Why did you want to have kids?

February 9, 2008 10:13 PM

Why did/do you want to have kids?

I'm honestly curious what people's motives are for having kids. I've been talking about children with my boyfriend, who doesn't want children.

I've always been neutral to positive about the idea of eventually having kids- scared off by the knowledge that it would be a difficult and possibly dangerous pregnancy because of my body, but open to the concept.

My boyfriend asked, "Why?" and there was this very long silence. I couldn't really think of a logical reason that I wanted kids.

Can you? Why did you have kids? Conversely, why did you decide not to have kids? I've seen the previous related posts, but I don't need help convincing him, I just want to consider some logical reasons why people have/don't have kids.

One reason I had for wanting them is that I'm a very nurturing person- I love to love my family in little and big ways. But my bf points out that now, I'm able to express this trait very successfully through volunteering, nurturing my neighbors and friends, caring for my FIV+ feral cat and loving my family both near and far.

I don't really feel like I have anything . . . missing in my life.

Another possible reason I guess is fearing being alone- that having kids means that you might have someone who will change your bedpans when you're old and infirm. That seems like a very selfish reason, tho.

Why did you have kids? (Please, I'm really getting at the "why" or "why not" rather than "because life would be so dull without them" sorts of answer)

Thanks for your insights!

posted by arnicae to Grab Bag (44 answers total)

Have you read this?
posted by HotPatatta at 10:31 PM on February 9, 2008

Here's one reason people want to have kids.
posted by null terminated at 10:34 PM on February 9, 2008

Response by poster: HotPatatta, that's precisely what I was referring to above.

"I've seen the previous related posts, but I don't need help convincing him, I just want to consider some logical reasons why people have/don't have kids."

I don't need help formulating an argument to convince someone to have kids. I want to know *why* people want them.
posted by arnicae at 10:36 PM on February 9, 2008

Response by poster: (logic, not biological clock silly-ness, please?)
posted by arnicae at 10:38 PM on February 9, 2008

Because it allows you to love in ways that you never realized were possible. And it's the kind of love that makes you a better person, if you let it. It's the hardest and most awesome thing in the world at the same time.

When I first found out my wife was pregnant, I thought of the baby almost in terms of finances and quality of life: the diapers will cost this much, I'll have to give up this much time, my life will change in this way. When my daughter got here, I immediately stopped thinking like that, without trying. None of that mattered any more, because something kicks in on a deep level that you don't understand beforehand.

Explaining this to people who aren't sold on having kids though is kind of like Plato's cave allegory: it's hard to convince people who haven't crossed over to the other side. Heck, I was kind of like your boyfriend three years ago. But now you couldn't pay me enough money to have done anything differently, even though it meant eliminating an entirely salary from our checking account and adding an extra half hour or more to get out the door to go anywhere. It's really that cool.
posted by SpacemanStix at 10:43 PM on February 9, 2008 [7 favorites]

I never felt like their was anything missing in my life, either, but I can't imagine life without my daughter. We decided that we'd like to have a child because we were happy - we had good careers, were in a good financial situation, and life was on the upswing. We wanted to share that happiness with an addition to our family. It wasn't about filling a hole, it was more about sharing what is good in the world.

Being a parent IS hard. But sharing the things that you're passionate about with a child is like seeing the world through a whole new set of eyes. Last summer, we hiked to the top of Harney Peak. We went to Yellowstone, Grand Teton NP, and Glacier National Park. It was so much fun to experience these places again with our daughter (and she was just 2!)

For many years, I thought that if we had kids, the "fun" part of our lives would be over. I was afraid that we would loose our identities as individuals. But as our friends starting having kids - and remained the same old people - this reassured us that we could do the same. Of course, we aren't exactly the same, but it's a good change.
posted by Ostara at 10:48 PM on February 9, 2008 [3 favorites]

The part of me that wants kids wants them because the idea of a huge perspective change (that comes with having a child) is exciting. I want to know that experience. If I had to liken it to anything I'd say it's the same way I crave world travel and learning new things. It's pleasurable to feel new experiences and I really love a good shift in ways of thinking. Whenever my thinking changes dramatically, I feel a new sense of excitement about being flexible and human and alive.

I think that my partner and I have a lot of good knowledge and skills that more kids should have access to than probably do.

We read a lot and have a lot of books and growing up around books appears to be a good way to raise good humans.

