Parking Neighborly
June 25, 2004 8:57 AM

Neighborhood parking etiquette. Details inside.

I live on a narrow one way street in Philadelphia - it's essentially two car widths wide, and parking is allowed on the right side of the street. This morning a neighbor apparently left a typewritten note asking my roommate to move his car. She alleged that it had been parked in the same spot for a week, which caused her several inconveniences. To wit:
- it made it difficult for the street cleaner, her, and someone she hired(?) to keep the sidewalk clean.
- something about difficulty getting packages and stuff inside the house
- she is expecting (a baby, I presume)
She asked that if he plans on keeping his car in a spot long term, that he do it nearer to his house. With the narrow rowhomes in our neighborhood, there are essentially two houses per parking spot - and every spot on the street is close to home. His car is maybe 30 paces from our door.

The way I see it, she's going to have those same problems no matter whose car is parked there. His car isn't blocking the sidewalk, so it's not obstructing her doorway or the sidewalk cleaning efforts. The city street cleaner comes by maybe once a month, and it just cruises down the street - it's not like his is the only car in the parking lane. It would be convenient for a pregnant woman to be able to park near her house, that's true.

The letter wasn't mean or threatening, really. What bugs me was the passive-agressive nature or dropping an unsigned, typewritten note through the mail slot. People can be pretty uptight when it comes to spots they consider theirs, even when the entire street is designated parking for everyone with a zone sticker. We've talked about people leaving cones, garbage can, chairs, etc. in "their" spots. Would it be a good idea to bring the note over to the suspected neighbor and try to discuss it with them? I imagine that if they wanted to talk about it in person they wouldn't have written an unsigned note. Thoughts and suggestions appreciated.

Previous AskMeFi parking question here.
posted by mbd1mbd1 to Human Relations (27 answers total)
It's really none of her business. She's just trying to assert control where she has none. Tough shit for her. All's fair in parking and war.
posted by rocketman at 9:14 AM on June 25, 2004


Sorry, I'm a little confused. Does she want the spot to park in for herself, or does she want the car moved so it can be cleaned?

Either way, I would highly recommend face-to-face discussion. Bake some cookies and bring them over. Keep it from escalating into something aggressive. Figure out exactly what her problems are, what your roommate's options are, and how the latter can fix the former.

It doesn't seem like a huge deal right now; just keep it from turning into one. Neighbourly friendliness is the best way to do that.
posted by DrJohnEvans at 9:14 AM on June 25, 2004


It sounds like your neighbor is basically asking you for a favor without acknowledging it, and doing it in a manner that is a little immature and condescending. I would probably move the car. I wouldn't go out of my way to do it, but the next time I didn't have anything important to do and saw an open spot of comparable convenience I would probably move it. It's not really a question of right and wrong, as your points are well taken (and it is really up to the city to ensure unfettered operation of street cleaners, not nosy neighbors), but the amount of inconvenience an unreasonable neighbor can cause you far outweighs that of moving your car and letting her be somebody else's problem.
posted by alphanerd at 9:21 AM on June 25, 2004


Has the car not been moved at all? Or it moves, but always gets the same spot. In the case of the former, there's the risk that she'll call to have it towed. In the other case, it's more tough luck than anything.
posted by drezdn at 9:28 AM on June 25, 2004


Your roommate should first move the stupid car. It may not even be legal to leave a car in the same space for a week; in my city the limit is 72 hours. It's a reasonable request and even if she continues to have the same problem, at least your roommate won't be the cause of it.

After moving the car, your roommate should have a face-to-face conversation which only friendly things are said. Some people find it very difficult to reach out to their neighbors at all. Your roommate should "reward" her for even trying, and let her know that in the future she can always come and talk to her neighbors.
posted by coelecanth at 9:29 AM on June 25, 2004


As far as I know, he hasn't moved the car in a week. I don't think Philadelphia has a limit on how long it can be parked in a spot.

DrJohn - I suspect she's more interested in parking her car in the spot than in cleaning the street or sidewalk.

