What is a good gift for a newly divorced friend?

January 11, 2008 2:14 PM

What is a good gift for a newly divorced friend?

A friend of mine is going through a divorce and planning on moving. She is in her mid-20's and planning on moving to the town where her father lives for a while. This all happened very quickly, she has only been married a little over a year. I would like to get her a gift before she leaves town to let her know how much I love her and appriciate her friendship. I know that you don't know my friend, but I am at a loss as to what would be a good gift for someone in this position.

posted by thebrokenmuse to human relations (13 comments total)

That should read "appreciate her friendship."
posted by thebrokenmuse at 2:15 PM on January 11, 2008

Get her something she would like. Because the only thing you have told us about her is that she is getting divorced, we can't really narrow it down much for you.
posted by dersins at 2:17 PM on January 11, 2008

Ignore the fact that she just got divorced and give her something she would cherish otherwise--her personality is a LOT more important than the fact that she is getting divorced. That's not her identity.

Maybe an offer to help move. I would appreciate a sincere offer for an afternoon of moving followed by dinner and coffee/drinks.
posted by sondrialiac at 2:19 PM on January 11, 2008

Her moving home is a chance for her to reconnect with her roots -- where she came from, and how who she is now relates to all that. If you've known her for quite some time, perhaps give her something that relates to a personal hobby, interest, or passion she had before the relationship started.
posted by mochapickle at 2:22 PM on January 11, 2008

That is, a gift relating to an interest she had that she might have put on hold during the relationship.
posted by mochapickle at 2:23 PM on January 11, 2008

Your two main guidelines ought to be 1) personal meaning for her, specifically her, and 2) easy to move.

Moving is difficult under the best of circumstances, but its especially hard when you're creating a new life from the ashes of the old one. The gift should be small, or sent to the new place she'll be living.

As others have noted, we don't know your friend, so you're better qualified to determine what would have personal meaning for her -- but I've been in a similar situation, so here are ideas that I would have appreciated, and in some cases did appreciate.

* Donate to a charity whose cause she values in her name.

* A subscription to eMusic if she likes indie music. It's inexpensive, DRM-free, has a host of great choices and you don't have to pack it. I love music and think it's great to explore new creative pursuits during times of transition. I'd suggest music lessons for an instrument she's always wanted to learn, too, if you know where she'll be and this might interest her.

* An activity you can do together. How about tandem skydiving? Scuba diving? Something she can cross of her to-do-before-I-die list is great, and if you can do it together, all the better. It's a shared memory that emphasizes your relationship, and her status as an independent and interesting person who does cool things with her friends.

A shared vacation (if you have the means) might work, too. Or tickets to a show for a band you both like, or a wine tasting outing.

During difficult times, activity helps; getting out of the house helps; doing things you've always wanted to do helps; and bonding with the people you love helps. Seems like a shared activity you can do together will meet all these criteria while creating a memory.
posted by jeffmshaw at 2:32 PM on January 11, 2008

A gift certificate for an ass kickin haircut.
posted by spec80 at 2:53 PM on January 11, 2008

The absolute best gift I got during my divorce was a beanie-baby sized beanbag moose.

He became known as the "Divorce Moose" and was a constant companion (and reminder of the friend who gave him to me) throughout the process and a good time afterward.

Eventually I gave him to another friend who was going through a rough time, and I've since lost track of his further adventures. I would like to believe that he is still out there, sharing his moosiness with people in need.
posted by tkolar at 3:14 PM on January 11, 2008 [4 favorites has favorites]

Hell, I would have loved to get a 'divorce moose'. I'll have to remember that.

One of the things that I really valued from a time like that was new music from friends. Mix CDs, real CDs, anything that you love that they don't already have in their memory. She's creating a new soundtrack for her life, at least until she can stand to hear those other songs again.
posted by lilithim at 4:39 PM on January 11, 2008

"The ass kickin hair cut" or anything to fill time/pamper herself...a spa visit, a gift certificate to the nail salon for a pedicure and manicure in her new neighborhood, gym gift certificate...I appreciated those most when I went through a divorce - plus I wanted to look really smokin' for my court dates...
posted by suzeQ at 4:59 PM on January 11, 2008

I was going to ask the same question! Anyway, in my brainstorming, I've thought of these categories (but no actual gift yet):

* Things that can be talismans or give her strength: someone gave me a pretty blue glass candleholder during a breakup and though I didn't ever light a candle in it, it was like a reminder that I deserve beautiful things even when I was feeling so down in the dumps. A beautiful piece of jewelry might do the same.

* Things that provide distractions, like pulp novels or a magazine subscription.

* Things that remind her that her life is much bigger than this relationship, by alluding to your long shared history, by referring to her favorite hobby, or something like that.

* Things that help her start building a new life (well, she's probably not ready to really throw herself into that yet, but every moment is still an ongoing new start), like lilithim's idea of music, or say, a gym membership or enrollment in a wine-tasting class or something like that.

Best wishes finding something good, and best wishes for her!
posted by salvia at 9:04 PM on January 11, 2008

The moose reminds me that my mom has a GIJoe doll (representing strength and toughness) given to her by a friend in a similarly-tough time.
posted by Cricket at 9:21 PM on January 11, 2008

One of my friends got me a gift certificate to a sex shop when I got out of a destructive long-term relationship.
posted by herbaliser at 2:38 PM on January 14, 2008