“You'll find boredom where there is the absence of a good idea”

February 22, 2008 12:42 PM

I am bored. I don't know what to do with myself. Any suggestions?

I am a stay-at-home mom. But, I'm bored. Not bored of the mom thing, just bored in general. I don't do much during the day. How do I get out of this rut?

I am a stay-at-home mom because that's what I want to be - I want to be home with the wee ones, so working outside of the home is not an option. My children are 7 (in school), 4 (at home) and 19 months (at home).

To encourage my boredom are a few restrictions: I am always tired. I guess it comes with the territory. So, going out and doing something demanding is difficult (I really just wanna nap). Finances: money is tight, although we get along - there just isn't much left over to spend money doing stuff (and I always cringe when I drive because I know I'm using gas and gas is expensive). My children are small: my youngest takes naps in the afternoon so the things we do usually need to be accomplished before noon. Also, since my children are small, so are their attention spans. No family near by: I don't have family near by to count on as babysitters or someone to go visit or go out with. I do have friends and we visit and swap babysitting every once in a while, but that contact just isn't enough.

So, considering the above restrictions any suggestions to help me be less bored? What are some things that you do during the day?

posted by Sassyfras to grab bag (38 comments total)

Hang out more with some other moms while your kids play together.

Develop a hobby.

Be productive - write a book (or perhaps just a blog), fix up the house etc.

Hang out on MetaFilter all day like all the employed people.
posted by caddis at 12:47 PM on February 22, 2008

Hang out on MetaFilter all day like all the employed people.

Believe me, I am.
posted by Sassyfras at 12:49 PM on February 22, 2008

A stay home suggestion; get a musical instrument. A cheap acoustic guitar won't break the bank, and it's entirely possible to teach yourself using the resources on the Internet. Drop me a message and I'll drop you a few links that might be of help.

For added points, it'll get your kids singing, and exposed to perhaps picking up an instrument themselves when the time comes.
posted by Static Vagabond at 12:51 PM on February 22, 2008

Start a playgroup! The lifesaver to SAHM's everywhere! Get a group of friends with small kids who are probably in the same boat and make a playdate for the same time every week. Rotate houses and everyone brings a snack to share. The Mom's get so much more out of this than the kids do. Mix it up by meeting at a park or the mall every once in a while. You'll find these ladies becoming great friends if you all make a real effort to meet every week. It takes some work to get it going but the rewards are wonderful!! You only need 2 or 3 to start and you'll find that it will grow with time. Best of luck to you!!
posted by pearlybob at 12:52 PM on February 22, 2008

Draw pictures of your kids. Inexpensive, entertaining, physically non-demanding, portable and interruptible.
posted by sageleaf at 12:54 PM on February 22, 2008

Home-school yourself. I like to buy books like Physics Demystified (obviously your interests may vary) and go through them ... they have exercises and tests, just like being back in school. I've done physics, trig, electronics, etc., lots of stuff I either learned and forgot or never knew in the first place.
posted by Camofrog at 12:55 PM on February 22, 2008 [1 favorite]

Get gentle aerobic exercise. A one hour walk over rolling hills, a bit of time on a cross-trainer, or something similar. That generally lifts the mood & energy level enough to make you feel like doing other things.

If you haven't exercised in a while, don't push it too much and give it a week for the benefits to kick in.
posted by mono blanco at 1:00 PM on February 22, 2008

Make stuff.

There is nothing as satisfying as building, cooking or crafting something. Your kids sound like good ages for sock puppets and scrapbooks and all sorts of stuff. If I were you I'd Google for kid crafts and go nuts.

Good luck!

Also, keep the TV off forever. In my experience, TV just fills the boredom, it doesn't fight it.
posted by etc. at 1:03 PM on February 22, 2008

Get a library card.
posted by waraw at 1:06 PM on February 22, 2008

I'd suggest photography. You can pick up digital cameras for quite cheap nowadays, and your only other real investment is a flash and a computer (which you already have). The main benefit is that you have a handy subject right there (your kids) and as you improve, you will have nice pictures of your little ones as they grow up.

Photography can get stupid expensive if you let it, but there are lots of sites that advocate the DIY approach.
posted by quin at 1:07 PM on February 22, 2008

Some hobbies..

1) Exercise for few hours at home. (You can get a cycler for $150).
Recent research has shown exercise improves mind and also health.

2) Read books from local library.



