Glitter and be Gay

December 6, 2007 8:06 AM

Where can I eat tiny food and wear a cocktail dress in New York?

I have no high-falutin' society friends. I don't travel in those circles. When we go to parties we eat cheese off paper plates and drink beer. I enjoy it very much, but...

My fancy dresses are languishing in my closet. I'm not sure how I accumulated so many of them, frankly. I'm reduced to throwing cardigans over them and wearing them to work, where I'm the most over-dressed person in the office. I always look like I'm either going to a cocktail party or a garden party.

I have two opportunities a year to dress to the nines and eat fancy little food that people bring to me on trays, and one of them is the upcoming office holiday party, which I can't attend. Are there any alternatives in the city? Are there lounges where you pay a cover charge and someone plays Cole Porter on the piano while out-of-work actors ply you with figs wrapped in prosciutto and the like? Maybe a holiday benefit gala for a worthy cause? Of course I know I'll have to lay down some money, but that's okay.

Thank you very much in advance. You can come too.

posted by Evangeline to sports, hobbies, & recreation (35 comments total)

Looks like there are tons of possibilities here: http://www.newyorksocialdiary.com/nysd/calendar
posted by limeonaire at 8:16 AM on December 6, 2007

[[reads through some of those upcoming events, laughs]]

FYI, the 10th Annual Food Allergy Ball, coming up on Dec. 10, sounds like it might be, er, fun, though it's probably too late to get tickets.
posted by limeonaire at 8:19 AM on December 6, 2007

There's also this: http://www.nycsingles.com

No guarantees of tiny food, though, and the site doesn't exactly look polished. But they might just be good at putting together parties, and not so good at websites.
posted by limeonaire at 8:22 AM on December 6, 2007

If anyone needs an actual link to New York Social Diary's calendar...
posted by limeonaire at 8:24 AM on December 6, 2007

Thank you, limeonaire. I wonder what they'll serve at the 10th Annual Food Allergy Ball? Certainly nothing with peanuts, I imagine.

Now at the singles' party they're serving "savory pizza squares"!
posted by Evangeline at 8:31 AM on December 6, 2007

friday nights on the balcony at the metropolitan museum -- the tiny foods and drinks are naturally overpriced but often quite good, and there is always live music of a sort. you get a mix of after-work museum people trying to look fancy, and upper east side denizens trying to look intelligent, but generally there's a fair amount of interesting folk.
posted by dorian at 8:32 AM on December 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

I should have mentioned that I'm married, although I suppose my husband and I could arrive separately and then "hook up" at a singles' party. That might be kind of fun.
posted by Evangeline at 8:33 AM on December 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

I find theatre openings are my best chance for a night of music, cocktails, and fancy looking people. I don't know of any reliable way of getting invited to them, though, other than knowing people in the industry.

Of course, we will throw a fancy party when our all-female version of 1776 opens. Yes, indeed.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:33 AM on December 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

I'm sorry I can't be more helpful about your specific situation in New York, but in Austin, we go to one of these things at least once a week. The trick seems to be looking for condo openings, club openings, social networking site shindigs, gallery openings, and the like. Lots of free (good!) alcohol and we have had some surprisingly wonderful passed "tiny food" lately.

Hope this at least gives you some ideas. I'd think there would be more of that in NYC than in Austin, anyway!
posted by fiercecupcake at 8:35 AM on December 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

I feel your pain, and as a single man I feel it doubly. No, I don't have a turnkey solution.

Benefit galas are probably a good place to start at this time of year. Perhaps that can be a next question, "What charities in NYC throw the best parties?" Perhaps you can start a blog and document which ones have the best food!

Also, tis the election season as well, so if you're inclined to contribute to any partisan or candidate causes, that could get you invites (or at least a plate at a table) to some good 'n dressy parties.

Oh, and seconding the galleries and "First Thursday" type events (are you a MOMA member?). The added benefit here is that if you are indeed way overdressed you can just play it off as an eccentricity. :)
posted by rhizome at 8:48 AM on December 6, 2007

I don't know of any reliable way of getting invited to them, though, other than knowing people in the industry.

You know what's sad? I AM in the industry (sort of) and I don't get invited to these things. Oh, maybe the occasional Off-off-Broadway opening, but those aren't quite as chi-chi.

Maybe I should just throw a benefit for my own damn theatre company (but then I'd be the one passing the appetizers). Though I do imagine after the critical acclaim and box office success of "1776", I will be able to afford a caterer.
posted by Evangeline at 8:49 AM on December 6, 2007

"What charities in NYC throw the best parties?"

That's exactly what I should have asked in the first place.
posted by Evangeline at 8:54 AM on December 6, 2007

I should have mentioned that I'm married, although I suppose my husband and I could arrive separately and then "hook up" at a singles' party. That might be kind of fun.

Ahh, yes, that's right! You know, I'm not sure why my mind didn't make that connection—I knew you were grumblebee's wife, but I apparently forgot it long enough to post that comment.
posted by limeonaire at 8:58 AM on December 6, 2007

Foreign stuff, usually including concerts, speakers, films, and other "see how keen our country is" events.
posted by anaelith at 9:02 AM on December 6, 2007

That's okay - I forget it all the time. We're in counseling.
posted by Evangeline at 9:03 AM on December 6, 2007 [2 favorites]

friday nights on the balcony at the metropolitan museum

Dorian, could you post a link to this? I went to the Met's website, but I didn't see anything specifically about Friday night events. Or is it just that Friday night happens to be a popular time for people to gather at the rooftop cafe?

