paper thieves

October 3, 2007 6:56 PM

how can i keep other people in my office building from stealing our newspapers?

i work in a building with about twenty offices and about 150 tenants. some offices, including mine, subscribe to several newspapers, which are delivered to the vestibule of our building. my office receives two copies of the local newspaper, but one copy often gets stolen before i arrive at 7:30am. i can't get into work any earlier, and there's no more secure area for the delivery people to leave the papers. not a lot of people get into work before me, so it's probably the same person, but there are enough people and floors in the building that i have no way of tracking that person down (beyond stalking them).

can someone help me come up with a sign to post in the lobby that is forceful enough to get someone's attention, but professional enough for the building management not to take down? if it were a back door, i would totally write something funny and bitchy, but it's the main front door, so it's got to be built to last, so to speak.

i was thinking something straightforward, along the lines of: "dear tenants, please take only your own newspapers." or "dear tenants, please do not take other office's newspapers." those seem too easy to ignore, however. can the hivemind help me come up with something better?

posted by thinkingwoman to work & money (19 comments total)

Dear Tenants,

Please help yourselves to any newspaper you've paid for.
posted by Exchequer at 7:02 PM on October 3, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Dear Tenants,
All newspapers delivered to the lobby were paid for by other tenants. Please do not take any papers you have not paid for.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:17 PM on October 3, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

As much as I want to think horribly of other people, are you sure you are signed up to get two copies of the local paper? Maybe check with your subscription service first to make sure your order is being filled correctly.

And now for the crazy answer: webcam. Screenshots. CATFIGHT.
posted by spec80 at 7:27 PM on October 3, 2007

yes, we've confirmed that with the subscription department. and about half the time, we do get the second paper. there's no real pattern.
posted by thinkingwoman at 7:33 PM on October 3, 2007

We had the same problem with our local paper, and neither the building nor the distributor would help - the building took down the signs we made, and the distributor refused to deliver directly to our floor. We ended up sending the paper to the house of the employee who gets there first, and he just brings it in with him in the morning. It's not ideal, but it works.
posted by gemmy at 7:35 PM on October 3, 2007

I reckon a nonverbal picture of the standard semiotic-y rounded stick-figures. Top: stick-figure looking dodgy, picking up paper. Bottom: figure collapsing, arrow through skull, Xs for eyes.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 7:39 PM on October 3, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

For a couple of days, stick a fake insert into both of the papers.

You could go with a "please return this paper to where you found it" insert, a kind of nice way to do it.

Or go with a "Call 555-5559 - this paper is the 15,000th copy of The Austin Observer."

When your phone rings with someone asking what they won, tell them a free can of whoopass if they steal your paper again.

Or, you know, something more civil. Excuse the high muhahaha-ness of the suggestion.
posted by cashman at 7:55 PM on October 3, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Perhaps speak to circulation dept. at the newspaper? I mean, if you're not getting your paper and you tell them you're going to cancel as a result, maybe they can accommodate you somehow.
posted by perpetualstroll at 8:13 PM on October 3, 2007

That happens in my apt. building too. If one of us calls the company, they will put out a sign that says it's a crime (criminal mischief or something). That will stay there for a day or two, then someone will take it down. As far as I know it hasn't stopped anybody yet.
posted by la petite marie at 8:52 PM on October 3, 2007

Is there a maintenance guy around at that time? Maybe he could keep an eye out for the wrongdoer, or possibly, you could bribe him to bring your papers up to your floor.

Of course, this may not work so well if it's the maintenance guy who's stealing your paper.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:10 PM on October 3, 2007

really the best way is to find a way to get in early and stalk

just wait it out and when they take it, tackle him
posted by Salvatorparadise at 9:27 PM on October 3, 2007

My office gets multiple papers — the delivery person writes the floor/office in large letters on the front of each paper with a black sharpie.

Could you request that they label your papers?

