Help me plan a prank centered around getting snipped.

February 21, 2008 4:29 PM

Help me plan a prank centered around getting snipped. My boss is getting a vasectomy on Friday. What should his office look like when he returns on Monday?

Really, any good pranks would be acceptable, decorating the office just seems like the most basic one. The individual is a partner at a law firm. I have complete buy in from several other partners, so no suggestion is out of bounds here.

posted by sorindome to grab bag (42 comments total)

A giant bean bag done up as a bag of frozen peas? You could even freeze it outside before he gets in if the weather is cooperative.
posted by jenkinsEar at 4:33 PM on February 21, 2008

Poster from the movie Farinelli? Too obscure?
posted by adamrice at 4:36 PM on February 21, 2008

Um, tread lightly because something calling attention to your boss's crotch seems to be fraught with all kinds of situations that could go horribly wrong and remembered for a very long time.
posted by 45moore45 at 4:37 PM on February 21, 2008 [4 favorites]

The individual is a partner at a law firm. I have complete buy in from several other partners, so no suggestion is out of bounds here.

I take it they are not employment lawyers.

Cut all the cables in his office and tie them off.
posted by The World Famous at 4:37 PM on February 21, 2008 [5 favorites]

Baby shower paraphernalia.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:37 PM on February 21, 2008 [1 favorite]

The cord idea is a great one, that might be too destructive though, although in a more limited fashion definitely doable. Baby shower paraphernalia is also a pretty good idea, i think there's something funnier down the path towards no babies, not sure what it is though.
posted by sorindome at 4:44 PM on February 21, 2008

Place all objects on high shelves. It's cruel, but his face will be a picture when he tries to stretch for things.

(*please don't do this*)
posted by seanyboy at 4:45 PM on February 21, 2008

Naked hooker waiting for him on his desk?
posted by fire&wings at 4:46 PM on February 21, 2008 [1 favorite]

Leave a bag of frozen peas on his chair (on some plastic so the condensation won't wet his chair).
posted by plinth at 4:47 PM on February 21, 2008

OK, fine, naked hookers are out of bounds, but at least it took 7 commments before the line was crossed. That might be a new internet record. Way to show some restraint internet.

Oh and he's married if that gives any more possibilities
posted by sorindome at 4:53 PM on February 21, 2008

N^th the cable idea.
posted by gauchodaspampas at 4:57 PM on February 21, 2008

++ on the cable idea. Maybe see if you can buy an astronomical number of condoms at CVS, return them, and leave the receipt with the return credit on his desk.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 4:59 PM on February 21, 2008

You don't actually have to cut the cables. Just unplug them and tie them off. Less destructive that way.
posted by The World Famous at 4:59 PM on February 21, 2008 [2 favorites]

Get one of these livestock castration devices mounted on a plaque.
posted by Frank Grimes at 5:06 PM on February 21, 2008

A couple boxes of blanks placed strategically?
posted by PhatLobley at 5:06 PM on February 21, 2008 [4 favorites]

PhatLobely wins.
posted by phrontist at 5:10 PM on February 21, 2008

Have everyone in the office wear bandages on the crotch of their pants.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 5:20 PM on February 21, 2008

Change his Windows desktop image to a giant pair of scissors.
posted by Jacqueline at 5:25 PM on February 21, 2008 [2 favorites]

Are you certain making a public joke about your boss's vasectomy is a good idea, and your boss will think it's hilarious? Pranks like this tend to be hazardous to your job security and promotions.
posted by fandango_matt at 5:35 PM on February 21, 2008 [2 favorites]

Do the guys wear ties around the office? Having them all wear ties with the bottom 4"-6" cut off of them might be fun. You wouldn't have to use expensive ties.
posted by eafarris at 5:39 PM on February 21, 2008 [2 favorites]

Tiny scissors, large scissors, plastic scissors. Scissors. Make up some letterhead and replace his name - "Johnson, Sorindome, Randall & Scissors". Scissor sharpening videos on his computer. Mustache scissors, sewing scissors, stationery scissors. All kinds of scissors.

And when you're done, you can use some as office supplies and give others away to people who need the scissors.

And probably one big set of scissors cut or shaped out of a towel, draped on his chair. Scissors. If you have access to his computer, rename his printer "scissors".

Finally, everybody grab a tie that you're okay parting with, and cut it off about half way down. You all wear that to work on the day he comes back.
posted by cashman at 5:40 PM on February 21, 2008 [2 favorites]

Jacqueline beat me to it, but I hope I get points for supreme & hilarious overkill.
posted by cashman at 5:40 PM on February 21, 2008 [1 favorite]

Replace every pen in his office with one that has run dry.
posted by hamhed at 5:57 PM on February 21, 2008 [3 favorites]

what would be quite funny, a little understated ... but also of some practical use ... leave a packet of undies which are a couple of sizes too small for him on his desk.
posted by singingfish at 6:01 PM on February 21, 2008

You should ALL of this.

Except the hooker thing.
posted by clh at 6:04 PM on February 21, 2008

I love the condoms return receipt idea. That way, not only is it a joke, but it's also a gift.

