Help me get the wedding ring we want at a fair price.

February 26, 2008 11:27 AM

Help me negotiate on an engagement and wedding ring. We have things picked out and are being given multiple options on the center stone, which is a ruby. I have no clue about what's fair or what to expect.

My fiancee and I are getting married in June. We went to a jeweler who came highly recommended and we managed to find a perfect set for her (the selection of men's rings wasn't what we were looking for, and we ended up picking out my ring from another place). The set consists of an engagement ring with space for ~1ct. diamond and smaller stones already set. We're having a wedding band custom-made to fit the contours of the engagement ring.

For the center stone, instead of a diamond, we're looking for a darker ruby (I keep hearing them use the word Burmese if this helps). We really have our hearts set on this particular type of stone, and my ring will also have a darker ruby in the center. To fit the space, apparently we would need a 1.2 - 1.3 ct stone to make up for the difference in density.

I've been given an approximate figure of $1700 for the ring without stone, $1500-2000 for the custom band, and the rep is currently looking at our options for rubies. So far she's gotten a couple of numbers back from all but one dealer she queried.

High-quality, 1.25ct ~$4400
High-quality, 1.33ct ~$5500
Slightly-lower quality 1.2 and 1.25 ct stones: ~$3000

I realize that we're looking for a more expensive stone by going for the darker colors. I'm fully capable of paying the full price we're seeing so far for ring, band, and one of the $3000 stones, but want to make sure I'm getting a fair deal. Is there a cheaper option and what am I sacrificing? Is the sacrifice something that we'll notice or will it only affect the value of the ring? What should I say and how should I deal with the jeweler's rep to ensure that we all get what we want from this? What should I be looking for in the stone other than what I've mentioned?

Neither me nor my future bride are picky, but she does appreciate nice things, and I want something really nice for her. The less I spend on this, however, the more we can spend on the wedding without starting off our new lives in too much debt.

Thanks for any help you can provide. I expect a callback from her today on this, since she's expecting that the other dealer will be calling her with more pricing options.

posted by tkolstee to clothing, beauty, & fashion (11 comments total)

This sounds like an expensive ring, and I'm not sure you're getting a fair price. When you're buying jewelry, only concern yourself with three things: how it looks to you, durability, and source. If the stone looks good to your eye (in the sunlight or regular light, not under the loupe), then it's a good stone. Flaws, mistakes, whatever just don't matter unless it affects the way you perceive the stone. In truth, if you get a mediocre stone, it'll only look mediocre to you when it's next to a flawless stone, and once you're out of the store, you'll never notice the difference. Durability is hard to judge, but of course you don't want a ring that'll fall apart under normal everyday use. Making sure the stone is from a non-conflict area isn't the easiest thing to do, but it might be worth something extra to you. *Never* listen to a sales person who talks about resale value or all that hulabaloo. It's bullshit. Once you walk out of the store, the stone is worth a third what you paid for it.

Oh, and never go into debt to pay for a wedding or wedding ring. Buy what you can afford, and wait to buy the rest. Pay cash. Please, for the sake of your financial future, don't borrow for anything other than a car or a house or your education.

I did a lot of research when I was shopping for engagement rings, and this sounds like an extremely expensive ring. $1500 for a wedding band is outrageous -- my wife's cost $400, and it too was custom. $1700 also sounds high for the ring without a stone, but I did a lot of my shopping in the downtown jewelry mart here in Los Angeles, where competition really drives down prices. All-in, with the cheapest stone, and including tax, you're talking seven grand for your wife's ring. If you're in that income bracket, enjoy, but this sounds quite high to me. I feel like you're being taken for a ride by that jeweler. Don't let the jewelry store pressure you into anything, and if they claim that the price is only good for one day or something like that, don't buy from them.
posted by incessant at 12:21 PM on February 26, 2008 [1 favorite]

It sounds like you have something very specific in mind, so this may not be for you, but you might be surprised at how extensive Amazon's jewelry selection is. Their custom diamond rings are a fraction of the price of most jewelers.
posted by designbot at 12:38 PM on February 26, 2008

The friendly folk in the Colored Stones Forum on Pricescope are knowledgeable about both stone quality and fair prices, so that might also be a good resource for asking.
posted by Addlepated at 12:56 PM on February 26, 2008

I bought my diamond loose from Blue Nile making heavy use of their selector, so I went and searched for sites that have a Loose Ruby finder. Israel Diamonds has pretty decent selection, for instance. Maybe there are more like this?
posted by fusinski at 1:06 PM on February 26, 2008

If this helps, garnets are a very deep red color, and seem to be far cheaper than rubies by carat. Might be something to consider if the bands are very much what you want.
posted by herbaliser at 1:44 PM on February 26, 2008

I love that you are making this a very personal, custom choice. With that in mind, however, I do think that, stone aside, the cost for the custom band alone sounds exorbitant. Usually, since they go together, the engagement ring and band are made to fit together, and all you would really need to customize would be the stones set within. I am surprised that they have the engagement ring but have to custom make a band to complement it. I would agree that a wedding band should be WAY less than $1700, and I actually was thinking right around $400, as incessant said.

