Comments on: Situational Comments

Question: Situational Comments

mpls2 — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 11:43:10 -0800

What stock banter lines do you keep in your back pocket?

I was at a party last night, and a friend of mine was saying that he saw me "running" up some stairs, and he jokingly said I almost knocked over an old lady. I've heard him use the old lady line before, and it got me thinking about these situational bon mots that often come in handy for breaking the ice with someone, and are useful insofar as the situations are fairly common.

Other examples would be someone saying "oh, my ears!" when they hear someone swear, or making a comment about ruby slippers to a cute girl wearing read shoes.

Basically, the question is... give me your situational comments (funny, light-hearted joking ones, not mean ones).

Thanks!

(I also spilled a drink last night, but nobody had a bon mot for that)

By: pearlybob

pearlybob — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 11:52:24 -0800

I'm going to take my ball and go home!! ---- I say that when the group is not doing what is my first choice.

By: GaelFC

GaelFC — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 11:53:36 -0800

When someone says "how are you?" to my father-in-law, he always replies "Oh, I've never had a bad day."

When someone trips: "First day with the new legs?"

By: gcat

gcat — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 12:11:33 -0800

when someone yawns...(in mock intense offendedness) - im sorry, am i (are we) boring you??

By: gramcracker

gramcracker — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 12:18:54 -0800

"Stop, you're going to make the baby Jesus cry."
When something bad happens: "Boy, I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue."

By: vito90

vito90 — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 12:19:07 -0800

I yearn for people to ask me how life is treating me, so I can say "Like a baby treats a diaper".

By: vito90

vito90 — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 12:19:58 -0800

I used to have a sales guy, every time I'd ask him "What's the word", he'd reply with "Legs. Spread the word".

By: Ohdemah

Ohdemah — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 12:22:22 -0800

When someone burps: "More tea, vicar?"

By: Ikazuchi

Ikazuchi — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 12:29:05 -0800

When someone asks how I'm doing today I always reply "conscious", quizzical looks get the explanation of "hey, with an answer like that, people don't expect too much from me".

Whenever I finish a conversation with someone at their work (check out person, waiter/waitress, etc) I always say "have a short day!" with a smile. If anyone catches it, the explanation is that it really doesn't matter if it is a good day or a bad day as long as it is over.

By: Rumple

Rumple — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 12:35:24 -0800

"as the bishop said to the actress"

"half past four, time to pour"

after you spilled a drink: "alcohol abuse!"

By: tristeza

tristeza — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 12:45:24 -0800

After a loud burp:

"Did you get any on you?"
"Would you like a bucket?"

By: Thin Lizzy

Thin Lizzy — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 12:45:50 -0800

My coworkers have a penchant for "That's what she said!"

They also enjoy a slightly wittier version when a sentence ends in an "er" word. For example: "Somebody get the plunger!"
Reply: "Plunger?! You brought her!"

Perhaps also tellingly, whenever someone says something unintentionally dirty, the general reply is "Somebody get the forms!"

Rants can be followed by "Other than that, how did you like the show, Mrs. Lincoln?"

By: jbickers

jbickers — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 12:48:46 -0800

"That's gooder than hell!"
"That's outstandinger than hell!"
"Do it to it!"

When someone asks "Whaddaya know?" "Less than at this time yesterday?"

When someone asks "How you living?" "Large and in charge" or "Large in the margin"

After tasting something delicious, be it food or drink: "Man! I could eat a whole bathtub/sink/Rubbermaid tote/garbage can full of that!"

By: Bookhouse

Bookhouse — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 12:54:58 -0800

My own variation of "that's what she said" is to say, whenever anyone relates a story that could be the setup for a porno, "Oh, I've seen that movie."

It's not a joke, per se, but I also deploy the word "word" as used at the beginning of this very NSFW Dave Chapelle clip for general yuks.

By: sondrialiac

sondrialiac — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 13:09:06 -0800

Whenever people talk about how skinny my partner is, I say "it's quality, not quantity. Anyway, [topic change]". It's not that funny, and generally is used because I'm not going to respond to rude comments with anything of substance, but once I start talking, I can keep talking and change the subject.

