What would you like to know?

September 4, 2007 2:51 PM

I'm interested in interpersonal relationship research and am looking for ideas for a research project. So- if you were given the opportunity to ask one question about interpersonal relationships (of the romantic kind) what would you most like to have answered? (Not that I am planning to answer it right now, just looking for interesting research topics that may not have been covered in the field yet- or haven't been explored enough).
posted by MayNicholas to human relations (11 comments total)

I just finished reading "Relating: Dialogues & Dialects" by Leslie Baxter and Barbara Montgomery for a human development class I'm taking as part of my PhD coursework. I was struck by their talk of praxis patterns in relationships, especially around saying too much verses not saying enough (ch. 3), and segmentation in conversation ("I don't want to talk about X, but if you need to, I'll listen").

Long way of getting to this: If I could, I would ask a couple about how they deal with talking to the current partner about past partners.
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 3:33 PM on September 4, 2007

Remember that interpersonal scientists start with theories, then make hypotheses! (Note: I am not an IP scholar, but I have to teach some introductory Comm courses...)

Relational Dialectics (the theoretical perspective mentioned above) is sort of out of fashion now. People are moving toward Communication Privacy Management, an offshoot of that theory. RD hasn't been emperically supported.

The biggest IP theory is URT/M (Uncertanity Reduction Theory/Management). EVT (Expectancy Violation Theory) is really interesting too.

Here's a list of interpersonal theories and some ideas about the scholars who work on them. Here's another link.
posted by k8t at 3:52 PM on September 4, 2007 [1 favorite]

One thing that has always puzzled me after thirty-seven years of happy marriage is why so many people seem to choose the wrong partner.
posted by TheRaven at 4:16 PM on September 4, 2007

How big a part does mental and emotional stability play in a successful relationship?
posted by TorontoSandy at 4:19 PM on September 4, 2007

I wonder whether the way each partner defines/describes themselves (traits, weaknesses, role in the relationship) is the same way that their partner would define/describe them. In other words, is what A is giving the same thing that B is getting?
posted by xo at 5:00 PM on September 4, 2007

How about looking at something affecting modern relationships that may not have much previous research, like computer privacy (sharing or access to email accounts / internet histories)? I know happy couples who share a single email account, and other happy couples that have their own password protected computers, and I find the differences odd.

Another thing I've always wondered about is how being in a relationship ends up polarising people - if one person is slightly better / more interested in cooking, they will end up doing 90% of the cooking, or if one person is slightly more interested in photography, they will always be the one with the camera, or if one person is slightly more organised than the other, they will end up organising everything in the relationship - given that when those people are single, both will cook and take photos and organise events.
posted by finding.perdita at 5:06 PM on September 4, 2007 [1 favorite]

I am interested in the meta communication between long term couples as it plays out in humor/sarcasm/teasing etc. How does this type of communication strengthen a relationship, it at all?
posted by Xurando at 5:28 PM on September 4, 2007 [2 favorites]

K8t, great links thanks!

Great questions so far. I really like the computer/ meta suggestions as well! Keep 'em coming!
posted by MayNicholas at 7:04 PM on September 4, 2007

Which makes the relationship more satisfying: which begin as friendships or those which begin in passion? Which lasts longer?
posted by Riverine at 7:40 PM on September 4, 2007

It's not the question I'd most like to have answered, but a potentially fruitful line of research might be around how couples perceive & negotiate (in a broad sense) compromise, and what effect it has on the quality / stability of the relationship.

Stemming from a personal half-baked theory that people notice & rate their own (often unnoticed by others, and/or unrequested) compromises more than they notice or value the compromises of others, it could be interesting to see how that sort of thing plays out in a partner-type relationship.

For example, using finding.perdita's question above, what happens if the slightly-more-interested cook imagines that they're sacrificing themself on the altar of lurve in order to cook most of the meals, and at the same time, the less-interested cook imagines that they are, in turn, sacrificing themself in order to let their partner indulge more fully their (the partner's) desire to cook.

There would be plenty of other examples, from who does which household chores, up to the level of moving cities, changing careers, ditching friends, having or not having children etc, in which people are forced to compromise in order to accommodate the other's wishes, with or without all the terms being verbalised. How couples go about 'negotiating' these, and what effect it has on the relationship could be interesting.

Just a random thought.
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:20 PM on September 4, 2007

Some real research into the cycle of breakup-recover-new relationship. Folks on AskMe are BIG on the whole thing of so-called "rebound" relationships. I often wonder how valid this is, or whether it's self-fulfilling.

UbuRoivas: In my relationship, we compare strength of feelings. If my partner wants something more than I don't want it, he gets it. It can be tricky, and it can be hell when we're largely indifferent! But it makes sense to us...except when we beat some issues to death.
posted by Goofyy at 7:54 AM on September 5, 2007