Oh, what do we know about partying or anything else?

October 16, 2007 5:53 PM

How big and loud can a weekend party be before the neighbors get pissed off?

I live in a traditional detached home in a middle class urban neighborhood, near a university, whose population is a wide-ranging mix of old and young people and families.

My wife and I, who have owned this house for about 3 years, have held an annual Halloween party for the last 6, and the list of invitees has grown as we've transitioned through different jobs, hobbies, classes etc. over the years. We think this year's could possibly be 45 or more people, the bulk of which would be here at the same time.

Because of the small size of our house, many guests will likely be in the back yard, and there will be music playing out there, loud conversation, etc. There are concrete walls separating our yard from those of our neighbors, but otherwise, it's a pretty close-in 'hood.

Things will probably wrap up at 11 or midnight. Most of our friends are professionals in their 30s, so we're not talking fights or vomiting in the gutter. But there might be some boisterous laughter, a contained bonfire, dogs playing/fighting, perhaps an illegal substance abused.

We get along pretty well with our neighbors, and don't want them to hate us. And we really want to be good members of our community.

We've had a few shindigs, but most 15 people or less. Is this pushing it? What are the appropriate limits for parties in city neighborhoods?

posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! to human relations (43 comments total)

Talk to your neighbors about it; maybe invite them?
posted by LobsterMitten at 5:56 PM on October 16, 2007

There's no hard and fast rule, it completely depends on your neighbors. Go to your neighbors and let them know what your plans are and ask them to let you know if there's a problem with noise. Inviting them is even better.
posted by wuzandfuzz at 5:57 PM on October 16, 2007

Right. Talk to your neighbors.
posted by MarshallPoe at 5:57 PM on October 16, 2007

Inviting them to the party is an important first step. They'll either come, or know to be far, far away while the party goes on.

That said, Halloween is on a Wednesday this week. So, if the neighbors want it quieter before midnight, you may have to shuffle everyone inside or to a local bar.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 5:59 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Stop by and visit with each neighbor (or drop off a note), telling them you're having a party, inviting them to stop by for a beer, and including your phone number so they can call you instead of the cops if they're having problems with the noise.

You don't say which night of the week you're planning the party for, but I think 10 p.m. is the limit for neighbor-audible noise on weeknights, midnight on weekends.
posted by ottereroticist at 6:00 PM on October 16, 2007

To clarify, some people who live on our street are coming. But the immediate next-door neighbors on either side are older, have kids, and wouldn't be interested.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 6:00 PM on October 16, 2007

That's an early end. If it's a Friday or Saturday night, it's not likely to bother too many people. If it's not, it'll bother some people. Keeping the music indoors will help keep the conversation volume outdoors down considerably, you might consider that for after 10pm or so.

Also, invite your neighbours.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:00 PM on October 16, 2007

And this is on Friday, before the actual Halloween.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 6:01 PM on October 16, 2007

Even if they're not interested, it's a nice gesture/warning. Just tell them what you've told us here (perhaps minus the bit about illegal substances) and you'll be fine.
posted by lhall at 6:02 PM on October 16, 2007

How do you know the neighbors with kids won't be interested? They probably don't get out enough - but now the night life is coming to them. Invite them as well.
posted by readery at 6:03 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

If the music wraps up around 11-12ish, I don't think it would be too problematic. But still, I'd suggest a quick round to the neighbors to give them a heads up.
posted by sperose at 6:03 PM on October 16, 2007

Yeah, it would be best to invite the neighbours, just to let them know what you have planned. If you really think the party will be over by 11, let your neighbours know that, too. But if you have no plan in place for closing the party down by that time, maybe you should not tell your neighbours that in order to avoid raising expectations.

But just knowing when something will be over is enough to pre-empt complaints.

[I called the cops last Saturday night on a pub that just opened in our residential neighbourhood (!) that hired a band and let people yak out on their patio. It would have helped if we had known about the event, and what time it would end - I wouldn't have phoned the cops]
posted by KokuRyu at 6:06 PM on October 16, 2007

Yes it would be a nice gesture for you to write them a note and phone number. If I was your neghbor, I would be very pleased and would even endore all out loud party for one night...(if i didn't get a note.. i will be pissed)

Beside leaving a phone number will be like your warning siren before some one gets really upset and send cops.