Most of these are obnoxious because they're employed when someone has done something uncomfortable or awkward and they really serve to point that out. And they're not that funny. So deploy at your own risk.

By: furtive

furtive — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 13:14:03 -0800

After someone spills a drink:

"That man can't hold his liquor."

The popular Tracy Morgan/Jordan line "Mmmm this (appetizer/cake/meal) is so fine I'd like to take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant!"

By: tim_in_oz

tim_in_oz — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 13:46:00 -0800

When offered a drink: ordinarily I'd say yes... but this time I'll say 'hell yes'

By: konolia

konolia — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 14:00:06 -0800

"How are you"?

" Fine as frog hair."

Also, when someone burps in front of my mom she says, "Bring it up again, and we'll vote on it."

By: vito90

vito90 — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 14:02:52 -0800

People who use these stock phrases really are insufferable pricks.
"I know you are but what am I?"
"I'm rubber and you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you"

By: 23skidoo

23skidoo — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 14:23:23 -0800

These are pretty bad. Here's some more bad ones to add to the list:

When you see a cute baby, said to someone who's not the parent: Awwwww, what a cute baby. Help me steal it.

When you see a cute girl: There goes my future ex-wife.

When you start getting into a disagreement with someone: I will fight you. In 45 minutes. You gotta give me time to get drunk first.

By: davey_darling

davey_darling — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 14:27:04 -0800

After a particularly rancid fart:

"You could pick the meat out of that one"

By: madmethods

madmethods — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 14:31:38 -0800

I not sure why this line popped into my head for this thread, but my father liked his steak very well-done, and once when we were out for dinner and someone ordered medium-rare or so he said (loudly) "I've seen cows hurt worse than that get better!".

By: deepscene

deepscene — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 14:33:13 -0800

There was an episode of How I Met Your Mother where whenever said something that could be a military rank, two of the characters would salute and repeat the line as if addressing a military officer. "Major bummer", "General Knowledge", "Corporal Punishment", "Colonel Stuck-in-my-teeth". I thought it was pretty funny but never catch it in time to do it myself.

By: lleachie

lleachie — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 14:37:15 -0800

When someone asks me how I'm doing:

"Pretty good, if you average everything out."

When someone spills their drink:

"I see you have a drinking problem?"

When someone makes a loud belch:

"Oh, dear, did you rupture something?"

By: gregoryc

gregoryc — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 14:51:28 -0800

"What's up," I say.

"Everything but wages," says my coworker. Everyday. Still makes me chuckle.

By: paulus andronicus

paulus andronicus — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 14:54:41 -0800

On my first date with my girlfriend, we went to a Mexican restaurant. She spilled some salsa on the menu and on her sweater. She kind of got this disgusted look on her face and was clearly bracing for what I was going to say in response. That's when I shook my head and, with mock sadness in my voice, I said "Oh Jill...this is why we can't have nice things". It made her smile and laugh, and I guess it was the right reply, as we're still together. It's actually one of her mom's favorite stories about us.

(it's also apparently a mefi in-joke, but it is a phrase my family joked with a lot.)

By: bilabial

bilabial — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 14:56:09 -0800

I tell people with news that they're pregnant, "Didn't anyone tell you not to swallow that stuff?" Nobody thinks it funny but me.

When I flub something in my speech repeatedly, "Rented lips."

When correcting a spelling mistake on a blackboard or whiteboard - "Somebody get me a piece of chalk/marker that can spell."

By: pearlybob

pearlybob — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 14:59:04 -0800

I have a bad habit of hitting curbs when I cut corners or park. I always say "I'm driving by Brail"

When the waiter takes your plates away tell everyone to LARF. Lick And Retain Fork.

"Preach on Sister Friend!" When ever one is ranting.

And has anyone else noticed this, "Cool Beans" seems to be making a come back!

By: Rash

Rash — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 15:01:47 -0800

Jeez, what Zé Pequeno said.

Yes, there are people who enjoy talk like this, but I avoid them.

