How To Address a Co-Worker's Possible Undiagnosed Psychological Issue

February 8, 2008 4:01 PM

My employee may or may not have a genuine psychological problem. How should I address this?

One of the teachers that I supervise recently lost a beloved pet. This teacher has always had a reputation for being quirky, sometimes pleasantly so, sometimes not so pleasantly so.

I am a sort of borderline obsessive pet owner myself, so I sympathize with the pain she's going through.

However, some of the ways that she has been expressing her sorrow are, well, unusual. One is even troubling.

She started this week by placing posters up all over the office of her deceased dog with its "born on" and "died on" dates around the office.

She then made memory cards of her pet and gave each of us one.

When anyone she handed a card to asked her what happened, she snapped "don't ask me about it." Later, she placed post its with the message "don't ask me about it" on all of the posters.

She's been prone to doing things like this in the past and my boss has always asked me to handle her with kid gloves. She's a valued part of the team and an outstanding teacher.

Anyhow, I think she started crossing the line yesterday.

First, she asked me to sub two of her classes today. Actually, she asked me this before the pet died, so this was no a surprise. The surprise was the lesson plan. I was to show a video of the dog's birthday party and lead the students in a "celebration of life" for the pooch.

At this point, I called my boss and, together, we put the kibbosh on this. We told her we sympathize with what she's going through, but this wasn't an appropriate use of school time. The students, we believe, should be focused on their studies during school hours. We suggested that she consider doing this after school if the students really needed to grieve for her dog - she felt that they did, but agreed not to hold a Canine Wake.

Furthermore, I gave her some information about a free grief counseling service our company offers.

This morning, however, several students approached me while I was subbing her class with great concern. They reported that she was taking her dog's medicine in class. "The dog is inside me now" she allegedly said.

Of course, students sometimes misinterpret what they see. It bothers me that my teacher's behavior has been so unusual lately that I wasn't able to immediately discount this. I told the students that I would look into it, but also said that, perhaps, she was joking around or perhaps they misinterpreted what they saw and heard. They admitted that this could be possible, but that they were pretty sure it went down the way they described.

Anyhow, I told them that we should be patient with her out of respect for the fact that she's currently heartbroken. They were sympathetic, but pretty freaked out.

She's out until Monday morning. Obviously, I need to have a chat with her about this.

I'd like to suggest more forcefully that she go to see the grief counselor, but I want to do my best to respect the fact that she is genuinely depressed about this and respect the possibility that the students might have misunderstood the situation.

My training has not prepared me for dealing with this sort of situation. I'm flying on empathy, concern for my colleague and concern for the students here.

How can I fairly determine whether she is experiencing a genuine mental issue or if the students have misinterpreted some of her behavior? If she is experiencing a mental issue, what's the best way of addressing this so that she can get the help she needs?

I'd like some practical advice on how I can best approach this meeting on Monday.

Thank you for your help. She's a gifted teacher.

posted by Joey Michaels to human relations (30 answers total)

Well, she isn't a gifted teacher at the moment, and your bigger duty is to the students and the parents. It sounds like the loss of this pet has put her in touch with some bigger loss she experienced. Sometimes one event will trigger memories from the past and they all roll in together and the effect is exaggerated. She is probably reliving some other loss along with the pet. Anyway, you absolutely have to insist on therapy and step back from the situation and see if she is even fit to be in a classroom situation right now.
posted by 45moore45 at 4:23 PM on February 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

As a fellow school administrator, is she a member of a collective bargaining unit? If so, I would consult with her union rep first, in order to enlist their assistance. It is my experience that if you undertake a situation like this without involving the union, you are opening up the District to years of legal battles for every reason from unfair labor practices to dismissal without cause (if it were to come to that point).

Maybe she has a close friend who you can enlist for help? Obviously she needs someone she can lean on, and hopefully she can get the help she needs. Bottom line, your responsibility is to protect the children in her classroom, and their education.
posted by sisflit at 4:32 PM on February 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

You have a report from your students that they have witnessed a teacher taking drugs in a manner not advised by a physician. This sounds to me like, in addition to the unfortunate teacher's mental health issues, there is a huge legal liability to the school implicated - and a moral issue about what sort of dangerous example she is setting for the kids.

