How do I become intimate with my girlfriend?
March 2, 2008 7:28 PM Subscribe
How do you become intimate with someone? Help me figure out on-going trouble with my girlfriend.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (45 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 years. We're both 22, graduating college in the fall and we've known each other since high school. It's my second serious relationship and her first. We've recently decided to take a break for a few weeks and figure some stuff out. We're your average upper-middle-class suburban kids, and neither of us have any crazy things in our past.
In the past two years, we've gone really slow with the physical stuff, just recently gradating to making out. She's shy and she's bad at giving signals that initiate intimate activity. She isn't the sort of person to give hugs, or to cling onto a boy. It's not that I want those things (well, I do), but it's that I want to feel special to her and I can't seem to do that without the physical stuff. This makes sense to me, but doesn't really make sense to her.
I often get upset because we can go weeks without spending any significant amount of time together. We do see each other, going out with friends, getting lunch; that sort of thing. But it's never just the two of us. When it is just the two of us, she never gives any signals either way about kissing or even cuddling. Basically she acts like we're just two friends hanging out.
We've spoken a few times about it, usually after I've gotten upset because she won't attempt to move her schedule around to give us some time together. She explains that she has a hard time with the physical stuff, because she feels pressured by me. She's also said that I'm selfish for getting upset when I can't spend as much time with her as I'd like.
I really like this girl and I'd like the relationship to continue if we can work things out. If we can't fix the physical and time stuff, I don't think I can continue in it.
Have any of you had similar situations, especially with the lack of physical contact? Is there a way to fix this? I'd accept that some people aren't physical people, but after 2 years you would think it's a little odd..
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