Comments on: How would you assign numbers to the different types of human effluvia?

Question: How would you assign numbers to the different types of human effluvia?

Mapes — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 20:51:32 -0800

How would you assign numbers to the different types of human effluvia?

We all know what "number one" and "number two" stand for. There is some precedent for referring to semen as "number three." What are some smart, memorable ways of numbering our other discharges: tears, sweat, earwax, saliva, breast milk, etc.?

Assume that the numbers might be used as a shorthand or code for privacy or obfuscation ("Cleanup number five on aisle seven").

The best answers will be suitable as mnemonics and be clever enough to seem obvious in retrospect. Example: #8 = vomit, because it's what you "ate." Creativity and memorability win here.

By: WCityMike

WCityMike — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 21:01:15 -0800

"Hey, four-eyes!" Four associated with eye, so four for tears.

"Spit" is a short one-syllable word beginning with "s"; "six" is a short one-syllable word beginning with "s". So saliva is six.

Breast milk = nipples = nine?

Earwax = can't think of anything memorable for this one.

By: user92371

user92371 — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 21:09:36 -0800

96 tears.

By: chara

chara — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 21:18:02 -0800

sweat = #5, as in "take 5" (I'm sweating so much, I need to take 5 to cool down)

By: mr. remy

mr. remy — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 21:24:05 -0800

vomit = – 8
menstrual blood = .

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 21:30:07 -0800

or vomit = sicks
five = saliva

By: MasterShake

MasterShake — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 22:12:56 -0800

Good lord! What kind of situations are you in that this can ever be useful? Math will never be the same for me.

By: twistofrhyme

twistofrhyme — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 22:16:18 -0800

i like vomit = sicks better than 8.
8 should be breastmilk because the number 8 looks like boobies.

By: Pater Aletheias

Pater Aletheias — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 22:16:59 -0800

I'm glad that the act of giving birth has not come to be known as "going number three."--Mefi's own Shadowkeeper.

By: hattifattener

hattifattener — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 22:41:06 -0800

What about (non-menstrual) blood? Or other things that we don't exude if we're in proper working order? Do they need numbers?

By: zeph

zeph — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 22:52:31 -0800

Perhaps 9 for blood? As in, "oh dear lord there's blood on the floor, call 9-1-1!" Um, obviously I'd trim it back to just '9' to keep it a bit more discrete...

By: s77v

s77v — Sun, 09 Dec 2007 22:58:44 -0800

This may be the oddest question I've ever read, but what the hell. It's like a puzzle now.

3 (or 33) = earwax - kind of looks like cartoon ears
4 = nose discharge (aka snot) - looks like a nose
6 = vomit - agree w/earlier answerers
7 = tears 7= T sort of (?)
8 = breast milk - agree with twistofrhyme because it made me laugh
54 = saliva 54 = SA sort of (?)
57 = sweat 57 = ST sort of (?)
100 = blood (figure it out yourself - it's tricky ;) )

By: dereisbaer

dereisbaer — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 03:23:40 -0800

Not a number, but in my mind ..

! = Telogen effluvium

By: BozoBurgerBonanza

BozoBurgerBonanza — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 07:42:27 -0800

Scratch your head, and out comes a shower of dandruff.
"Scratch" can be equated to "nothing"
Zero is nothing, so:

Dandruff = 0

By: wanderingmind

wanderingmind — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 11:14:03 -0800

I always thought of #3 as diarrhea (because it feels like it should be 1 plus 2), though maybe 1¹/₂ would be better for that. I'm seconding 6 for vomit and 8 for breast milk, too.

I feel like there should be something for blood based on how blood types sound, what with the "positive" and "negative", but I can't think of it offhand.

By: designbot

designbot — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 11:23:28 -0800

Blood = 0, as in type O.

By: jadepearl

jadepearl — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 11:58:33 -0800

Well, there is the Bristol scale which has enabled me to cleanly classify certain items beyond the overly general, "zen moment" as a descriptor so now those numbers are in use.

By: flabdablet

flabdablet — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 23:23:55 -0800

Earwax is clearly 7 (rhymes with Kevin).