks she spent 9 months in complete symbiosis. Give her time. And try to enjoy it.
posted by regicide is good for you at 3:53 PM on March 3, 2008 [1 favorite]
That stuff is shameful...
No, it's not. Nor is having a routine "silly." Please don't be unkind to those whose parenting decisions differ from yours.
That being said, will she sleep in her car seat, chuma? Both of my kids slept in their "bucket" when they were very young. At first, my husband and I would take turns sleeping on the sofa, with the baby in the carseat on the floor next to us. Then after a few weeks when they weren't getting up constantly, we'd move the car seat into the crib. After they got used to sleeping in their own room, we stopped using the car seat.
posted by jrossi4r at 3:58 PM on March 3, 2008
No, it's not. Nor is having a routine "silly." Please don't be unkind to those whose parenting decisions differ from yours.
That being said, will she sleep in her car seat, chuma? Both of my kids slept in their "bucket" when they were very young. At first, my husband and I would take turns sleeping on the sofa, with the baby in the carseat on the floor next to us. Then after a few weeks when they weren't getting up constantly, we'd move the car seat into the crib. After they got used to sleeping in their own room, we stopped using the car seat.
posted by jrossi4r at 3:58 PM on March 3, 2008
1. nthing swaddling. Newborns love it.
2. Moses basket. Best thing we ever got as a gift.
3. Motorized baby swing. I spent many a night on the couch with the kid in the swing next to me.
posted by i_am_a_Jedi at 4:00 PM on March 3, 2008
2. Moses basket. Best thing we ever got as a gift.
3. Motorized baby swing. I spent many a night on the couch with the kid in the swing next to me.
posted by i_am_a_Jedi at 4:00 PM on March 3, 2008
Let me second Joh's suggestion of the Snuggle Nest! Except we bought ours at Baby's R Us for about $30 cheaper. It allowed us to either sleep with our now 3-month old son in bed together without fear of smothering him, and it also gave him that feeling of sleeping with us because of those foam barriers that he's surrounded with. We still occasionally use, although he's doing fine without it now.
posted by Detuned Radio at 4:13 PM on March 3, 2008
posted by Detuned Radio at 4:13 PM on March 3, 2008
All these suggestions are good. Co-sleeping can be a wonderful way to work in night feedings, and teaching a baby to sleep in his/her crib is an invaluable lesson that can result in increased sanity for you and independence for her.
But whatever path you chose may not be completely up to you.
We tried everything to get our first son to sleep on his own (everything from trying to sleep on a mattress next to his crib to locking the door and plugging our ears) . Eventually, we gave up, and he eventually stopped co-sleeping in our bed when he was 2. Then he slept in his own twin bed with my husband for another 6 months. Our second son was sleeping on his own from day one. So it wasn't us.
Good luck. It gets easier.
posted by bibliowench at 4:20 PM on March 3, 2008
But whatever path you chose may not be completely up to you.
We tried everything to get our first son to sleep on his own (everything from trying to sleep on a mattress next to his crib to locking the door and plugging our ears) . Eventually, we gave up, and he eventually stopped co-sleeping in our bed when he was 2. Then he slept in his own twin bed with my husband for another 6 months. Our second son was sleeping on his own from day one. So it wasn't us.
Good luck. It gets easier.
posted by bibliowench at 4:20 PM on March 3, 2008
I am a strong believer in pick the baby up if she cries, but that said, I have to tell you the baby won't die from crying. Try letting her "cry it out" (don't everyone jump on me, more below) and see if she goes to sleep.
That said, I would wait a few months before taking this tactic. Two weeks is awful little, as many said, to get her into a routine. Right now you need to establish for her that you are there. Then, when she's 3 or 4 or 5 months old, she will understand that even if you don't come right away when she cries, you are there. We unfortunately waited until baby #1 was about 10 months old and teaching him to sleep on his own was an agonizing nightmare. At 10 months, a child can easily cry for 6 or 7 hours. Bitter experience here. Start 'er young (just not quite this young).
posted by nax at 5:08 PM on March 3, 2008
That said, I would wait a few months before taking this tactic. Two weeks is awful little, as many said, to get her into a routine. Right now you need to establish for her that you are there. Then, when she's 3 or 4 or 5 months old, she will understand that even if you don't come right away when she cries, you are there. We unfortunately waited until baby #1 was about 10 months old and teaching him to sleep on his own was an agonizing nightmare. At 10 months, a child can easily cry for 6 or 7 hours. Bitter experience here. Start 'er young (just not quite this young).
posted by nax at 5:08 PM on March 3, 2008
This has been really stressful for me and my wife because we are terrified of rolling over onto her or that she will suffocate on the pillows or blankets.
