We don't let fuckups be bridesmaids in this wedding.
January 24, 2008 10:29 PM Subscribe
How to deal with not asking a close friend to be in your wedding because you don't think she's responsible enough?
posted by anonymous to human relations (39 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
One of my best friends is incredibly unreliable. I always assumed she'd be in my wedding, but when it came time to actually decide who should be in it, I realized that she would almost certainly show up hours late if she made it at all. Even if she did manage to be on time, I'd spend the months leading up to the wedding worrying about whether we'd have to hold up the wedding for her, and my fiance would be pretty peeved as he thinks she's an unconscionable flake. I mean, I agree that she's very flaky and has let me down in small ways many times, but what can I say. I love her anyway once she does show up and usually I just plan around her - bring a book when I'm going to meet her, etc. I've learned not to let it bother me. It just doesn't really work that way with a band of dozens of friends and relatives waiting.
I don't know how to talk to her about it without saying "I don't want you to be in my wedding because I don't believe you won't screw it up and I don't want to put the pressure on both of us that comes with that disbelief"...but that's exactly what I'd be saying.
I know that this basically amounts to whether I trust her or not - and I'd trust her with my life in so many situations, I just don't trust her not to oversleep, forget, or have some kind of OCD episode that renders her unable to bring herself to leave the house for hours. You see what I'm contending with here.
I know this is something I need to actually talk about with her, but I feel so guilty and weird about it that I don't even know how to bring it up. For all I know, she may react with relief, but I think she'll definitely be hurt. Any ideas about how to deal with this delicate situation?