Also, our papers are delivered to a lidded box attached to the outside of the building. After we had several thefts, I put a note inside that says, "These papers are the property of (blah blah). Please do not borrow or steal them." You could take out "or steal" to make it kinder.
posted by limeswirltart at 9:34 PM on October 3, 2007

This is a serious suggestion: get an intern, and make picking up the daily papers part of their morning responsibilities. That, or have 'em sent to the house of a responsible (and early-arriving) employee.

I say this because either the papers are crucial to your business, or they're not; if they're not, you shouldn't be worried about getting them as early as possible, and if they are, assigning an intern or employee the responsibility of getting or bringing them is reasonable.
posted by davejay at 10:05 PM on October 3, 2007

At my dorm at Emerson, newspapers were delivered to a box with a lock; each subscriber had their own key.
posted by brujita at 10:06 PM on October 3, 2007

Put a sign up pointing out that they are your newspapers, that you paid for them, and that theft will be prosecuted.

If it keeps happening, then make arrangements (camera/stakeout) to identify the culprit.

If you think it's the same person all the time, then document them doing it for a while before you contact the police. This will allow you to show the police that it is an ongoing problem that has cost you quite a bit of money over the months/years, which is why you're keen to press charges.
posted by robcorr at 11:32 PM on October 3, 2007

When this happened in my building, the company who was the victim of the theft contacted the office manager of each tenant. In my office at least, the office manager sent an email to all staff to remind us that those newspapers were the property of the other tenant.
posted by dreaming in stereo at 8:18 AM on October 4, 2007 [1 favorite has favorites]

Our paper gets stolen frequently, but I'm pretty sure random people on the street do it instead of another tenant. Whenever our paper gets stolen, I always call the subscription department and request a replacement - which they happily provide. One option they gave me was to let the delivery driver have a key to the building so he could put it inside our office. Another option was to change the spot the delivery guy dropped it. And they started writing our suite number on the bag. It still gets stolen periodically, but not nearly as much.
posted by rhapsodie at 9:44 AM on October 4, 2007

I like "Or go with a "Call 555-5559 - this paper is the 15,000th copy of The Austin Observer."

When your phone rings with someone asking what they won, tell them a free can of whoopass if they steal your paper again."

And if you prefer the long, drawn out, dramatic episode, you could invite the culprit to your unit. While quietly sipping chamomile, you could furtively ask him how long he has been stealing your papers.

"Uh, I just took one the other day," will be his answer.

At which point you flip open a laptop and show him a video of him stealing a paper, the date below shows a preceding month. You show him another of him stealing a paper that very morning.

You say: "I have evidence that says otherwise. Care to try again?"

He squirms. "What now?" He asks.

At which point you have a conundrum. You can:
1. call the police and press charges,
2. charge him for all the papers you think he has stolen (or some portion you deem fit),
3. enslave him sexually,
4. begin the long, arduous process of destroying his life, slowly, epically,
5. let him off with a polite "thank you for your time."

In any event, you will need to repeat this process with every thief you encounter. And if you find repeat offenders who have had "the talk" with you, you will have all the evidence to prosecute, if need be.

When in doubt, movement-activated hidden camera!
posted by noir at 10:51 AM on October 4, 2007

1. Sign "Newspapers reserved for paying subscribers". Probably pointless but does have a guilt factor.

2.a. Call the paper and ask who in your building subscribes...

2.b. If they can't or won't say, ask what time the papers are delivered. Meet the paper guy there one morning at that time. Find out from him which offices he's delivering to. Maybe he'll say, maybe his palm needs greasing, maybe there are address labels on the papers you can read after he leaves...

3. If the building has a cleaning service that handles all offices, you might stay late one night, figure out who takes out the garbage or supervises the garbage taker-outers, slip him or her a 20 or two and ask them to let you know which office's trash each of the local papers winds up in.

4. Check #3 against #2. Watch to see if it's a consistent pattern

5. Confront! (Or make a sign saying, "Larry Brown, none of these papers are for you."

In each of the bribe situations, the person might just respond sympathetically to your situation for free so try that first.

Security cameras in lobby and/or elevators? Can you ask building management to see those for any morning the paper goes missing?
posted by kookoobirdz at 12:10 PM on October 4, 2007