How do I make him stop?
September 10, 2007 1:14 PM Subscribe
My housemate is in love with me and I am going bonkers.
posted by skjønn to human relations (46 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
About four months ago, I met a really cool group of kids. The seven of them all live collectively in a house together, and we have a ton in common (We are all vegetarian/vegan, active in local politics).
I started spending a ton of time at the house, and became friends with everyone who lived there. One of the boys who lived there, John, asked me out but I politely declined because I was not very attracted physically to him. It was awkward for a bit, but once that passed he seemed fine and we were just platonic friends, like me and all the other boys and girls who live there. I dated other people and even brought a boy I was dating over several times. John was totally cool.
As luck would have it, my old lease ended a month ago and one of the kids who currently lived there left to move in with his long distance boyfriend. I moved in and took his spot and was super excited to live there. I share the basement with John, though we each have our own room.
Contrary to what I thought when I moved in, it seems John still has a pretty big crush on me. There are three common areas where everyone spends most of our time, John follows me and is physically near me at almost all times unless I go in my bedroom and shut the door. The look in his eyes when we make eye contact makes me so claustrophobic. If I am reading at the computer, he will pull up a chair beside me and just sit. I no longer mention things I want or am thinking about aloud around him. For example, when I mentioned I loved strawberries in a casual conversation with the group, he went to the market and bought me a basket of strawberries that night. I can see how this might seem sweet, but it is driving me crazy.
I am absolutely not letting him on, I have been very clear without being mean that I am not interested in a romantic relationship (casually mentioning girls I could set him up with, talking to him as I would a girlfriend about other guys, etc.)
But he seems resigned to just follow me around like a puppydog. How do I cope with this? My other housemates aren't really close enough to him to tell him to knock it off, and I don't want to embarrass him by discussing it with them.
We do have a lot in common in terms of politics, goals, and lifestyle, and I'd love to be friends with him but I find myself avoiding my own house because I don't want to be around him.
Please help me understand what I could do to make this better. I love the house and all my other roomates so much, I really really really dont want to move out but I am beginning to see few alternatives.