Kids force you to sacrifice and I love sacrifice. I mean, I don't love sacrifice, but I love the challenge of being forced to think with constraints (of money, time, immediate pleasure, etc).
posted by birdie birdington at 10:48 PM on February 9, 2008 [2 favorites]

why have kids?
do you regret not having children?
I could swear there are another few posts on "how did you decide it was time for kids?" and "why did you choose to have kids" too.
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:51 PM on February 9, 2008

This is cheesy but it is how I feel. Think about the most wonderful, fulfiling, scary, beautiful thing that you could ever imagine.

Multiply by a million. Double it, add 789932.

That is the feeling I get when I look at my children. That is why you should want to have kids.

Some may not agree but that is what I experience everyday. You asked for logic and I really can't give you any logical reason. They are loud, messy, expensive, totally can cramp your social life, expensive, irritating, etc. There is no logic behind having kids except for the totally abstract idea of furthering your genes.

But when you smell your baby's hair, the need for all logic goes out the window. I had to go through a LOT, physically and financially to have my children and I thank God everyday that he made me their mom. There is no logic, just an unbelievable love.

And that's worth it.
posted by pearlybob at 10:54 PM on February 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

VHEMT. This is not a joke, you can look through my posting history for a lot of debate on this. Just read it, think it over, do what you think is right. Best of luck.
posted by phrontist at 11:10 PM on February 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: But. . . pearlybob et al: WHY did you decide to have kids?

I'm not as much interested in post-kid feelings, but rather what made you decide to get pregnant/keep the pregnancy/not get pregnant?

(though I think the post-kid feelings are cute and wonderful. You guys sound like the best parents, ever)
posted by arnicae at 11:12 PM on February 9, 2008

I didn't decide - I kinda let it happen, and it's been very rewarding, so I'm glad it worked out that way, because if I'd tried to apply logic and reason to that decision, I never would have done it. No way. However, I have to tell you, with both kids that close to finishing their schooling, my husband and I are raring to start part 2 (3?, 4?) of our lives, which involve more travel and less paying for other people.

So answering your question - why did I want to have kids - um, well I didn't actually. I didn't really consider it, and I was a bit less than responsible with my contraception. Why did I have kids? Well, with the first one, I didn't really like the alternative, and with the second, I thought the first might get a bit lonely.

A very good friend of mine suggested you should wait until you can't bear not to have kids, that's the ideal time. For some people, that time never comes.
posted by b33j at 11:12 PM on February 9, 2008

I don't need help formulating an argument to convince someone to have kids. I want to know *why* people want them.
posted by arnicae at 10:36 PM on February 9

I'm failing to see the distinction. The other post is also asking why people want them. In order to formulate an argument, yes. But they are still eliciting the same responses that you are looking for.

Also, most people who answer this question say something like: "I have kids now and can't imagine not having them, etc." That's fine.

But I'm guessing you're looking for answers like "I always knew I wanted to have kids and this is why..."
posted by vacapinta at 11:14 PM on February 9, 2008

I have two kids: one oops, one planned (and I always meant to have children anyway). There is no logic behind their existence, at least not in the sense that your boyfriend is probably looking for.

Believe me when I say that there is nothing logical about having children, and certainly nothing logical about the weird feeling I got when I saw a cute quiet baby at the taqueria this afternoon and said "Oh, let's have another one!" even as my preschoolers were beating the crap out of each other. I hated pregnancy, I love sleeping, and I'm tired of answering questions over and over and OVER and over again, just WATCH THE MOVIE and shut UP, PLEASE. Yet the soft fuzzy heads, they call to me. Logic? No, no there is none. None at all.

People either want to sniff babyheads or they don't.
posted by padraigin at 11:22 PM on February 9, 2008

I don't really see the distinction either. This is not a black and white answer. I guess if pressed, I would have to say that I never really thought about "why" I wanted kids. Just seemed like the natural progression of things for me and when infertility reared it's ugly head, everything else was a mute point. The thought of NOT having children was the most terrifying thing I've ever been close to. We dug in, overcame our problem, and 7 years later, tackled it again. I never really had a "why". I just knew that my children were out there, waiting to come through me and I was going to have to work a little harder to get them here. That's all.
posted by pearlybob at 11:24 PM on February 9, 2008

Response by poster: Vacapinta-

That thread dealt with helping some guy create a persuasive argument to convince his girlfriend to have kids.

Maybe it isn't too different, but what I'm really getting at was what made you want to have kids (or not)? The first seems slightly manipulative and debate/persuasian-oriented, the second is just a flat-out: why did you decide to have them?

