Comments on: What do I do with my arms and hands?

Question: What do I do with my arms and hands?

HotPatatta — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 18:09:56 -0800

I don't know what to do with my arms and hands when I'm nervous.

They just feel awkward, like big old sausage links hanging there. I don't want to cross my arms because it makes me look aloof and apathetic. What do I do? This happens when I'm in front of people or even one-on-one with someone--even with friends sometimes.

By: tigerbelly

tigerbelly — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 18:15:07 -0800

Pants with pockets are your friends. To sound scientific-ish about it: this enables a casual, but not defensive posture. It's not entirely open (i.e., vulnerable), but it's not closed off either. For me, it just removes that "what are these useless & awkward appendages!?" feeling.

By: thehmsbeagle

thehmsbeagle — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 18:15:09 -0800

Are you a boy? Do you wear pants with pockets? Sometimes men will jiggle their keys or change with their hands in their pockets, which I think looks sort of devil-may-care and relaxed. (But I suppose others may feel looks like they're touching themselves privately.)

By: caddis

caddis — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 18:15:17 -0800

Concentrate on the audience, not yourself.

By: arnicae

arnicae — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 18:19:53 -0800

I assume we're talking about standing up, yes? If there are walls, you can touch them or lean on them, ditto for chairs. If it feels natural, use your hands a little to punctuate whatever you're talking about. I'm someone who feels a little awkward when I'm nervous, so I make a point of talking with my hands- but when I'm not nervous, I talk with my hands a lot.

Basically, "acting as if" is your friend. Act like you would if you were not nervous and while it will feel stilted for a while, you'll gradually forget you were "acting as if" you weren't nervous- and it will feel a lot more natural. At least, that's the way it works for me.

By: rossmik

rossmik — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 18:31:18 -0800

Stroke your chin thoughtfully. Bonus points if you have a beard to do this with. Or, rest your hand on a table/notebook/flat thing, and silently count in binary using lifted/lowered fingers for 1s and 0s.

By: HotPatatta

HotPatatta — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 18:37:28 -0800

I'm a 26-year old guy and I don't look natural when I try to use a lot of gestures and "talk with my hands."

Does it look stupid to just let my arms hang at my sides? I feel like I must look dumb when I do it, but I'm probably over thinking this WAY too much.

By: b33j

b33j — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 18:40:11 -0800

Hold your fingertips - reporters seem to do that to keep them from flailing around. Bonus - you can incessantly and discreetly stroke a thumbnail or something. Works sitting or standing. Lying down, it'd look a bit weird.

By: knowles

knowles — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 19:01:35 -0800

Hands behind the back! It gives you that "i'm important listen to me" pose.

By: beandip

beandip — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 19:19:04 -0800

Twirl pencils.

By: poweredbybeard

poweredbybeard — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 19:34:07 -0800

If you don't know what to do with them, don't do anything. Let gravity work for you. If you're sitting, fold them on your lap or on the table in front of you. Just focus on the conversation or what you're doing. Don't think about this beyond that. This isn't something you need to think about.

Start there, so you can stop thinking about them, since that's your biggest problem. It might help if you started doing some relaxation/deep breathing exercises, and maybe some yoga or something, since I'm sure this stems from some deeper issue with anxiety and/or tension.

By: rhapsodie

rhapsodie — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 22:45:13 -0800

Pay attention to what you do with your hands while you are not nervous, then emulate that as best as you can.

By: juv3nal

juv3nal — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:32:15 -0800

do ninja magic?

By: beezy

beezy — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 01:30:43 -0800

Worry beads are great - they'll actually make you feel less fidgety, and a nice set is a great conversation piece.

By: TheophileEscargot

TheophileEscargot — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 03:03:13 -0800

knowles gets it.

A relaxed, confident posture is one in which you're open. When you're nervous you want to keep your hands in front of you to fend off an attack. Even though that instinct is natural, to look confident you have to fight it.

So, clasp your hands behind your back, or behind your head; or tuck your thumbs in your trouser pockets.

By: Mavri

Mavri — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 09:39:10 -0800

At a training I went to (for trial lawyers), there was discussion about what to do with your hands. One instructor pointed out that it may feel awkward and unnatural to just let your hands hang by your sides, but it doesn't look awkward or unnatural. It seems like an obvious statement, but it really helped me accept that it was perfectly fine to stand that way. I have to focus on letting them just hang there, but it's getting more natural.