Comments on: How to transform my husband for <$1000?

Question: How to transform my husband for <$1000?

justonegirl — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 17:10:23 -0800

I want to give my husband the gift of a complete physical transformation for Christmas, on a pretty tight budget. Ideas and resources would be much appreciated.

My husband is in need of a serious health intervention and, with Christmas coming up, I'd like to fashion a gift for him that would achieve the most impact. Something to help him overcome a lack of motivation/time management and to build some momentum that will help create lifelong habits.

About him: he'll be 30 in a month, 6'1", about 265 lbs, pretty muscular but with quite a bit of fat padding too. He was an athlete in high school (football, baseball, basketball, lacrosse) but suffered a knee blowout and has some bionic parts in there. He is currently experiencing chronic back pain (stress-related/muscular, not disc problems) and is somewhat limited due to his knee injury (walking is fine, running is problematic, for instance). He also gets winded quickly. His eating habits are poor and he has a strong affinity for beer. And, like many of us, he often gets very psyched to improve his health but then falls off the wagon quickly. Also of note, he has put on about 45-50 lbs. in the six years we've been together, he previously had a pretty lean, muscular build.

What we have available: an elliptical machine, a recumbent bike, an arcade-quality DDR setup, plenty of the popular diet books (South Beach, Body for Life, Fat Smash, Best Life Diet), some fitness DVDs (Tae Bo, a Pilates/exercise band one), and a flexible schedule (we both are self-employed and work from home). He is also planning on purchasing a Smith machine soon.

What we lack: consistency, accountability, motivation, time management, planning, complete schedule freedom (we have a toddler, although there's a nanny here about 30 hours a week).

I've pretty much ruled out a gym membership because we've failed miserably at actually getting to the gym in the past. Things I've considered so far include hiring a personal trainer to come to the house for a few sessions, and employing one of those personal chef services, but I'm looking to spend less than $1000 total (I'd prefer under $700) and want to make sure I'm getting the most bang for my buck. What's the best use of my money in terms of building up the routines and habits he needs, but also overcoming his inherent motivation problems and excuse-making when it comes to his health?

(Disclaimer: he is completely aware of and in agreement with the assessment that his health habits are poor, he's not sensitive about the subject, he won't take the gift the wrong way, I'm not being judgmental, I too have my own set of health issues to deal with, etc...)

Thanks in advance for any suggestions!

By: iguanapolitico

iguanapolitico — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 17:44:14 -0800

Especially considering all the equipment/resources you already have in your own home, I agree that a gym membership would not help.

I know this idea isn't new to you and you may have ruled it out, but I highly recommend a personal trainer. Employ one to come to your house and use your equipment to get him started on good routines that he can do right there at home. I don't know how much $ personal trainers cost in your area, but I bet you could get one for a few weeks. (A couple times per week.) Sometimes it just takes a push.

The personal chef idea might help, too, but what you need is to learn how to take care of that yourselves and I am not familiar enough with those services to know if they'll teach you how to do it after they're gone. Are there any kinds of cooking classes that involve teaching you how to cook everyday-healthy at home? (I'm a processed food eater myself, so I don't know anything about such things.)

I'd definitely avoid purchasing any more exercise equipment, DVDs, books, etc. :) He needs a routine, not more stuff. That's why I like the idea of having a trainer come out for a few weeks and get him going. Have it happen at whatever time of day would be best for a routine to begin.

I don't have anything else. Good luck!

By: b33j

b33j — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 17:48:36 -0800

I don't know if this is available in your area, but if I had a spare $700 I'd sign up. They produce and deliver a wide variety of calorie controlled meals, so that you eat a nutritionally balanced diet without having to worry about planning or cooking.

By: konolia

konolia — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 18:39:23 -0800

What's the best use of my money in terms of building up the routines and habits he needs, but also overcoming his inherent motivation problems and excuse-making when it comes to his health?

Money cannot buy that. HE has to want it.