I'm guessing that, by Monday, your school may receive phone calls from concerned parents about a teacher who takes unprescribed pet medicine in front of children... Please, for everyone's sake, head this off now.

The teacher needs to be put on leave, for everyone's safety.
posted by WorkingOnANewMe at 4:33 PM on February 8, 2008

I'd worry she might commit suicide over the weekend, especially if she lives alone.

If you have a phone number for her, I would call her at home, express your concern and sympathy, ask how she is doing and then ask directly if she is thinking of hurting herself or killing herself. "Don't ask me about it" is bad enough, but taking the dog's medicine looks very much like a suicidal gesture to me, whatever she may say about it.

If she says yes or implies yes, it is a whole new ball game, of course. Laws vary, and involuntary commitment is a lot harder than it used to be, so I would consult your local authorities in advance (some kind of crisis line perhaps) and have a plan of action in place in case she does say yes.

I know I'm saying you ought to go far, far out of your way and open a huge can of worms, but quite apart from any concern you have for your colleague and employee, her students will be devastated if she kills herself, and the school will go into something like convulsions. Parents will be asking how such an unstable person came to be teaching their children in the first place, and it will just be a complete nightmare.
posted by jamjam at 5:17 PM on February 8, 2008

They reported that she was taking her dog's medicine in class. "The dog is inside me now" she allegedly said.

If you haven't you need to initiate immediate chain of command notification. I don't know who that would be for you obviously, but it is best to go up and to suggest bringing in counsel representation. You want to start documenting what you have done, in detail, with dates and who've talked to, right now. Right now, now, now.

I would not even try to contact the teacher until you've called the higher ups (as in right, now, preferably several hours ago). These are the types of things lawsuits are made of. While there's a 99.9% chance that everything will turn out alright and parents will be logical about it, that .000001% of a chance can ruin your career. I would start full-blow legal discovery mode so that once your counsel requests, am I'm sure they will, documentation on this teacher, your responses, etc. you can hand them a folder with exact dates and times and everything nice.

FYI, it looks like you're okay so far. I've had to work through employee lawsuits and before they happen I always begin the process of legal discovery myself, just to make sure any data loss or something malicious doesn't prevent me (and my company) from covering its ass. I am sure your boss can handle this better than you as it looks like he may have to go up even further, but you need to let him know what happened ASAP and come up with a plan to keep her out of the building come Monday (whatever your school's plan for that is, I'm sure someone somewhere has a contingency for this). This doesn't have to be drama filled, but again, your private counsel will most assuredly be guiding you so you don't break union rules, her rights or to make sure you aren't overreacting. Can I stress enough that an hour or two with a lawyer will make everything smoother?
posted by geoff. at 5:48 PM on February 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

Yup, have the situation taken out of your hands- if you haven't had training for the particular situation, leave it to someone who has.

You need to do this now before the situation develops beyond management.

Empathy is natural, but it may help you reason against seeking dispassionate advice.
posted by mattoxic at 6:14 PM on February 8, 2008

This sounds like it could be brief reactive psychosis, where a well-adjusted person "snaps" as a result of some kind of traumatic stress. The good news is that the prognosis for such people is excellent. The bad news is that they can be very volatile while the episode is going on because they've never felt such pure and unadulterated feelings.

I'm with jamjam on this - I wouldn't worry about Monday just yet. I'd worry about her making it over the weekend. God forbid, she might suddenly get some notion that she could rejoin her dog if she was dead.

Does she live alone? Is there someone on the faculty who's close enough to her that he or she could look in on her? I'd consider getting out her "Contact in case of emergency" info on her personnel form, letting family know about your concerns, or calling her health care provider. Based on what you've said, I'd suggest that she be evaluated by a mental health professional as a potential crisis case.
posted by jasper411 at 6:20 PM on February 8, 2008

If one of my instructors had this problem and was out until Monday, I would immediately consult with my supervisor. Obviously, this teacher is presently a safety liability to herself, a legal liability to your institution, and cannot do anything positive for her students. Call your boss....at home...tomorrow morning and discuss the situation.
posted by mrmojoflying at 6:25 PM on February 8, 2008

The behavior you described is disordered behavior. Which DSM-IV category it fits into isn't relevant; what is relevant is that your teacher gets the help she needs. I would start with administrative leave and encouraging her to see a physician about these issues.
posted by ikkyu2 at 6:36 PM on February 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

Thank you for your responses so far.

