Post separation problem - looking after cats - what should I do?

October 13, 2007 11:59 AM

I need advice as to what I should do with our pets now that my wife and I are separated. This is a cat/pet lovers kind of question other people probably wouldn't understand.

Howdy metapeeps, it has been a while since I have been on here and things have definitely changed since then.

Summary: In a relationship for 10 years, married for 7 of them. The split is as amicable as one can be, but, I am in a sticky situation where my wife is going to live a new life in London and that means that I will need to look after our much loved cats.

The problem is that I do not know how I can do this. The house that we bought together is about to be rented out and I am moving to Reading to be closer to my work and I can't afford any decent type of accomodation.

My problem is that I am not sure if I can commit to looking after these cats. I really REALLY do love these cats, they are awesome. We flew them to the UK from Oz because they are so good. I also know that it will hurt my wife even more should anything bad happen to them.


Bleh, I just don't know.

Anyone out there live in Reading and would like two cuddly, intelligent Burmese cats for temporary pets until I can sort it out?

(ok there are two questions.. 1. What should I do. 2. Anyone want to care for them for a while?)

posted by viiviiviivii to pets & animals (10 comments total)

We've always been able to find apartments that allow us to have pets here in the US. In fact, it's the first filter we use on the listings, because giving up our cats is not an option. Wouldn't want to, and we strongly feel that when you take in an animal you have an absolute responsibility to take care of them for their whole lives, come what may. We've always been able to find a place in our range, including when our income was less than $30K (about £15K at the current exchange rate). Is the situation that different in the UK? How much of a shoestring are you on?

I'm sorry you're having to go through this at what must already be an emotionally crushing time (amicable split or no).
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 12:22 PM on October 13, 2007

Taking care of cats, even in meager accomodations, is easier than you think. I did it. Really cats only need to be fed, the litter changed, and try to do something for at least 1 1/2 hours each day which has you in a sitting (and therefore, prime petting) position. Other than that the cats should be perfectly happy.

Also, it would be useful to know the temperamants of the cats. If they are quiet cats it will be easier than if they are the run-around-constantly kind of cats.

But believe me, it is not as hard as it sounds.

And unless you have already met someone new or are living a busy and fulfilled life, the cats will come in very useful over the next few months as companions.

If you only want someone to look after them for a while, it's a problem, because either you schlep them all the way to Reading and then find someone to take them, at which point you've done the hardest thing already (moving cats) and the rest is a breeze; or you have to convince someone in Reading to pick up your cats, after which they are unlikely to want to give them back again later.

I would go ahead and keep them. If it turns out you can't handle it, you will figure this out waaay before you cause them any real harm, at which point you can safely give them up to ae adopted.
posted by Deathalicious at 12:25 PM on October 13, 2007

If you are living in anything but a bedsit, I would think the cats would be happy - even in a studio. If you are having issues finding housing that allows cats, then... don't mention the cats. I assume they are indoor beasts so it shouldn't be a problem.

We successfully hid a 45lb DOG in a 3rd floor walk up for six months. You can totally do this.
posted by DarlingBri at 1:03 PM on October 13, 2007

When I was in grad school I had my two cats in a studio apartment. Now my husband and I have five cats in a flat. It's not so bad.

If you can't find a place that allows cats, just sneak them in and if they're ever found just say, "I'm pet sitting while my sister paints. They'll be gone soon." That's the lie I thought I'd use of anyone questioned my cats in my old apartment. It's nice because you can use the lie over and over, just changing the room your sister is remodeling.

Good luck!
posted by christinetheslp at 1:10 PM on October 13, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

I know that this seems difficult, but I moved to NYC on a tight budget and was able to first find a share with a roommate who didn't mind my cats, and then eventually get my own place a year later. Don't give up hope yet!
posted by kimdog at 2:21 PM on October 13, 2007

Thanks for your answers guys.

I think I will just have to find the cheapest accomodation I can that will also let me have cats.

I think the comment about some companions is a great one. I need the distraction.

I'll just stick it out and see where I am in a few more months.

Thx.

Mr Ed.
posted by viiviiviivii at 3:02 PM on October 13, 2007

450 sq ft one-bedroom, here - two perfectly happy cats. Doesn't take much space to keep the little buggers occupied, really - and remember, they can use the vertical space, too. Cat trees/bookshelves/windowsills, etc.
posted by restless_nomad at 4:42 PM on October 13, 2007

If you haven't finished working out all the financial details of your separation/divorce, perhaps you could work out something that will allow you to support the cats. I'd imagine this would have to be a one-time balloon payment or something.
posted by acoutu at 5:26 PM on October 13, 2007

I agree, you're just nervous, and probably working through some issues regarding the separation. You're already doing 50% of the care, right? It can't be that much harder.

It's actually easier in some ways to have more than one as they don't need you for socializing since they have each other.

I also agree it will be emotionally good for you to have the cats. Companionship, yes, but also routine. And absolutely the calming effect of petting a cat -- there's nothing like it short of antidepressants.

Relax. You'll be fine. So will the cats.
posted by dhartung at 11:32 PM on October 13, 2007

My apartment is even smaller than restless_nomad's, and I also have two very happy (and active) indoor cats.

Seconding (thirding?) the idea not to mention your pets when looking for a rental flat. Cats are easy to hide and they really don't do much damage, and in my experience UK landlords aren't that fussy anyway.

Remember that you can always put them in a cattery for a few days or a week or so to make things easier during the move. They won't like it, of course. But keep in mind that keeping them, however stressful it might be for them (and you) in the short term, is much better for them in the long term. Being Burmese, they'll *probably* find new homes, but that's by no means certain, and they probably wouldn't be able to stay together. They really need you. And I think you'll find, as others have said, that you're gonna really need them too.

Good luck, and I hope things get better for you soon.
posted by different at 12:23 AM on October 14, 2007