For vapid, preliminary small talk, I prefer lines mentioned by David Sedaris:

"How ya doing tonight?"
"You come here often?"
"I'll have what you're having."

Of course they're clichés, that's the point.

By: Dec One

Dec One — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 15:18:02 -0800

I had a professor who had a bunch of these for when people's cellphones rang during class. My favorite was "If that's my wife, tell her I'm not here."

By: happyturtle

happyturtle — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 15:22:40 -0800

"I love children. Couldn't eat a whole one though."

By: parmanparman

parmanparman — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 15:36:23 -0800

"You're as Scandinavian as the Swedish royal family!"

By: MegoSteve

MegoSteve — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 15:37:02 -0800

Not so much a quote, but whenever I sneeze in the car and someone's riding with me, I say "Oh, excuse me" and turn on the windshield wipers. (I think I stole that from a Penn & Teller book...)

By: Widepath

Widepath — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 15:57:04 -0800

"Oh man.(name of town or city mentioned) I spent a week there one night."

(eating something good) "It's like there is a party in my mouth, and everyone's invited!"

(eating something bad) "It's like there is a party in my mouth, and everyone's throwing up!"

By: inqb8tr

inqb8tr — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 16:10:31 -0800

When eating something delicious:

"Oh! this makes me wanna spray my shorts/cream my pants!"*

When someone flubs up or says something silly:

"Mmmmm, sharp as marbles...sharp as marbles..."

When someone is asking about the obvious:

"Does a pimp carry a razor?"

*Depending on what trousers I am wearing.

By: Brocktoon

Brocktoon — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 16:12:01 -0800

My father's favorite, in response to a question with an overwhelmingly "yes" or "duh!" answer (i.e. "Does it rain a lot in Oregon?"):

"Is the Pope's wife Jewish?"

And, my favorite, lifted from Groucho, in response to someone disclosing a recent achievement (the more insignificant the better, i.e. "I just saved money on my car insurance!"):

"Well, you win the white carnation."

Another father favorite: someone's just pulled a boner, or what have you (i.e. "I didn't think driving over a pile of nails would damage my tires!"):

"SEDAGIVE?!" accompanied by mock strangling.

By: mpls2

mpls2 — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 16:24:23 -0800

Yes, there are people who enjoy talk like this, but I avoid them.

Oh, that reminds me. Whenever someone makes a comment about how vapid I am, I...

1) admit to to being totally vapid, and congratulate them for being so perceptive

or

2) smile and say "oh, that's awesome" (they key here is to act like you didn't actually hear what they said, but you're being friendly, like in a loud bar or club)

Of course, this can be applied in any situation where someone is being rude or insulting.

By: dreamphone

dreamphone — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 16:52:19 -0800

Related to mpls's last comment - this is not a comment, but along the same lines - if another driver honks at me or makes a rude gesture, I often smile and wave - not in a sarcastic way, but in a happy way, like I thought they were waving to me. It always cracks me up (and so far hasn't resulted in scary road rage).

By: Oriole Adams

Oriole Adams — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 17:04:47 -0800

A line from A Hard Day's Night that I still use some 20 years later (after I'd first seen the film) - when someone asks me "What are you up to?" I reply "Page five."

When someone asks "Can I ask a stupid question?" I often respond "Better than anyone I know."

If someone says "I've just had a thought" or "I've been thinking..." I sometimes remark "That would explain the beads of perspiration."

By: klarck

klarck — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 17:05:23 -0800

When someone's discussing a movie recently seen, I'll earnestly say "you know that was based on a true story don't you." Movies like "Alien vs Predator" or "Ratatouille" usually get a uneasy chuckle.

By: Robert Angelo

Robert Angelo — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 17:27:39 -0800

pearlybob: I have a bad habit of hitting curbs when I cut corners or park. I always say "I'm driving by Brail"

Funny. Years ago when I was always parallel parking outside my apartment in very congested Adams-Morgan, DC, I frequently bumped the vehicle in front or the vehicle behind. I'd say, "I'm parking by Braille."

By: hortense

hortense — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 17:59:16 -0800

Whats happening? Every thing at once, continuously.