Thanks for comments, everyone.
posted by mbd1mbd1 at 9:41 AM on June 25, 2004


I live in Minnesota, the land where passive/aggresiveness reigns supreme. Sounds like she wants that parking spot for herself. Surely she has no legal right to it, but this is where your roommate has to decide whether it's worth alienating a neighbor. I agree with the towing comment. In most cities, a car that hasn't been moved for a certain period of time, usually 72 hours can be towed as an abandoned vehicle. I'd be thankful that she simply didn't just call to have it ticketed and towed. I would move the car and use other parking spots if they are available, only using the one in front of her house if there is no choice. I'm not so big on having a face to face with her as she is clearly not comfortable with that strategy (hence the note) and it may escalate. Plus I just don't like kissing people like her's asses to make them feel good about themselves. Simply wave and smile when you see her out and about.
posted by Juicylicious at 9:43 AM on June 25, 2004


I totally disagree with a face-to-face discussion: if you concede a parking issue like this, next time she'll be complaining about grilling in your backyard ("The charcoal smells up my house!") or when you cut the grass ("I like to sleep in on Saturdays!"). Maybe you don't have a grill or a lawn to mow, but it will be something else.

That she left a note instead of speaking directly with your roommate means she knows it's his car, has seen him getting in and out of it, and has chosen not to speak face-to-face. In short, yes she's being passive-aggressive, and you should absolutely not reward that.

She needs to grow the backbone to speak to him, and when she does, he can tell her what the parking rules are, and that she's free to park in open spots but not try to bully people into moving their car for her convenience.

And as far as the pregnant aspect, I have a friend who, when she went into labor, didn't even have a car and had to borrow one (parked four blocks away!) to get to the hospital. Just because someone is pregnant it doesn't mean they lose the ability to walk.
posted by rocketman at 9:45 AM on June 25, 2004


She totally wants the space for herself. I wouldn't cave on something like this, but then, I'm kind of an asshole.

If you want to head off a nasty turf war, I'd go the route of DrJohnEvans and bake her some cookies and talk to her about it face to face. If you really want to be nice, offer to switch spaces with her. That way you're not out a space and she gets the space she obviously wants.
posted by bshort at 9:55 AM on June 25, 2004


Here in Los Angeles some folks arrogate to themselves the right to place orange traffic cones in a parking space, and many people assume that the space is somehow forbidden and simply do not park there (actually, I remember this happening in New York, too). Yet another bit of erosion of the commons.
posted by Izzy at 10:02 AM on June 25, 2004


As a Philly native I can tell you that there is nothing rational about the parking. Particularly the further south you go. Saving spots with cones (or rusty lawn chairs) is pretty common. You could organize a block party to diffuse the situation.
posted by mmm at 10:17 AM on June 25, 2004


"It sounds like your neighbor is basically asking you for a favor without acknowledging it, and doing it in a manner that is a little immature and condescending."

It can be difficult knowing how to broach an issue like this with a neighbour, and as a result people will make cack-handed mistakes, that are quite unfriendly. And people can get awfully worked up in the time between finding something an issue, and figuring out a way to (badly) resolve the issue, which can further distort their attempts.

Unless there's some law saying you can't park a car for a week at a time, your friend can park his car there. I don't even know how you could know that it's been there a week solid (without being moved inbetween) unless she's sitting watching it 24-7.

The street cleaner will have to navigate around parked cars all the time. Non-issue. If it's not parked on the pavement, the sidewalk sweeper can have no reasonable issue with it.

It's causing her difficulty with bringing things in the house? Like you say - if there's a parking space there, it's likely to be filled by someone's car, so she'd be having difficulty regardless of whose car it was.

My view is that she wants special treatment. She thinks she can get your friend to be a good guy. The parking space is just as likely to be taken by another neighbour if it's unoccupied by your friend's car.

I'd ignore it. If she'd been honest, friendly and talked to me face to face and said, "I'm having a child ... I wonder if ... " and it was trivial to park somewhere else, I'd have likely moved. But it's for her to find the right way to be a friendly neighbour about this. I'd slip the note in a drawer and forget about it, and see what happens next (providing I'd have the total legal right to park like that).
posted by Blue Stone at 10:20 AM on June 25, 2004


If she wishes to park her car in that spot, and her car is somewhere close to his door, then she should have dropped a note politely asking if it was possible to exchange spots for reasons of convenience as she is with child.