Co-sleeping appears to be a controversial topic. If you're not comfortable with co-sleeping, I'd suggest that you don't do it. Some articles recommending against co-sleeping: 2003 article from the Globe and Mail. American Academy of Pediatrics. For arguments in favor of co-sleeping, see James McKenna's site linked above.
For us, swaddling worked well. We would swaddle the baby, rock him until he fell asleep, then put him down (extremely gently!) in his crib.
posted by russilwvong at 5:36 PM on March 3, 2008
Co-sleeping appears to be a controversial topic. If you're not comfortable with co-sleeping, I'd suggest that you don't do it. Some articles recommending against co-sleeping: 2003 article from the Globe and Mail. American Academy of Pediatrics. For arguments in favor of co-sleeping, see James McKenna's site linked above.
For us, swaddling worked well. We would swaddle the baby, rock him until he fell asleep, then put him down (extremely gently!) in his crib.
posted by russilwvong at 5:36 PM on March 3, 2008
Seconding the Miracle Blanket! It was the only way we could get our daughter to sleep.
We were so sad when she outgrew it.
posted by Ostara at 5:45 PM on March 3, 2008
We were so sad when she outgrew it.
posted by Ostara at 5:45 PM on March 3, 2008
For the first 3 months, do whatever you need to do to get her to sleep. If that means sleeping with you, then so be it. If you're concerned about rolling over on her buy a Snuggle Nest. Our daughter slept best in her swing, or on my chest. Now that she is turning 1 I miss that.
The only routine I can recommend is to make sure she's eating enough during the day. We stuck to a pretty good "eat every 2 hours" schedule and our daughter slept 8 hours a night from about 2 or 3 months on. Yes, I know she is the exception, not the norm but I'm sure it helped. IMHO it is way too early to begin sleep training. Also, you mention that she sleeps in the playpen during the day. She probably still has her days and nights confused, so she's doing the majority of her sleeping during the day. If she'll sleep in the playpen at night try that out. I've got friends who's babies slept in the bouncer or car seat in their cribs for quite a long time, because it's the only thing that would work.
I highly recommend the Miracle Blanket. It was a life saver. She would always break free when we swaddled with the receiving blanket.
Sleep whenever the baby sleeps during the day. It is the HARDEST thing to do, but try to force yourself to do it.
Congratulations on your new baby!
posted by HauteMama at 6:45 PM on March 3, 2008
The only routine I can recommend is to make sure she's eating enough during the day. We stuck to a pretty good "eat every 2 hours" schedule and our daughter slept 8 hours a night from about 2 or 3 months on. Yes, I know she is the exception, not the norm but I'm sure it helped. IMHO it is way too early to begin sleep training. Also, you mention that she sleeps in the playpen during the day. She probably still has her days and nights confused, so she's doing the majority of her sleeping during the day. If she'll sleep in the playpen at night try that out. I've got friends who's babies slept in the bouncer or car seat in their cribs for quite a long time, because it's the only thing that would work.
I highly recommend the Miracle Blanket. It was a life saver. She would always break free when we swaddled with the receiving blanket.
Sleep whenever the baby sleeps during the day. It is the HARDEST thing to do, but try to force yourself to do it.
Congratulations on your new baby!
posted by HauteMama at 6:45 PM on March 3, 2008
It's a two week old. You're not going to sleep for the first three months. I'm terribly sorry if you had different expectations. If anyone told you differently, they were either lying to you, or had blocked it from their memory entirely.
