How can stay optimistic about staying in a job I hate?

October 9, 2007 11:29 AM

How can I stay optimistic about staying in a job I hate?

I work for a small company (2 full time employees and 1 part time). I've really come to dislike my job over the past year that I've been here. I've learned that I'm not suited to an office job which involves sitting in front of a computer day in and day out. I also do not like the managerial style of my boss, though I do like her as a person. I don't dislike my co-workers as people, but we have no real connection or anything to really talk about so it can seem isolating. As well, one co-worker that has seniority over me but has only been here for over a month constantly second-guesses what I am doing. I also don't particularly care for or feel a sense of pride in what the company does.

All that aside, I have decided to stick it out until February in order to see a few projects through. While I dislike the job, I do feel a sense of responsibility to not leave my employer in the lurch by leaving in the middle of these projects – especially since the company is so small.

I need some ideas as to how I can stay motivated and happy – or at least not sink into a depression before I can leave in February. As it is now, I have trouble waking up in the morning and dread going into the office. Evenings and weekends are not even as enjoyable as they once were because I spend a great deal of time thinking about how I have to go back there again. I don't think I will ever enjoy this job; I'm just looking to not hate it as much while I have to be there.

Any ideas/experiences?

posted by Newbornstranger to work & money (24 comments total)

It's a job, one you're not married to.

Leave the crap and the job at the office, if it's not important enough to try and make it work long term, it's certainly not important enough to worry about except when you're in that chair at the office.

At the end of the day you're the only one who is going to impact how you feel about the job. You can try working with your boss person and try to work out a more flexible work situation, but thems the breaks in life.
posted by iamabot at 11:36 AM on October 9, 2007

Don't. Leave if you can, duh.
posted by delmoi at 11:39 AM on October 9, 2007

I've been there once or twice, and about the only thing that got me through it was the continual reminder that the job was a means (salary) to an end (providing for my family and getting money to do the things we want to do). If you've got a possible exit date in mind already, you've probably already sort of checked out of the place, so you might use the time to start planning your departure: work on the CV, plan projects to end at a good time (or work out the transitions), put together any documentation, and so on.
posted by jquinby at 11:50 AM on October 9, 2007

Use the time between now and February to scout new jobs. Then leave once you find a new gig.

One caveat...
Are you getting any benefits like healthcare there? I'm guessing not, due to the size, however...If so, do not leave until you can find a new job, with similar benefits.
posted by Thorzdad at 12:05 PM on October 9, 2007

I've been there too and I got through it by having projects outside work: set yourself some exciting things to do before the end of February, so that they become the key thing and work is just incidental and 8 hours to be got through. For me it was doing a part-time academic course, which kept me sufficiently distracted and excited by other stuff that work, while still crap, didn't consume every waking thought and wasn't anywhere near as bad as it could have been.
posted by greycap at 12:07 PM on October 9, 2007

In my experience, you really can't. You can attempt to rationalize that it's not that bad, but when you really hate a job, it drags you down in ways that may not snap to full focus until the benefit of hindsight.

The one thing that did keep me nominally sane--in a sort of treading water sense--in one job that took place in a truly toxic morale atmosphere was having a firm exit date in mind. So--end of February? Good. Make that absolutely firm. Do not say to yourself, "well, I'll stick around till around that time...just till these projects are done..." because the nature of projects is that some get delayed, some get stretched, and there tends to always be new ones. Set a firm exit date for yourself, and that way every day in this job you hate is one step closer to freedom, regardless of how bad a particular day was.

That said, as soon as possible is still better than later, because that's only a coping-bandaid where bandaids don't do the trick.
posted by Drastic at 12:24 PM on October 9, 2007 [2 favorites]

Start looking for a new job now. Don't wait until February. You don't owe them anything. Get a new job, give two weeks' notice, and leave.
posted by Dec One at 12:33 PM on October 9, 2007

On the one hand, 5 months isn't very long...
On the other hand, it's approaching 1% of your adult life (assuming an average lifespan).

Do you want to spend close to 1% of your adult life in a job you hate (and that you say risks spinning you into a depression!) because you feel obliged? I think someone, somewhere once said "life's too short". But really, life is WAY too fuckin' short. I know you say you don't want to leave them in the lurch...well, you should. They'll figure it out. What if you won $10 million in the lottery tomorrow, and quit. Do you think the company would go under? Would everything fall apart? No. They'd deal with it. It might suck for a week or two, but they'd get over your leaving.
So, this isn't so different. They'll figure it out. And preventing them some minor inconvenience isn't worth YOU being miserable. It's your life.
posted by Ziggurat at 12:35 PM on October 9, 2007 [2 favorites]

If you have another job lined up then leave ASAP. Your mental well-being takes priority and they can learn to handle your absence. This may sound rude, but hey, February is a long time off. You could be working somewhere you like in a week or two.
posted by roygbv at 12:36 PM on October 9, 2007

February is not that long, but you need to be moving towards something else, otherwise your joy at leaving will be overshadowed by your fear of not knowing what else.