Otherwise, tough.
posted by linux at 10:24 AM on June 25, 2004


The only time a parking spot can be saved with a chair or cone is after a large snowfall. It's legitimate to reserve the spot after you've worked 20 minutes digging the damn thing out of snowbank. You deserve at least to come home to a parking spot that doesn't have a nice brown snowbank blocking it from the road. This legitimacy goes away when the snow does (could be a day, could be 5).
posted by zpousman at 11:06 AM on June 25, 2004


In a lot of towns, if you block the street sweeper you'll be ticketed. I'm not aware of any towns in which random neighbors enforce the parking ordinances, though.

One of my neighbors consistently parked his enormous broken-down box truck in front of my house, blotting out the sun and making access to my narrow driveway rather difficult. But as he was well within his legal rights on the street, there was nothing that I could or should do. Well, except for that time that they decided to loudly load and unload it and do some hammering and sawing at 11PM, but that had nothing to do with the parking.

So long as it's a legal parking space and you're not blocking anyone's driveway -- the highest of all possible parking crimes -- this neighbor of yours is pretty much out of luck. It's completely out of line to tell people how they should park on a public street and people who presume to do so should be rebuffed. It's your duty as a good citizen to keep busybodies like that from worsening the condition of our cities.
posted by majick at 11:18 AM on June 25, 2004


Do not acknowledge the note. If this 'neighbor' wants the car moved, she ought to have the balls courtesy to ask face to face.

The 'note' indicates to me she knows she has no case and doesn't like to here the word no.
posted by DBAPaul at 12:26 PM on June 25, 2004


She totally wants the space for herself. I wouldn't cave on something like this, but then, I'm kind of an asshole.

What you should do one night is swap spaces with the roommate (assuming you also have a car), and see if she drops off another note.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 12:43 PM on June 25, 2004


People get territorial about the street in front of their home, but there's no basis for it. The street is public and it's 1st come, 1st served. On my street, I get annoyed with people who use 2 spaces unneccesarily, and I leave a note to persistent transgressors asking that they please park carefully next time so as to maximize parking spots. If they choose to keep taking 2 spaces, there's nothing I can do, but usually they get it.

Neighbor lady has probably been stewing about this for a while, and when she finally wrote it up, her anger came right out.

When it's icy and she's got a baby and a stroller to load into the car, you might want to cut her some slack.
posted by theora55 at 1:25 PM on June 25, 2004


Have your roommate try this:

Write a polite letter addressed to all of your neighbors. Mention that an anonymous neighbor has made a variety of parking related requests. Indicate that you are happy to discuss the issue, but find it extremely difficult due to the anonymous nature of the note. Appologize for sending the note to everyone on the block, but indicate that you sincerely want to resolve the issue and can think of no other way.

Photocopy the letter and distribute it to each of your neighbors.

The goal here is to publicly shame the obnoxious neighbor in the most polite way possible for being rude and anonymous.

Surely there have been numerous pregnant women living on the street in the past. Established parking regulations govern behavior on public streets.
posted by Kwantsar at 2:06 PM on June 25, 2004


The most hard ass thing I ever did was stand up for a parking space. A guy came up to me informing me that I was parking in "his" parking space. He said it very arrogantly. I go, "Why don't you go fuck yourself? How about that?" and he goes, "What the fuck did you just say?" and I go, "What are you deaf too?"

He was easily twice my size and I was being really stupid but the point is that I did not concede and he let it go. So if you ever see the pregnant woman say something like "You want my space? Fuck you and your fucking baby, slut" and see if she writes a note again or if that space will always be available. Sometimes pretending you're Tony Soprano has its advantages.
posted by geoff. at 2:22 PM on June 25, 2004


Being a Cambridge, MA parker for a number of years, I am surprised by a few things:

1. That a neighbor actually knows which car belongs to which house. Cars parked on my street in Cambridge are often owned by someone who lives more than a block away. I would have no idea who owns that car. With renters coming and going each fall, who can even keep track of half the cars on the block?

2. Street cleaning once a month and a car in the way? Watch it get towed. If the owner happens to show when the car is already on the hook? Too bad. It will be towed anyway.

3. No one dares "save" a space except when the big snows fall. Even then, I never bothered: of someone is unable to shovel out a space they are more than welcome to mine. If they take a shoveled space without shoveling their own (if they are able bodied), I will see them in hell.