Thanks!
posted by Evangeline at 9:06 AM on December 6, 2007

Oh nevermind, Dorian! Found it!

This sounds great! Almost perfect, except that you have to actually order the appetizers. I know this seems like a very silly point, but I LOVE passed appetizers.

At any rate, this would make a lovely evening.
posted by Evangeline at 9:13 AM on December 6, 2007

sure, here ya go. apparently it's saturdays too (those of us working there really had no desire to be anywhere near the museum on a weekend...)
posted by dorian at 9:14 AM on December 6, 2007

Also: You've got the wrong industry! Make friends with a journalist. Specifically one at any of the smaller NYC magazines/newspapers who's on the society beat.

I'm that person, just 1,000 miles away in St. Louis. If you're ever in town and want to hit up a gala, let me know ...
posted by limeonaire at 9:16 AM on December 6, 2007

aw, nuts! ha.

yes, I do have a similar feeling about food being served the way you mention but it's hard to quantify why exactly. just feels fancier or something?
posted by dorian at 9:19 AM on December 6, 2007

Yes, it does feel fancier. I feel a bit guilty about it if I put too much thought into it.
posted by Evangeline at 9:22 AM on December 6, 2007

Crash these.

Very high heels, tilt chin, smile distractedly, waltz in, comment soto voce, reach every time a tray passes. Mr tp and I have made it, um, an art form.
posted by thinkpiece at 10:16 AM on December 6, 2007

Although he doesn't need the high heels.
posted by thinkpiece at 10:17 AM on December 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

I feel your pain, a bit. But I'm male. Still, I enjoy (or would) the "dress up, night out, cocktails" thing.

The closest I've found here on Long Island is various concerts - choral, orchestra, etc.
posted by ObscureReferenceMan at 10:21 AM on December 6, 2007

I was also going to suggest gallery openings. It's not that hard to get invited - just hang around some galleries and chat up the owners. Let them think you are a well-heeled buyer. This worked for us when I lived in Manhattan.

There's also the fashion week parties. It's a little tougher to get an invitation but the easiest way for the average person is to get passes from someone in the press like a paper journalist, if you know anyone. I went to a few of these as a "photographer's assistant" whatever that means...
posted by vacapinta at 10:23 AM on December 6, 2007

Crash these.

You've got chutzpah, kid.
posted by Evangeline at 10:27 AM on December 6, 2007

Well, I sensed you might be able to muster some yourself. And don't underestimate the shoes. Evah.
posted by thinkpiece at 10:38 AM on December 6, 2007

Hey, I just found this! It's a list of holiday events around NYC. Several of the entries are for galas and parties and such. A couple look promising, but I haven't look through the whole list.
posted by Evangeline at 10:43 AM on December 6, 2007

I know a guy who works at the farmer's market and lives in an old rent-controlled east village apartment who belongs to a yahoo group or something that is based around crashing receptions and openings. Someone is on a list - I guess they are all on lists now - and they have an inside track to show up to these high society events, get the free food, free drinks, and the free gift bags, maybe run into some celebrities, and then do it all again the next night.

He's almost like a Kramer-type character, no regular job, always getting involved in random adventures... I think he attends these cocktail receptions like 4x a week, though, and he was always going on about how good the score was (lobster tails, champagne, etc) (I worked with him at the farmer's market for a while).

Which is all just to say, if you look around there are definitely things going on all the time, and you can definitely get into them - if this guy could get into them (he was occasionally turned away, but his outfit was just a cheap suit and he was no debonair charmer), there is no doubt that a hot looking woman in a cocktail dress would make it in.

On the other hand, I dunno how much energy you'd want to commit to it, and if you'd want to risk getting caught up in a bizarre subculture of crashers... Explore at your own risk :)
posted by mdn at 11:53 AM on December 6, 2007 [2 favorites]

mdn, your comment reminds me of "The Extra Man", a very funny book by Jonathan Ames. It's worth a read.
posted by Evangeline at 12:18 PM on December 6, 2007

I sense a Mefi soire-crash-meetup in the works...
*Double-checks pocket square and cuff links*
posted by ObscureReferenceMan at 2:00 PM on December 6, 2007

Oh that would be swell! I bet we clean up real nice.
posted by Evangeline at 2:09 PM on December 6, 2007

Can't you just go to fancy schmancy restaurants? Whenever we go to a nice place (say Gramercy Tavern or Cafe Grey) I wear a formal and heels and he wears a suit. With the added bonus of awesome food. But: not cheap.

Also, the current swanky mixology trend has given rise to some excellently fancy bars: Pegu Club, PDT, Milk & Honey, Death & Company, Little Branch, the Flatiron Lounge all would be fun to dress up for.
posted by alicetiara at 2:59 PM on December 6, 2007

alicetiara, as much as I love fancy schmancy restaurants, one of the key requirements is that the food must be PASSED. It's not just the dressing up part that appeals to me - it's the atmosphere of a cocktail party. Silly, maybe, but there it is.
posted by Evangeline at 3:48 PM on December 6, 2007

Art gallery crashing is shockingly easy. Read the NYT or New Yorker, see who's opening where. Show up fashionably late, look well heeled, squint a lot and make off-hand "arty" comments, ask to meet the artist, nod and seem interested, and soon more invites will follow. They almost always have great wine and good noshables.

Remember, you're fresh meat for these folks, so you belong there, don't be intimidated, and if anybody asks you why you're there, tell them you're looking at art for a lawyer's/doctor's/banker's office and you were told about this artists by a friend, then you'll be treated like royalty.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 8:00 AM on December 7, 2007