(does Vacapinta reference the cow-markings on the Gateway boxes in the early 00's, called "cow spots"?)
posted by arnicae at 11:26 PM on February 9, 2008

Because you leave something behind. Recently I've started freaking out a bit about dying- what happens when my brain stops existing? I'm not religious as all so the thought scares the crap out of me. It occurred to me that by leaving behind people who remember you fondly and talk about you, stuff like that, you leave behind part of the self that (I believe) stops existing when you die. Having a kid not only leaves behind a person who remembers you fondly (if you do a good job) but a literal part of yourself, genetically and also in the sense of that child having existed inside you. I can't imagine a more powerful feeling than creating new life from your own body. A bonus is that you have the opportunity to be a good parent and raise a child who will be a positive contribution to the world.

I think I might be motivated by my close relationship with my parents. When my mother looks at me, I feel loved and cherished and know that she adores me in that life changing way people above have mentioned. And now I'm tearing up, just thinking about it. Having that feeling I can see in her, and someday having the privilege of looking at a child I nurtured inside myself and seeing a person totally separate and quite probably better than me, knowing that I was necessary in that creation- it's a feeling I want to have.

These are the reasons I want to have children someday. They're probably easy to tear apart logically, but nonetheless they're what I feel. I think that's the point; if your boyfriend, say, wants logic he probably won't be swayed by most people's reasons for wanting children.
posted by MadamM at 11:28 PM on February 9, 2008 [2 favorites]

MadamM put it very well. This is not a discussion that you can pad with logic. Unless you are the very last of your family line or have an unbelievably rare physical trait that the world must have to survive, there really is no logic to pro-creation. You either do it or you don't. But please, if there is any shread inside you that thinks you may want children someday, don't let someone else impart his wishes on you. Make sure that you make the right desicion for you and that it is the right decision for YOU. Best of luck finding your answers. I have a baby to feed and head to sniff. :-)
posted by pearlybob at 11:38 PM on February 9, 2008

Because I haven't saved money worth a shit.
posted by wfrgms at 11:46 PM on February 9, 2008

Remember as a child, how you used to get down in the dirt and study and ant carrying something and following it on its journey? I used to be able to make myself as small as that ant, and experience with him the obsticles in his path. A tiny stick became a fallen log, the edge of the concrete, was as high and steep as a cliff. Or a small puddle of water, the size of your hand. which seemed like a vast bottomless lake.
Kids allow you to do that again as an adult without strangers staring and pointing while shaking their head and whispering "tsk, tsk. Poor crazy woman."
Kids allow you to view the wonders of the world again through a child's eyes.
posted by Acacia at 11:50 PM on February 9, 2008

You will not get the answer you're looking for because their isn't one. (Outside of the rather selfish, someone to look after you in your old age / organ donor)

There is no rational, logical reason for having children, aside from 'organ donor' or 'so I don't have to live in a home in my old age' - and those are a little too creepy even for me.

Lots of people will give you lots of reasons why they decided to procreate but none of them will be rational, logical decisions - just read through all the past questions on subject, most of the answers are 'my children are the most wonderful, precious, lovely creatures on earth and I love them so much...etc', which rarely is an answer to the actual question
posted by missmagenta at 1:19 AM on February 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

So I can play toy cars again.
posted by razzman at 2:10 AM on February 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

I kind of like the reasoning of creating, nurturing, and loosing a new mind on this planet. If that doesn't appeal to one, then that person is dead somewhere inside.

Speaking as a crispy-soulled, shrivelled up old crone then, I can tell you I never actively made a decision not to have children. I was sterilised at 21 because I had spent my whole life knowing I would never be interested in reproducing and the best part of a decade later, that remains unwaveringly true. I can offer you no logical reasoning to my choice because there was no choice to make - while I could tell you any number of reasons as to why children and motherhood appeal to me about as much as an generous dose of the pox, I still couldn't tell you why I'm not, you know, a 'nurturing and loosing of new minds' kind of woman in the first place.

I think there are many logical reasons both for and against having kids but in the majority of cases unless you actually *feel* it one way or another it won't be so, and the *feel* is what can't be deconstructed.
posted by Acarpous at 2:24 AM on February 10, 2008

I decided very early on in life (I'm 90% sure it was pre-puberty) that I didn't want children. I've revisited that decision several times in the intervening years, and I'm still convinced that it's the right one for me. The logic is as follows.

