Too much starch is never a bad thing, right?

February 26, 2008 1:02 AM

So I was bored and ate a whole lot of paper. What now?

I was sitting in a university lecture, bored out of my mind and decided to entertain myself by eating the blank paper in front of me. This is not the first time I have done so - at many ages (5, 12, 18) I have entered into bets with friends that I could eat a whole page faster than they could (and usually lost). What will this do to my body?

posted by PuGZ to grab bag (18 comments total)

Nothing.
posted by delmoi at 1:17 AM on February 26, 2008

Well, it's plenty of fibre at least! If it was coloured paper, you may have pretty coloured poo, but other than that, you'll be right.
posted by indienial at 1:30 AM on February 26, 2008

I'm pretty sure they go out of their way to make sure paper is non toxic, since they're part of school supplies for little kiddies, and all.
posted by jytsai at 2:04 AM on February 26, 2008

Peristalsis.
posted by Abiezer at 2:24 AM on February 26, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

LOL, second time in a day I join the freak squad... :) don't worry, there isn't a piece of plain white paper on my desk that doesn't have a corner torn off and chewed or eaten. I have to look and make sure I'm not tearing off the important printed parts sometimes. Paper is like my chewing gum, sometimes it is swallowed, sometimes it's spit out... ~40 years of eating/chewing paper, no problem. No worries, keep it up.
posted by zengargoyle at 2:32 AM on February 26, 2008

jytsai's answer nails it in my mind, but thanks to everyone who replied so quickly. :-)
posted by PuGZ at 2:50 AM on February 26, 2008

Bleached paper often contains small traces of dioxins and furans, but you're not going to die from it. We're exposed to that stuff in all kinds of ways, so the odd sheet of ingested paper isn't going to make a lot of difference.
posted by le morte de bea arthur at 3:30 AM on February 26, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Think of it as like buying a raffle ticket for your bowels. Most folks win nothing. Some win constipation. Top prize, diverticulitis.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 4:28 AM on February 26, 2008 [9 favorites has favorites]

I'm pretty sure they go out of their way to make sure paper is non toxic

And why would "they" do that? Some years ago I read of a woman who died of arsenic poisoning from the sizing in the paper she ate in abundance.
posted by StickyCarpet at 4:37 AM on February 26, 2008

FYI: Eating paper may be a sign of iron deficiency. Googling around can lead you to a bunch of sites that discuss this possible correlation.
posted by BozoBurgerBonanza at 5:22 AM on February 26, 2008

[a few comments removed - don't have an answer, feel free not to answer, thanks.]
posted by jessamyn at 6:50 AM on February 26, 2008

You could always stick the end of a pen down the back of your throat to produce exact copies of the collaborative novel, Atlanta Nights...

...but aside from that you're primarily eating wood/plant pulp. The rest can be loading or filling material such as clay, CaCO3, Talc, or TiO2 (used for brightness). Then rosin or alum for water resistance. As others have already sayd though, a few pages is enough to give you an upset stomach, but doesn't do much more than that.
posted by samsara at 7:29 AM on February 26, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

Do you, by any chance, suffer from pica? I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the sudden desire to nosh on paper...
posted by pixelbaby at 7:48 AM on February 26, 2008

I ate a lot of paper as a kid (all my books from childhood have corners missing from the pages...for some reason I didn't think this would seem weird to anyone) and while I turned out very weird, I don't think the paper was responsible.
posted by crinklebat at 8:06 AM on February 26, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

crinklebat, I've never admitted this, but I did the same as a kid. No idea why. I even remember being somewhat ashamed about it, but don't recall considering the consequences of being caught, just hoping no one would notice. We are strange creatures, aren't we?

Oh the shame of ruining my sister's Family Circus collection. :)
posted by BaxterG4 at 8:18 AM on February 26, 2008

Pica, almost certainly. But paper consumption should be fine. Some highly unusual objects people have eaten, though I can't find a link, include a whole (smallish) tree, a bicycle, and a car engine. Sadly I can't prove this at the moment, but I used to be really into Guinness World Records as a wee lad and I'm pretty sure I read most of this stuff there. A small sample from the website.
posted by dawson at 9:07 AM on February 26, 2008

erm. Previously. This is not the only person who does this of course, but he claims to have eaten a plane.

Bottom line. Nibbling on some paper in the cafeteria? Lightweight.
posted by dawson at 9:12 AM on February 26, 2008

The answers to this question have proven to be surprisingly insightful, I must admit! The links up-thread certainly made for some fascinating reading, in any case!

That said, to clear a few things up (if anyone is actually interested): it wasn't that much paper, I've done this less a handful of times in my entire life and I usually don't make a habit of putting strange things in my mouth so I can [hopefully] rule out pica et al.
posted by PuGZ at 11:24 AM on February 26, 2008