Advanced Schmoozing Seminar: Self-Directed Topics in Networking

October 23, 2007 9:59 PM

SchmoozeFilter: How can I interact intelligently with VIPs and other (self-) important people at networking events? Are there any salespeople out there who can help me? (I'm a government worker operating at the interface between the operational and the political, and much of my work involves protecting sources of funding).

I've recently been promoted, and I often have the opportunity to attend work functions and networking events where there are a lot of high-wattage people are in attendance. These people are generally CEOs, politicians, government executives, investment bankers and VCs, and so on. These people are all very intelligent, and very sophisticated. While I'm pretty sharp and generally very good at schmoozing, I find it very tough to engage these folks in conversation. Usually it's as though I reveal myself to be a schmuck, and the conversation ends, and they walk away. I therefore don't really build up points or social capital (ie, status).

In my old position at a different subsidiary org (it was an industry association that held a great number of networking events), it was kind of the same situation. Most of the CEOs knew that I was a staffer, and generally would have little to do with me at networking events. That's fine - small-town CEOs are rarely pleasant people to talk to, and I was contented being a schmuck. However, with my position now, I need to make connections as part of my job. I don't take being treated as a schmuck very personally - this is politics, after all.

So, how do I sound intelligent? One successful tactic I've tried is starting out a conversation by asking "what's new?", but this only works for folks I already kind of know. Another time, I approached someone I didn't know. After probing, I discovered he worked as the CEO of two pioneering tech companies about twenty years ago. He's now one of the most important philanthropists in Vancouver. I then turned on the flattery, which seemed to work, but I had to ask him a lot of probing questions, and I consider this tactic somewhat crude.

So, anyone out there, what's the best way to network with VIPs with massive egos and make a good impression?

Note: I am at ease with anyone else, especially more technical folks, such as department managers. It's just the executives that are hard.

posted by KokuRyu to work & money (9 comments total)

Huh, well I'm not sure if this is the greatest suggestion yet, but...

I picked up the book How To Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes. It can be on the corny side at times, but basically it's filled with little tips to consider when socially interacting with all sorts of people.

I'm replying to your question with this, because I'm slightly amused as the book has a chapter specifically-titled "How to talk like a VIP," and tips titled "How to Sound Even Smarter Than You Are" and "How to Make Them Feel You're of the Same 'Class.'"

Please note that I've only read perhaps 30 pages of the book so far. I'd recommend going to a book store and reading the tips that interest you most first, to see if the book might appeal to you. Each tip is only 2-3 pages long.
posted by Squee at 10:29 PM on October 23, 2007 [2 favorites]

People love to talk about themselves and what they know - be they CEO's or the night guard at the front desk. All you have to do is learn to play to this.

My line of work also involves frequent interaction with the senior leadership of large companies and organizations, and frankly I've always been as comfortable talking with a C_O as I have been with anyone else in the room, because at the end of the day, they are as human as anyone else. They have a story of how they got there, how they do what they do best, a leadership philosophy, something funny about their family, a disaster they mitigated, a sports team they are die hard for...etc..

Its simply a matter of politely asking the right questions and listen attentively. Flattery is easy to spot and rather insulting - stick to the probing questions but try to be genuinely interested.
posted by allkindsoftime at 11:46 PM on October 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

Maybe take a risk and try rigorous honesty? I know there are a lot of factors and you want to be seen in a certain light, but would being seen as your truest self be deprecating? And trying dropping "What's new?" and replacing with "What's best?" and "Why?"

Could you perhaps jut right in with ideas and compliments, satisfying their ego and showing/sharing complex thought/compassionate ideas?
posted by crustix at 11:49 PM on October 23, 2007

I might just be a little tired, but I'm not sure I understand your job exactly. In any case, here's my experience with events dealing with politicians and businessmen: they're at these events to further their own goals, not relax or make friends.

So, sure, introduce yourself, ask them what they do, and then figure out a way to let them know what you can offer them. People are probably walking off because you haven't made it clear why they should be interested in you and tick tock, there's money to be made and power to be grabbed.

So, say you introduce yourself, they understand what you can offer, everything's going great. Cool. Look over there, there's someone you have to talk to. It was very nice to meet them, here's your card. You have a nice night.

Get in, get out, leave them with a positive experience and a good memory. Next time people will wonder who that person is that so-and-so recognizes and maybe they should introduce themselves. Once you make a relationship with the right person, the gates will open and you'll have entry.
posted by empyrean at 3:20 AM on October 24, 2007

Pick up a copy of "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. A finer book on the art of conversation has never been written.

If I had to summerize it one line though - it boils down to being more interested in learning about the other person than in talking about yourself.
posted by COD at 5:42 AM on October 24, 2007 [1 favorite]

I've read the Leil Lowndes book recommended in the first comment, and I'd say definitely take a look at it. The earlier material is mostly all-purpose socializing advice, but some of the later sections are specifically oriented toward exactly the kind of situations you're talking about. I actually found it offputting how much of the advice is about how to be a "VIP" and a "winner," but it seems like what you're looking for. She focuses a lot on how to fit in with people who might have areas of knowledge or expertise outside your own.

Disclaimer: I'm not adept at what you're trying to do, so this recommendation isn't based on first-hand experience.

BTW, she makes a pretty convincing argument that How to Win Friends and Influence People is now obscelescent.
posted by jejune at 6:46 AM on October 24, 2007

(1) Dress appropriately and well. (2) Look people in the eye; (3) Get them to talk about themselves.
posted by Ironmouth at 9:53 AM on October 24, 2007

If you go to the same kind of these events I do, you're pretty sure who's going to be there.

So, learn stuff about them, and ask. Not stalker-y questions, but like 'Wow, I really admired how you doubled sales in two quarters. We're having the same problems with x business unit - I'm wondering if you have any pointers"

or

"I read the case study on your website on ecommerce - it was so important to my work. I was able to blah blah blah. What are your plans for the future?"

or, if you're lucky

'Oh, I'm working with BlahBlah now - she's so talented. She speaks really highly of you. " and the conversation goes from there.

Do NOT ever, ever hang on someone who is uncomfortable. Give you business card every 30 seconds.

And - just b/c you're high up in the world does not mean that you have any social skills to speak of. I'd say less so, actually, since the more important you are, the less you are required to talk or be pleasant to anyone. Sometimes, an intelligent two seconds is about all you can hope for.
posted by beezy at 10:25 AM on October 24, 2007 [1 favorite]

Thanks for the advice so far. I think part of my schmuck-like behaviour (in the context of meeting Triple-A-type personalities) is that, because I'm a little nervous, I become a bit of a chatterbox, so I'll have to tone that down. Eye contact and body language are not a problem. Dressing appropriately is not a problem (I shine my shoes and get my hair cut once every two weeks, for example). I must say that I'm getting better traction with these folks than I once did, but it would be great to get the attention of the chairman of the board (my boss, in theory). My own boss, who is a high-powered guy, I have no problems with.
posted by KokuRyu at 10:35 AM on October 24, 2007