4) Volunteer at some place close to where you stay.

U can find opportunuties close to your stay using this website.

http://www.volunteermatch.org/

5) Medidate for few hours daily. You can start with free guided
meditation at

http://meditation.org.au/

3) If you are spiritual, you can pray/read religious books during spare time.
posted by tom123 at 1:08 PM on February 22, 2008

Learn a language?
posted by Iridic at 1:19 PM on February 22, 2008

Hmm. When I was unemployed and had nothing to do (which I understand is not the same as being a SaHM, but I mostly just mean few out-of-house requirements), I found I got more lazy and sleepy when I didn't do something every day to get out of the house. Perhaps you're tired from dealing with kids all day, but maybe the fatigue is also a sign of not-enough-interaction-with-other-humans, which can definitely be the case for me.

Take your kids on walks, to playgrounds to run around, if those are available nearby. Maybe you will find other moms to talk to there, too (plus!). If it's painfully cold, bundle up and don't spend too much time out, and if your kids are complaining of cold after the initial "It's COOOLD OUT", it's probably best to go back in.

Take the kids to the library, check out if your library has any programs for wee ones during the day. The few dollars you spend on gas are worth it for the resources you can find in a library, I think.

Find other errands to take yourself out of the house. I know it's harder when you have to worry about juggling your children, but I think just getting out can help intensely.

Inside the house, try to do some minor obsessive cleaning if you don't already. Don't go for "Clean my bedroom," go for "Clean out the kitchen junk drawer". That way the children-interruptions won't leave you with things messier than they were before (although children do tend to increase household entropy tenfold).

Try to learn a new language. This is one thing I do for myself. It's always there to do, and I might get bored of it sometimes, but I find that it's much harder to be bored when there's something that I'm supposed to be doing, because bored means going back to doing that thing.
posted by that girl at 1:20 PM on February 22, 2008

Parent groups and playgroups are great.

You might also want to start your own business. Even if you made $100 or 200 a month, you'd have continuity on your resume, learn some new skills, pay for some things you'd like, etc.
posted by acoutu at 1:21 PM on February 22, 2008

Now's not the time, but you might enjoy gardening come the spring!
posted by spec80 at 1:37 PM on February 22, 2008

Digital photography is a great idea, especially if you join a group like Project 365. The goal is to take one picture per day and share the results with others. It's cool because it only takes seconds if you're really tired one day, or you can spend hours if you're feeling inspired the next. I've become addicted to this as a form of visual journaling - in fact, I'm doing this for a second year in a row!
posted by exquisite_deluxe at 1:38 PM on February 22, 2008

I know you say you don't want a job, but when our kids were little, Mrs. Doohickie sold Pampered Chef. You can do it one or two evenings a week. It gets you out of the house and the paperwork will keep you occupied during the day. Without too much effort, Mrs. Doohickie was able to make enough to pay our mortgage most months. And I still think it's pretty cheap to get started.
posted by Doohickie at 1:44 PM on February 22, 2008

2nd the 'home-school yourself.' I moved to the sticks and had a baby last year; I don't get into the city often enough -- boredom is a problem, but I'm keeping the local librarians hopping with strange requests for stuff on inter-library loan, and ending up a sort of amateur expert on all manner of weird what-not.
posted by kmennie at 1:48 PM on February 22, 2008

Sketchbook! Can't draw? Don't worry! You'll improve over time!

I really like reading comics about other people's lives, particularly people whose lives are pretty different from my own. If you get really into drawing, please consider making a comic about daily occurrences in your life. There's a surprising lack of autobiographical comics by stay-at-home moms, and I'd love to see what they would look like.

Regardless of whether you would ever show the comics to strangers, though, they'll be a totally fascinating treasure to your family in the future.

Think about all the moments during the course of the day that are sort of neat at the time, but which slip right out of your memory forever after just a few moments. One of the kids flushing a toy down the toilet, or the decision to buy some strawberry jelly instead of grape, or the pride one takes in fixing something that broke around the house. What you're going to want is a record of those, a sort of subjective photograph.

