To disagree, one doesn't have to be disagreeable. -Goldwater
February 21, 2008 8:35 AM Subscribe
Help me stop hurting someone close to me...
posted by Liosliath to human relations (25 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
I looked through the other AskMes, and got some good suggestions on dealing with depression etc..., which I think may be part of my problem. However, I'm hoping that I can get some specific suggestions on curbing a destructive impulse.
In a nutshell (I hope) - I say mean/spiteful things to those close to me, particularly to my boyfriend. I apologize later, but the damage has already been done. A brief example : we were having a discussion about an art project I wanted to do. He tried to offer some constructive criticism, namely, that my efforts could be better used elsewhere, but I should do it if it was something I really believed in. He said it just wasn't the type of art he was interested in, so he couldn't give an opinion. I felt like he wasn't being supportive, and ended up telling him that even though I "hated" Gary Baseman (one of his favorite artists), I still made an effort to look at his work with him and talk about it. I also said that I looked at his "dumb Dada" stuff even though I really didn't like it.
As I'm writing this out, I'm actually wincing a little bit, because I sound like a royal bitch. Logically, I can think all this out and KNOW that the people closest to me are the last people who should bear the brunt of my irrational behavior. When I get defensive/angry, though, it just comes out.
A few notes about my situation - my husband and I separated last October, and I filed divorce papers Tuesday. I have also gone back to school to get a 2nd bachelor's, so that and work keep me occupied. My health is good, and I have a couple of friends I can talk to. I'm seeing a counselor on an occasional basis, and feel like I'm making progress in a lot of areas - but if I can't nip this in the bud, I'm going to lose someone who's very important to me, and jeopardize future relationships. My boyfriend is at the end of his rope, and I can't blame him.