1. I'm not in the least paternal. I don't have any warm fuzzy feelings towards babies at all, which I don't think is a good sign to begin with. I don't have that streak in me that says babies are cute. I have the streak that says "AVOID!!!".
2. I don't like the thought of changing diapers, sleepless nights, childhood ilnesses, etc, AT ALL.
3. I don't like other people's babies. Yes, I'm aware that "it's different when you have your own", but I'd rather not take the chance of lumping myself with a baby that I have a low level resentment for. That wouldn't be fair on me, and most certainly not on the child.
4. I'm selfish. I like me. I like looking out for me. To a certain extent, I like looking out for my friends and family. Does this mean I would want to or even be remotely comfortable with wiping their arses? Not in the slightest. I'm not OK with wiping my dad's arse - why would I be OK with wiping my babies? What would the difference be? The fact that this one is the fruit of my loins? So what? It's still shit.
5. I could be wrong, but I don't think there are many people out there who actively enjoy changing diapers, etc. From the above, it seems that I'd probably be very likely to join the ranks of people who don't enjoy it. For some, the tradeoff might be worth it, but I sincerely doubt that it would be for me.

I could well be missing out on a life changing experience. So be it. I'd rather not take the risk. If I got it wrong, I hate to think my child would feel, and I would hope I'm not so cold as to be able to do that to another human being.

Before anyone says that having a child will activate that streak, I'm inclined to disagree. Years spent working in a shop has shown me lots of unsuitable parents, such as the woman who left her child alone for over 20 minutes, unsupervised. This child was a maximum of 3 years of age. Anyone could have grabbed this child and run off with it. I was appalled. That woman was, in my opinion, an unsuitable parent. Where was her protecting maternal streak?

Children should be THE MOST IMPORTANT thing in a parent's life, and I'm just not prepared to make that sacrifice.
posted by Solomon at 3:35 AM on February 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

Because it allows you to love in ways that you never realized were possible

That's it really. The love I feel for my 5 year old daughter is profound. We have a new baby and I'm looking forward to loving him as much. At the moment he's a screaming worm of disruption, but our daughter was the same at 1 month.
posted by mattoxic at 4:11 AM on February 10, 2008

I thought I would be missing a key part of the human experience if I didn't parent. I wanted to put my body through its paces and see how pregnancy and breastfeeding worked. I wanted to parent so that I could experience the process of helping to shape and grow a human. I thought that if I didn't do it, I wouldn't ever experience my full potential as a human being.

Plus, I think my DNA is excellent so I wanted to introduce some new copies into the gene pool. </totally arrogant>
posted by crazycanuck at 4:19 AM on February 10, 2008

So be it. I'd rather not take the risk. If I got it wrong, I hate to think my child would feel, and I would hope I'm not so cold as to be able to do that to another human being.

One thing to consider also in threads like this: People who had children and regret it are probably less likely to come forward and tell you that.
posted by vacapinta at 4:49 AM on February 10, 2008

I don't think there's a lot of logic that goes into having kids. I got pregnant by accident and I'm keeping it for three reasons:

1. I'm Catholic and don't believe in abortion

2. My biological urge to procreate was strong even before I got pregnant

3. When you get knocked up you get these hormones that make you love your fetus

Like I said, no logic at all. I suppose there are logical arguments for keeping him, such as the fact that I'm in a good marriage, my husband and I are both employed, our families are supportive, etc. But really, most people don't use the same logic they use when buying a new car or changing jobs. Love and hormones and biological imperative rarely follow logic.
posted by christinetheslp at 5:08 AM on February 10, 2008

Curiosity.

While I had always vaguely wanted kids, it wasn't until I met my husband that I moved from wanting a generic baby to wanting to specifically create another human with him.

We've got some game. I'm pretty sure we'd make neat and interesting little people.
posted by DarlingBri at 6:21 AM on February 10, 2008 [3 favorites]

I'm a woman and I've known since I was 12 or so that I did not want to have children. When I hear people describe the physical yearning they get (e.g., 'the biological clock') when they are so much as in a room with a child, I think, "Okay--I clearly don't have this biological clock thing." It's that simple. I believe it is: it's as biological as knowing if you like boys or girls (or both)--either the drive to procreate is there or it's not.