Years from now, when you're dead and your kids are grown and with children of their own, they'll have a collection of these moments to page through. On a historical level, it will provide a fascinating glimpse at an early-twenty-first century mindset and society. On a familial level, it will provide a connection to descendents you'll never actually get to meet.
posted by Greg Nog at 1:52 PM on February 22, 2008 [3 favorites]

Teach your four-year-old to read! That's what my mom did.
posted by herbaliser at 1:52 PM on February 22, 2008

Learn how to successfully day trade stock index futures... just like this awesome stay-at-home mom did. Now's a fascinating time to stay tuned to the world of finance, and you don't even have to risk any money to begin learning: most better brokerages allow you to "paper trade" a fake account in real-time. I find it keeps me keenly attuned to and informed about current events of all types. As long as it is a hobby, one doesn't need to keep at all day, or even every day.
posted by fatllama at 1:58 PM on February 22, 2008

I think a lot of SAHMs clean/do laundry because it's something that can be done in short intervals and constantly left and picked up throughout the day. Thinking with those parameters, there are probably lots of chores that qualify, like balancing the books/tax prep, chopping ingredients for cooking, pruning the yard one shrub at a time. If there's trim in the house that needs painting, by keeping the paint and a brush handy, you can work on that in 10-minute intervals (I do that while I'm on the phone). And then there are hobbies that can be done in intervals, things like indoor plants (esp. fussy ones like bonsai and orchids, and starting seeds for the summer garden), knitting, painting with oils. Learning is a good idea too, particularly things that can be worked on serially, like memorizing Chinese characters or art history paintings. Making birthday cards can be fun (and saves you $3 for each one you would otherwise have bought).
posted by xo at 2:11 PM on February 22, 2008

Get a ukulele. Maybe get a couple of them, and let one of the older kids learn with you.
posted by bink at 2:15 PM on February 22, 2008

If you want to be good: Write Wikipedia articles (big and great community there)

If you want to be bad: Scam 419 scammers. All you need is a gmail account and imagination.
posted by chrisalbon at 2:18 PM on February 22, 2008 [1 favorite]

Even with my above suggestions, I whole heartedly second the "start a blog" idea. It would be a great way to 1) add some structure in your life and 2) meet and communicate with other adults (online).
posted by chrisalbon at 2:20 PM on February 22, 2008

Do yoga! It will make you feel less tired, costs little money, and will make you feel better about life in general.

I would suggest, if you prefer structure, to buy this book, a yoga mat, and a space heater and set up a mini Bikram studio in your living room. I find the Bikram set rewarding because you notice actual progress day to day. Also, his book is funny and is really accessible. Don't skip the space heater, though - doing it feels much better in a warmer room.

If you do not prefer structure, I would suggest browsing YogaJournal's website and doing what looks good.
posted by mustcatchmooseandsquirrel at 2:37 PM on February 22, 2008 [2 favorites]

I suggest you take up computer programming. It's challenging, free (you already have a computer), and rewarding. It takes some time to get good at it, but you seem to have time. This "learning to program" tutorial seems okay. It uses the python programming language.
posted by beerbajay at 2:40 PM on February 22, 2008 [3 favorites]

I'm a compulsive knitter, so of course I'm going to tell you to take up knitting.

It can be an expensive hobby, but it doesn't have to be. There are hundreds of good free patterns and tutorials online, and this previous AskMe is a good resource for finding cheap good-quality yarn. And although lots of knitters don't like the ultra-cheap Red Heart Super Saver sold at Wal-Mart and big-box craft stores, it's good for learning and for making things like afghans.

Plus, you can join Ravelry, which is pretty much the greatest thing to happen to the internet. (This is like the third or fourth time I've plugged Ravelry here; it seriously really is that great if you're even remotely interested in fibercrafts.)
posted by Metroid Baby at 2:41 PM on February 22, 2008 [1 favorite]

Embroidery is a good, though old fashioned, idea.

I love it - it doesn't demand too much attention, keeps my hands busy, has enough of a challenge to interest me, can be picked up and put down, and easily transported, and it's also something you can do with your kids, when they start getting older.

I don't have kids of my own, but I babysit for my cousins (of which I have 14 or something, the youngest is about 4 months old) and I've taught quite a few of the kids how to do embroidery.

The other good thing about it is that you get to produce something at the end, and it's really worthwhile to finish something, and see it around your house.
posted by jonathanstrange at 2:47 PM on February 22, 2008

Did you previously have any hobbies before you had kids? If you aren't interested in those anymore and are seriously tired all the time, it could be your fatigue is not entirely because of being a mom, but depression.

