Roommates

October 24, 2007 1:06 PM

Why can't these two lesbos find a roommate in Lincoln Park, Chicago? And what should we do about it?

A month ago, my girl and I moved to a great new place in Lincoln Park, Chicago, and we're baffled as to why we can't find willing roommates. We've met many people, and we got along quite well with the majority of them. I've posted a sign on our door, an ad on Craigslist, and an ad in the Chicago reader, but after relatively few replies and some visits, no one has wanted to move. What am I doing wrong?

Is it because we homos are demographically rare in this posh hood, and potential roommates would feel strange living with dykes? Is it just an odd time to move? Does everyone want to move to hipper, "grittier" neighborhoods, now?

We really need a roommate, pronto. Is there anything else I can do, besides putting the word out to friends and coworkers?

I posted my Craiglist ad above for your opinions and suggestions.

posted by Lieber Frau to human relations (40 comments total)

We're looking for a studious and/or focused individual who is cool with lesbians, but not in a creepy way.

Try changing it to:

We're looking for a studious and/or focused individual who is gay-friendly.

You work in advertising, and know that negative/pain words (eg, creepy) should only be used to provoke a desired response, such as getting people to buy aspirin, insurance or Baby Einstein dvds. 'Creepy' is a little off-putting.

We like people who are open-minded but also understand roommate protocol.

This doesn't make any sense - speak in concrete terms, please.

However, if people are indeed coming over to the house to take a look, it may be too expensive in relation to what is being offered. Joining an existing couple like yourselves as a third roommate is also a tough decision to make.

So, you may wish to stress things like 'autonomy' and 'privacy' in your ad. Maybe stress more of the 'roommate protocol'.
posted by KokuRyu at 1:16 PM on October 24, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

My only suggestion for your ad is to remove "but not in a creepy way". You'll be able to weed out the creepy ones easily enough.

Your place looks beautiful and it would certainly catch my eye, but I would not want to live with a couple, lesbian or otherwise. Three's a crowd and I'd be the odd man out. Also, sadly not everyone is queer friendly so of course that limits the pool of respondants, though by how much is anyone's guess.

As for what you can do, it's obvious: lower the price.
posted by PercussivePaul at 1:17 PM on October 24, 2007

Agreed with everyone above, especially about removing the word "creepy" from your ad and the stuff about not wanting to live with a couple. It's almost unclear from your ad that you two are a couple; so it's possible people are missing that part in the ad and then realizing it upon visiting. The ad is also a little too long- I'd cut the 4th paragraph (they either already know the neighborhood already or don't at all, and then who really gives a care?).
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:21 PM on October 24, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Oh, and I'd cut the "PLEASE BE QUEER FRIENDLY!!! " part at the bottom, too. You only have to mention it once, IMO.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:22 PM on October 24, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

No one wants to live with a couple. It'll always be you vs. them.
posted by electroboy at 1:23 PM on October 24, 2007 [3 favorites has favorites]

I agree with KokoRyu. I'd also remove "PLEASE BE QUEER FRIENDLY!!!" I understand the sentiment, but he all-caps triple-exclamation-point injunction is excessive.
posted by googly at 1:25 PM on October 24, 2007

Good suggestions, applying them STAT.
posted by Lieber Frau at 1:30 PM on October 24, 2007

$700 is too much, and many people would prefer not to live with a couple, gay or not gay. Most young folks looking to live with roommates would like to find friends to hang around with. If the roommates are a couple the new roommate may feel like an outsider.

Also I would leave the "gay friendly" bit out entirely and screen for it in person. You can specify if you would prefer a female roommate, though. Good luck!
posted by bonheur at 1:31 PM on October 24, 2007

Something about the way you've presented yourselves in that ad makes the situation a bit unclear -- "cool with lesbians," upon skimming, makes you sound like a creepy frat boy or something. It actually takes a bit of work for me (straight, but very queer friendly) to parse out that you're a lesbian couple.

It's clear on a second read, but I think most people just skim over these things quickly, and so you may be turning off the people you most hope would respond.

It's also a little hard to figure out the exact living situation, which was always a turn-off to me when I was looking at roommate ads. Can you be more upfront and just say "We're a couple looking for a roommate in a 2BR Lincoln Park apartment"?
posted by occhiblu at 1:33 PM on October 24, 2007

At first glance, my concern would being the issues that arise when living with an established couple.
posted by Oktober at 1:33 PM on October 24, 2007

Located on Sheffield, literally less than a block from the Armitage stop on the Brown Line. Plenty of shopping and food nearby, and the DePaul campus is only a couple of blocks away.

