Will another cat make my cat less needy?

October 4, 2007 8:55 PM

Does my cat want a pet cat?

Our cat Glyph is pretty unique. He's a retired show cat and a breeder's former stud cat. When we adopted him, he was in a cattery with roughly 20 other felines. Most of them were kittens -- his grandchildren -- sorted by age and being prepared to be shown or adopted.

He's been with us for about 5 years now, and he's 9 years old. He's been our only cat the whole time. He's incredibly needy, as cats go. He's always on my lap, which I love when I'm home, but I don't work from home. Mr. Nadise does, and he says our cat just meows at him all day. Glyph's a very talkative cat with a wide vocabulary (for a cat), but man he whines a lot!

I think he's lonely, but it's hard to tell whether he'd appreciate having another cat around or not. We wouldn't be thinking about getting another cat if we didn't think it might benefit him.

How do we tell whether Glyph wants another cat around, and whether or not it would make him less needy toward us? How do we predict whether or not he'll get along with one in particular? Is it possible to find a cat that isn't needy toward humans, but would be very lovey with Glyph?

posted by nadise to pets & animals (23 comments total)

Short answer: there's no way to predict what's going to happen, except for the fact he gets along with other cats. Just get a healthy kitten, bring it home, and see what happens. (Note: introduce it the way experts recommend, separate room, etc. etc.)
posted by sebastienbailard at 9:08 PM on October 4, 2007

he does, and it will. it will be likely the most rewarding decision you've made for him. what's the hold up?
posted by loiseau at 9:08 PM on October 4, 2007

Can you take him over to a friend's place where there's also a cat, to see how he reacts to a foreign animal? That's the first step - make sure he doesn't try to eat / kill the foreign animal.

Make sure to put the cats on opposite sides of a door and see how Glyph reacts first, mind you.
posted by Dipsomaniac at 9:08 PM on October 4, 2007

Thanks for all the responses thusfar.

Our neighbors have two cats. From the start he got along with one (picture them snuggled up sleeping together), but not the other (picture them hissing at each other incessantly). And he gets along with another neighbor's dog, of all things.

I do know how to properly introduce cats, and would definitely do so.

Loiseau, good to hear it's such a clear answer for you. I just feel like adding someone else to the family is a big decision, and don't want it to backfire in a most unharmonious way.
posted by nadise at 9:15 PM on October 4, 2007

Our oldest cat, Yoshi, is very outgoing with people. He loves attention, he gets excited when the doorbell rings, and immediately jumps in people's lap when they sit on the couch. His personality sounds a lot like Glyph in that regard, but I wouldn't describe him as needy.

He absolutely hates other strange cats, though. He will try to attack any cats that come close to our windows. When I first brought home our 2nd cat, he went after her in a mean way.

Then, almost a year ago, we got a 7-month-old kitten (Dexter). This time, we followed all of the suggestions on how to slowly introduce a new cat to the home. We thought there would be problems with the new kitten and Yoshi, but as it turns out, the two hit it off immediately (I should note that Dexter isn't particularly fond of people).

I guess my point is that you probably won't be able to tell if 2 cats will get along until you actually introduce them. And it might take some time to get them used to each other. Yoshi's personality hasn't really changed much since we got Dexter, so I can't say getting a new cat will change Glyph in that way.
posted by puritycontrol at 9:17 PM on October 4, 2007

I had a really vocal/needy cat that was my only. When I started grad school, I was worried she wasn't getting the attention that she needed. So I brought another cat home: a younger male. I introduced them slowly and now, nearly a month later, my original cat is not nearly as needy, and they spend their time chasing each other around the house and grooming each other.

I do think it's hard to tell, though, if you're going to get cats that can get along or not. From what I read, it's usually better to get a younger cat of the opposite sex to maximize your chances. This worked well in my case. It also helps to make sure that both cats have lived well with other cats previously. If Glyph has lived with cats in the past, he probably would do fine with another one now.
posted by rosethorn at 9:47 PM on October 4, 2007

Just this year, I got a 2nd cat to keep my 1st cat company. Despite good intentions, I did not follow all the expert advice. I got a six-month old kitten instead of wee one. I got the same gender instead of the opposite gender. I was unable to keep them separated while they acclimated. I'm sure if I had followed the guidelines, things would have gone more smoothly, and it has been a rough six months of living with hissing felines in my apartment. BUT now they are settling into a friendly companionship involving playing, comforting and grooming, and my older and very needy cat seems more confident and less depressed. They are still very demanding of human attention, but it's never that miserable, pitiful, depressed lonely cat thing anymore. So even if it seems problematic at first, don't give up too easily. Give them at least a few months.
posted by egret at 9:48 PM on October 4, 2007

Cat politics are subtle, and it can take months for their intrigues to unravel.