I'm going to go against the grain, here, and say co-sleeping is an absolutely horrible, terrible idea. Also, breastfeeding is optional. Not trying to be a troll, but I'm sick of the fads that seem to be going around the parenting circles these days. Co-sleeping is downright dangerous, and, from the people I've seen who do it, much more likely to produce children needing serious therapy to get over their dependence issues.
posted by dblslash at 7:29 PM on March 3, 2008
I'm going to go against the grain, here, and say co-sleeping is an absolutely horrible, terrible idea. Also, breastfeeding is optional. Not trying to be a troll, but I'm sick of the fads that seem to be going around the parenting circles these days. Co-sleeping is downright dangerous, and, from the people I've seen who do it, much more likely to produce children needing serious therapy to get over their dependence issues.
posted by dblslash at 7:29 PM on March 3, 2008
Nthing the "she's two weeks old" thing. Routine is great, but two weeks have NO routines. Sadly, you'll have to struggle on -- great advice above, but the "Ferberization" (didn't know if had a name!) is not likely to be effective for at least a few months.
However, after that point, it's the most effective way to put kids to bed on a schedule, and set up a lasting routine, IMHO. As I watch my brother take two hours to get his daughter to bed when they visit, I breathe a sigh of relief that we made it through the really-tough first few days of "crying it out," and now have two fantabulous kidlets.
....who are also a dream to put to bed.
Good luck! You'll make it -- just don't expect much so early in the race. :)
posted by liquado at 7:51 PM on March 3, 2008
However, after that point, it's the most effective way to put kids to bed on a schedule, and set up a lasting routine, IMHO. As I watch my brother take two hours to get his daughter to bed when they visit, I breathe a sigh of relief that we made it through the really-tough first few days of "crying it out," and now have two fantabulous kidlets.
....who are also a dream to put to bed.
Good luck! You'll make it -- just don't expect much so early in the race. :)
posted by liquado at 7:51 PM on March 3, 2008
definately agree with liquado... We did the same with our 2. Ferberize them, sleep train em...whatever.... you won't regret it.
posted by dripped at 12:53 AM on March 4, 2008
posted by dripped at 12:53 AM on March 4, 2008
Co-sleeping is downright dangerous
What absolute rubbish.
And "crying it out" is lazy, lousy parenting. It is one thing to tell a toddler, "No, time to go back to bed." It is another thing, a neglectful thing, to leave an infant to sob alone. I'm shocked that it even came up with a question about a newborn.
"America's "let them cry" attitude toward children may lead to more fears and tears among adults, according to two Harvard Medical School researchers..."Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms the baby permanently," Commons said. "It changes the nervous system so they're overly sensitive to future trauma."" (Harvard Gazette)
"Science Says: Excessive Crying Could Be Harmful to Babies" (here)
"When newborn babies cry very hard for very long, they can suffer from skyrocketing blood pressure, intracranial bleeds, and persistence of the fetal patterns of circulation of the blood through the heart, which can keep the postnatal circulation of the blood from being established correctly and can lead to brain damage... Babies who routinely are left to cry, and who sleep alone have been shown to have permanently elevated levels of the stress hormone cortisol in their bloodstream."
(here)
Re. "Also, breastfeeding is optional" -- certainly is, but even in the first world, bottle-fed babies are more prone to illness, hospitalization, death. It is a choice, but a poor one, like choosing to smoke around a baby.
Sure smells like troll to me, throwing out crap like that here.
posted by kmennie at 6:31 AM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]
What absolute rubbish.
And "crying it out" is lazy, lousy parenting. It is one thing to tell a toddler, "No, time to go back to bed." It is another thing, a neglectful thing, to leave an infant to sob alone. I'm shocked that it even came up with a question about a newborn.
"America's "let them cry" attitude toward children may lead to more fears and tears among adults, according to two Harvard Medical School researchers..."Parents should recognize that having their babies cry unnecessarily harms the baby permanently," Commons said. "It changes the nervous system so they're overly sensitive to future trauma."" (Harvard Gazette)
"Science Says: Excessive Crying Could Be Harmful to Babies" (here)
"When newborn babies cry very hard for very long, they can suffer from skyrocketing blood pressure, intracranial bleeds, and persistence of the fetal patterns of circulation of the blood through the heart, which can keep the postnatal circulation of the blood from being established correctly and can lead to brain damage... Babies who routinely are left to cry, and who sleep alone have been shown to have permanently elevated levels of the stress hormone cortisol in their bloodstream."
