I'm young and new at relationships...but already noticing some bad tendencies. How can I stop them before I get blacklisted as a psycho girlfriend?
Long story short
: my second serious relationship ended because I had one bad encounter with his ex and it spiraled out of control. Before that the relationship had been loving and we had a lot in common, though even if I hadn't been crazy it would have been a difficult one due to communication problems.
Instead of trusting him let my suspicions turn me into that whole green eyed jealous monster. In the end, I lied to obtain information, then snooped (and got caught), violating his privacy in way that hurt him and made me feel like a creep (I was). The sad thing about the snooping is that it showed that things were tapering off with his ex until I started acting crazy. We broke things off because of the trust issues. And then I went even crazier and e-mailed the ex a quick dirge about how she had ruined everything and then became a prolific writer of maudlin e-mails to him .
Well, I don't want to be this sort of creep again. No matter what happens, I want to have some sort of integrity.
In my past I caught my father having an affair when I was 10 and it broke up my parent's marriage, so I do have a history of snooping and having it screw things up. But with boyfriends I've never been jealous before. My first serious relationship I didn't even bat an eyelash at female friends and it never would have crossed my mind to go through his e-mail.
Right now I'm struggling with my self-image. I feel like I'm a psycho and I'll never have a normal relationship. I'm also having problems because I'm still in contact with him and there has been some talks about getting back together that always end in him saying "I just don't know..." I can see it in his eyes that my image of him has been damaged by my actions, possible irreparably, and that it's likely I need to let go.
I have been seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist for anxiety issues, but I'm thinking of ditching him because he thought my behavior was "perfectly normal considering the situation." In fact he said I should snoop (!!!). That's a lot of the reason I'm posting here rather than seeing a professional.
I guess what I'd like is suggestions for strategies for dealing with obstacles in relationships in a sane manner, suppressing inner urges towards craziness, recognizing when to just cut things off, and the like. Books, stories, techniques, morally-strengthening habits/hobbies, anything that can help push me away from this sort of behavior.