Further information (left out because I was afraid I was approaching tl;dr length):

I did notify my supervisor immediately and he is the one who advised me to wait until Monday to talk with her. Furthermore, while he was very supportive about it, he did make it clear that this is my problem, as it were.

I've also written up an informal report about this (I pulled some of the events here directly from the report) and sent it to him so that there is a paper trail.

She does not live alone. She lives with her sister and a menagerie of other pets, including a cat that she's been taking in for chemo for the last few weeks.

While I won't rule out the possibility that she is suicidal, she is also something of a drama queen.

That all said, I'll call her right now.
posted by Joey Michaels at 7:07 PM on February 8, 2008

Here's how I read the situation: you have a (temporarily) crazy person interacting with your students. That is Not Okay. I don't know anything about the legalities involved, but my suggestion would be that something stronger than encouraging her to seek help is in order. She needs to be placed on leave now, and not allowed back until she has a note from a doctor. If you have to talk to a union rep or a lawyer in order to make that happen, you should be doing that tomorrow, not Monday.
posted by hades at 8:06 PM on February 8, 2008

hades is making a lot of sense.

Document, contact legal authorities, and do what you can strong>now<>. Monday is too late: students will be involved by then, and their parents will be acting upon (perfectly justifiable) fears about their safety.

Do not act as passively as your supervisor has done. Act with foresight, so that you cannot be held responsible for inactivity or passive compliance with this obviously disturbed person (whether or not she is temporarily, or chronically, disturbed, is immaterial, as regards to the students' safety).

True kindness lies not with avoiding momentary pain, but avoiding longterm injury.
posted by WorkingOnANewMe at 8:36 PM on February 8, 2008

And this is just a side concern- I realize you have really BIG ones right now- but regardless if the kids misinterpreted, I'd make a special gesture to pull them aside, and to thank them for coming to you, and to emphasize that you took their concerns seriously.

It takes a lot of courage for a kid to go to the authorities, be that the police, or the principal. That's behavior I'd want to encourage; it's important for them to know they're not at fault, and they did the right thing.

You have my sympathies. This can't be easy to deal with.
posted by headspace at 11:39 PM on February 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

What headspace said. Also, yeah, she cannot be in front of students again until she is capable of behaving in an appropriate way in front of them. Period. You need to make that happen while ensuring she has the support netweork she needs. While, also, CYA. Does your supervisor's supervisor know about this? S/he should.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 11:46 PM on February 8, 2008

Notify the principal (you've done this, I believe). This is the person who needs to deal with the situation.

The principal should document any off behavior in the class (by sitting in on the class and noting what's happening, by talking to the teacher, and by talking to students and parents).

The principal should then decide what to do. That may be: nothing, or it may be putting the teacher on paid leave (possibly with counseling).

Note: not all principals will document teacher problems, because it makes the principal unpopular with staff. That said, this is one of the responsibilities that comes with the job, and a good principal will do it. If they don't, the parents will pick up soon enough and then it will be torches and pitchforks at the superintendent's office, or at least a discrete word from one of the PTA members.
posted by zippy at 2:51 AM on February 9, 2008

On review, I now realize you are the teacher's supervisor. If you are their administrative supervisor (as opposed to, I dunno, their curriculum supervisor or their student teacher supervisor), you need to document what's going on and then decide what to do. Do you have the administrative authority to put them on leave? If so, do your best to document what's going on (sit in on the class, talk to students who witnessed the behavior rather than heard about it from a friend) and then act.
posted by zippy at 2:54 AM on February 9, 2008

When you said 'may or may not' I assumed that you meant 'could be legitimate, might be a put on - because they stand to gain X if they pull it off.' But as there wasn't even the hint of such things, I wondering why you have any doubt.

She won't talk about it, but it's flowing out of her from every seam. Her pain is so great. To say 'pet' makes light of her loss. Clearly their bond has had the impact of what others would feel for a child or partner.