(here)
Re. "Also, breastfeeding is optional" -- certainly is, but even in the first world, bottle-fed babies are more prone to illness, hospitalization, death. It is a choice, but a poor one, like choosing to smoke around a baby.
Sure smells like troll to me, throwing out crap like that here.
posted by kmennie at 6:31 AM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]
Agreed, kmennie.
The OP didn't ask for input about breastfeeding, so we're drifting a little. And I imagine that by this time she's either breastfeeding already or it's too late to start.
But let me add a practical sleeping-through-the-night note: Breastfeeding is very convenient, particularly in the early weeks. The milk is always there -- handy, fresh, and the right temperature. Nothing to heat, nothing to mix, nothing to sterilize. And feeding makes mom & baby nice and sleepy.
posted by ROTFL at 6:49 AM on March 4, 2008
The OP didn't ask for input about breastfeeding, so we're drifting a little. And I imagine that by this time she's either breastfeeding already or it's too late to start.
But let me add a practical sleeping-through-the-night note: Breastfeeding is very convenient, particularly in the early weeks. The milk is always there -- handy, fresh, and the right temperature. Nothing to heat, nothing to mix, nothing to sterilize. And feeding makes mom & baby nice and sleepy.
posted by ROTFL at 6:49 AM on March 4, 2008
My little guy is almost eight weeks old, and I've learned that there are many shades of being asleep for newborns. Putting him down before he's really zonked often results in a need to pick him up after a few minutes.
My technique is holding him in my arms and waiting for the head rolling/grunting/arm stretching phase to pass, which is often many minutes after deep breathing has begun, before I put him in the crib. Be patient, and also try to restrain yourself from running in at every cry. I don't practice CIO, but a minute or so of crying is not a big deal - they adjust in their sleep, try to get cozy, and pretty much the only noises they make at this stage are crying.
We also had success with a tight swaddle in a moses basket set in the crib. We found that after a few weeks as he got bigger and has more control over his limbs he didn't like being constrained, so don't rely on it working forever.
Finally, we do co-sleep, but rarely overnight: more often after the ~6 a.m. feed, when the parents want a few more hours of zzzz's and he seem amenable.
Hang in there.
posted by Paid In Full at 1:58 PM on March 4, 2008
My technique is holding him in my arms and waiting for the head rolling/grunting/arm stretching phase to pass, which is often many minutes after deep breathing has begun, before I put him in the crib. Be patient, and also try to restrain yourself from running in at every cry. I don't practice CIO, but a minute or so of crying is not a big deal - they adjust in their sleep, try to get cozy, and pretty much the only noises they make at this stage are crying.
We also had success with a tight swaddle in a moses basket set in the crib. We found that after a few weeks as he got bigger and has more control over his limbs he didn't like being constrained, so don't rely on it working forever.
Finally, we do co-sleep, but rarely overnight: more often after the ~6 a.m. feed, when the parents want a few more hours of zzzz's and he seem amenable.
Hang in there.
posted by Paid In Full at 1:58 PM on March 4, 2008
Response by poster: Thank you all for your comments and advise. This is totally a new experience for us. I think for now, we are going to keep co-sleeping. My wife is nursing and it makes it easier on both of them. As for me, I go back to work next week so I may be heading for the futon!
posted by chuma at 2:28 PM on March 4, 2008
posted by chuma at 2:28 PM on March 4, 2008
My kid is 14 months old.
He started sleeping in his own crib a week ago.
Until then, he slept in bed with me and his mom.
Don't sweat it at such an early age. Every kid is different, go with the flow.
posted by MiG at 5:04 PM on March 6, 2008 [1 favorite]
He started sleeping in his own crib a week ago.
Until then, he slept in bed with me and his mom.
Don't sweat it at such an early age. Every kid is different, go with the flow.
posted by MiG at 5:04 PM on March 6, 2008 [1 favorite]
as a father of a one year old who co-sleeps, and someone who himself grew up in a crib, i have to say, this article is spot on for my money
posted by dougiedd at 7:25 PM on April 19, 2008
posted by dougiedd at 7:25 PM on April 19, 2008
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posted by ROTFL at 1:58 PM on March 3, 2008