What's the difference between being a Navy wife and a Navy girlfriend?

October 17, 2007 1:03 PM

What are the military-specific rights and benefits granted to married couples in the United States? I'm interested in legal and cultural rights/benefits. Bonus personal story inside.

I've read that "Of the 1139 federal benefits provided by marriage, over 350 pertain to military service," (source) but I'm having a very tough time finding a good list of them. This comment was a good start.

I'm also interested in the intangible/cultural benefits.

Asking about the alternative might also be useful: What is it like being the committed (unmarried) partner of a military officer?

I'm asking this question because I am going to become a Navy officer soon. My girlfriend and I are trying to figure out whether getting married before my official entrance to the Navy would be the best course of action. We have been living together "as a family" (shared bank account, etc.) for a couple years now, and while we want to get married, without help from circumstance we would probably stay unmarried for a while. But if it turns out that being married would make her/our life significantly easier, we need to start planning a wedding to happen before we move.

posted by Infernarl to society & culture (11 comments total)

I'm sure someone can speak to this with more authority, but my understanding is that many of the military benefits come in the form of what's generally thought of as hopped-up employment benefits. Access to base health care, stores, facilities, etc., health and life insurance, etc.
posted by craven_morhead at 1:10 PM on October 17, 2007

I shouldn't bother responding, since people with actual knowledge and experience will be along shortly. But my impression is that it's a *huge* difference, and you should very strongly consider getting married.
posted by Tomorrowful at 1:10 PM on October 17, 2007

As your spouse, I believe she may be entitled to a portion of your military retirement income. Does she work? If she does, how does her health benefits package stack up against TRICARE? Ah, and don't forget USAA, either. I'm sure there are a bunch of other things.
posted by jquinby at 1:12 PM on October 17, 2007

Military spouses get some advantages in hiring to some Federal jobs. It's mostly on-post jobs, so that they're not unemployed while being dragged around the country/world by their active-duty spouse.

More here, or Google "military spouse preference".
posted by Kadin2048 at 1:13 PM on October 17, 2007

It's been a while, but when I was in the Army the advantages of a spouse were huge. I'll run off the ones I can remember from memory.

Housing - unmarried, you get housing with other single dudes. Married, you get to live with your wife.

Dependent Military ID - Access to the PX, Commissary, etc ... it's the military's form of ID.

Moving Allowance - Married allows you to move a household rather than a room.

Accompanied Tours - Military pays for your wife to travel with you if you get sent overseas (may not apply to Navy).

Cultural - Rightly or wrongly there's a big difference in the social circles between wife and girlfriend.

Access to Military Hospital/Health Care

I'm sure there are others I'm forgetting, but hopefully you get the idea.
posted by forforf at 1:16 PM on October 17, 2007

Oh, a clarification on housing. You don't have to live with other single dudes, but your housing allowance will be based upon being single, not married. And if your enlisted, you may be forced to go through many hoops to live with your girlfriend rather than with all the other single enlistees.
posted by forforf at 1:18 PM on October 17, 2007

When I was in the military, I had a friend who was married entirely as a convenience. I don't recall all the benefits, but it had to do with the fact that she got housing and medical benefits and access to military facilities, including the military liquor store which was way cheaper. She was a student so this all went over well. Later they divorced before they really got married.
posted by procrastination at 1:55 PM on October 17, 2007

Don't know if it's still like this, but I've heard that having a Navy wife is a tacit but essential check-box for officers who wish to make the Navy their career. Certainly it's essential for screening for flag-rank.
posted by infinitewindow at 2:01 PM on October 17, 2007

Yes, get married before you're in. From the time you have benefits, she will. This includes:
base access
health coverage (so even if she works, she can drop her private health; the monthly savings on that for just me is awesome)
access to a gym and facilities
being able to shop at the, shoot, the Navy has NEX-es, right? And the commissary, which is better on money and convenience
better housing for both of you (or a better housing allowance)
you not having to sign her on base every two to three days (no big deal, right? Seriously. It's a pain in the butt).
If you get posted far from home, they will pay to move her with you.

Other benefits include more rights as next of kin should anything happen to you on a deployment (not military-specific) and an easier time sharing insurance, etc.
posted by Cricket at 2:40 PM on October 17, 2007

I should read. Forfort said most of what I did, and with better formatting.
posted by Cricket at 2:41 PM on October 17, 2007

Family separation allowance (There are a couple different types, talk to someone in the S1 shop for the differences)

Dependent housing allowance (Sometimes this is part of the family separation allowance, Type 1 I think)

Survivor Benefits

Base benefits (PX, Commissary, health care (Though some might argue that military health care isn't much of a benefit), some education benefits usually through local colleges, jobs on post)

In most cases the military will pay for movement of your dependents.

I would recommend talking to someone in S1 (personnel), JAG, or failing all that a chaplain should be able to point you in the right direction.

I too knew a couple that was married simply so she could get the health care for herself and her son. The day after he got out, he showed up at my door asking to sleep on my couch that night so he could catch his flight in the morning. Seems he was busy all day getting his divorce finalized. They, of course, were still pretty good friends.

Also keep in mind that military service can be hard on a marriage. Once, I was walking with a female soldier of mine when we came across a pilot she knew from a previous post. We stopped to chat for a few minutes and during the catching up, he asked how she was doing and if she was still married. I thought it a dumb question at the time, but after thinking about it and seeing so many friends and fellow soldiers go through messy divorces, realized that it was a fair question. I hope YRWV.
posted by Chickenjack at 4:18 AM on October 25, 2007