By: nooneyouknow

nooneyouknow — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 18:05:17 -0800

"That's too much like doing right."

This is old and corny but I like it. If someone starts a sentence or question with the phrase "Do you know...." respond "No, but maybe if you hum a few bars?"

By: tapeguy

tapeguy — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 18:05:56 -0800

Whenever someone says something along the lines of "I've been working here for ten years and I still love it" or "I've been commuting on this line for 18 months and the trains are always dirty" or "I've been cooking roast dinners for 20 years and I've never burnt one", reply "Ten years / 18 months / 20 years? You must be tired."

It's especially funny with older people who don't get it. "But you just said you'd been driving for 15 years... and without a break? You MUST be tired."

By: Daddy-O

Daddy-O — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 18:53:07 -0800

When someone burps: The last time I heard a noise like that I was at SeaWorld!

Before leaving say: I'm going to make like a baby and head out.

When someone asks a question to which the answer is obviously yes: Is a bear catholic? Does the pope s**t in the woods?

What's up? Nothin' but the house rent!

By: louche mustachio

louche mustachio — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 19:49:28 -0800

When someone burps- "You're such a delicate flower."
When someone trips or otherwise does something clumsy - "You move like a cat."
When someone, especially someone annoying who is hitting on me, gives me a superficial compliment, like "You're really pretty" or "You are sooo cute!" - "Thank you. Someday I hope to have other redeeming qualities as well."

By: louche mustachio

louche mustachio — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 19:51:10 -0800

When someone asks if I have children or why I don't, as if it's any of their business - "Oh no. I don't like people, and I refuse to make any more of them."

By: flowerofhighrank

flowerofhighrank — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 20:05:14 -0800

any day you wake up without a chalk outline around your body is a GREAT DAY!

heard that on a motivational radio show years ago; it's still with me. I say it to my students so it'll keep on repeating.

Rod Stewart's favorite pick-up line was "What have you got in the basket, love?" Imagine the possibilities.

By: trinity8-director

trinity8-director — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 20:48:07 -0800

me: "So-and-so did [something stupid]"
him: "Is that right?"
me: "No, it wasn't right but he did it anyway."

By: trinity8-director

trinity8-director — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 20:50:49 -0800

I work at a company that deals (partly) with spam, so everybody in the company has had to sign waivers agreeing not to be offended by pretty much anything that goes on at work. Whenever casual conversations start to stray into the NSFW arena somebody will inevitably throw out, "Hey, we all signed the waivers."

By: nomis

nomis — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 20:54:54 -0800

(eating something good) "It's like there is a party in my mouth, and everyone's ~~invited~~ coming!"

For that extra amusement factor.

By: KevinSkomsvold

KevinSkomsvold — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 22:04:21 -0800

When someone farts:

"If you didn't shit your pants, you just missed a good chance."

One I heard that was just plain weird and seemingly old-timey (when a guys saw a woman with shapely legs):

"Check out the getaway sticks on that one!"

By: Slarty Bartfast

Slarty Bartfast — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 22:04:28 -0800

Whenever someone exclaims "Shit!"

"And 10,000 loyal subjects squatted and shat, for the king's word was law."

Courtesy of my best childhood friend's corny father.

By: twirlypen

twirlypen — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 22:25:55 -0800

The classic line for a spilled drink is "Taxi!" yelled from wherever you are. It's fairly crude, yes, and I don't know if I'd whip it out at a banquet with the queen, but it does have the advantage of being international. I've heard it in Australia, Europe, Canada and America, so you can usually assume that someone around you will get it.

By: Daddy-O

Daddy-O — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 22:34:37 -0800

When someone farts say "Did you hear what that A**hole said?"

By: MasonDixon

MasonDixon — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 23:40:06 -0800

In response to "How are you?" and its ilk.
Each day is better than the next. --I say it all the time and almost no one gets it.

When someone's attention is wavering or they wander off ~~target~~ topic...
Stay on target; Stay on target (random Ep IV Star Wars quote)

When replying in the negative. . .
Does the pope shit in the woods? (thank you Big Lebowski)

Some I've heard, a few I say.

