Be there ST:TNG fans on this here interweb?

January 9, 2008 11:08 AM

If you wanted to formulate the dorkiest/nerdiest/most obsessive "Star Trek: The Next Generation" question, what would it be?

I'm attending a Q&A session with Patrick Stewart next month following a production of Macbeth. I doubt I will actually be ballsy enough to do this, but I would like to have an extremely irrelevant, extremely pedantic Star Trek question ready to pose on hand. Something referencing temporal abnormalities and episode number and tribbles. Help a heckler out? (P.S. I'm not really going to heckle.)

posted by whitewall to society & culture (36 comments total)

how does bok teglach taste
posted by alkupe at 11:09 AM on January 9

I'm not a Trekkie but I'd suggest a variation of "On episode 25, that's where you and the crew of the Enterprise get attacked by these spores? And started acting real weird, like hippies and stuff? When you left your quarters for the last time? And you opened up your safe? Um... what was the combination?", from the Get a Life sketch with William Shatner on SNL. I'd imagine it's pretty widely known.
posted by mr. creosote at 11:11 AM on January 9

Have four of your friends stand up behind you holding lamps and ask "How many lights do you see?".
posted by ND¢ at 11:12 AM on January 9 [61 favorites]

Try to get hold of the famous skit in "Saturday Night Live" that guest stars William Shatner and his famous "Get a Life! Move out of your parents' basement!" speech. I forget the question that Mike Myers (I think) asks, but the whole sketch is a brilliant parody on trekkies (there have been a few others on SNL, but this is the best).
posted by Melismata at 11:17 AM on January 9

Woops, sorry, this was already mentioned....
posted by Melismata at 11:18 AM on January 9

i am soooooooooooo jealous. seriously, very, very, very jealous.

i'd suggest not asking a doofy tng question. as much as i love tng and picard, it was a long time ago, and he's doing much more as an actor. it seems like he'd have a better sense of humor about it than say, brent spiner, but still. don't be that guy.

but if you must do it, please do the one that ND¢ suggests as that would be awesome. especially if he played along.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 11:26 AM on January 9 [3 favorites]

I'm pretty certain Brent Spiner has a sense of humor about it.
posted by The corpse in the library at 11:29 AM on January 9

I agree... ND¢ has a winner. I don't even watch Star Trek and I get it.

I think you could be a little more subversive and mention something from his work on Extras? There is, of course, the whole bit about him taking off ladies' clothes with his mind, and getting Andy Millman a sitcom. If anything the Star Trek stuff would probably be too predictable.

OOOH! I have it! Ask him for a list of his favorite Armenians.
posted by indiebass at 11:31 AM on January 9 [1 favorite]

OOOH! I have it! Ask him for a list of his favorite Armenians.
posted by indiebass at 1:31 PM on January 9

That is a MUCH better suggestion.
posted by Ynoxas at 11:55 AM on January 9

Ask him if he'd be interested in a show where he's a spy, but if he really had psychic powers...ah hell...just watch this and you'll know what to ask.
posted by filmgeek at 12:13 PM on January 9

You could ask him for the best way to "Care...with Flair!"
posted by jquinby at 12:17 PM on January 9

This is killing me as a ST:TNG fan ... but can someone explain the reference ND¢ is making?
posted by Julnyes at 12:31 PM on January 9

julnyes: it's the episode where Jean-Luc Picard gets kidnapped and tortured by Cardassians. They try to convince him that he sees only 4 lights, when in fact there are five. It's a pretty dramatic episode - hard to watch for picard fans.

