Comments on: Can a young man with a knife defeat a grizzly bear?

Question: Can a young man with a knife defeat a grizzly bear?

Kwantsar — Wed, 05 May 2004 14:41:36 -0800

Could a typical young man, armed only with a knife, (say, six or eight inches long) be trained to consistently "win" fights with a grizzly bear? Assume no element of surprise.

By: ArsncHeart

ArsncHeart — Wed, 05 May 2004 14:51:38 -0800

I know very little about fighting with knives, and even less about grizzly bears, but I'd imagine it wouldn't be any more difficult than training to be a consistently winning boxing champion. Or whatever.

By: daver

daver — Wed, 05 May 2004 14:56:06 -0800

No. Young men lack experience in these matters. You'd need a much older man. Or, perhaps a young woman (who are typically quite a bit wiser than young men). I doubt you'd be able to convince one though, they're quite wise.

By: the cuban

the cuban — Wed, 05 May 2004 15:09:45 -0800

How old is the grizzly?

Is knife-throwing allowed?

By: scarabic

scarabic — Wed, 05 May 2004 15:24:35 -0800

Winning means kill the bear? Scare it away? Chase it out of a circle on the ground for more than 3 seconds? Make both its shoulder blades touch the ground?

By: Kwantsar

Kwantsar — Wed, 05 May 2004 15:27:43 -0800

The grizzly is in his/her prime. Knife-throwing is allowed if the subject can indeed "consistently" win.

"Winning" is killing, rendering paralyzed, or otherwise neutralizing the bear.

By: falconred

falconred — Wed, 05 May 2004 15:29:16 -0800

1) Wait until bear ventures under 2000 lb. weight suspended by rope.

2) Use knife to cut rope.

3) Squish bear.

By: y6y6y6

y6y6y6 — Wed, 05 May 2004 15:33:44 -0800

Assuming the bear was trying to kill you? No. Not even close. You might get lucky, but grizzlies do this sort of thing for a living.

Think about it this way - Grizzlies fight each other. Even if you stab the thing, they're use to that. They have huge claws which have been known to disembowel large mammals with one swipe. They feed by heaving boulders and trees off of small grubs.

Bears kill people, lots of people, every year. People never kill bears with knives.

By: yerfatma

yerfatma — Wed, 05 May 2004 15:35:30 -0800

Assume no element of surprise.

If you bring a kid home from an orphanage and then cut him loose on a grizzly, he's going to be suprised.

By: kirkaracha

kirkaracha — Wed, 05 May 2004 15:35:59 -0800

Not according to this:

Next thing I know, I'm just seeing teeth and trying to jump out of the way. Oh God help me!

The bear lunged, biting me in the face and neck. I could feel my face ripping. Then I was on the ground, the sow on top of me. I felt her teeth crunching down on my head.

I screamed, She's got my head, she's killing me! However, my cry only intensified the attack. Then I realized, I've got to play dead or I'm going to be dead. [gruesome photo]

By: yerfatma

yerfatma — Wed, 05 May 2004 15:36:21 -0800

Bears kill people, lots of people, every year. People never kill bears with knives.

Were this accurate, I'd be wandering in the forest and a bear would be typing this respogrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

By: nicwolff

nicwolff — Wed, 05 May 2004 15:47:25 -0800

Hee hee, yerferma's comment reminds me of one of my favorite books.

By: Zonker

Zonker — Wed, 05 May 2004 15:49:58 -0800

People never kill bears with knives.
Pshaw! Davey Crockett kilt him a bar when he was only three. (Or so I'm told.)

By: five fresh fish

five fresh fish — Wed, 05 May 2004 15:51:29 -0800

Bears kill very few people, NOT lots of people, every year.

By: the cuban

the cuban — Wed, 05 May 2004 15:52:26 -0800

It's hard to envisage how you'd train your dupe. Training in knife fighting involves dummy knives, a compliant (human) partner & the repetition of drills.

I reckon that learning to throw accurately & some knowledge of bear anatomy (location of arteries/nerves) would be your best bet.

By: the cuban

the cuban — Wed, 05 May 2004 15:55:31 -0800

Assuming you're the typical young man who's angered a bear in some way.

By: seanyboy

seanyboy — Wed, 05 May 2004 16:01:23 -0800

This was a bet you had with somebody in a pub. Wasn't it?

