Sex Filter

July 4, 2004 5:09 PM

SexFilter: Chaps, how do you postpone the little death? An intriguing office discussion (sparked by a picture of Margaret Thatcher) has brought out the most amazing answers to this...

(Ladies you can play too, although I guess the question is how do you hurry it along?)
posted by bonaldi to human relations (41 comments total)

Prozac and other SSRIs can be used to treat premature ejaculation. During the period I was on Prozac, I had the best orgasms ever, although it took longer to get there.
posted by SPrintF at 5:21 PM on July 4, 2004

Practice, practice, practice. On your own or with a partner.
posted by cbrody at 5:35 PM on July 4, 2004

Care to share the answers you got during the office discussion? I doubt anything could beat the picture of Maggie, though it would be slightly akward to whip out during sex.
posted by fvw at 6:11 PM on July 4, 2004

[FVW: You mean you don't have a portrait of her above your bed? That's strange]

Ooh, that's odd, I thought I'd posted a more inside.

Yes, the office was a strange one. Lots of mental political images ... Margaret Thatcher, Robin Cook, Margaret Beckett, but a whole ton of football, from the obvious - Jimmy Hill, Archie Gemmell scoring against Holland - to the slightly odd - "that time I got gubbed in primary seven against the Big School".

And then there was the weird (more school here): "my maths teacher", "fractions, I think about fractions", "the morning bus: it's so bleak, and so miserable, it takes me miles away".

Then the boss coughed in that "uh-huh" way and we had to do some work ;)

(There were some serious thoughts, and they mostly included stuff like "cleaning the pipes prior to installation" and cbrody-style stuff)
posted by bonaldi at 6:19 PM on July 4, 2004

Taking a bit of a breather to be attentive to your partner once or twice will pay dividends for all involved.
posted by Space Coyote at 6:20 PM on July 4, 2004

Just say no! Are you in control of your body, or is your body in control of you?
posted by WolfDaddy at 6:38 PM on July 4, 2004

think of a glaswegian : )
posted by sgt.serenity at 6:52 PM on July 4, 2004

So, in general, you lot "lie back and think of England?"

/ducks, runs out the door leaving half-finished pint on table
posted by mwhybark at 6:52 PM on July 4, 2004

So, in general, you lot "lie back and think of England?"

think of England... Lynndie England.

AKA "The Limpenator."
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:33 PM on July 4, 2004

Curious, "the little death", is that a French expression? How did it come to mean what it does?
posted by ac at 7:42 PM on July 4, 2004

"Baseball baseball baseball baseball ..."
posted by Succa at 7:43 PM on July 4, 2004

"Developers, developers, developers, developers..."
posted by Danelope at 7:54 PM on July 4, 2004

ac: because when you're having a terrifically powerful one, it feels like you won't survive it.

But what a way to go!
posted by five fresh fish at 8:00 PM on July 4, 2004

danelope wins.
posted by Space Coyote at 8:00 PM on July 4, 2004

Calculate how many tulips you'd be likely to find in a 100m radius around a windmill.
posted by signal at 8:00 PM on July 4, 2004

I like to recite from Henry V.
posted by the fire you left me at 10:01 PM on July 4, 2004

ac: "La petite mort"

I'm impressed you pegged it as French without knowing the phrase.
posted by shinynewnick at 10:04 PM on July 4, 2004

the fire you left me: Aloud? Which parts?

We few, we happy few....
posted by anastasiav at 10:11 PM on July 4, 2004

that time I got gubbed in primary seven against the Big School

I've been trying and trying to sort out what this means, but I can't do it.... translate? Please?
posted by anastasiav at 10:14 PM on July 4, 2004

No one here has mentioned this, so I will :

sexual yoga

"There are two basic stages of the sexual Yoga in Adidam:

Beginning devotees practice “emotional-sexual conscious exercise”, and those in the advanced and ultimate stages practice “emotional-sexual devotional communion”. Through this Yoga, conventional orgasm (which throws off the life-energy and vital chemistry of the body) is, in general, bypassed and converted, resulting in an intensely pleasurable and regenerative whole bodily form of orgasm that enlivens and re-balances, rather than depletes, the body."

In practice - for specific methods - I'd guess you would want to look towards the porn industry.
posted by troutfishing at 10:34 PM on July 4, 2004

And - I meant that last comment quite seriously.
posted by troutfishing at 10:35 PM on July 4, 2004

According to the BBC Scottish slang dictionary:

Gubbed: Broken, drunk, badly lost (a competition or fight)
posted by planetkyoto at 10:43 PM on July 4, 2004

I go through prime numbers. Seriously. It works great. By the time the need begins to be urgent, I'm typically into the 50s, and the primes become fewer and further between and require much more attention.
posted by kindall at 11:39 PM on July 4, 2004

Breath deeply and steadily. It not only gives you something to concentrate on, it's like the opposite of erotic asphyxiation (which is reputed to enhance sensation and bring on orgasm). I don't even practice that weird fetish, but I do notice that as I crescendo toward orgasm, I find I quite involuntarily begin holding my breath and, alternately, gasping. Breathing deeply and steadily keeps that crescendo from building.

On desperate occasions: think of GW Bush.

On very desperate occasions: think of Barbara Bush.