For example, Whole Foods will give you a receipt and a gift card with store credit if you return an item without a receipt. And they do sell condoms.
posted by qvtqht at 6:12 PM on February 21, 2008

Help me plan a prank centered around getting snipped. My boss is getting a vasectomy on Friday.

I'm going to join the others and say that I really, really hope you understand his sense of humor very well. Reading this, it seems like incredibly poor taste and something that would not be well-received.

That said, seconding eaferris (cutting ties) or Cool Papa Bell (Band-Aids on crotches)... Blindly assuming that you know it would be well-received, and that clients wouldn't be coming to meet with you at your office while you walked around with Band-Aids on your crotch.
posted by fogster at 6:13 PM on February 21, 2008 [1 favorite]

Two Sunkist oranges, because he is now 100% juice, with no seeds.
posted by BozoBurgerBonanza at 6:15 PM on February 21, 2008 [1 favorite]

If I was a boss, and having a vasectomy, and somebody (1) tied off all my cords and (2) put scissors everywhere and (3) cut off all their (cheap) ties and (4) stocked me up with frozen peas, well.

First, I would laugh my sorry ass off.

Then I would waddle over to my chair and attempt to do some work.

Then I'd waddle out the door and home. 2 days after is still prob. going to be pretty tender.

(Had my vasectomy right before Christmas 2006. Went to visit the in-laws. Conservative Southern Baptist types. Sister-in-Law / troublemaker says by way of greeting, in front of God and everybody, "Hiya, Zak! How's your penis?" I waddled to the couch and sat down so I could laugh my sorry ass off, see above.)

NOT BOSSIST
posted by ZakDaddy at 6:26 PM on February 21, 2008

the tie idea is fantastic as is the box of blanks, maybe with a starter's pistol.

I appreciate those of you showing concern for my future employment prospects, but rest assured it is not necessary. He has a great sense of humor, in fact I found out about it because he was making jokes about it to me. Secondly, when i say i have buy-in form other partners i mean they are more excited about it then me. This question was in fact placed on meta at the request of a partner. There all fairly young, so it will go over swimmingly. The only major concern is making sure not to offend the women in the office too much, and of course hiding everything from the clients if anyone stops by.

I think I'm going to have everyone walk into his office together, take out a pair of scissors and cut our ties. Then throw the cut off part in a pile on his desk.

Oh and do lots of the other things too.
posted by sorindome at 6:35 PM on February 21, 2008

My wife suggests Neuticles.
posted by nebulawindphone at 6:41 PM on February 21, 2008

I'd work up a scenario a few months later where a lady says she's pregnant by him...with the timeline coming after he got snipped.
posted by EastCoastBias at 6:44 PM on February 21, 2008

You could get him a pair of Baoding Balls. Maybe put them in the fridge for a while first?

Or even better, have everyone go around with a pair of them and don't let him have a pair all day.

Can't believe no one else thought of that.
posted by slavlin at 7:14 PM on February 21, 2008

A coworker of mine had this done a year or so ago, we replaced his mouse and keyboard with cheap ones, and cut the keyboard in half with a saw, the mouse cable in half, we cut his post-it notes in half, I think we used construction paper to make it look like we had cut his monitor in half, pens and pencils on his desk were cut in half, he had a couple posters/banners on the wall that we folded in half, and I think we did something to his chair as well. He thought it was the funniest thing ever. Well worth the effort!
posted by skrike at 7:24 PM on February 21, 2008

[link to disgusting video removed - lighthearted prank does not equal video of guy chopping his dick off with a knife, thanks.]
posted by jessamyn at 7:55 PM on February 21, 2008 [4 favorites]

Following along with the scissor suggestions, f you have Kroger supermarkets in your area, you may remember the "Cost Cutter" scissors. (Not sure if they still use them in their promotions.) But some Photoshoppery or other fun may be had with that logo.

At one point, in the '70s or '80s, they actually ran a TV spot with dancing girls dressed as scissors. At the end, they bring their legs together and ... ssssschnip! Unfortunately this seems to be one video that YouTube does not have...
posted by kindall at 8:30 PM on February 21, 2008

Two things. First buy him a bicycle seat.

Don't get him a hooker - merely get him all sorts of classified personals (local papers, craigslist) etc.
posted by filmgeek at 9:02 PM on February 21, 2008

Flyers for adoption agencies.
posted by randomstriker at 10:30 PM on February 21, 2008

Celebrate with oysters and bull fries.
posted by boo_radley at 11:18 PM on February 21, 2008

Barren.
posted by Neale at 12:43 AM on February 22, 2008

Fill his office with hundreds of table-tennis balls, with paper tails attached and unhappy faces on them.

Get reception to call him every few minutes saying it's his sperm calling.

But yeah, as everyone says: think really, really carefully before doing any of this!
posted by dowcrag at 2:46 AM on February 22, 2008 [1 favorite]

Hm, it might be too late, but you could always get a bunch of these (plush sperm) to hang around the office.
posted by greatgefilte at 7:49 AM on February 22, 2008