Lonely at the table
January 24, 2008 10:11 PM Subscribe
How do I get my husband to the dinner table?
posted by anonymous to human relations (47 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I am married. I have children. I cook dinner almost every evening. I assumed the role as the one who prepares meals a long time ago. This is OK with me. My husband isn't interested in cooking.
He has a bad habit of not coming to the dinner table when I announce dinner is ready. It peeves me to no end. I don't expect him to snap-to when I ring the dinner bell so to speak, but if he could mosey in within five or so minutes that would be nice.
I've done everything from giving a ten minute warning to explaining in very sincere tones that it hurts my feelings when he delays coming to the table. I took the time to cook a meal; it would be nice if it were appreciated and consumed while still hot.
Lately I've tried to not let it bother me. I've had a "whatever" attitude and me and the kids start eating without him. When I announce dinner is on, he calls out: "I'll be there in a minute" or "I'm coming" up to five or so times if I ask him enough, which I don't usually do, especially lately.
I think it's basic common decency to go to the table when a meal is prepared for you. Am I wrong about this? Why should I have to beg the man to come to the table? When his mother or anyone else prepares a meal he has the courtesy to go to the table. I'm worried that is sends a harmful message to our young children: Daddy doesn't respect Mommy. He's respectful of me and the kids in all other areas.
I don't think he does it to be rude, but in my eyes it is rude. I would understand if he were in the middle of something important. I would understand if he wasn't hungry. Usually he is on the computer or watching the news and he still won't come for at least 10-15 minutes after dinner is on the table. I want him to join us. It's important to me. Sometimes I am so pissed that I could care less if he stayed out there with Chris Matthews until his dinner was stone cold. I feel like I'm becoming Marie Barone.
Any suggestions? What is going on here? Am I overreacting? What am I doing wrong? Should I let it go and just continue to eat without him?