Your room is the bigger room, about 11 feet by 14 feet, with a huge closet. We've got a washer/dryer in unit, space for storage, access to the basement, and a dishwasher.

The bathroom and the kitchen were recently remodeled, and all the appliances are brand new. While all the molding is original and the building is one of Lincoln Park's classic row houses, it's been very well kept up by a fastidious landlord.

We're looking for a studious and/or focused individual who is cool with lesbians. My partner is a grad student at the Art Institute (and often spends nights at her studio), and I'm a writer who works in advertising.

We're fine with cats and dogs, as long as they're well trained and won't shed all over everything we own.
posted by KAS at 1:34 PM on October 24, 2007 [2 favorites has favorites]

+1 occhiblu.
posted by PercussivePaul at 1:36 PM on October 24, 2007

I just want to say that it may also have nothing to do with your ad (or you). I have friends that have had a hard time finding roommates for a perfectly good house. I'd also suggest not making such a big deal about the creepiness factor (to me, the reader, it seems like you're making a bigger deal of this, which I wouldn't have noticed otherwise). And finally, I just moved out from living with a couple. It certainly gets uncomfortable being the 3rd wheel so that may also limit people.
posted by special-k at 1:36 PM on October 24, 2007

Just realized where my confusion was: Because you don't say the number of bedrooms and how many people are living there, it's unclear whether your partner lives in the apartment you're advertising, or you're just mentioning her because she's over at the place a lot. Obviously, these are issues that can kinda be puzzled out, but since "How many bedrooms? How many roommates?" are the questions really at the core of the situation, I'd spell them out.
posted by occhiblu at 1:36 PM on October 24, 2007

Just try to get the word out - I don't think the ad was really problematic, I tend to agree with above comments about people maybe hesitating about feeling like a 3rd wheel moving in with a couple.

Is there maybe a gay bookstore or coffee house or something where you could put up a notice? What about the DePaul campus, since it is close - maybe a notice there?
posted by KAS at 1:36 PM on October 24, 2007

You might also consider that it has nothing to do with your ad (though I agree with the edits above) but that something about the way you come off in person is off-putting. The place looks nice, it's a good location, and though I haven't lived in Chicago for a long time, it seems affordable. Maybe your should rethink the way you interact with people who come to see the place? Friendly, not demanding, not overbearing.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 1:37 PM on October 24, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Nice job, Hive Mind! I've been looking for a roommate so long now that these fairly obvious, but clearly important, issues have escaped me. Once again, I'm very glad I posted here. Now the only problem is going to be choosing a "best answer".
posted by Lieber Frau at 1:40 PM on October 24, 2007

I agree with occhiblu. What you charge for rent is totally up to you, but as a potential renter possibly renting an apartment with a couple, my first thought would be "Are they going to charge me half the rent because its a 2bedroom and they are sharing a bedroom?"

So I would maybe add something like 'The rent for the entire apartment is $XXXX and your share would be $700."
posted by ian1977 at 1:44 PM on October 24, 2007

I don't know what typical rents are in your area, but $700/mo seems a bit excessive for a room with a couple. I used to live in the DC area, not exactly known for cheap housing, and used to pay $500 for a room in a not-dissimilar situation. I think if you can get down closer to $500 than $1000, you may get more bites. For $700 I'd probably want my own half-bath at least.

Obviously that depends on the local housing market but my first reaction was "$700! daaaamn!" Are you sure you're not pricing above the market?

Anyway, aside from that I think the ad is good, with the changes applied.
posted by Kadin2048 at 1:54 PM on October 24, 2007

People really don't want to live with couples, and I don't think your ad makes it clear that you're a couple, so I can imagine that some visits from interested people haven't panned out.

You could address some concerns people have about living with couples in the ad-- "My girlfriend and I are a non-clingy lesbian couple in our 20s. We're very easy to get along with, and have experience living with a third roommate." or something.
posted by thehmsbeagle at 1:58 PM on October 24, 2007

I agree with what thehmsbeagle just posted, and was actually heading back here to say that the updated ad doesn't mention your gender(s); you may want to add that back in.
posted by occhiblu at 2:07 PM on October 24, 2007

Yeah, another vote for not wanting to live with a couple. You'll never feel like it's really YOUR place.