Popular "mom hobbies" are scrapbooking and other crafts, and it's a great way to meet other people. It is rather expensive though. A cheaper one is sewing if you have a machine already, if not you can get a starter for $20 at target. You'll save money by buying fabrics and patterns cheap at Joann's sales and sewing your kids their own clothes! You can also make cool stuff you use around the house. Quilting (just making tops will be easiest) is also a time consuming and fun one.

Also, fatigue can be a sign of not getting enough activity. Your body shuts down basically. If you try to get more exercise (not saying you need to work out, but just go for a walk or bike ride) you will feel a bit sore the next day, but have more energy each day :)
posted by jesirose at 2:48 PM on February 22, 2008

If you have the space and the time, you should garden! Now is the perfect time of year to order up some seed catalogs and get dreaming!
posted by Sara Anne at 2:53 PM on February 22, 2008

Build a website! Learn html and start your own. It's a great way to keep relatives and friends up to speed on what's going on.
posted by Pantengliopoli at 3:00 PM on February 22, 2008

If you need a one-time thing to do on a given day (as opposed to a long-term project) you could explore the links on Sharyn November's site, especially the ones in the paragraph that begins "Whenever I don't know what else to do, I..."

Somewhere on that page, she says "I love MetaFilter," so perhaps you and she (and everyone else here!) have similar interests.

I second the recommendations to find a volunteer project you can do with your kids. I'm still looking for one I can do with my 9-month-old and I do understand the lack-of-energy problem, but it's a great thing to do; it might re-energize you.
posted by homelystar at 3:03 PM on February 22, 2008

i'm not a stay at home mom but i've had the boredom bug many times. i'm not inclined to watch tv and i read endlessly during the day so at night it's not my unwind thing.

normally i pick up a brush and justify that second degree in painting, but lately i've been teaching myself to crochet and quilt, i am not great, just your standard squares but i've got two half blankets already and with the quiliting, i'm able to recycle stuff. definitely try it, it's soothing.
posted by eatdonuts at 3:13 PM on February 22, 2008

You can do a Julie/Julia Project-inspired endeavor.
posted by HotPatatta at 6:01 PM on February 22, 2008

You didn't mention the type of home you have. One really fun, cheap and rewarding thing to do is vegetable gardening. You could go to your library and check out a few local gardening books and go from there. Also this Frugal Gardening forum is an excellent resource.

One thing to know before you get started. You don NOT have to spend money to do it. The books will tell you to buy this and buy that. They'll tell you to test your soil, buy compost and all kinds of other things. For an amateur gardener though you can just turn over your soil with a shovel, plant seeds, then lay down shredded newspaper as a "mulch" and you're in business. I myself even have bamboo growing on the very back of my property and that's an amazing way to get cheap (or free really) poles for staking, vining or pole vegetables. My goal is to be completely self sufficient as far as growing food.

As you can see, gardening can be cheap (seed packets can be bought at Walmart for as low as 10 cents a packet, I just bought some there tonight in fact), fun and fairly easy. The kids can be involved too and you can set aside a few "fun" plants for just them to take care of such as gourds. They can hollow them out and make "bird houses" or something.

Some easy to grow veggies are carrots, bush beans, tomatoes, lettuce, zucchini, radishes, broccoli, beets, cucumbers, corn, gourds and pumpkins (but space is needed for pumpkin).

Of course, all of this won't be very helpful if you live in an apartment or a house without a large yard. Not to fear though. You can even grow vegetables in containers too, so as long as you have a patio with sunlight, you're still in business!

In any case, whatever you do just be sure it's something you enjoy. :)
posted by magnoliasouth at 9:06 PM on February 22, 2008

You could get a part-time job from home. Folks are always looking for proof-readers, telemarketers (some don't suck as much as others), and whatever else one can come up with. What are you good at? What did you do before you became a full time mom? Can it be done from home and a few hours here and there?

This way, your a) boredom and b) money problems both will be solved. Just pick something you LIKE to do - I mean, even looking for a job like this could kill a few weeks.
posted by Yavsy at 9:09 PM on February 22, 2008

You may want to check with your doctor if you feel unusually tired, just be sure.

Whenever I was unemployed, I found myself bored when I had no schedule. Setting up particular times for activities (in so far as the kids will cooperate) can help. Even schedule yourself a nap. If you have a place nearby where you can volunteer (and will let you bring the 4 and 1 yr old) that can help, too. Good luck! There are a lot of great suggestions here.
posted by debgpi at 10:56 AM on February 23, 2008