So, when the bird loves the bee very much ...

September 7, 2007 5:27 PM

I need to find a non-intimidating sex ed primer for my recently divorced mom.

My mom is in her mid-60s and divorced -- and she's recently started dating again. I'm glad for her, but she hasn't dated since the 70s, and she's definitely not up-to-date on safer sex practices. I broached the subject with her, and she told me, "I don't know anything about it and I'm scared to even think about it." I don't want to get involved in her sex life (I don't even really want to know) -- but I do want to give her a good website and/or book so she can have the knowledge she needs to be safe and healthy.

I tried googling, and found a few things (the Planned Parenthood web site is good, though a little overwhelming), but nothing that was quite what I need. Please help me find some kind of resource that is:

- Brief -- she'll never get through Our Bodies, Ourselves
- Not aimed at teens, and not aimed at seniors (either one will weird her out)
- Professional-looking and non-intimidating (no sexy banner ads, please)
- Covers safer sex, disease info, and anything else you think would be useful
- Web site is preferred, though I'll buy her a book if it's a good one and not too long.

Thanks, guys.

posted by ourobouros to health & fitness (11 comments total)

scarleteen is meant for young adults and their parents, but the writing is intelligent and straightforward enough that it works for all ages. super informative without being overly clinical or boring, but also without being overenthusiastic cheerleader rah rah rah. founder heather corinna's sex primer is very well-reviewed, you might want to get your mom a copy if you think the tone of the scarleteen site is okay.

also: you might want to get her a metafilter account, so she can come ask us stuff anonymously if she's uncomfortable discussing stuff with you or someone else!
posted by lia at 5:41 PM on September 7, 2007

Sue Johanson's site might work. There's ads for some online sex shops (she's very pro-sextoys, and has her own line), but they don't seem too in-your-face and porny.
posted by CKmtl at 6:04 PM on September 7, 2007

The short videos here seem excellent, and very tongue-in-cheek. If your mom has a sense of humor, this is a good choice.
posted by SlyBevel at 7:21 PM on September 7, 2007

seconding sue johansen--she's probably the same age as your mom, which might put her at ease, and she's totally matter-of-fact and unflappable. she won't make your mom feel either dirty or dumb for not knowing something.

alternatively, or additionally, you might enlist a female friend who doesn't normally interact with your mom to go over the website with her and/or at least teach her how to put on a condom.

what a good kid you are! your mom is lucky to have you.
posted by thinkingwoman at 7:32 PM on September 7, 2007

In addition to a website or quickie tutorial...

Might be nice to get a more comprehensive book (eg Our Bodies Ourselves) and just put a post-it on the safe sex chapter. That way she doesn't need to feel like she has to read it cover to cover, but she has the reference book in case she has other secret questions. I guess this depends on generational difference between looking it up in a book vs immediately turning to google for medical advice. If it were my mom she would be much more likely to actually use a book.
posted by LobsterMitten at 7:58 PM on September 7, 2007

I've really enjoyed reading Caitlain's Corner, which is un-corny, un-shy, funny and quite informative.
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 9:40 PM on September 7, 2007

Safer sex = condoms. What more does she need?

Sorry, I think it's a bit odd that you're thinking of getting a "sex ed primer" for your mother who's in her sixties. Seriously, with the exception of HIV/AIDS, sexually transmitted diseases have been around for hundreds of years. Unless she's never read a newspaper or watched TV, this won't be news.

I think you've broached the subject and if she wants to talk to you about it, she will. If not, don't give her a sex ed book: it'll probably freak her out. (It freaks me out just reading about it.) If you feel like you have to be that involved in her personal life, give her a link to a safe sex website.

An aside: I'm sure that on one level you are concerned about your mom's well-being; however, considering your mother is divorced and "recently started dating", it makes me wonder if another motivation for your actions is to scare her away from getting too involved with someone who's not your dad...
posted by sfkiddo at 10:46 PM on September 7, 2007 [2 favorites]

Yeah, I was going to ask very much the same thing. What sort of up-to-date practices are you referring to?
posted by the jam at 11:15 PM on September 7, 2007

The Guide to Getting it On is a great book about sex that is totally aimed at adults. It's long, but the chapters are short and you can skip around as you please.
posted by number9dream at 12:18 AM on September 8, 2007

Seriously, with the exception of HIV/AIDS, sexually transmitted diseases have been around for hundreds of years. Unless she's never read a newspaper or watched TV, this won't be news.

But she's never dated in an environment where men were expected to use condoms. Sure, some men used 'em in the 70s, but since everything except herpes was curable with antibiotics, there was much less fear of STDs.

ouroborous, my older female friend who recently started dating asked me for the "how does this work now" pep talk. She was comforted to know that many of us younger women still struggle with feeling awkward about the "when to have the sexual history talk" and such, too. And surprised. She thought perhaps that in this era of happy sexual frankness, all younger women were perfectly at ease chirping a request for blood tests on the second date.

I do recommend something like "Our Bodies, Ourselves." Bookmark a few pages as suggeste. She can browse the rest at her leisure.
posted by desuetude at 3:49 AM on September 8, 2007

Why use some random amateur website for this? The NIH safe sex information page is accurate and comprehensive and it is just one entry in a very comprehensive medical glossary designed for adults.
posted by ikkyu2 at 10:15 AM on September 8, 2007