Having said that, if you MUST go this route, spend that money on a QUALIFIED personal trainer. OR buy him a bike (if his knee will allow) and have him join a cycling club.

By: barnone

barnone — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 19:17:58 -0800

How about some inspiration? Why does he want to get in shape? Maybe you have a walking trip planned somewhere you've always wanted to go. Maybe he wants to see the rainforests of West coast Vancouver island and needs the health chops to get through them. Maybe he wants to hike in Peru. Maybe he wants to be around to be able to travel well when you're retired. Maybe he wants to be fit to be active with his family. Maybe he wants to walk a marathon in a city where his parents grew up. Maybe he wants to learn how to surf. Maybe a trip cross-country skiing between villages in Scandinavia. Maybe he's scared that even if he has all the equipment in the world and wants to do it, and he fails, he'll be considered a failure -- so why bother trying in the first place? Cause then it never really got off to a good start, so he didn't fail, he just didn't get around to starting. Maybe he wants reassurance. Maybe he needs an actual goal. Maybe he needs a massive health work up to scare him. Maybe he needs a buddy who he thinks needs him more than he needs the buddy.

I think your money might be better spent (or in combination with) a way to find out how to boost his motivation. It ain't comin' from the stairmaster, bike, trainer or chart with gold stars. Me, I'd pick a trip that is both inspiration and reward, figure out the exact steps needed to get there, then break those down into mini-goals and processes.

I want to hike the West Coast trail and kayak in the Clayoquot Sound. One requires leg and core strength, the other requires some serious arm strength and stamina. Both require outdoor skills. The free weights are just how I'm getting there. His Mileage Will Vary (literally).

It seems like he has everything going for him, in terms of equipment, time, resources, supportive partner. And yet nothing's going. I'd figure out why nothing's going when it should, so you can figure out how to get it movin'. There isn't a secret injection of motivation out there.

By: barnone

barnone — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 19:47:20 -0800

Sorry, to continue -- sounds like he needs some fun in his life! He's almost 30, works from home, toddler at home -- what about something more social? Basketball league (peer pressure!), master's swim club, cycling club to get in shape for a big charity race, tennis league, outdoor volleyball club, soccer league, hockey team, triathlon training club. Something to get him active and competitive with other people, on a schedule that doesn't let him turn it down ("sorry, trainer, busy week this week"), and that inspires him to get in shape in other ways. So maybe it's a combination of a local league or team that he needs a push to join, and a trip this summer to get in shape for. $700-1000 will go far for both of those. You have enough equipment for both.

Put some fun back in those lives and the weight, excuses and blahness will retreat accordingly. Instead of making this one more schedule to manage, account for, motivate towards -- look elsewhere to find out how to make exercise and social activity become fun and much-needed respite from an over-managed and under-enjoyable life.

Instead of "how can I get fit so I can have fun and feel good again," think of it as "how can I have fun and feel good again, and get fit as a result?." I think the reversal will provide some good sources of conversation, planning and decisions for you both. Congrats on a great progress forward!

By: barnone

barnone — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 19:49:08 -0800

(Didn't mean to say your life is over-managed or not fun (I have no idea obviously if it is or not), just that life these days is so organized and accounted-for and it tends to leave little time for serendipity and sheer joy. Sorry...I'll shut up now!)

By: Sassyfras

Sassyfras — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 19:59:40 -0800

If his eating habits are poor - how about some cooking lessons? Maybe there are some cooking lessons in your area that focus on learning to cook nutritious and scrumptious meals. And maybe it's something the two of you could do together.

If not that, I think the idea of having him join a league or team sport of some sort is a pretty great idea. Peer pressure is a great thing and getting him out of the house would probably help with the motivation.

Another motivational tool might be that $700 - $1000 dollars. Maybe you could put that ante up and if he loses so many pounds he gets the money to do what he wants with it or, some other reward (trip, new toy, etc). Make a competition out of it - see who can lose the most weight in 3 months or whatever. Whoever wins gets the loot.