As for changing one's mind on the other side--well, of course. One hardly has a choice in that instance and it's not hard to imagine it becomes a case of 'making the best of it'. The line then becomes just how hard you work to avoid ever, ever seeing the other side.
posted by gsh at 6:43 AM on February 10, 2008

Its one of the few things I did in my life without reasoning, planning and trying to control...which is very uncharacteristic for my A type personality. It was frought with anxiety, second guessing and desperate attempts to apply some order to the the chaos.
The result was a transformation that even I couldn't anticipate. It allowed me to be more creative, flexible and less selfish. It still scares the crap out of me...especially the teenage years, but I have learned to not worry abou things I can't control.
posted by badkarmaboy at 7:08 AM on February 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

If answers like those of Acacia, razzmann and panamax resonate with you, or anyone reading this reading, I would invite you to consider becoming a teacher. I personally find all my maternal, nuturing, mind-shaping and reliving-my-childhood instincts wholly satisfied by being a teacher. I would be perfectly happy to never have children of my "own."

I love my students, and I think kids are some of the best people on the planet. I am privileged to play what role I have in their lives, to see them grow in size and understanding. I adore my friends' babies and children, and helping care for them. My youngest brother was born when I was 10, so I have intensely strong memories of every step in his early childhood and am gratified to see him becoming an teenager now, becoming taller than me, having his own opinions, all that rewarding jazz. Yet I have never heard a single tick of any biological clock, I have never felt that carrying a child was required to fully express my gender, I have never felt the desire to reproduce that so many feel.

My point is that it is perfectly possible to love children, but not want to birth children. To touch on part of your post that no one else has yet: having children ≠ pregnancy. There are so very many other ways to have children in your life in a temporary, transitional or permanent basis that if pregnancy ain't your game, and it sure ain't mine, you aren't destined to be childless.

If you aren't sure yet if you want them, well there really is no rush to decide. Maybe try introducing more kid interactions into your life and see what you think of the reality of kids, rather than the ideal of kids, something many, many more people need to do, and have better senses of humor about. I feel it's perfectly possible to call kids "germ ridden" with sincere affection, because kids are almost always dirty, or sticky, or smelly, but they are still fantastic. The fact that this is a point of contention with some people is part of why I can say without reservation that I love kids, but can't do the same for the cohort of humans called parents.

I would echo the posters that none of this is logical, because love and family and base biological imperatives simply don't exist entirely within our higher brain. Kids sure as shit ain't "logical" creatures either, so I don't know if logic is entirely the best way to go about thinking of them. Where logic might enter into it, if at all, is that there are now 200,000 new mouths on this planet every day. You might consider thinking logically about what are the honest outcomes of having a biological child, and whether reproducing is the only way to achieve those outcomes. I really do like kids, and people in general, but I think more and more myself that maybe there are just too many of us. YMMV.
posted by nelleish at 7:10 AM on February 10, 2008 [4 favorites]

I had a kid because I was socialized to believe that that is what women do.

I will admit to not thinking the whole thing through, but I was eager to prove to myself and everyone else that I could be as normal as the next person.

Good or bad, horrifying or not, that was pretty much the main impetus, although I probably couldn't have articulated anything specific back then.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 7:34 AM on February 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

to see life in a new way through fresh eyes and to leave a piece of you in the world
posted by ames at 7:37 AM on February 10, 2008

I got bored.

I was lucky enough to have my 20s to bum around in various cities and graduate program, live in all four time zones, travel to other countries, become as "well read" as I felt I needed to be, meet and marry a wonderful guy, see concerts and films, learn how to cook, and experiment with various religions and philosophies. My 20s were for myself. When I hit 30, I started to think that I needed something else in my life, that while my life was fun, ultimately it just wasn't enough.

And for the record, I've always wanted children and never really questioned the impulse.

So I had my first child at 32 and my second three years later. Since that time, I have not had the money, time, or energy to do all the things that sustained me in my 20s. I squeeze a full-time teaching load into a few days and spend my nights and weekends planning and grading. I still spend close to $800 a month on childcare. Grocery bills have doubled. I spend much of my free time cleaning and cooking, although the house is never clean and the food often goes uneaten by the world's smallest gourmands. I have to keep my temper lest I warp my kids. I am getting amazing tired of cleaning up human excrement. We have toys All.Over.The.Damn.House., despite repeated Salvation Army donations.

And I wouldn't trade a second of it to have my early life back. If you don't have kids, you'll have more time, money, and energy. If you're female, you'll have a good chance of keeping your youthful looks longer. You'll be able to develop new hobbies, go on spontaneous vacations, move to a new city with little hassle, and sleep through the night.