But I'll 99.99% of time people will be very nice about it after getting the notice from you. (It would only set you back maybe 30-60min. of your time)
posted by curiousleo at 6:07 PM on October 16, 2007

I wouldn't invite anyone else unless you actually want some neighbor in... as you said, the party is already big as is.... Beside, if neighbor weren't expecting you to invite, they wouldn't care being not invited... just give them a nice post it note with your number.
posted by curiousleo at 6:09 PM on October 16, 2007

But just knowing when something will be over is enough to pre-empt complaints.

Cannot stress this enough. As someone who falls on the "annoyed by a lot of noise" side of things, if I knew my neighbors were having a party and knew it would be over "around midnight" I wouldn't be sitting there stewing at 11:30 wondering if it was going to go on til 3. I think this is a great gesture, though not strictly neccessary but will probably reduce the chances of the cops being called to almost zero.
posted by jessamyn at 6:19 PM on October 16, 2007

I've been the next door neighbor plenty of times. The main problem with loud parties is not the noise, it's the feeling that those assholes next door haven't given you a second thought (the noise is a close second). So, even if you don't expect them to come, you still should talk to them about it, and unenthusiastically invite them over, so that they feel like part of the process. I can overlook a lot of annoying behavior if I feel like the person doing it is a friend, or at least a friendly face.

...Although if they have kids, they might be more defensive about it.
posted by Hildago at 6:26 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I had a band party in my backyard for 150 on a Saturday night. It went off without a problem with the neighbors. In hindsight, I think it was because we had reasonable neighbors who knew this was a one off type of event. We invited some of them in advance. The neighbors to my immediate right are 20 years older than us. We were very clear with them our plans including what time we would be shutting it down. We honored that time to a tee. We told the police we would be having a band party. They were very clear about their expectations for us. In fact, they were supportive of us with a neighbor who complained about noise prior to the legal cutoff time because we had told them (neighbors and police) of our plans.

40 people on a Friday night before Halloween is not unreasonable.

Do not invite anyone who will have a problem with "perhaps an illegal substance being abused". Be prepared yourself to answer a knock on the door from the police asking you to tone it down at around 10 or 11 depending on local ordinance. Or, be prepared for them to walk around to the back without warning if it is loud back there. Will they turn a blind eye to a few joints being passed around? Some towns will and others will take the opportunity to harass you.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 6:29 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

But just knowing when something will be over is enough to pre-empt complaints.

Exactly. I live in a neighbourhood like yours and am one of those mean people who calls noise control. What you're describing is certainly loud enough to bother your neighbours and to warrant a call if it goes too late. I tend to get grumpy once it goes past ten because it's usually been loud for several hours by that time and the thought of several more is excruciating. When I make the call will depend on how grumpy I get and how annoying they are, before midnight is certainly an option if I have to work the next day (much more likely for serial offenders). But if the neighbours have told me about it i advance and I know it's likely to be done by midnight I'll happily just crank my iPod and ignore until things settle down. Telling them also gives the opportunity for them to reply with any valid information, like maybe one of their kids has an exam the next day or someone is sick or they're having builders in to make loud noises at seven am Saturday morning.

I don't think you need to invite them if you don't want to. I'm not friends with my neighbours (although am friendly) and don't expect to be part of their socialising, I have my own friends. An informal mention over the fence would work but even a note dropped in the letterbox is fine. Not everyone has time to go round door knocking and personally I'm not even home most evenings to receive friendly neighbour visits anyway. Passing on your phone number makes sense, that way if it goes on too long or gets too boisterous they can call you instead of the authorities. Most places I've lived we exchange numbers with our neighbours any way, despite not socialising with them otherwise.

It sounds like a fun party and like you're already being considerate of your neighbours, so I hope you all have a great time.
posted by shelleycat at 6:33 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

But just knowing when something will be over is enough to pre-empt complaints.

Nthing this. I can be pretty noise-touchy (I'm totally turning into a "get off my lawn!" person in my middle age, much to my horror), but I'd have no problem with a loud party that I knew was wrapping up before midnight. It's only if I had the inkling it was going to go later that I'd get itchy on the trigger finger about calling the cops.
posted by scody at 6:36 PM on October 16, 2007

Party till the cops come. They'll just warn you, and then you turn it down. (that's what I do)
posted by PowerCat at 6:42 PM on October 16, 2007

I would never call the police or noise control on neighbours, no matter how noisy it got. Even if your party went on till six in the morning and there was a heavy metal band playing the back yard. If you lived next door to me, I would be delighted that you were having a nice party and stick cotton wool in my ears.

