How can my pal introduce herself in a fun way?

November 6, 2007 8:38 PM

Good introduction for possible later? More grad-student-induced awkwardness inside.

One of my fellow female grad students has been scoping out a grad student dude in a different department. We all cross paths relatively often, as we're in the same building and grab coffee/food in the same places. They've had some long looks, but nothing more.
BTW, he is a geography grad student (does cool stuff with maps and GPS) and is very hot by grad student standards, as is my female friend. From Google stalking we know that he is late-20s, as is she.
We are grad students, we are awkward. He doesn't have a visible Facebook profile, or she'd "poke" him. How can she get his attention in a fun way?

posted by k8t to human relations (16 comments total)

PS, we know where his office is and it wouldn't not be odd if total strangers were walking in front of it... if some sort of note or something needs to be dropped off.
posted by k8t at 8:40 PM on November 6, 2007

1. Find bar/grill.
2. Gather friends from different departments. (Important: choose friends who enjoy eating and drinking)
3. Drop in on him, smile, and invite him to the inter-disciplinary drinktacular seminar you've just organized. The catchphrase here is "We're looking for hot speakers."
4. Hit it off.

Also: UCSB?
posted by Mercaptan at 8:46 PM on November 6, 2007

Why is this endeavor a group effort? I can't think of anything more intimidating to some guy than having two girls show up like stage-struck 5th graders, which is sort of what this sounds like. What is hot "by grad school standards"? What does that mean? Are grad students usually toads or something? It's like any other dating situation, just play it cool and wait for an opportunity to maybe casually go for coffee or kill time between class or go catch an event on campus or whatever.
posted by 45moore45 at 8:48 PM on November 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

I know on my campus there are a lot of mixers and free food type things, various clubs hold social events (man I love the swps liquid nitrogen cream social, science!). She could muster up some courage and invite him to one, or if she's real shy, she could get involved in the club, take on duties for letting people know about a social event, and then use that as an excuse to talk to him...
posted by Large Marge at 8:56 PM on November 6, 2007

Um, what does "Good introduction for possible later?" mean? Is "later" a noun? Just asking, since it's what appears on the front page.
posted by ALongDecember at 9:09 PM on November 6, 2007

uh... plate of beans?

next time you see him getting a cup of coffee, you and your friend go over and introduce yourself, let your friend talk. since you work in the same building i'm sure they have something in common to complain about...
posted by geos at 9:17 PM on November 6, 2007

Also-- don't be afraid to make asses out of yourselves--seriously. Practice now and get rid of the awkwardness because it will only get worse and more awkward the older you get. If you didn't learn it in junior high and high school, learn it now. So take a chance, be bold, remember the other person is a person and has many of the same fears and hopes that you do and go for it. If you fail it is a learning experience. Better to take the chance than to always wonder.
posted by 45moore45 at 9:27 PM on November 6, 2007

Next time you run into him in a coffee shop or food joint, go up to him (or rather, have her go up to him), smile, and say "You know, I see you around all over the place, but I don't think we've ever actually met. Hi, I'm ______." Brief chatting occurs, and then even if nothing comes of that conversation, now the ice is sufficiently broken that next time you guys want coffee, you can stop by his office and invite him along, or just talk more when you see him in the building. As an awkward grad student myself, this has been the easiest way to get over that difficult initial gap. People are friendly, honest!
posted by Schismatic at 10:22 PM on November 6, 2007

Fortune favors the bold, and luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.

I say attempt to run into him in one of these common places in a close enough way (say, stand next to him while waiting on a latte) and have a plan before hand. Everytime you see him, shake it out, stand up straight and get a comfortable smile on, and think of something fun to invite him to. A new restaurant, a movie, soemthing you think he might be interested in to begin with. Then, you just introduce yourself, offer a handshake, ask about him, say you've seen him around, would he like to hang out sometime, maybe predetermined activity x. Be ready for this every time you see him, because the right moment for such a strike is rare.