I recently became attached to a household that originally had one grown cat, to which another grown cat was added. They did not get on well.

I arrived half a year later (sometimes I think my girlfriend sees me as the third cat), and by that point, the two had arrived at an uneasy peace. The hissing and clawing had mostly stopped, but the small, nervous one would still haul off and punch the big, dumb one in the face from time to time.

That was a year ago. And you know what? The cats have chilled. The small one seems to be enjoying life again, and the big one is still dumb. I thought cats were immutable in their biases, but give them a chance. They'll work it out.
posted by bicyclefish at 10:11 PM on October 4, 2007

We have two cats who were introduced when they were quite young and got on very well for about 9 months. Now, except in the chilliest part of winter, they ignore each other. One of them is very demanding, and wants lots of attention. The other, not so much. I think sometimes, that's just the kind of cat they are.
posted by b33j at 10:12 PM on October 4, 2007

Given The Glyph's history, I believe he could use at least one more feline with which to interact. Picking the right dynamic with strange cats might be tricky, especially since kitty quarantine might/should be involved. Is there any chance that you or Mr. Nadise could do foster care/socializing/rehab for a local shelter until Glyph found a suitable buddy?

Another thought: Since (given his history) he might be accustomed to crate travel and strange people, is it possible that he can go on outings with you and the Mr.? Have any volunteer work/visitations in which a socialized cat might get his attention fix?

Is Glyph related to Siamese cats, by the way? They tend to be vocal and high-maintenance (in a fun way) in my experience.
posted by bonobo at 10:16 PM on October 4, 2007

Good thoughts and stories all around.

bonobo, that's an interesting idea to do foster care for a local shelter until Glyph found a buddy. That might suit him. He's not so great with leaving the house, which surprised me too.

BTW, he's a Ragdoll. They're a breed in their own right, but a relatively new one. I believe they originally descended from Siamese, Burmese, and Himalayan roots. Good guess. :)
posted by nadise at 10:35 PM on October 4, 2007

get a female kitten, maybe one that seems less aggressive than the rest of her litter. he may not get along with that one cat because he can sense that it's the same "rank" as him. animals are hierarchical. a female will be more of a mate than competition, and a young, mellow one won't stress him out.
posted by thinkingwoman at 4:26 AM on October 5, 2007

Adopt from a local rescue organization. Rescue orgs want the best for the pets they adopt out; you don't want Glyph to be unhappy, and they don't want their cat to be unhappy. If the two cats don't get along, most rescue orgs will be glad to take the cat back and re-adopt it. (You don't get "stuck" with a cat Glyph doesn't like, and you don't have to worry about the cat being put down because you didn't want him/her.) The first time I tried to adopt a second kitty, New Cat #1 attacked my cat, and went back to the rescue org within a week. New Cat #2 has been living happily with us for over 7 years. Knowing that the rescue org would work with me to find a cat who fit into our home made the whole process much easier.
posted by junkbox at 6:19 AM on October 5, 2007

I went through this. My older cat is six, my kitten is one, and the addition of the kitten made the older cat much happier. I wish I had done this years ago. The kitten speaks the same language, after all, so the older cat doesn't have to constantly meow at me, trying to get me to understand him. He's more active since he has someone to chase. He's much less needy now, although between the two of them I seem to have a cat on my lap more often than not.

Remember, they might not get along from day one. We went through a week or two of hissing and territorialism, and then this happened.
posted by desjardins at 6:37 AM on October 5, 2007

Well, first I would make sure you have the attention and time for another cat (probably a kitten, at that). It won't be just a companion for him, it will be a living, breathing creature with its own needs that might very well add to your fuzzy burden instead of easing it.

Glyph isn't going to change the litterbox or take the kitten to the vet for shots, know what I mean?
posted by sondrialiac at 7:19 AM on October 5, 2007

Yes!! Get Mr. Glyph a kitty of his very own!! :)
posted by mu~ha~ha~ha~har at 7:46 AM on October 5, 2007

i'm with just about everyone else here. definitely get another cat, maybe two. But get kittens, pretty much as young as possible, NOT adults.

when my grandfather died, we took in his loving, easy-going and large male cat. small, prissy cat has never gotten over the insult. she never liked any other animals (humans included) and i think she's still waiting for the day when we take big cat back to where ever he came from, in her mind. probably because she was a feral cat, she's got territory "issues." her day now mostly consists of attempting to maneuver herself so as to take the high ground of the battlefield (ie the tops of the bookcases and the mantle of the living room) and thereby gain positional advantage in case the larger cat wanders by. poor larger just wants to find someplace quiet to nap and maybe get to his food bowl, but he's constantly being pounced upon from above and subject to other nasty guerrilla-style hit and run attacks.