By: nicwolff

nicwolff — Wed, 05 May 2004 16:02:33 -0800

Oh, and, as to the question: no, the bear would consistently kill the fucking shit out of you. Wait, if you critically wound the bear while it's killing the fucking shit out of you, so it dies afterwards, do you "win"? In that case, go for it.

By: the cuban

the cuban — Wed, 05 May 2004 16:08:42 -0800

Gorilla vs Grizzly. Who'd win?

No knifes & a de-clawed/ muzzled grizzly.

??

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 05 May 2004 16:08:56 -0800

And how "typical" is this dude? 'Cause typical dudes would crap their pants at the thought of bear brawling.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 05 May 2004 16:10:08 -0800

What about, instead of a knife, the guy had a nail gun?

By: crunchburger

crunchburger — Wed, 05 May 2004 16:13:11 -0800

Great question! How about if Batman trained the guy in fighting? Or, what if the grizzly was a zombie grizzly?

By: joaquim

joaquim — Wed, 05 May 2004 16:15:36 -0800

Grizzlies can grow up to 7 feet tall and 1500 pounds. They can run as fast as 35 mph. Their front claws are about 4.5" long (ten of them vs. one knife). They have the dexterity and speed to fish with their paws. They are also on the Endangered Species list (although that probably wouldn't be a problem in this case).

I heard a story about a park ranger explaining the difference between black bears and grizzly bears: You can tell if it's a black bear by the berries in its feces. Wear bells on your shoes to scare off the black bear and carry pepper in case one comes too near. OTOH, the feces of a grizzly bear smells like pepper and has all these little bells in it.

By: Acetylene

Acetylene — Wed, 05 May 2004 16:18:03 -0800

Also, assuming time travel were possible and each combatant were in his prime, who would win a no-holds barred cage match: Martin and Charlie Sheen, or Kirk and Michael Douglas?

By: mr_roboto

mr_roboto — Wed, 05 May 2004 16:21:05 -0800

I'm surprised no one has yet mentioned Project Grizzly

By: amberglow

amberglow — Wed, 05 May 2004 16:24:50 -0800

i think a poison-tipped knife might do it, if you threw it really hard, and then ran like hell.

Charlie would win, and Kirk Douglas would definitely win.

By: Civil_Disobedient

Civil_Disobedient — Wed, 05 May 2004 16:48:10 -0800

the bear would consistently kill the fucking shit out of you

LOL

You would most likely be eviscerated long before you could sink your little blade into its hide, as a grizzly has a much longer reach than you.

If you could somehow train a person to "psych-out" the bear, you know, consistently make it take a swipe, then quickly get it close and ram the blade into its head -- well, you might stand a chance. I'd put my money on the bear, though.

By: Space Coyote

Space Coyote — Wed, 05 May 2004 16:50:29 -0800

nile crocodile vs. grizzly bear, no holds barred, at the edge of a body of shallowish water. ?

By: gleuschk

gleuschk — Wed, 05 May 2004 17:02:18 -0800

nile crocodile vs. grizzly bear

So wait, which one's the zombie here?

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Wed, 05 May 2004 17:04:33 -0800

People never kill bears with knives

Of course. A plain-old bear is bad enough. A bear armed with a knife? Absolutely BAD-ASS.

How 'bout a cougar versus a fit dude with an aluminum baseball bat?

How 'bout The Rock versus an army of Smurfs?

Now if you could use the knife to quickly make a small thermonuclear device and the means to deliver it from orbit, then you'd be sure.

By: Hildago

Hildago — Wed, 05 May 2004 17:19:57 -0800

I'm going to buck the majority opinion and say that someone who had a knife and was trained in the deadly art of bear fighting could do it consistently. Sure. I'm talking, training for this would have to be a full-time job for at least a year or two. Like training for a big boxing match. You would need to hire the best bear fighters in the world as your coaches.

Bears are strong and fast, but people are... uhh... smart.

I think it would be possible to trick the bear, and when it was confused, plunge the knife into it repeatedly. Then like run behind a tree or something. Repeat as necessary.

My friends and I have had these conversations before. I'm confident in man vs. bear, but I'm pretty sure there's no way a man could beat a blue whale in a fair fight, knife or not.