When someone dribbles from their glass
Been Drinking Long?

When someone says to start at the beginning...
Well, The Earth cooled...

Whenever an obstacle/problem is encountered either
It's always something. OR
Nothing difficult is ever very easy.

When leaving. . .
I'm off like a prom dress.
Time to make like a cow pie and hit the trail.

Upon learning so-and-so has had their [insert multiple] child. . .
They (or you) know what causes that, right?

By: Oriole Adams

Oriole Adams — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 02:08:35 -0800

When someone stumbles or missteps: "Have a nice trip, see you next fall!"

By: katyggls

katyggls — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 02:49:46 -0800

For some odd reason it's seen as incredibly rude to inquire about food in my family, so I've grown up hearing these exchanges:

"What's for dinner?"
"Food."

and,

"I'm hungry."
"Nice to meet you, my name is [insert your name]."

By: chronic sublime

chronic sublime — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 03:33:40 -0800

"I've just [achieved something menial/great]"

"It must be Everyone Gets a Trophy Day"
"Looks like everyone's kicked a goal"

[Side, boy I hate those people who yell Taxi in a pub when someone drops a drink. There is a special circle of hell for them.]

By: mrmarley

mrmarley — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 05:13:28 -0800

when someone blows their nose: "I think you got that thing in tune now"

By: gjc

gjc — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 06:38:11 -0800

When I was in high school, if someone dropped something (especially in the cafeteria), a spontaneous roar would erupt.

"Crash"
"[200 males screaming]"

It warms my sophomoric heart when I'm at a bar and there are enough graduates of my HS that the same roar erupts.
__

My most annoying "bon-mot" is to effect a "pardon?" whenever anyone mentions anything ab
__

I also love the "Uncle Leo??" progression from Seinfeld.

Someone calls and is relatively frantic about something relatively unimportant.

Caller: "Did you hear? So and so is going to be appearing at the Store! I wonder if we can get tickets? Wow, parking is going to stink. I hope we can get there. So, what do you think?"

Me: "Hello? Uncle Leo? Is that you?"

By: skryche

skryche — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 06:38:29 -0800

As someone who works with a man who shouts, "I'm not here!" once a day when a phone rings, I'd just like to say...

Use your stock phrases responsibly.

By: furtive

furtive — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 06:42:33 -0800

Does the pope shit in the black forest?

By: cosmic osmo

cosmic osmo — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 11:08:32 -0800

whenever someone in the vicinity exclaims, "Jesus Christ!," I always say, "...yes?"

By: pointilist

pointilist — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 11:37:48 -0800

After thinking I was too smart or clever to have a stock joke I ran into the ground, I remembered:

"Where is the *thing*?"
"I don't know. Where?"

God I love that one.

By: Rumple

Rumple — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 13:19:25 -0800

Are the Kennedys gun-shy?

By: Rash

Rash — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 13:20:03 -0800

this can be applied in any situation where someone is being rude or insulting

Reminds me of another line by Groucho:

"I've never met anyone like you in my whole life and if I had to do it all over, that's the way it would be."

By: juliewhite

juliewhite — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 13:24:53 -0800

"Well, you know the old saying!"

[pause]

[wait for it]

"What's that?"

"I don't know - I thought you knew it."

What can I say... my dad cracked me up in third grade, and it has been with me ever since...

By: Airhen

Airhen — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 14:11:36 -0800

This is from one of my friends. When she, say, opens the freezer and something falls out she says, "Oh, the gravity works."

By: TwoWordReview

TwoWordReview — Sun, 17 Feb 2008 20:42:16 -0800

As far as I'm concerned "Cool Beans!" never went away.

When someone asks how I am I usually say something like

"Can't complain, and if I did no-one would listen anyway"

When a course of action has been decided upon I usually say "That sounds like a flan".

By: penduluum

penduluum — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 13:34:49 -0800

Whenever I'm asked my opinion on something about which I don't have a strong opinion, or sometimes when I'm asked to settle a dispute and I want to humorously allude to the fact that I don't want to pick one side or the other: "I don't have a dog in this fight."