She's not sane, and she's kinda screaming for help even though she can't speak the words. Don't approach it from a 'your crazy' angle. Think of every aspect of her situation as a broken magnet. Even if she is registering any of the fragments they are not even relevant to each other. She's not well, please do what you can for her welfare and dignity. Unless you've experienced some type of 'Snap' that becomes your life you just can't comprehend the capabilities of your own mind. It's absolutely inexplicable! I'm sure she will appreciate your kindness so far, when she snaps back :)
posted by mu~ha~ha~ha~har at 5:42 AM on February 9, 2008

Do you have any HR support? If I faced a situation like this, I would talk to HR about placing the person on paid administrative leave for at least next week. Having it be paid leave is very important. Also, communication is important. The communication should be effective (meaning, the employee actually receives the communication), clear, and as kind and not-at-all hostile as possible.

In California, an employer can seek reasonable medical documentation that an employee can safely perform their job functions if there is an objective basis for concern. Employers who have such an objective basis will often place the employee on paid leave and during that time figure out what reasonable medical documentation they might need to figure out next steps.
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 9:15 AM on February 9, 2008

I'm not sure if anyone has said this yet, but if you decide to let her teach Monday (and I wouldn't) but if you do or you have no choice, I would try to come up with some plausible excuse to have another teacher in the room with her. Or even sit in with her yourself. You can dress it up with "well we know you've been under a lot of stress so X just volunteered to help out in your classes today, to take some of the pressure off of you." I don't know if she is the kind of person that would be open to this or not, but I wouldn't leave her alone with any kids until she gets some help.
posted by whoaali at 5:07 PM on February 9, 2008

Updates:

1) HR person was the second person I called (after the principal) and suggested I simply encourage her to see a grief counselor. I asked her if I had the authority to remove the teacher from the position (my job description has never actually been shared with me). After she made a few phone calls, she told me that only the principal had the authority to remove her.

2) I've been documenting like mad.

3) Part of the reason I asked this question here is because I'm feeling kind of powerless. I think she needs to be out of the classroom, but the principal seems to think we should just have a pleasant little chat with her. That was making me start to think that I was just being cruel and heartless, hence the "may or may not have..." phrasing in the title. I do want to give her the benefit of the doubt but, come on, taking pills in front of the students? Canceling class to have a memorial service? Totally inappropriate.

4) I spoke with her today and said I wanted to talk with her Monday "because I have some concerns." (The principal instructed me not to tell her *why* I wanted to meet with her)

She replied, "I have some concerns, too. I bet the kids were devastated about not having the celebration of life for Doggie..."

They were actually rather relieved from my perspective, but that's one of the things I'll bring up on Monday.

The principal made it clear to me that the furthest I can go with this is talking with her and suggesting grief counseling. She is to be in class on Monday. I will probably be in her class, too - assuming the principal doesn't overrule me on that, too.

*pulls out hair*
posted by Joey Michaels at 8:23 PM on February 9, 2008

One last thing, I did say more or less exactly what headspace suggested I say to the students immediately after they spoke to me.
posted by Joey Michaels at 8:25 PM on February 9, 2008

Sigh. The principal's approach seems bad for everyone. Including the teacher.
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 9:21 AM on February 10, 2008

Please keep us updated, I'm actually looking forward to what happens on Monday (perverse, I know).
posted by geoff. at 10:16 PM on February 10, 2008

Wow your principal seems to be really dropping the ball on this one. I think you are pretty much doing everything right, just keep documenting, I have a bad feeling if this thing goes south you'll be the scape goat. Good luck.
posted by whoaali at 11:03 PM on February 10, 2008

I think that taking the dog's medicine falls under danger to herself. Is the HR person a member of the board of education? If not, I would get in touch with them since the principal has dropped the ball.
posted by brujita at 12:11 AM on February 11, 2008

Joey, any updates for us?
posted by dancinglamb at 3:41 PM on February 12, 2008

Thank you all for your feedback.

I came back to work on Monday determined to get to the bottom of this whole situation.

First, I wanted to confirm the dog medicine story. That was the most serious of the issues and I didn't want to approach her on it without at least trying to talk to some other students in that class.