By: metahawk

metahawk — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 22:42:48 -0800

I know some people who have gotten in great shape while preparing for a major event (like a 100 mile bike ride or half marathon) with Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training

By: Chuckles

Chuckles — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 23:12:17 -0800

Gift eh, I dunno, but anyway..

Using it for entrance fees, and club fees (any sport), or to finance a bike tour, all seem like good ways to add motivation.

Why don't you get him to sell his car - want some beer? Your bike is right over there, see you in a couple of hours.

Cycling can be bad for knees if you do it wrong. Get him a cycling computer that measures cadence.. Use all the gears, and make sure it is at/over 100rpm all the time (except when you stop peddling, of course).

By: patricking

patricking — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 00:14:43 -0800

he needs a trainer. mine has done wonders for me in several ways.

first off, it's a commitment to someone else whom i like and trust. that's a good way to get the ball rolling if you're not sure how to do something for yourself (in my case, i just didn't know what the hell to do, so it's kind of a student/teacher relationship).

secondly, it's social. i work from home as well, and it's a hell of a lot of fun to go see dave and just be a guy for an hour. i get to talk shit and punch stuff. i get to get away from my responsiilities and into a space that is mine.

thirdly, it'll probably only take a little while for his prior training to come back and he'll start to better. plus any trainer worth his salt will know how to work around any injuries.

fourthly, once he starts enjoying his body again, he won't want to stop. it's great to feel strong.

my trainer is about $50 a session. i really can't emphasize how worth the cost it's been to work with him.

By: tiburon

tiburon — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 08:59:50 -0800

Take him to a few crossfit classes in your area.

By: fructose

fructose — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 09:41:23 -0800

Another vote for personal trainer. This is someone who can track his progress and "keep him in line." It's also worth having a professional to make sure he's starting a routine safely and without stress or injury to his body.

By: amanda

amanda — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 09:44:49 -0800

I like the trainer idea a lot. You might also get him something which helps him track, in addition to a trainer. You can get these heart rate monitors which track and record all sorts of good stuff. A pedometer would be a really inexpensive toy that might motivate someone as well. Though, I think with someone who was previously athletic, the pedometer might feel a little too wimpy. Go down to an athletic store or check out Polar's web site and play with the possible features. Sometimes the hardest part about sticking to a workout plan is that it's often incredibly hard to see the results. You're tired, you're not losing weight fast enough and it become disheartening. However, seeing how much better your heart is getting and being able to track that progress can be incredibly motivating for some.

I think that in conjunction with a trainer who can help him figure out what to track and even help him set up his monitor would be really great.

By: munchingzombie

munchingzombie — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 10:58:27 -0800

I billionth the Personal Trainer.

All the suggestions for group activities are really good. If you are part of a group then you feel you have to contribute which could be a motivating factor. But the best person to be in a group with is you. Sure, he has to get his butt into shape. but if you are there with him doing the same activities making sure you stick to the program it will be way more effective.

Schedule time as a family for activities and exercise. Cook and eat as a family to make sure either of you don't fall to the temptations of the golden arches.

By: lubujackson

lubujackson — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 11:43:44 -0800

You could buy him a GPS and have him go geocaching (hiking). Or a subscription to Harry & David fruit to get him to eat better.

By: backupjesus

backupjesus — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 12:50:23 -0800

I am a very slightly older, very slightly heavier version of your husband -- guy, 30, 6'1", 268 lbs., work from home, chronic knee problems (but no surgeries, yet), etc. A year ago, though, I was 365 lbs. and 5'11" with some back and heel issues related to my bad knee.

I would suggest focusing only on eating at this point and let exercise come in later. Being overweight and having poor cardiovascular conditioning are fairly independent problems, and I've found it's most effective to focus on weight first. It's surprisingly useful to know that one can keep losing weight without sticking to a strict exercise schedule, since missing a couple weeks of exercise doesn't mean you've blown the whole program.

