It's not what you ask, it's how you ask it?

December 11, 2007 12:20 PM

What's the source of, "It's not what you say, it's how you say it"?

Googling seems nigh impossible, given the pages and pages of presentation advice and similar that use the phrase.

It doesn't sound like just a old wives tale or Benjamin Franklin to me. In fact, it sounds rather '70s self-help book kind of quote. But I'm happy to be proved wrong.

I vaguely remember studies about body language and the like that make reference to the small percentage of attention paid to the actual message, but I can't seem to find them either.

I'd like to reference it in a presentation about the importance of a consistent editorial/brand voice, but I'd really like the source to be more than, "Hey, you know what *they* say."

I've hit Bartleyby to no luck as well, but perhaps someone has far better recollection or search skills than I.

posted by Gucky to writing & language (10 comments total)

It's the 70/20/10 rule: it's 70% how you look, 20% how you sound, 10% what you say.
posted by rev- at 12:22 PM on December 11, 2007

The Yale Book of Quotations has it listed under "Modern Proverbs," with Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman (1949) as the first popular appearance. Willy says to Biff: "Don't be so modest. You always started too low. It's not what you say, it's how you say it, because personality wins the day."
posted by steef at 12:39 PM on December 11, 2007

Similar construction in the title of a swing tune, "'Taint What You Do (It's How You Do It)" from 1939.
posted by Miko at 12:52 PM on December 11, 2007

Or, actually, the whole Miller quote is: "Don't be so modest. You always started too low. Walk in with a big laugh. Don't look worried. Start off with a couple of your good stories to lighten things up. It's not what you say, it's how you say it151;because personality wins the day."
posted by steef at 12:56 PM on December 11, 2007

Oh, and the research you're looking for -- in my career as an educator and public presenter, I've heard it many times, with varying statistics. The origin does seem a bit fuzzy; it would be nice to track down an actual study. There's a graph in this communications slideshow Prentice Hall asserts that "communication research tells us that people tend to remember 20 percent of what they hear, 30 percent of what they see, 50 percent of what they hear and see, and 80 percent of what they hear, see, and do." And here is a discussion of the question on Google Answers.
posted by Miko at 1:00 PM on December 11, 2007

You're almost certainly not going to do better than Fred Shapiro's Yale Book of Quotations; it's extremely well researched and brand new. So take steef's answer and run with it.
posted by languagehat at 1:06 PM on December 11, 2007

Thanks much Steef.

The fact that Willy Loman said it undermines its meaning completely. Yikes. I guess it'll be the generic ROI on writing slides after all :)
posted by Gucky at 1:09 PM on December 11, 2007

It's not how Willy Loman said it, Gucky. It's what he said that's important.
posted by steef at 1:19 PM on December 11, 2007 [2 favorites]

This article claims "Albert Marabian of UCLA studied what aspects of communication actually communicate the most to other people. He found that fifty-five percent of communication is received from body language. Another thirty-eight percent is received from tone of voice. And only seven percent is the actual words." But I'm not finding the actual study, or references to that researcher except on marketing/sales sites.
posted by occhiblu at 1:21 PM on December 11, 2007

Not the same quote, but the same idea (sorta): In the book The Virginian, the protagonist says to someone who has called him (presumably) an SOB: "Smile when you call me that."
posted by bricoleur at 7:17 PM on December 11, 2007