How do I move on when I can't stop moving?

December 11, 2007 6:30 AM

Help, I can't stop working or loving! How can I move on when I can't pause long enough to get over my relationship? Speed my heart-mending, Mefites.

Yesterday, my six-month relationship with a boy I love dearly ended. Normally, I would spend the next week holing up in my apartment with blankets, junk food, and movies that make me cry. Sadly, I am rehearsing a play and working 40 hours a week, so I have very little time to myself. It would be unhealthy to simply set my grief aside until the show closes on Sunday, but I'm not sure how to address my feelings in a natural, healthy way on a tight schedule. I'm not suggesting that I should be over him by the end of the week, but I would like to at least get the ball rolling instead of bottling it all up. Can anyone suggest cathartic but contained behaviors that will help me move forward?

posted by Help, I can't stop talking! to human relations (10 comments total)

I'm sorry things didn't work out for you.

I know you mentioned what you'd like to do, but is that absolutely necessary to your mental well-being, or is that simply the standard MO based on past experience? I personally find throwing myself into a new project allows me to distance myself from whatever it is that upset me to begin with, until I calm down and can examine the issue more rationally and less resentfully.

As far as addressing your feelings go, write. Don't know if you already keep a journal or suchwhat, but writing is a lovely way to solidify those weird swirly thoughts that chase each other around your head since you have to put things into words. Either carry around a small notebook and just jot things down as they cross your mind - oneliners, a phrase, a word - or sit down for 20 minutes at the end of the day to think.

I find crying cathartic, too, and there's really no substitute for that I find, but there's nothing harmful in a bit of delay, no?
posted by Phire at 6:50 AM on December 11, 2007

Go out dancing one night after rehearsal. Not in a cruisy way. In fact, go with the mentality that you may not even notice who's around. Consider it physical therapy.

Also, write letters (actual letters) to a couple of people you haven't talked to in a while, who you may have neglected over the past few months-- lonely people who could use a little extra attention over the holidays maybe.

Also, take a quick trip away for a couple hours. Go visit the Cloisters, or Wavehill. Come back from your afternoon with a rare quiet in your mind.

Schedule a massage. Two hours out of your schedule, six years off your age.
posted by hermitosis at 6:51 AM on December 11, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

This is all too familiar, as I went through it about a month ago. I'm really sorry you ahve to go through this.

It would be unhealthy to simply set my grief aside until the show closes on Sunday

Why would it be unhealthy? Wouldn't it be better to approach the grief head-on when you can actually give it the focus you need? Do what you need to do to get to that point, which, in this case means living your life. Just make sure you DO make the time.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 6:51 AM on December 11, 2007

It would be unhealthy to simply set my grief aside until the show closes on Sunday.

This seems like an assumption that you just don't need to make. If it helps you get through the next few days, why not put off your grieving? Schedule a time on Sunday or Monday and let it all go. You might find that by then, you can have time for more reflection as well.
posted by gaspode at 7:15 AM on December 11, 2007

When my college sweetheart dumped me, I was a wreck, but had lots to do to finish out the semester. So, for the first few days, I took crying breaks. Every few hours, when my sadness threatened to overwhelm me, I would sit in my room or go to the bathroom and cry my little eyes out. This would give me enough of a lift to carry on for a few hours. After a few days, I found I didn't need the breaks anymore.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:22 AM on December 11, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Cry in the shower, then distract yourself at work and at play rehearsals.

(I find acting incredibly cathartic but I suppose it depends on the role. My very first one involved my playing a bride in full wedding regalia, and I got the role at approximately the same time I broke my real life first engagement.
posted by konolia at 7:31 AM on December 11, 2007

Wow, konolia -- that's acting!!
posted by LordSludge at 7:45 AM on December 11, 2007

Scream into a thick pillow until you can't scream anymore, or you start lauging at yourself.
posted by studentbaker at 8:21 AM on December 11, 2007

It would be unhealthy to avoid dealing with the emotional consequences of the breakup forever, maybe, but until Sunday? That's doable, and it won't make you a broken person to do that.

After my mom died, I took a couple of days, but then I went back to work. I had to have some balance of grieving/freaking out and being normal, and work helped provide that. Remember the scene in Broadcast News where Holly Hunter schedules her crying fits? She even sets an alarm! I think that's taking things a little far, but I think it's more emotionally healthy to find a balance between work/rehearsal and emotional fallout. Cry and write a little each day, and when you're not doing that, throw yourself into your work and your play.
posted by rtha at 8:39 AM on December 11, 2007

Being busy sometimes helps. If it's not helping, take quick breaks to cry, to write, to call someone you trust, whatever.

Don't let them come to your show. Invite your friends to come, and make it clear that it's imprtant to you for them to be there.

Thinking/crying before bed helped me get through a bad break-up.

And, I know this might be hard, but try not to let it interrupt your other activities too much. Having the rest of your life intact can be really important when you're emotionally struggling. I think it's perfectly healthy to put off really coping until after the show, and trying to do that too much while you're busy may end up making you feel worse.

I'm sorry to hear it didn't work out. Feel better.
posted by lunit at 11:45 AM on December 11, 2007