Secondly, if anything, you might consider putting your money towards physical therapy. My knee problems were greatly improved by finding a PT who was focused on curing them rather than treating them symptomatically. This led to fixing a hip problem I didn't know I had that resulted in a remarkable improvement in my walking mechanics. I lost the limp that a number of orthopedists over the course of 20 years had said was incurable. This experience has turned me into the world's bigger PT cheerleader, but it's worth considering.

Finally, I doubt that your husband, in particular, would benefit much from personal training or prepared meals. Having been an athlete, he knows what to do, what to eat, and how to stick to a plan. It's a matter of motivation.

I have exactly two reasons for losing weight: delaying/avoiding knee replacement and fitting better in airline seats. Those two are the only ones I care about of the many reasons to lose weight; "avoiding early death" doesn't rank. Kinda stupid? Yes. Effective? For me, definitely. It took me many years to figure out those motivating factors, though, and it may take time -- time you can't reduce with money -- for your husband to figure out his.

By: hue

hue — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 12:57:29 -0800

Seconding barnone and metahawk. If you look at all the sports he played, they were *social* experiences. Working out at home is nothing like being on a team where people depend on you and there is competition. I played soccer in high school and was on the crew team my first year of college and I can't stand the gym or workout machines at home. The point for me was never to be active, or healthy, or to lose weight (which all seem like pretty vague goals to me). It was to contribute, and to *win*. Which I guess puts me in the minority as I don't really know that a personal trainer would do much good unless he could be paid for on an ongoing basis.

I definitely gained weight after I stopped the sports, and the time that I took it off I was participating in a low stress, small side, co-ed soccer league. He knows that he can't perform like he did before, so I think it's important to keep it from being too competitive to start, but just joining a league would be great for him. Of the sports he played I bet that football is the only one that wouldn't have an adult league of some sort available.

Turning this into a gift might just mean some printed materials about a league or three (you could even spend some time together checking them out) along with some new equipment.

By: justonegirl

justonegirl — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 13:17:36 -0800

Thanks so much for all of the thoughtful responses. I ended up talking at length with my husband today about various ideas, and we've decided to make this our holiday gift to each other.

Tomorrow, we're going to meet with a really nice gym where a friend goes (and who is expecting to see us there). The place has basketball leagues and multiple pools, both of which my husband is really excited about, as well as classes which interest me. We also are both going to look into reserving some personal training sessions and massages, both of which are offered at the gym. We've decided to commit to a thrice-weekly "date," set immediately after our nanny arrives in the morning, that will include a trip to the gym and coffee afterward. We are both excited about a lifestyle change and the possibility of some new, fun activities and time together, as opposed to just holding out for the eventual weight loss.

Oh, and thanks to barnone's awesome suggestion, we are now researching some trips that could possibly be our gift to one another next year. Either something physical (like hiking or adventure-sport related) or else something that is usually enjoyed by healthy and fit people, like one of those fancy spa retreats. We're really psyched, and again, I appreciate the suggestions.

By: konolia

konolia — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 14:37:20 -0800

Girl, you need to mark that as your best answer. That sounds awesome.

(And the social thing is why I wouldn't bother buying home exercise stuff. Gotta have my gym buddies!)

By: barnone

barnone — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 20:33:39 -0800

That sounds awesome. Some social time, some couple time, some alone/self time. I like spaces that have the possibility of providing all of that. Give the classes a go - sometimes it takes a few different times to really "get" the moves so you can enjoy the class, and sometimes you just click with different people. Give each class 3-5 times before you give up on it, but shop around for the pace, music and tone that you like. Get a few personal training sessions to get familiar with all of the equipment and routines, and really enjoy the pools, sauna, and leagues. Sounds like a great gym.

As for the trips, it's an awesome idea for next year! Something as both a carrot (motivator) and cookie (reward!). There are a few threads on those kinds of trips here. Maybe another post when the time comes for planning that -- there are all sorts of possible combinations of active and spirit and body replenishing trips out there, and many that include both.

CONGRATS! What a great present for your bodies, soul, family life and futures.