And 700 bucks is a lot of money. I pay half that (Roger's Park) for an amazing apartment, right off the Red Line.
posted by Windigo at 2:11 PM on October 24, 2007

I'm nthing the moving in with a couple, it would be too weird.
posted by 6:1 at 2:12 PM on October 24, 2007

Become celebrities on the internets, like roommate-seekers Emily and Michelle.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 2:12 PM on October 24, 2007

The rent is more than reasonable for the space and the neighborhood. It actually looks like a really nice place. I tend to agree that the ad didn't make it clear that it's a couple looking for a roommate and that it's very hard to find someone who wants to live with a couple.

If you can afford to drop the rent, you might try targeting people who travel a lot for work. Do you know anyone with friends in the tourism industry or is a stewardess/pilot? You might be best going the friend of a friend route because it's just awkward moving in with a couple.
posted by crush-onastick at 2:16 PM on October 24, 2007

Whoa. I'm actually looking to move out of my Ravenswood apartment, sooner rather than later. I'm interested!

$700 is a lot, but not too much more than what I'm spending. You should probably specify whether that includes heat and how much you expect utilities to be.

Also, studious/focused seems arbitrary. What if they're just quiet? And what is "roommate protocol"? I'm kind of a mess, but I can usually keep my mess confined to my personal spaces.
posted by Metroid Baby at 2:30 PM on October 24, 2007

To all the anti-couple-ites: I am half of a lesbian couple, and my partner and I have had many roommates over the years - gay, straight, male, female. To be honest, one of our roommates did accuse us of ganging up on him, and it's possible that we did. That issue never came up with the following four roommates though, and all of those situations ended amiably for non-conflict related reasons. It isn't all that strange or difficult to be a single living with a couple (of course, this depends on the individuals involved).

Anyway, good luck with your revised ad, Lieber Frau!
posted by arcticwoman at 2:32 PM on October 24, 2007

What the heck is "roommate protocol?"

What's the point of mentioning "Oprah-approved" stores? Is that some kind of codephrase that gay-friendly people will pick up on? If not, you may want to lose the snark and mention things that your prospective roommate might *like*. In short, it's a confusing ad.
posted by rhizome at 2:59 PM on October 24, 2007

I'd mention the fact that you're a couple right up front, and mention that it's a 2 bedroom apartment in the first paragraph. I'd also take out the part about understanding "roommate protocol" - you can flesh out the protocols and etiquette when you meet with people you think have potential.

So my ad would look like this:

We're a lesbian couple looking for a studious and/or focused open-minded roommate to share our space. We've got a spacious, sunny, beautifully maintained 2 bedroom apartment, located on Sheffield, literally less than a block from the Armitage stop on the Brown Line. It takes me about 15 minutes from door to door to do my morning commute downtown.

We've got a washer/dryer in unit, space for storage, access to the basement, and a dishwasher. The bathroom and the kitchen were recently remodeled, and all the appliances are brand new. While all the molding is original and the building is one of Lincoln Park's classic row houses, it's been very well kept up by a fastidious landlord.

Your bedroom is the bigger bedroom, about 11 feet by 14 feet, with a huge closet.

Being just off Armitage street on Sheffield means we're located right in the middle of some classy retail, including a Kiehl's, Ralph Lauren, and other Oprah-approved businesses. There are some great restaurants in this area, and the DePaul campus is only a couple blocks away.

We're fine with cats and dogs, as long as they're well trained and won't shed all over everything we own. My partner is a grad student at the Art Institute (and often spends nights at her studio), and I'm a writer who works in advertising. Drop us a line and let us know a bit about yourself.

I have to confess....I don't get the bit about Oprah...does she approve everything in Chicago? Would a roommate not shop at a store that didn't have the Oprah stamp of approval? Maybe it's tongue-in-cheek? I wouldn't know, not being a Chicagoan.
posted by iconomy at 3:10 PM on October 24, 2007

I actually really like "Oprah-approved", but then it's also the kind of thing I would write, and people usually give me a hard time about such turns of phrase, alas.