If you have a child, you'll have a child. That was enough for me.
posted by bibliowench at 7:43 AM on February 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Because I knew I wanted to, and that was it. Sometimes you can't explain your wants and needs, and I don't think you should have to in your personal life. Both of my children were unplanned, but it was also something to elated over. Kids are overwhelmingly exhausting (mentally, emotionally and physically), but they're so damned fun, it's easy to move past the exhaustion.

Afterwards, I realized a big bonus of having children was the bond/friendship I developed with them, sort of a mirror of what I have with my mom. And it's wonderful. It will probably go on hiatus when they become teenagers, but I'm hoping for a reprise once they move out.
posted by mitzyjalapeno at 7:49 AM on February 10, 2008

I had a kid because love seeks to share itself.
posted by Wavelet at 8:08 AM on February 10, 2008 [3 favorites]

I want a child or children for no logical reason. You're asking for one and I can't think of one. I have an excellent career as a research scientist, a great marriage, I love to travel, I don't feel unfulfilled. I still want a kid. I still don't know why.
posted by gaspode at 8:35 AM on February 10, 2008

You don't mention how old you are. I think it may be a function of time - not necessarily a ticking biological clock one (OMG I CAN HAS BABIEZ NOW!) - where you have gotten all the late teens/early 20s (even early 30s) stuff out of your system.

Having children just seemed the next logical step, and there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that it was what it would be for me. That isn't to say that it came easily for us (we had some fertility challenges to face and overcome before becoming pregnant). And I think that if it was a case where I couldn't have had children, it would've been a VERY hard thing for me to accept. I won't even get into the whole love thing once they're here - but it is beyond mind boggling.

So as much as your question is 'Why did you want to have kids', perhaps you can find your answer in asking yourself how you would feel if you found out that you couldn't have them. You might get some interesting results out of that sort of introspection. Good luck!
posted by dancinglamb at 8:37 AM on February 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

I've never had that biological clock thing happen to me - though I guess I'm young, that could still be on its way - but the reason I eventually want to have kids is because I've talked to people who have kids, and they speak about them with an amazing kind of joy. I'm certainly not ready yet, but my parents described it as the funnest thing they ever did, and they've had some pretty fun lives, so I definitely don't want to miss out on that.
posted by you're a kitty! at 9:14 AM on February 10, 2008

I haven't had kids yet, but I think the question is a bit like asking "Why would you want to have an orgasm?" without actually having had one yet. In any case, the reason I feel like I want to have kids, besides the love and fulfillment angles already covered, is legacy. If I don't have kids, there is no trace of me going down the ages. I might as well have not lived. Now, why I should care about this when I'll eventually be dead anyway, I don't know, it's just something I feel.
posted by wackybrit at 9:27 AM on February 10, 2008

Be forewarned: My reasons for wanting children are completely sentimental and illogical. I don't really think there is a Logical and dispassionate reason for having children, other than the perpetuation of the species. But I think the biological mandate passed down through evolution is pretty convincing. Here's why for me.

Having babies is a beautiful thing. Who ever knew that and 8-lb blob could come so full of possibility:

1. The chance to nurture another living being

2. The chance to (maybe sometimes) right the wrongs of your parents, family, and/or society.

3. The chance to watch the object of your nurturance develop into its own self-aware and self-sufficient person, to see who he or she becomes, how they think, what they feel and believe.

4. The chance to celebrate with your offsprings the victories of his/her successes, and to suffer with them the pain of their heartbreaks.

5. The chance to hope for his or her future without the constraints of reality or financial ability. No matter what our circumstances, our children can become scientists, or financial analysts, or teachers, or interpreter, or spies. For them, the possibilities are endless.

These are just some of the reasons I want to have kids. I don't have any yet, but the biological clock is pounding, and all I can think about is having a tiny package of tenderness and vulnerability to dote on and protect from the world around it.
posted by mynameismandab at 9:36 AM on February 10, 2008

I'm a solitary person. Even adults mostly don't deal well with being told "I need to be alone now for awhile, it's nothing personal" but you really can't pull that on a kid. The fact that I never felt much maternal impulse (baby dolls were never my scene), that I think the planet's already well enough populated and that my genes are nothing special were entirely secondary. Maybe some people want kids so they won't be alone – that exactly describes my reason for not wanting any.
posted by zadcat at 9:39 AM on February 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

I was virulently zero-population growth until I turned 38, and then realized that my body was really viscerally telling me to breed, and that it was completely normal and natural to want to do it, and then my partner and I were watching our cats frolic and we realized we could exponentially increase the love all around. So we did.
posted by DenOfSizer at 9:43 AM on February 10, 2008