Comments on: And thank you for thanking me for thanking you!

Question: And thank you for thanking me for thanking you!

Ms. Saint — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 10:42:17 -0800

Does an e-mail thank-you note require a response?

Twice this weekend I have received e-mails that are, essentially, thank you notes. One was from a professional acquaintance I met by organizing an event for him. He thanked me for how enjoyable the event turned out to be. The other was from a friend, who just wanted to let my significant other and I know she had a great time at an informal gathering we hosted.

I have no clue if it is appropriate to respond to such e-mails, nor do I have any clue what I could say in response. "Great! I'm glad you enjoyed it," and "And thanks to you for coming!" are all I can come up with. They both sound pretty stilted and dorky.

If these were regular, mailed thank-you cards, I would assume that no response was necessary. But since it is e-mail, it seems like there might be slightly different standards.

Any clue on what the etiquette is here?

By: 45moore45

45moore45 — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 10:44:03 -0800

You have nothing to lose by saying exactly what you already thought of "glad you enjoyed the get together, thanks for coming!".

By: nitsuj

nitsuj — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 10:44:39 -0800

"You're welcome. I had an enjoyable time too! Thanks for coming."

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 10:46:53 -0800

I think it's fine, absent any other indication that they are trying to open up some sort of discussion, to just not reply. In fact unless I'm having an ongoing conversation with someone, I tend to not reply to emails that don't have some sort of question or action item in them. Email is more like regular mail than it is like a telephone call. That was very nice of your friends to send you thank you notes.

By: JohnnyGunn

JohnnyGunn — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 10:51:54 -0800

No response necessary.

By: jayder

jayder — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 11:25:57 -0800

My grandfather was locally famous in his small town for sending thank-you notes thanking people for their thank-you notes.

The consensus of the people who remarked upon his habit, was that responding to a thank you note is supererogatory.

By: grouse

grouse — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 11:49:22 -0800

Given that there is not much effort involved in a "Glad you enjoyed it" e-mail, I don't think there's a reason not to send one—people won't think you're weird if you do. But you don't have to.

By: hurdy gurdy girl

hurdy gurdy girl — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 13:31:25 -0800

I tend to think of e-mail as more like a conversation than like a traditional letter. If someone were having a conversation with me and said "Thank you for the party--I had a great time!" I would automatically say "You're welcome. I'm glad you had a good time." I don't think you are obligated to respond, but if you wanted to, a simple one-liner like that is probably fine.

By: kisch mokusch

kisch mokusch — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 14:04:51 -0800

Since it's clear that going either way is acceptable, I would just do whatever you would like somebody to do if you sent them a thank-you email.

Personally, when I send a thank-you email, I don't expect a response, but it's always nice to get a reply (just to at least know they've read it).

By: KAS

KAS — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 14:21:36 -0800

Actually, I like both of your proposed responses - nice, and short enough that I wouldn't feel like I had to respond back. I always like to get a little something back when I send a thank you email, makes me feel appreciated.

By: arnicae

arnicae — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 14:55:12 -0800

No response necessary- in fact, I've found the "thank you war" can start getting uncomfortable. They thank you for the invite. You thank them for coming and the note. They thank you for the thank you for the note. . .

Ultimately, I get into these professionally (e.g. after being an invited speaker somewhere or other) and finally just delete an email (usually 5 or 6 "thank you!" iterations down the road) and feel somewhat guilty for several days.

By: grouse

grouse — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 15:11:59 -0800

in fact, I've found the "thank you war" can start getting uncomfortable.

Then don't send a "thank you for a thank you for a thank you." It's really a "you're welcome."

By: divabat

divabat — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 16:32:08 -0800

When I read this out to my boyfriend, he remarked "Why npt just Cheers?"