It might be possible to sketch out what you want and shop this around, or at the very least suggest you are going to do so, and negotiate for a better price on the set. You should be able to get the stones set by any jeweler who does custom work, so the recommendation should count as that and no more; don't feel locked in to using this guy.
posted by misha at 2:35 PM on February 26, 2008

If the bands/settings are platinum and hand-worked (like filigree), then those prices aren't as off the charts as everyone else is implying, especially since you mention that the engagement ring will already have smaller stones set in it (this drives the price up a lot). $400 bands tend to be simple and gold. I'd expect a hand-customized platinum band from a brick & mortar store to be upwards of $1000, more depending on the amount of work done and the thickness of the band. Anything online will be cheaper (like bluenile.com).
posted by Polychrome at 3:17 PM on February 26, 2008

Thanks all so far.

About the price: I'm more with Polychrome. I probably didn't represent the engagement ring accurately. It's definitely not a "plain band except for the stone setting" type of band. There are several diamonds embedded in the ring other than the center setting, and some of them are - by my eye - in the 1/4 ct range. I guess I should find out what the carat weight of the existing stones is.

In addition, the wedding band that we would be having custom-made would contain very small diamonds as well, to match the pattern along the side of the engagement band. This justifies some of the price, but I agree that $2k is a lot for just the wedding band, and this is likely one of the first things to go.

I've looked at some of the links provided, and see that I can get rubies a lot cheaper than the prices they're charging. Looks like they're trying to give us full retail, or what some sites are referring to as the appraised value of the stone. I just don't know enough about rubies to feel comfortable about ordering one online without help.

Can I come back to the table and ask that we just buy the engagement band and have them set a stone that we procure, or would that be bad form?

To all those who commented that it's a bad idea to finance any part of a wedding or the rings, I'm planning on using a combination of savings and low-interest cards for the initial purchase/deposits/etc. I'm in a really comfortable financial situation right now, and have enough experience to know the woes of buying on credit; however I don't have enough reserves to pay out of pocket. This is our 2nd wedding each, and we're not going for the overly-extravagant, but we are getting a lot of services through connections at low or no cost. I have a repayment plan - in months not years - and most of the wedding/rings will be paid off by the time the wedding actually happens. The rings will probably be the single biggest expense and consumables will be kept to a minimum.
posted by tkolstee at 5:21 PM on February 26, 2008

I can imagine that the jewelry store would probably like it to be bad form for you to buy a stone and just have them set it, but for a couple grand who cares? Also, I don't think it is, a lot of people in my family have had family stones that were lying around just set by jewelers, sometimes even with gold from other random pieces of jewelry that they had them melt down, so I really wouldn't worry about it.
posted by whoaali at 6:33 PM on February 26, 2008

Well, now platinum would make a hell of a lot more sense. Seeing as how you didn't even bother to mention exactly what the metal you were using was, I assumed gold. So there you are. The price sounds a little more reasonable if it's platinum, but still... Then again, I'm the guy who got my band of 14k white gold because hey, who can tell the difference between 14 or 18?

About coming back to the table and asking just to buy the engagement band, you may do whatever you want. You're about to spend an absolutely astronomical amount of money. If you want the jewelers to juggle luncheon meats while they set your stone, they should. If you want them to set a stone you procure, they should. If they don't, then I'd advise against doing business there.

You can talk yourself into the fact that you're using low-interest cards or whatever and you're in a comfortable financial situation and so on and so forth until you're blue in the face. The fact is, we all like to spend more than we have. When I don't have enough reserves to purchase something, I don't purchase it. You may behave however you like, but I can't let someone slide when they say they're buying a seven thousand dollar piece of jewelry on credit. Whether or not you're getting services through connections, or if a freakin' unicorn is performing your wedding, spending more than you can afford on your wedding seems a little odd to me. Hey -- you asked. I'd really really advise you to consider spending within your budget. You'll have plenty of time to splurge on a totally amazing, expensive ring when you do have the money saved up, if it's in 6 months or 16 years.
posted by incessant at 2:21 AM on February 27, 2008

It's fine to ask them to set another stone (oh you just absolutely fell in love with this other stone blahblah) but your jeweler has been gathering quotes for you, so be mindful of that. Like most service industries, they should be happy to do what you need in order to get you what you want, but they don't want to feel jerked around or like their time has been wasted. The jeweler also will probably say that they cannot guarantee a stone you bring in (so if they are setting it and the stone happens to break or something, they will not assume responsibility).

You probably should shop around for prices just so that you know you're making an informed purchase, but if you're unwilling to purchase online, I doubt you will be able to find anything much cheaper than what the jeweler is quoting you. Jewelry and gemstones are typically much, much, much cheaper online and the prices you will find in B&M stores will not come close.

If you aren't picky about specifics but just want a stone that looks nice to you and your fiance, you could also check out pawn shops for rings, find one with a stone you like, and ask the jeweler to take that stone out and put it in your custom setting, but depending on the pawn shop, you might not really know quite what you're getting, sizewise and otherwise.
posted by Polychrome at 7:48 AM on February 27, 2008