but previous nice cats have always hugely enjoyed the addition of a friend. we had one who seemed a bit depressed and upset, and just like yours, would whine at us but not want petting, or food, or anything else it seemed. purely by accident, we got another kitten, and depressed cat was never the same again. they'd lie intertwined for most of the day, and always eat together, and generally follow each other around. my older cat was definitely a lot happier. he did a lot of spontaneous purring.

i think it depends on the personality of the original cat involved. and in your case, i'd definitely say go for it (and see if you can adopt from a high-kill shelter).
posted by buka at 8:02 AM on October 5, 2007

Thanks everyone! Looks like we have a trip to a shelter in our near future. Hopefully Glyph will thank us, and it sounds like he probably will.
posted by nadise at 8:33 AM on October 5, 2007

Late getting here, but with a recent experience to share. Until earlier this year, I had three cats who were pretty close companions, including one who came to the house as an adult. I lost two to cancer about six months ago. My remaining cat is an intelligent, dominant, extroverted 11 year old NM, and for months has been clingy (19 pounds of furry muscle no further than four inches from my face at all times). I finally broke down about two weeks ago, and adopted a four year old Siamese from the shelter here.

I was prepared to do the proper, slow introduction, separate rooms, etc. It simply wasn't necessary. Rescued Chai came home late Saturday, and on Sunday afternoon, they were sleeping on the bed together. We saw the vet a couple days later, and she was incredulous when I told her how long the two had known each other. They were already completely comfortable together.

I realize that an adult male Siamese wasn't the obvious choice, but it's working out so much better than I could have even hoped. This morning was the first in a long time when I heard the sound of cats galloping upstairs, chasing each other for fun.

Cats are social creatures (almost all of them, anyway). Your Glyph will hopefully find the same joy in interacting with another of his kind that mine has. I wish you all a happy and peaceful homecoming for the new guy.
posted by vers at 9:45 AM on October 5, 2007

I know at our local animal shelter, you can do "meet n greets" with current and potential dogs to see how they interact. Usually they don't with cats, but I bet when you find a kitten you like, they'd let you bring her and Glyph into a back room to test the waters.
posted by radioamy at 10:52 AM on October 5, 2007

We got our world-class needy boy (taken from the litter too early, anxious by nature, loooved human contact, playful, at the time a big ankle-biter crazy-ass adolescent) a world-class companion in the form of a second cat.

Was it easy at first? Lord no. Huck hadn't seen another cat since he was a bitty, and even though we followed all the rules (kept them seperate, introduced through scented rags/socks), he was very clear that this was his new "plaything," all while also exerting his dominance. There was lots of hissing, chasing, and general new-baby anxiousness for a few weeks.

Now? They play. All the time. They are not "snuggle up and groom!" friends, but they will sleep closely occasionally. They act like siblings in every anthropomorphizing sense of the world. And, to boot, we got an absolutely awesome second cat in general.

What Helped? Adah was a rescue, and we went and spent time at the rescue house before we picked her up. I saw a very tiny kitten who could hold her own against the others. She had spunk, and she loved to be picked up and held. I got to see her in action, and WITH other cats. So, this option, if it's available to you, would be a way to pick a cat that will hold up to Glyph's personality. Introduce them slowly, if you can (and have enough room) through lots of scent intermingling (rubbing items with the new kit's scent on him) and make sure they have separate eating/drinking areas, and that the new kit (or Glyph, depending!) has a place to hide if they want some space for themselves.

This is all a very roundabout way to say: do it. Really.
posted by atayah at 12:07 PM on October 5, 2007

Nth the 'get a kitten for your cat' crowd. We moved from NYC, where our (male, neutered) cat had lots of kitty friends to mew at on the fire escape, to San Diego, where there is nothing. He was getting a little crazy after a few months. So we got a tiny stripy female kitten. After a few days of terrified kitten, we got adorable snuggling. The male remains alpha cat, the female is beta cat, and they both seem happy.

The male did allow the kitten to "nurse" on his man-nipples, which was somewhat disconcerting. (Apparently some neutered male cats have mommy instincts.) When she got older he kicked her off, and now she has no sucking habit. So I guess she ended up a well-adjusted kitty.
posted by ilyanassa at 7:28 PM on October 5, 2007

I find that having multiple cats is very often much healthier for both cats.

Unless one's got FLV or something.
posted by Pope Guilty at 8:13 PM on October 5, 2007