People who call the police on neighbours are mean, selfish and priggish.
posted by dydecker at 6:45 PM on October 16, 2007 [4 favorites has favorites]

Invite your neighbors as everyone says. Living in a college town as I do, everything sounds pretty reasonable to me except I have to say the idea of a bonfire in my neighbor's back yard is a bit worrying, especially if you live in a dry area. Also, a bonfire may not even be legal without a permit, depending on your local ordinances, so it seems to make it much more likely that someone would call the cops (or the fire dept.) if so. Ignoring your neighbor's noise simply requires tolerance/patience, but ignoring a bonfire close to your property actual requires a fair amount of trust, I would think. Perhaps I'm not representative, though, since I don't see anyone who picked up on this above me.
posted by advil at 6:52 PM on October 16, 2007

have it on a weekend and invite the neighbors. check your local laws and see if there is a noise curfew, but it's usually midnight, so you're probably fine.

i do call the police on loud neighbors who carry on late at night, btw. i guess i am mean, selfish, and priggish. but after midnight, it's fair game, i think.
posted by thinkingwoman at 6:55 PM on October 16, 2007

Thanks for the great answers, folks. I will leave notes with our phone # for the neighbors, and make sure things wind down by midnight. Like Shelleycat, I'm friendly with my neighbors, but not friends with them. It has nothing to do with the fact that they have kids, BTW, lots of my friends have kids. They're just not our types.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 6:59 PM on October 16, 2007

I would nix the bonfire because the smoke going into their s/windows could be a problem. Do illegal substances inside for the same reason. Kids these days are always asthmatic. Other than that you've had sound advice.
posted by sondrialiac at 7:07 PM on October 16, 2007

I'm someone who does get irritated by neighbor noise, but if a neighbor talks to me in advance or at least sends an invite or handwritten note explaining what they're doing, then it's totally cool. It's the dicks that have no common courtesy that get my goat.
posted by rolypolyman at 7:07 PM on October 16, 2007

i do call the police on loud neighbors who carry on late at night, btw. i guess i am mean, selfish, and priggish. but after midnight, it's fair game, i think.

What ever happened to common civility & treating other people like reasonable human beings? The appropriate response to a neighbour who is driving you crazy with noise is to go over there and say 'Hey, keep it down, I'm trying to sleep.' It is not appropriate to call the police, any more than it's right to call the police if your friend won't pay you back the $20 he owes you. Or someone steps on your toe in the supermarket, or someone spills coffee all over you in McDonalds.

Jeez, AskMetafilter is getting so conservative of late. Any kind of human interaction q and it's call a professional: get a lawyer, get a therapist, get a policeman over to sort it out. Why are Americans so afraid of each other? It's bizarre.

Go and knock on the door and ask them to turn it down. End of.
posted by dydecker at 7:10 PM on October 16, 2007 [4 favorites has favorites]

I had a rather long comment, but based on attending or setting up house parties in similar situations I have the following, important advice:

- Keep all doors, windows shut. I know you said that people will be spilling outside, that's fine. Let smokers mingle outside. Keep music inside, and make sure everything stays shut as much as possible.

- For a music setup go for bookshelf type speakers, preferably attached to an iPod. This has several functions, (1) limits physically, the loudness, (2) allows the drunk kids to put on a song they want, because they will ask and it is just easier to give in and give the people shitty music in a bar jukebox format. Unless you have fashionista hipster friends, chances are your incredibly cool Mark Ronson mix won't go through. When at 1AM, people decide to play "My Humps" at full volume (which they will get to play, despite careful planning and everything you say otherwise, as if there is some cosmic force that wants and needs shitty music to be played loudly when drunk).

- Provide as much segregation as possible. Make sure all your main floor rooms, including the kitchen, are conducive to mingling. This prevents chaos if drinking games, dancing and everything else can be physically delineated. Read Pynchon's "Entropy" if you think I'm wrong.

I have old neighbors, who hate that I'm young, and yet I've had many parties without any ill effects or even notice by them. The philosophy is simple: loudness should be contained on the inside as much as possible.