Why stay through February? Why not stay until you find the next thing for you? Look at craigslist, apply for stuff, network and interview. Finding a job often takes 6-8 weeks minimum, and you'll have the holidays to contend with, which makes it tricky.

Also, depending on the office, give notice early, like Mid-December. Small offices sometimes like it if your last few weeks can be spent training the new person, and small offices sometimes take longer to find a new person. And it is so nice to go through those last 6 weeks knowing you are done. Of course, some places will say, "you can just leave today."

In most of the small offices I've worked in, you could even *right now* ask to switch to contractor status to wrap up some projects, and they'd be so happy you weren't just leaving them in the lurch, they'd accept it. But your office may vary.

When I felt like this, a few things helped. I would identify little things I had control over that made me happy, and be sure to do them. Sometimes this was using pink pens to write with, or taking a walk at lunch, or listening to music at my desk. I also was looking, and didn't have to wonder if there was something else out there for me, I knew what was out there, knew the right position hadn't come along, knew I was just biding my time.
posted by Mozzie at 12:38 PM on October 9, 2007

Have you seen the Far Side cartoon where the guy in hell is whistling while doing his work? That could be you. How you feel about your job is up to you. Change your own attitude.
posted by trinity8-director at 12:56 PM on October 9, 2007

Is there any way to improve your situation at work in the mean time? Perhaps you should talk to your boss about her managerial style and about the second-guessing. It might just make the situation more bearable. Besides, what's the worst that can happen? You'll get fired?

This has been suggested above, but one way to make the days better is to give yourself something to look forward to at the end of the day. Don't just go home and think about work. Start a hobby, set up a lot of dinner dates (or whatever) with your friends, pamper yourself a little.
posted by epimorph at 12:57 PM on October 9, 2007

Classic. I've been in this situation, and work-related loyalty is a tricky beast. When leaving jobs I'll do all I can to be kind, (i.e. leaving adequate documentation) but I try my hardest not to let any guilt play a role in when I'm leaving.

If you really hate the place, get out of there as soon as you can without screwing yourself -- try to have another job lined up first, unless you've got money to burn and an itch play with matches.

Feeling too loyal to an employer is a fool-proof recipe for getting screwed. Don't let it happen to you.
posted by jeffxl at 1:00 PM on October 9, 2007 [1 favorite]

I work in a medium sized company but a very small sub-department . One manager and two engineers.
The other Engineer left and of course we got a third more project. I gave my two weeks as soon as I found a job, even though I felt and still feel bad about my boss staying by himself and having to do the work of three people.
But...nobody is faulting me. Everyone understands that it's YOU before the corporation.


So...make like a tree and get out :)
posted by spacefire at 1:16 PM on October 9, 2007

I think a lot of people have a really misplaced sense of loyalty to their employers. Obviously, everyone should always act ethically and professionally, but if you are unhappy and employable elsewhere you have every right to leave. A job works both ways, it isn't just about what you can do for the company, it's also about what they are doing for you. You seem to feel guilty because they are nice people, but they aren't a good fit for you and you are not screwing them over by quitting and giving them plenty of notice. That is all you owe them. It's a job, nothing more, and they would fire you in a moment for any given reason if they needed or wanted to.
posted by whoaali at 1:24 PM on October 9, 2007 [1 favorite]

I think you should start looking for a job, now, and leave when you get one. I recently left a job that I hated, because it was paying for school - so it was a means to an end, and I had plans to quit at the end of December. But it was just getting so bad, so soul-sucking, so depressing, that I started applying for jobs anyway. Now I'm working somewhere else and I can't believe I was going to stay at my old job until December.

A toxic or hated job can make your life worse. I had one of those easy jobs where I didn't ever have to bring work home and it still clouded over my days and nights. My job now I have to work late a lot and sometimes work from home, but I don't care because I actually like what I do. I don't wake up in the morning with a pit of dread in my stomach anymore. I don't get depressed all day Sunday because I have to work on Monday.

If you think you can make it until Feb. 28 then go for it. But I would strongly advise you to think long and hard about it.