I have a fairly good rapport with our students, so I approached a pair from that class before school (and before the teacher in question arrived at work). I asked them if their teacher had been exhibiting any odd behaviors in the last week.

They reported that she was sad but that that was to be expected. I asked them if they'd seen her take any pills in class.

These students reported that they had seen he take some pills in class, but that she has announced that she needed to take antibiotics for a dental appointment that day before she took the pills. On a side not, she was out for a month last year with a serious infection and her doctor still has her on antibiotics.

I asked them if there was anything unusual about the medicine bottle. They said there was not, it was just a regular medicine bottle.

"It wasn't the dogs' medicine?" I asked

One of them laughed and said, "No, but [student's name] wasn't paying attention to her when she said she was taking antibiotics and asked us why she was taking pills and we told her that it was the dog's medicine."

The other one agreed and added "We told her that she'd just said 'the dog is inside me now.'"

Anyhow, case solved. The students that reported it to me really believed it happened because other students told them that is what happened.

I told these two students that they shouldn't do that it the future because what they'd said in jest had reached me as truth and was causing some serious concern. Anyhow, I checked the teacher's medical leave requests and, sure enough, she had taken two hours off one day last week to go to the dentist.

Next, I met with the teacher.

I asked her how she was doing and she said "better." I told her that we were concerned because she had seemed distraught for most of the last week and had been unwilling to talk about it. I asked her if she'd like to see a grief counselor.

She explained that she was distraught because this dog was her first pet and, thus, first pet to die. Furthermore, she explained that she's never had anyone close to her die in her life. She's over 50, and all of her relatives and friends have, thus far, been alive and with her all of her life. In essence, this dog's death was her very first encounter with first hand mourning.

Well, obviously, this explained a whole lot about her behavior. She was struggling to deal with what happened and struggling to keep it together.

As far as the "celebration of life" thing for her dog during class time, I explained to her that the kids had mostly watched the video to see what silly things their classmates were doing and not to actually mourn the dog. I suggested that they'd probably told her they wanted to do that so they could have the period off. Furthermore, I suggested that part of the reason they'd seemed so down about the dog wasn't out of concern for the dog, but out of concern for her.

She agreed that, in retrospect, that was the case. She said she was trying to use what she was going through as a sort of life lesson on grief, and I said I appreciate that, but that as noble as her intention might have been, that wasn't really an appropriate use of class time.

I also explained that she really shouldn't be taking any pills in front of the students in 2008 because they don't all pay close enough attention to recognize that she is doing something legitimate. She was a little surprised that her dental antibiotics had been reported up to me as her taking the dog's medicine. I reminded her that just last week she'd complained that seconds after she had described a project to her class, several of her student asked "What is the project again?"

I did not hold the two students in question blameless, but did say that it had never been their intention to cause trouble for her - they were having fun with the students that weren't paying attention.

Anyhow, long story short, I think we had a situation last week where a socially awkward teacher dealt with grief for the first time and, because her students are prone to believe that she's a little loopy anyways, because the victim of rumor.

The principal still thinks she's loopy for being so broke up over her pet, but since he wasn't going to do anything about it even if she had wigged out, he's already dropped it.

I also should have done some more investigating right away. While it was important to start documenting right away, I should have made it equally important to find other students to corroborate the dog medicine story. I also should have asked her to sit down and talk with me sooner, ignoring the "don't talk to me" stick-ems.

This was as much an overreaction on my part as anything else. In this case, it was good that the principal was urging restraint.

I've sat in on her classes a couple of time this week and she seems to be doing fine and her students seem to be back to being merely frightened of her yelling at them as opposed to being concerned about her sanity.

Thank you all again. I will keep tabs on her for a couple of weeks here.
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:15 PM on February 14, 2008 [1 favorite]

Thanks for the update, Joey. Good to know that all is well... sort of.
posted by dancinglamb at 5:22 PM on February 14, 2008

Nicely done, Joey.
posted by ikkyu2 at 10:15 AM on February 15, 2008

Thanks for the update. I'm not surprised that what some kids told you turned out not to be the case on further investigation - there's a lot of 'telephone' in schools and ordinary things can turn into big stories in a few rounds.
posted by zippy at 12:08 AM on February 19, 2008