My roommate is stalking my sister.
posted by anonymous to human relations (31 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
A few months ago I started renting a room in a townhouse from a guy roughly my age (mid 20s). He owns the place, so he's also my landlord. While chatting when I stopped by to drop off the security deposit, I mentioned that I had a sister living in the same area, and he started asking questions about her. Politely, but as he showed me around the place, every pause in the conversation would be followed by, "So, when did your sister get out of school?", etc. I noticed it in retrospect after leaving that night, but didn't consider it a big deal (and still wouldn't, if that was where it stopped). The next time I came over to move in, that conversational pattern was repeated, and when I noted that she was currently living with two female roommates herself, he made a point of mentioning multiple times that they were welcome to come over and hang out whenever they'd like, and when I note that my family will be stopping by in a few days, he asks if she'll be coming. Still not a big deal. A few days later, she stops by with our parents, and he tries to talk her up, being a perfect gentleman (with the single exception of making a point of drawing attention to how much money he makes).
So now I've moved in, and two days later he says that he thought he saw my sister near where he works during lunch, which is completely impossible. For the next month, literally over 50% of his conversational gambits involve her; I answer, not trying to hide anything, but not bringing her up myself anymore. I actually don't see him that much, since his parents live in town and he spends a lot of nights at their place, which provides a pretext for him to email me asking me for emergency contact info, pointedly offering his brother's cellphone # when he does. I give him mine, without any info for her. He also suggests that we go see a movie, and when I say that sounds good, he suggests that I invite my sister too. I note that she'll be out of town that weekend (true), and he doesn't mention movies anymore.
For the next month, between him spending the night at his parents', and me spending more evenings out of the house, I don't see him much, though when I do he still asks how she's doing and keeps mentioning that she's welcome to do laundry here (I'd stupidly mentioned that she was having problems with it at her place). But I'd hoped that he'd finally got the hint that I don't want to set him up with her. Until yesterday, he mentions that he's located her on Facebook and has talked to her through it (I don't use Facebook, so don't know exactly what that entails).
So far, I've been trying to deal with this passively, hoping that it will fade with time, partly to avoid confrontation with my roommate/landlord, but mostly because I don't really think I have the right (and certainly don't have the desire) to interfere with my sister's romantic life. I still wouldn't really worry about any of this, except that he started becoming obsessed with her before he met her, which squicks me out a little. He's a smart, hard working guy, and between his demanding, impressive IT job, online MBA courses and the time he spends with his parents (his whole family moved here from China 10 years ago, so its a cultural thing), doesn't have much of a chance to go out and meet girls. He seems like a nice, responsible guy, who has latched onto this as his best opportunity to get a girlfriend. I just instinctively always thought that its not really appropriate for guys to expect other guys to help them have sex with their sister. But who knows, they're both young adults, and who am I to interfere with their dating efforts? Should I help him set something up? Should I continue being neutral? Or should I yield to my gut and ask him to cut this out?
One more note: I haven't mentioned any of this to my sister, and she's never mentioned or, until the Facebook incident, as far as I know, even noticed him.
Anonymous for their sake, not mine.