That's the only one I can think of, although I know I have more, and I definitely plan to steal some of the ones in here.

By: Carbolic

Carbolic — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 14:06:20 -0800

Guy at work: "I can't wait 'till tomorrow"
Person he is addressing: "Why"
Guy: "Cause I get better looking everyday"

I fallen for it countless times over the years we've worked together.

By: Anything

Anything — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 20:32:01 -0800

In response to "I'll go take a leak":

"Take two while you're at it!"

By: sambosambo

sambosambo — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 04:48:01 -0800

When someone says "I'll be right back" tell them "Thanks for the warning!"

By: sambosambo

sambosambo — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 05:08:24 -0800

When walking up to a locked door, take out your keys and toss them at the keyhole. When you miss, say "Damn. I swear I made it in one time."

By: sambosambo

sambosambo — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 05:11:56 -0800

When you see someone drinking a glass of orange juice, go up to them in a panic and say "NO!! STOP!!"

When they ask what the hell is wrong with you, tell them "Don't you know? O.J. will kill you!"

By: sambosambo

sambosambo — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 05:51:39 -0800

On meeting a pregnant woman: "Congratulations! I'm so happy for you! ...Is it yours?"

By: Wild_Eep

Wild_Eep — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 08:16:10 -0800

I was told that Weird Al uses the following:

Fan: I'm your biggest fan, I've got all your albums!

WA: So that's where they went!

By: Wild_Eep

Wild_Eep — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 08:26:07 -0800

When someone comes quickly towards you, with that look on their face like they're about to give you a piece of their mind:

Hold up your hands and say "Don't taze me, bro!"

By: wafaa

wafaa — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 15:21:54 -0800

I and my co-workers are strictly monitored by the FDA. If we see someone in the group cleaning their desk or making coffee, we say, "Are you certified to do that?"

By: ReneeOg

ReneeOg — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 13:20:14 -0800

One phrase I keep trying to forget, but just never goes away is from America's Next Top Model when from a contestant while agreeing with a critique from the judges, "I smell what you're stepping in".

My favorite is my 94-year-old Scottish grandma's frequent comment at any event --or "doings" as she calls any gathering -- "I'll no forget this day".

By: happyturtle

happyturtle — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 23:59:44 -0800

After I sneeze (especially at work) "Sorry, I'm allergic to hard work and clean living."

By: kmel

kmel — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 11:47:50 -0800

When two people (of any gender) are arguing: "Now girls, you're both pretty."

By: SheIsMighty

SheIsMighty — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 11:49:42 -0800

Usually when someone asked my Dad if he wanted to try some food or something "Hey want some?", he'd respond with "No thanks, I just washed my hands".

If you catch a typo or a small mistake: "Close enough for government work!"

When you're stuck in traffic: "I've been in Traffic longer than Steve Winwood". Still cracks me up and I can't remember where I heard it.

By: lilbird

lilbird — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 15:31:46 -0800

These are pretty funny.....I love 23skidoos and I like mpls's "Awesome"....my sister does that to people and it makes me shit sideways. So funny. Only she usually does it to mock people because she's hot (though she's older, married and has tons of kids). She even uses it on her own children.

One tip to handle aggressive drivers that honk a lot (I'm no stranger to this in Boston) is to just give them a normal smile, a slight nod and 'thumb's up'. It completely freaks them out and half the time they smile back cuz they don't know what's going on. Especially cabbies.

When my husband farts and it wreaks, I say "You're rotting inside".

One thing I always say (that NO ONE gets) is when I'm trying to explain something and people are not understanding my meaning is 'there's glass between us'. It's from I Heart Huckabees, when Naomi Watts' character starts wearing a bonnet and no one gets it. I crack myself up every time.

By: BoscosMom

BoscosMom — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 17:35:50 -0800

Take my advice, I'm not using it.

By: missuswayne

missuswayne — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 18:37:27 -0800

"You look like I need a drink" - stolen from David Sedaris.

My brother does the "Awesome" thing really well, but sadly I can't pull it off.