4. Parking restrictions can be requested at city hall. This is usually for moving vans. Perhaps Philly has something similar for pregnant ladies.

I might speak to her -- ask her to clarify what she wants. That she thinks she can control one particular space on the block is pretty weak. Pregnant or not, she lives in the city and knows the routine. The handicap parking space in my Cambridge neighborhood is fixed in one space -- it does not move to suit the latest wheelchair bound person who moved in half a block away. Even then, it's only one space among hundreds. Make bed; lie in it I say.
posted by Dick Paris at 3:28 PM on June 25, 2004


Do not acknowledge the note. If this 'neighbor' wants the car moved, she ought to have the balls courtesy to ask face to face.

I agree. If she's pregant and is hoping to arrange a parking situation, fine. I can understand where a hugely pregnant woman may seek the assistance of her neighbors, especially if she's often unassisted when she travels. However, if she can't reserve the spot when she leaves, she really has nothing to gain by asking you to move now, I suppose... Regardless, this is a pretty easy request, she shouldn't have anything to fear in speaking to you guys.

I'd sit it out and see what happens. If she approaches you again, angrily, I'd say without a confrontational attitude, "I was hoping you'd introduce yourself!" and then try to work something out, as long as she's reasonable about it. I think, in the meantime, I'd sit it out. If you get another note, then engage that Kwantstar suggestion.

Did she say she was indeed pregnant or just sort of elude to it or let the wording be so ambiguous that it could be read that way? I only ask because neighborhoods often have at least one passive aggressive busybody who feel like they are responsible for monitoring everyone's activity and acting upon things they deem "unjust".
posted by jerseygirl at 4:10 PM on June 25, 2004


Let her have the spot if she agrees to name the baby after you...or a member of your family you'd like memorialized.

After all...a favor is a favor.
posted by filmgeek at 8:05 PM on June 25, 2004


Unless you have some idea of how nasaty the neighbour is likely to get, it may be better just to move the car and keep the peace. I once had a run-in with a neighbour in a similar way, when he told me to get my car out of "his" parking space (it was a communal space) or he would smash it up. I stayed calm with him, despite his escalating abuse and simply told him that, if any damage was done to the car at any time, I would call the police (I was aware that he was "known" to the local poilce). I then walked away and left him shouting abuse to my back. I never heard any more from him but, talking to one of the other neighbours a bit later, I found that someone living across the road was attacked with a crowbar by this guy over the same issue a few months earlier. He is no longer able to work and suffers greatly from massive headaches.

Sometimes, you have to ask yourself if it is really worth it.
posted by dg at 1:15 AM on June 26, 2004


I lived on a street in Seattle where neighbors on both sides of my (shared) house left notes telling us not to park our cars in front of their houses. I wrote one of them back telling them that they don't own the street and that I hoped I would find opportunities to inconvencience them as much as possible.
posted by bingo at 9:36 AM on June 26, 2004


...and later, I lived in Koreatown, Los Angeles, where you're lucky to find parking within three blocks of your residence. Some neighbors blocked off part of the street in preparation for some gardening(!) and my friend (from my building) and I went out there late at night and dis-assembled their whole fucking blockade, and then he parked his car there.

I have to say that, in that case too, I really wish there was something more that we could have done to cause those people misery.
posted by bingo at 9:39 AM on June 26, 2004


Used to live in Boston's North End, which is filled with tiny 1-way 0-lane streets. It doesn't get much more cut-throat than Beantown. The rules are simple:
  • First come, first get.
  • You don't move your car for nobody, unless they're offering you cash.
  • In cases of snow, the rules are the same. Yes, even if you spent an hour shoveling out "your" spot. If you leave it, it's open season on the space.
  • You can leave your car there as long as you like. Providing you've got your residents sticker up-to-date as well as your registration, there's no reason you have to move. In the North End, people would leave their cars in the same spot for the entire week, then take it out for the occasional weekend trip. Such is life.
  • The reason it's "fair and just" to leave your car there is because as long as it's sitting there, you aren't using it, but you're still paying for it. Therefor, the spot is yours.
  • If someone else doesn't like it, tough shit. You might recommend they move somewhere less congested, like Wyoming.

posted by Civil_Disobedient at 3:52 PM on June 26, 2004


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