Also, this is Halloween, you don't have anything to worry about. At the very worst they'd stop by and tell you turn down the noise.
posted by geoff. at 7:19 PM on October 16, 2007

Everyone else covered the rest of it. I just wanted to add a note about those illegal substances. When I had parties, we'd always designate a place for the use of said substance -- usually one of the bedrooms or the auxiliary bathroom. Makes the usage discreet for anyone who would rather turn a blind eye, and keeps neighbors from getting nosy.
posted by desuetude at 7:28 PM on October 16, 2007

Shut the music at ten, or whenever your town's noise ordinance requires, but even if your town happens to go later than ten, I would kill the music in the back yard at ten. There shouldn't be too many people out there after ten either or it could be trouble. Of course if you are successful at getting your neighbors to the party that can change. Even if they don't come, inviting them and letting them know in advance that you will be having the party and trying to quiet things down outside after ten can make a big difference.
posted by caddis at 7:40 PM on October 16, 2007

Bribe them with food first. Works every time.
posted by Ironmouth at 7:56 PM on October 16, 2007

The other thing is if they ask that the noise be turned down, offer to shut down the entire party. Put your arm around them and say "hey, my neighbor so and so has to go to sleep, so we will have to shut down the whole party." When they hear the audible "awwwww" they will back down.

God I was terrible in college.
posted by Ironmouth at 7:57 PM on October 16, 2007

Good thing I wasn't your neighbor. Your parties would have ended pretty early.
posted by caddis at 8:11 PM on October 16, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

We have a neighbor with kids who always presents a problem on Halloween, kind of a dick actually. This particular Halloween party has been going on for 15 years and predates the family that moved in. People show up expecting a party who don't even know anyone who lives here. The party has taken on a life of its own and we can't stop it.

This year, we have offered to put his family up for the night in a hotel. For a party that promises 200 people, a swanky hotel room for the one family that threatens to shut things down is a small price to pay. I don't know if they are going to take us up, but it's one approach to consider.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 8:17 PM on October 16, 2007

Your profile puts you in Albuquerque. The noise ordinance cuts you off at 10 pm, but you will probably be fine with regular party conversation going on outside after that, just take the music inside. Be aware that some acoustic instruments are audible for blocks away. People who live a few blocks away, who are trying to sleep, are much more likely to call in a complaint than to get up, get dressed and try to find where you are to personally complain. Often at parties, excessive outside noise is commented on by guests as "it's after 10, so we need to keep it down".

My personal experience has been that the police will show up for noise complaints after 10 pm, and noise is usually their main concern. They will walk right into your backyard (if they don't encounter anyone before that point), and tell you to quiet down. If this happens, be nice and polite and apologize that you didn't realize how late it was. As long as none of your guests start making a fuss about things, you'll be fine. You can still talk outside after this, but cut off the outside music/fireworks/whatever.

It's polite to invite the neighbors, even if you think they wouldn't care to attend. Some of them might drop by for a bit early on to say hello.
posted by yohko at 10:24 PM on October 16, 2007

What ever happened to common civility & treating other people like reasonable human beings?

It's easier to call the cops than to confront people, and also anonymous. And there's no downside to the caller.
posted by smackfu at 10:24 PM on October 16, 2007

When my father turned 50 my mother hired a bagpipe band as a surprise...and made sure to invite all the neighbors. However, they've called the cops on the people next door (who don't live within their means and constantly rent their place out for film work, disrupting the entire block) when they've held noisy parties. These people did not live here at the time of the bagpipes.
posted by brujita at 10:29 PM on October 16, 2007

How old are the kids? if they're 6, then that's obviously different from if they're 16.
posted by Solomon at 3:19 AM on October 17, 2007

second the comments about neighbours.

somewhere i heard a story, can't for the life of me remember, about a bunch of students having a party and giving their neighbours tickets to play the same night.
posted by Dillonlikescookies at 5:35 AM on October 17, 2007

Thanks for all the great feedback! We'll leave notes on the neighbors' doors and keep the noise down after 10.

As an aside, it's odd that someone edited out the "there's cold beer and..." (more inside). Apparently that's not kosher, huh?
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 9:22 AM on October 17, 2007

M.C. Lo-Carb! it looks funny in people's RSS readers who don't have the same separation between outisde/inside the thread, so we usually remove cutesy more inside plays on words.
posted by jessamyn at 11:53 AM on October 17, 2007

Thanks! Duly noted.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 12:13 PM on October 17, 2007

The one time I got mad at neighbors for loud parties was when the girl across the way had 2 open-houses for graduation - one for family on Friday night, one for friends Saturday. What got to me was the endless thump thump thump of the bass for 6-8 hours at a time, going on until 1am. Had they told me when the party would end, as everyone's suggested, I'd have been a lot happier. I was miserable by the second night and went out to get away from the noise, and was dismayed to come back late and find the party still going on.
posted by IndigoRain at 2:34 PM on October 17, 2007