Alternately, the simple introduction is a good start. The proposition can come on the second or third post-introduction visit.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:32 PM on November 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

Cut to the chase:
"You know, I see you around all over the place, but I don't think we've ever actually met. Hi, I'm k8t...
...I have a very attractive friend who thinks you're hot, and we wondered if you are single."
Being direct will minimise any chance of creepiness or looking like a fool. If he says he's not interested, you can just tell your friend you "heard" he's not single.
posted by roofus at 2:22 AM on November 7, 2007

This is what happens to your brain when you do two postgrads in a row, k8t.

Dating is so straightforward these days, did you know? We're in that pleasant period after the whole calling cards and ladies sighing daintily behind fans bit. We can be a lot more upfront about who we are and what we want.

I say the chick in question go up to the guy in question and just, uh duh, ask him out. I can't think of any situation where if an attractive lady asked me out for lunch I would have said no. She doesn't actually have to spread her legs, declare her undying love for him, and proclaim the need to procreate using his genetic material. She just has to assume that he is a human being who likes eating, and who enjoys eating with other people at least as much as he enjoys eating alone.

"You know, I see you around all over the place, but I don't think we've ever actually met. Hi, I'm k8t...
...I have a very attractive friend who thinks you're hot, and we wondered if you are single."

Buzzer....oooh so close! Sorry, the correct answer was...have the chick who is actually attracted to the guy ask him out. The girl attracted to the guy, not the girl's BFF. Also, there's absolutely no need to make things a bit awkward by talking about attractiveness and hotness, and singleness. He's a guy, the girl is a girl, do the flirty eyeball thing and all three statements -- you're hot, I'm attractive, I want to know if you're single -- will magically communicate themselves without the use of words.

Best approach is she asks him, and waits until he's halfway into a nice thick sandwich before saying, "So, you single?"
posted by Deathalicious at 2:41 AM on November 7, 2007 [1 favorite]

How can she get his attention in a fun way?

All she needs to do is walk into his office, introduce herself, and ask him if he wants to get coffee or drinks. Anything more involved belongs on the fifth grade playground, not in an adult setting. "Poke him"? Are you serious? All she has to do is ask about his research, and he will probably talk for hours. No poking needed.

If she is too socially lame to walk up to him and say "hi," then you can facilitate things by going up to him and saying, "hey, a couple of us are going to go get some coffee/lunch/beer, wanna come?" and then once the three of you are sitting at a table, you say, "oh man, I forgot something in my office, you guys stay here while I go look for it" and then your friend has him all to herself.
posted by Forktine at 3:57 AM on November 7, 2007

ALongDecember: "possible later" is a dating advertisement phrase when people write that they want to meet another person and perhaps turn it into something serious. It was sort of a joke on the dating advertisement lingo.
posted by k8t at 6:48 AM on November 7, 2007

Next time your friend bumps into him, have her say "hey, you're in the geography program, right? And have her show him stuff like this, from this awesome place. [via]

She can even forget the url and have to take him to a computer in the library or somewhere on campus to dig it out of her email, then show him the site. So there, coolness, togetherness, and an awesome site that he's sure to remember.

If he's already heard of it, he'll still think it's cool that she knew about it, or he'll show her his favorite map or something. Or so, that's my suggestion.
posted by cashman at 6:58 AM on November 7, 2007

Momentary derail on the phrasing in the question heading (with apologies): Unless I'm mistaken, I think the dating advertisement phrase is "possible ltr," with the ltr being an acronym for "long-term relationship," rather than being short for "later."
posted by jocelmeow at 9:20 AM on November 7, 2007

Next time your friend bumps into him, have her say "hey, you're in the geography program, right? And have her show him stuff like this, from this awesome place.

Eww. Really? I think if a girl was trying to hit on me and said something like, "So, I hear you were a web programmer. Here's a really cool programming blog I came across" that would weird me out if she wasn't a programmer.* Believe it or not, you can appear totally attractive to the desired sex without proferring them brain candy first.

*this is all hypothetical. I'm with a lovely girl and I'm not longer on the market. Sorry, ladies
posted by Deathalicious at 3:24 PM on November 7, 2007