Cherry Grapes?

December 19, 2007 9:34 AM

What is the fable, aphorism, or metaphor that is the complement of "sour grapes"

I want a word, fable, aphorism, metaphor, wise-saying or something to capture an over-excited yearning for something sought but not acquired.

Let's say you missed an opportunity to make out with a beautiful girl you were talking to last night, and your friends ask you about it the next day. If you respond with, "Eh, she was probably dumb or had a bad personality," your friends could tease you by saying you just have "sour grapes."

But let's say that you missed that opportunity and you say to your friends, "Dude, she could've been the love of my life! She was perfect!" They could respond with ____?????_______

The above example didn't actually happen to me, but I frequently have regrets that I should just self-soothe with some handy quip.

"Grass is always greener" captures some of the essence of it, but that has more to do with envy. So does "rose-colored glasses," but that has more to do with optimism.

posted by philosophistry to writing & language (21 comments total)

It has has been referred to as the "sweet lemon" rationalization, but that may have been a phrase coined by the authors of this paper.
posted by Neiltupper at 9:43 AM on December 19, 2007

I call this the road not taken phenomenon. Even though people assert that the poem is about individuality, some critics have said it's about waffling. Urban Dictionary and MonkeyFilter say "sweet lemons" but I think this is a different sense of what you are talking about. In your specific instance something like "beer goggles" would be apropos depending on the situation.
posted by jessamyn at 9:46 AM on December 19, 2007

I'd go with "But think of the possibilities!".

Buzz Lightyear would say "To Infinity... and Beyond!".

And your friends would remark you didn't seize the day.
posted by ersatz at 9:47 AM on December 19, 2007

Untasted fruit is sweetest, or the joy in prospect is sweeter than the joy possessed from the Dictionary of Hindustani Proverbs.
posted by jamjam at 9:50 AM on December 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

"The one that got away" refers to the biggest fish in the lake, right?
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 9:57 AM on December 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

You could tell yourself the desired object was just "fairy gold" - that is, it would soon have turned out not to be such a prize as it first appeared.
posted by Wolfdog at 10:01 AM on December 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

The appropriate English proverb would probably be "The grass is always greener on the other side."

I see you dismissed it in your question, but for me, it describes not so much envy or jealousy, but an assumption that the thing you don't/can't have is better than what's available. This proverb warns against inflating your opinion of the alternative.

I can't think of an actual term akin to "sour grapes" that is used in popular terminology, though. "Fairy gold" seems analogous, and "sweet lemon" would work except that it's not really used, and is constructed specifically as a complement to "sour grapes".
posted by explosion at 10:09 AM on December 19, 2007

"Plenty more fish in the sea"
posted by jrishel at 10:14 AM on December 19, 2007

Pining.
nonbuyer's remorse.
sweet grapes.
bittersweet regret.
The start of a great fantasy?
posted by iamkimiam at 10:24 AM on December 19, 2007

That really is a tough question.
posted by iamkimiam at 10:25 AM on December 19, 2007

This isn't what you want, but it's a good example of a complement of sour grapes, so I'll mention it anyway: in an early episode of The Simpsons, Homer asks Lisa what the opposite of Schadenfreude is, and she replies, "sour grapes." I always thought that was brilliant. One's finding pleasure in the misery of others; the other's finding misery in the pleasure of others.

How about, "Be careful of what you wish for; you just might get it"?
posted by painquale at 10:29 AM on December 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

There's a (not great) joke about an optimistic boy who wants a pony for Christmas. He opens the door to the room where the presents are and it is full to the ceiling with horse sh*t. He runs back to his parents with a big smile and hugs them and thanks them. Then he runs back to the room and starts digging through the sh*t.
His parents come in and say "what are you doing?"
And he says "well, with all this crap, my pony must be in here somewhere!"

So maybe "a room full of sh*t"?
posted by rmless at 10:35 AM on December 19, 2007

I think explosion has it: "The grass is always greener on the other side" isn't about envy, it's about exactly what you're talking about. What you haven't experienced seems magically better than what you have.
posted by languagehat at 10:58 AM on December 19, 2007

In the specific case of members-of-the-appropriate-sex I would say "No matter how attractive they were, somebody somewhere is tired of putting up with their shit."

In general, though, I think your looking for "the one who got away."
posted by tkolar at 11:08 AM on December 19, 2007

There was a sappy country song about where the singer thanks god for unanswered prayers, because if he hadn't lost the first girl, he'd have never met the love of his life. Not sure how that could be distilled into a pithy saying.
posted by happyturtle at 11:15 AM on December 19, 2007

FYI: Aesop's fable is the origin of "sour grapes," I believe.

Sour Grapes

A hungry fox noticed a juicy bunch of grapes growing high on a grapevine. He leaped. He snapped. Drooling, he jumped to reach them, but try as he might, he could not obtain the tasty prize.

Disappointed by the fruitless efforts he'd made to get the grapes that day, he said, with a shrug, to comfort himself, "Oh, they were probably sour anyway!"
posted by Carol Anne at 11:48 AM on December 19, 2007

"Two in the bush" ... as in a reversal of: "A bird in the hand is greater than two in the bush."

At least I think that's what you're going for.
posted by General Malaise at 11:52 AM on December 19, 2007

The second stanza from Keats's "Ode on a Grecian Urn":

Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard
  Are sweeter; therefore, ye soft pipes, play on;
Not to the sensual ear, but, more endear'd,
  Pipe to the spirit ditties of no tone:
Fair youth, beneath the trees, thou canst not leave
  Thy song, nor ever can those trees be bare;
    Bold Lover, never, never canst thou kiss,
Though winning near the goal—yet, do not grieve;
  She cannot fade, though thou hast not thy bliss,
    For ever wilt thou love, and she be fair!
posted by cgc373 at 12:10 PM on December 19, 2007 [1 favorite]

There was a sappy country song about where the singer thanks god for unanswered prayers [. . .] Not sure how that could be distilled into a pithy saying.

The song is from Garth Brooks (yes, I'm embarrassed). Lyrics pasted from another site:

Just the other night a hometown football game
My wife and I ran into my old high school flame
And as I introduced them the past came back to me
And I couldnt help but think of the way things used to be.

She was the one that Id wanted for all times
And each night Id spend prayin that God would make her mine
And if hed only grant me this wish I wished back then
Id never ask for anything again.

(chorus)
Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when youre talkin to the man upstairs
That just because he doesnt answer doesnt mean he dont care
Some of gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.

She wasnt quite the angel that I remembered in my dreams
And I could tell that time had changed me
Inn her eyes too it seemed
We tried to talk about the old days
There wasnt much we could recall
I guess the lord knows what hes doin after all.

And as she walked away and I looked at my wife
And then and there I thanked the good lord
For the gifts in my life.

*chorus*
Some of gods greatest gifts are all too often unanswered...
Some of gods greatest gifts are unanswered prayers


So I would argue that the nice, quick way to get this across would be "some of God's greatest gifts..."
posted by vytae at 12:14 PM on December 19, 2007

Man! Ask.metafilter to the rescue! this is awesome.
posted by philosophistry at 12:20 PM on December 19, 2007

"For of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: 'It might have been!'"
--- John Greenleaf Whittier
posted by SPrintF at 12:50 PM on December 19, 2007 [2 favorites]