Season 6, Episode 11: Chain of Command
posted by lunit at 12:40 PM on January 9

The first couple paragraphs of this explains it Julnyes.
posted by squarehead at 12:40 PM on January 9

What lunit said.
posted by squarehead at 12:40 PM on January 9

Julnyes: Chain of Command, Part II, ST:TNG, December 1992.
posted by RichardP at 12:40 PM on January 9

Except there are only four lights, and they are trying to get him to see five.
posted by squarehead at 12:41 PM on January 9

The interrogation begins again, with Madred professing to believe that Picard knows nothing of Minos Korva. Instead, Madred turns on four very bright lights behind him and asks Picard how many lights he sees. When Picard, not surprisingly, sees four, Madred rejects his answer. He calls Picard's attention to a small device that has been implanted in his chest, which Madred can use to produce pain in any part of Picard's body at will. When Picard continues to insist that there are four lights, Madred begins to use this device...
posted by languagehat at 12:43 PM on January 9

Way, way too late. Sigh.
posted by languagehat at 12:44 PM on January 9

ack I remember that episode!! Thanks for the refresher.
posted by Julnyes at 12:50 PM on January 9

You could ask him why all the erotic cakes he bakes are of women going to the bathroom.
posted by electroboy at 1:07 PM on January 9

Tell him you've got a broken sewing machine, launch into a long story about how the needles seem to constantly break the thread and finally, ask him if he can tell you how to make it sew.
posted by seanyboy at 1:16 PM on January 9 [7 favorites]

If you do ND¢'s suggesting, make sure you have a fifth friend with a video camera, and give us all the youtube link. Also, I think Stewart would get a kick out of this.
posted by Pastabagel at 1:19 PM on January 9

Years ago, I was at a Star Trek convention where Jimmy Doohan was the celeb, and some uber-geeky teenage boy in a Spck shirt stood up and started asking him about transwarp engines.

Doohan listened politely and said something to the effect of "Son, that's all just make believe. Let's talk about something more interesting." He wasn't harsh, but he made it clear that those sort of questions are a waste of time. And you know he must have gotten TONS of them over the years.

Patrick Stewart is likely to be a bit less forbearing about it.
posted by briank at 1:19 PM on January 9

Personally, out of all the options thus far presented, the four-lights gag sounds to me to be the most clever, with the "Extras" bit a close follow-up.
posted by WCityMike at 1:46 PM on January 9

by the way guys.. the 4 lights thing is actually a reference to Orwell's 'Nineteen Eighty-Four'

"Chain of Command", a famous episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation in which Jean-Luc Picard is tortured in a fashion similar to that of Winston Smith. Just as Smith is repeatedly shown a hand with four fingers and tortured until he will agree that he actually sees five, Picard is tortured by a Cardassian sadist and is as much told, as asked to see five lights when there are only four.
posted by Lizc at 1:46 PM on January 9

You need to ask this guy. He was (maybe is) the Chief Nerd Officer of the entire Star Trek galaxy.

Amazing what you can do with a science degree these days.
posted by fourcheesemac at 3:02 PM on January 9

Darmok and the Nerd, his eyes akimbo.
posted by RussHy at 3:14 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]

I wish I got ND¢'s reference. I don't.
posted by greta simone at 4:16 PM on January 9

Expanding on what RussHy said...

"Complete the following sentence as best you can: 'Darmok, and Jalad, at..." Then lean in for the answer.
posted by Doctor Suarez at 4:36 PM on January 9

Take out a little flute/recorder and ask if he can play it.
posted by LionIndex at 4:52 PM on January 9

I suggest that you play this for more comedic effect than heckling effect, something that Stewart might appreciate more than the usual fanboy questions.

For example:

"I have a two part question. First, do you believe that method acting is a long-term detriment to life outside the stage or studio? Second, HOW MANY LIGHTS DO YOU SEE?"

The beauty of that (if it really bears explaining) is that you draw in Stewart and the entire audience with a Very Serious sounding set up and then take him out with the kicker.

He'll never see it coming.
posted by plinth at 7:54 PM on January 9

You guys know that Patrick reads MeFi, right?
posted by Caviar at 8:33 PM on January 9 [1 favorite]

hard to watch for picard fans

And Orwell fans.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 8:35 PM on January 9

Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra! Sukat, his eyes uncovered.
posted by Brian James at 11:14 PM on January 9 [2 favorites]

it seems like he'd have a better sense of humor about it than say, brent spiner, but still. don't be that guy.

Given his portrayal of himself in Extras he must have a pretty good sense of humor about it.
posted by grouse at 3:24 AM on January 15