I think Iconomy's ad is great, with the minor edit that I'd take out "open-minded". I know you're just trying to weed out people who aren't comfortable with lesbians, but some of us would be paranoid that "open-minded" was code for "You don't care that we're nudist drug lords in our spare time" or something.
posted by thehmsbeagle at 3:20 PM on October 24, 2007

Dear Friends,


Your advice has been duly noted. I wish Craigslist would hurry up and show those edits, already.
posted by Lieber Frau at 3:21 PM on October 24, 2007

In chicago I can get a one bedroom in a decent, but not sexy, neighborhood for around 700. Or a little more. A studio, a little less. I think the economics of your situation isnt good. On top of that no one really wants to live with a couple. I would think going down to 400-500 would attract some students willing to live there for a while.
posted by damn dirty ape at 3:56 PM on October 24, 2007

I'd say its less the"dykes" issue as you put it and more the do I really want to move in with a couple and be the third wheel?
posted by Ironmouth at 4:33 PM on October 24, 2007

I'm just backing all the others who say they don't want to live with a couple. I wouldn't want to be the third wheel in a roommate situation. When my partner and I were looking for housing we figured we live with no roommates or two or more, just because having the third person around could get awkward for all of us.
posted by schroedinger at 4:54 PM on October 24, 2007

While you've already received good advice on changing the ad it is too wordy, at least as I'm currently seeing it, and not all that clear on the living situation. Also, why in the world is there not a picture of the bedroom in question?

And, as has been said, living with a couple is far from ideal, regardless of the genders and sexualities.
posted by 6550 at 6:47 PM on October 24, 2007

This is why
posted by kookoobirdz at 10:08 PM on October 24, 2007

Nthing the couple thing. It's not a dealbreaker, but I've been there and it creates some awkward issues.

I think the ad is hurting you. It's written more like a dating ad, actually, and some of the language (like "open-minded") suggests things you probably don't want (like, say, almost hinting you want a third in more ways than one).

I'd simplify to:

Lesbian couple looking for quiet roommate to share spacious, sunny 2BR on Sheffield near Armitage.

Less than a block to the Brown Line, minutes to Loop. Near great shopping, restaurants, and DePaul campus.

You get the bigger bedroom, 11x14 with huge closet. W/D and dishwasher in unit, storage and basement access. New bathroom and kitchen. Classic Lincoln Park row house in tip top shape!

Pets OK if well trained and won't shed.

We're a grad student and a copywriter. You can be M or F, gay or straight.

Sure, craigslist is not 15 cents a word or anything, but pithy really works best for skimmers. A windy ad suggests a lengthy getting-to-know-you process and then you actually reinforce it at the end by practically asking for an essay.

Some more points:
* Probably helps to be upfront that you're OK with M or F.
* I don't know what Lincoln Park is like these days, but it's probably affected by the real estate slump, meaning there's cheap digs everywhere. You may have to back off the $700. (That said, for non-Chicagoans reading, this is the main yuppie/upscale part of town. It's not completely unreasonable.)
* Sometimes you see people mention movies or music in roommate ads. Maybe you could point out you're not 24/7 Indigo Girls, or something.
* Maybe a hint about eating situations. As a couple you'll pretty much always eat together (here's one of those awkward things), but what does the fifth wheel do?

Take this with a grain of salt as all my roommate situations were through social networking, but I bet if you went with my punchier, to-the-point wording you'd start getting more interest and more chance to get the right person.
posted by dhartung at 11:23 PM on October 24, 2007

Well, I'd live with you. If you guys need a subletter for a bit in the summer, let me know?

It's not the neighborhood--CL kind of sucks around here occasionally, and I'd follow what the above have said about wording.
posted by rhoticity at 1:54 AM on October 25, 2007

Honestly? Once you're a couple, you pretty much do have to live "by yourselves," usually. (And this is coming from someone who actually doesn't mind "third wheel" status.) In our culture, if you're partnered off, you're not supposed to have an extra roommate around, and the extra roommate will be pretty aware of it.

This might not be so much of an issue if you were looking for more than one roommate, or perhaps a second couple to shack up with you, or doing co-op style-living. Or uh, just get a 1-bedroom for yourselves.
posted by jenfullmoon at 1:08 PM on October 26, 2007

Another thing that would make me dismiss it, is that one of you is a grad student and one of you works as a writer. To me that says I will never, ever have the apartment to myself, and that you both keep non-standard hours.
posted by small_ruminant at 1:19 PM on October 26, 2007