Astonishingly useful answers here, all.
posted by scarabic at 12:49 AM on July 5, 2004

One my S.O. uses is taking a pause. Don't think of anything in specific, just a little break of about ten seconds or so. Can be nice to get my breath back.
posted by stoneegg21 at 1:30 AM on July 5, 2004

Put the telly on; watching 'holiday on the buses' should do the trick.
posted by biffa at 1:44 AM on July 5, 2004

The former Shah of Iran is said to have thought of a plain brown cardboard box.
posted by jfuller at 5:49 AM on July 5, 2004

My husband thinks about Pete Rose and his baseball stats while playing for the Phillies. He says that'll temporarily kill any thoughts his sperm might have had about vacating the premises.
posted by iconomy at 5:51 AM on July 5, 2004

Tangent regarding the "petit mort"/ "little death": according to a prof of mine who taught about Renaissance history of sexuality, the phrase comes from the belief that each orgasm you have takes a day off your life.
posted by Jeanne at 6:18 AM on July 5, 2004

Thinking of stuff doesn't really work for me. What does work is, as was said above, to take a small break, even if just for 10 seconds or so. It's best to do this *before* it's urgent, well before.

Also, it's generally a good idea to know just where that edge lies. And doing so might be a good method for learning to prolong orgasm. Take your time while masturbating, and try to come just to the brink, but then back off or stop completely as the case may be. This will make the above (stopping briefly during sex) easier to do. And, without being to coarse here, it makes the masturbating MUCH more fun. You need time to do this, obviously. When you get good at it, you can do it for half an hour easily.

My wife and I have a very understanding sexual relationship so for the most part she doesn't mind if we need to stop for a second sometimes. However, if she herself is fairly close she finds it very difficult to stop and start again. I leave it up to her -- I simply tell her I need to slow down for a moment and if she doesn't want to, then we don't. I've found that I can go on easily for a few minutes after my own orgasm and so usually there's no real problem. Some men I've talked to have mentioned that any contact directly after orgasm is impossible for them. Also I would imagine that if you're using a condom this would increase the risk somewhat, all the man goo sloshing around in there.
posted by RustyBrooks at 7:45 AM on July 5, 2004

I can only add to trout's wise words -- you can't go wrong with the Tao.
and Kegel training -- for men and women alike -- does wonders. your pelvic floor is your friend in so many ways.

(and I'm assuming that our male users are already very much into, if I may say so, cunnilingus -- if they're not, they should dedicate themselves much more to it. a basic knowledge of female external/internal genital anatomy is also very useful if one wants to achieve a deeper, more emotionally satisfying sexual partnership with one's companion -- it's clear that in a post-Viagra world ejaculatio praecox is a men's most feared enemy, but it'd be dumb to reduce everything to sheer endurance, after all, wouldn't it)

posted by matteo at 8:07 AM on July 5, 2004

gubbed in primary seven against the big school
gubbed: as above
primary seven: ummm, the seventh and final year of your first school. I don't know it in american
big school: high school.

Really good answers here, although I think watching the porn industry is sometimes more just a case of how do they do that? than anything useful. And it's much easier to go for ages on your own because there's no external force getting you all, er, excited. If your partner's delight is vocal, it's hard to focus on Barbara Bush.
posted by bonaldi at 8:15 AM on July 5, 2004

jfuller: *how* do you know that? That's cool.
posted by bonaldi at 8:16 AM on July 5, 2004

Why put it off? If you want more than a given arousal cycle has to offer, why not just give in to it and then keep going?
posted by majick at 8:49 AM on July 5, 2004

and I'm assuming that our male users are already very much into, if I may say so, cunnilingus -- if they're not, they should dedicate themselves much more to it.

Damn straight. If you're a man having to stave off orgasm because your female partner hasn't had her's yet, you should be paying much more attention to pre-coital clit-licking.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:33 AM on July 5, 2004

the phrase comes from the belief that each orgasm you have takes a day off your life.

Then I pretty much committed a slow version of unassisted suicide during high-school...
posted by grum@work at 12:30 PM on July 5, 2004

I'm pretty sure we all did.
posted by five fresh fish at 1:18 PM on July 5, 2004

As an old girlfreind said to me when she was licking whip cream off her hot chocolate, think of nuns and dead puppies.
posted by jonmc at 2:28 PM on July 5, 2004

Get drunk before you start. Seriously. Not to brag or anything, but no matter how drunk I've been I've always been able to get it up - the joys of youth i guess - but ejaculation takes a long time and a lot of hard work to get to. Occasionally I've even faked it/given up to just go to sleep.
posted by rorycberger at 7:42 PM on July 5, 2004

Then I pretty much committed a slow version of unassisted suicide during high-school...
posted by grum@work at 12:30 PM PST on July 5

Won't someone think of the kittens?
posted by RakDaddy at 8:57 AM on July 6, 2004

Damn straight. If you're a man having to stave off orgasm because your female partner hasn't had her's yet, you should be paying much more attention to pre-coital clit-licking.
Alternatively (or additionally), while taking a ten-second or so break to calm yourself down, take a dive. Then your partner's not just sitting there waiting for you.
posted by LionIndex at 9:48 AM on July 6, 2004