Don't worry about them; they'll be fine. Do what is best for you.
posted by sutel at 1:32 PM on October 9, 2007

Lots of advice that life's too short to stay until February, but I read the poster not to be soliciting advice on that score. And as to the idea of using the time to look for another job, I agree, but be sure to avoid shirking or exposing yourself to being fired in the interim -- that would be an ironic development.

Other ideas: focus on using your remaining time to build a new skill, to generate another couple of experience items to slap on that resume, to network within and outside the firm, and to build loyalty/indebtedness in those you will be leaving behind.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 1:37 PM on October 9, 2007

I tend to agree with Drastic, you really can't. And the advice above about "change your attitude" and "leave the job at the office" is essentially what you're asking how to achieve, no?

Some things that may help:

- Committing to finishing on time/no overtime. Taking early fridays when you can.
- Starting and ending your day on your own terms; an hour in the gym or reading the newspaper in your bathrobe or whatever before getting ready for work, making plans afterward.
- Getting out of the office for lunch, ideally meeting friends every so often.
- Asking if you can work from home a day or two a week (they can only say no).
- Cultivating contacts among clients, developing a spreadsheet of projects worked on and responsibilities for resume use, etc.
posted by jamesonandwater at 1:38 PM on October 9, 2007

My advice: leave. I recently made that decision, and I am glad I did. Life is too short.
posted by EastCoastBias at 1:51 PM on October 9, 2007

Never stay in a position that kills your spirit. EVER. Life is too short. Yes, we all have to do what we have to do to make a living and support our families. We all have to stick with certain jobs just long enough to get the experience. But I agree with everyone who says you need to be creating your exit plan asap.

I've been in your shoes, dreading my drive to work but sticking around nonetheless, not wanting not leave other people in a lurch, worrying about burning bridges and whether or not I was just being silly, it's not so bad, etc. And you know what? I had every reason to want to leave those jobs. PLUS my efforts and worries regarding a good employee never mattered half as much to the company as they did to me when I finally did quit. They were just like, "Oh, you're quitting? Oh. Okay." Not once did anyone fault me, it was often that they already sensed that I was unhappy (I'm not as transparent as I wish I was sometimes) and were wondering why I took so long.

One big lesson I finally learned was that instead of worrying about making sure everyone else is happy I really need to worry about taking care of my own best interests. Nobody else is going to. So look for something else and move forward.
posted by miss lynnster at 3:05 PM on October 9, 2007

Life is indeed short but in the past I have used that as an excuse to make hasty decisions which really weren't in my best interest.

February will come up pretty quick. I would make the time fly by doing the absolute bestest job you could possibly do. Put yourself in the mindset that you are an ace hired gun who has 4 short months to whip this company into shape. Have fun with it.
posted by ian1977 at 3:53 PM on October 9, 2007

imagine all your co-workers as small children, who need things explained and spelled out to them.
posted by Dillonlikescookies at 4:26 PM on October 9, 2007

If you already dislike your job to the point where you have trouble getting up and dread going to work, evenings are ruined because you can't face going back, then nothing you do is going to help you regain your motivation and joy in the job.

I was where you were a few weeks ago and I resigned. I don't have a job lined up yet but I feel so free. Life is too short to have that much grief over work.

Put yourself first.
posted by mamaquita at 4:59 PM on October 9, 2007

I cannot imagine why you are not looking for another job, for all the reasons everyone mentioned.

However, when I have had this kind of experience, the best possible things I can say are:

- Continue to think about this decision as an active choice.

- Figure out your finances, and see what would happen if you quit tomorrow. While that's not your issue, it is a very cheerful thing to realize that you can tell them to kiss your behind right then and there.

- Network, look, start opening doors to leave. You don't have to do anything, but again, you'll feel better if you can.

- Perspective: take a google around to look at both the financial and health ramifications of depression [if you're having trouble getting up, you're depressed. It is that bad.]. It is just not nice.

- Remember that you don't owe these people anything.

- Start with your exit plan now - spend 30 minutes each day documenting your job. It will do one of two things - remind you why you started doing this in the first place, or motivate you to leave more. It will also help salve any pangs you might have.

- Spend 15 minutes each day thinking about what will make a job happy for you. It's really easy to jump to the next thing that's just like this thing if you don't take time to figure out what's going to make everyday great.

I took 18 months to find my current job, in a state of great misery that I did not want to repeat (I'm also really picky - YMMV). I am unbelievably thrilled to go to work every day, have become a better professional, and lost 10 pounds.
posted by beezy at 6:42 PM on October 9, 2007