By: thewittyname

thewittyname — Wed, 05 May 2004 17:20:38 -0800

MacGyver could do it with gum and a paper clip

By: y6y6y6

y6y6y6 — Wed, 05 May 2004 17:21:25 -0800

Perhaps we're not exploring all the possiblities. In a battle to the death, which would win? A rabid sheep with razors on it's hooves, or a spunky little girl armed with a garrote?

By: daver

daver — Wed, 05 May 2004 17:30:04 -0800

As I stated earlier, my money's on the young woman, bar or shep.

By: Hackworth

Hackworth — Wed, 05 May 2004 17:38:30 -0800

I love how no one has even asked WHY yet.

AskMe: Kill first, ask questions later.

By: y6y6y6

y6y6y6 — Wed, 05 May 2004 17:40:34 -0800

"I think it would be possible to trick the bear, and when it was confused, plunge the knife into it repeatedly."

As someone who has a bullethole, I think you are underestimating the number of times you'd need to stab a 1500 pound bear before it would die. I suspect it would die of blood lose before you got in a critacal blow, and that might take hours.

In the meantime your knife will probably break. Or worse yet, get stuck. Have you ever felt bear hide? Counting in the thick fur I suspect most blows would glance off. Remember that the bear is moving very fast. And all it needs to do is tag you once and you're toast.

And bears are smart. Especially when it comes to being a badass. Have you seen films of bears fighting? it looks like a dog fight, only two tons bigger.

Dogs can keep a bear at bay, but only because they're faster than a bear, and they aren't trying to kill it. They can harass the bear and stay just out of range forever. Your man with a knife has neither advantage.

Imagine trying to stab a swerving Mini Cooper coming at you at 30 mph. You might get it a few times, but if you need to tag it several dozen times the odds are going to go against you.

By: five fresh fish

five fresh fish — Wed, 05 May 2004 17:48:05 -0800

It might be worth pointing out two things:

Plenty of people have tried to defend themselves from a grizzly attack using a gun, and have absolutely failed to survive, even when they've nailed the beast in the head or chest. Grizzlies are damn tough creatures. Good luck with the knife.

"Bear Attacks: Their Causes and Avoidance" is the authoratative book on the subject, and has plenty of stories of people surviving and, mostly, not surviving bear attacks. I do not recommend reading this book in the spring, before you begin hiking, but in the fall, after you have finished for the year.

By: dmt

dmt — Wed, 05 May 2004 18:07:48 -0800

Next question: how long will said young man take to die.

In a word, Kwantsar, No.

By: sageleaf

sageleaf — Wed, 05 May 2004 18:24:13 -0800

A self-taught bear expert....

By: juv3nal

juv3nal — Wed, 05 May 2004 18:26:13 -0800

"assume no element of surprise"?

supposing it's possible for the man to win, that bear's going to be plenty surprised right before it dies.

By: mookieproof

mookieproof — Wed, 05 May 2004 18:55:56 -0800

If you threw away the knife and instead used a small handgun, my money would still be on the bear.

A strange game, Professor Falken. The only way to win it is not to play.

By: Nothing

Nothing — Wed, 05 May 2004 18:58:40 -0800

If the young man with the knife realized how innefectual a knife would be against a bear and so used it to make a number of long, sturdy spears, (for bracing against the ground, not throwing) I might go as high as three to one against him. Assuming he was very fit, had excellent coordination, and knew enough about bears and how they move to avoid having the spears swatted away before they could do him any good.

By: mwhybark

mwhybark — Wed, 05 May 2004 19:11:49 -0800

y6's response raises the point that the young man with the knife could use the knife to jack the mini r50r robot from the robot's inventor (if it weren't just a CGI deal), and then he could win.

Shipping the robot to where the bears are would be a pain, though.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 05 May 2004 19:21:41 -0800

I would use the knife to dig a twelve foot deep pit, that the bear would hopefully stumble into, breaking it's legs. Then, I would wait for him to starve to death. Me 1, Bear 0.

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Wed, 05 May 2004 19:22:49 -0800

No. Not a pit. A hole.

By: Hildago

Hildago — Wed, 05 May 2004 19:40:58 -0800

As someone who has a bullethole, I think you are underestimating the number of times you'd need to stab a 1500 pound bear before it would die

If I had a bullet wound, I'd probably work it into conversations as much as possible. Still, it seems like a non-sequitor here. Clarify? Or don't, I'm just being obtuse.

In the meantime your knife will probably break. Or worse yet, get stuck. Have you ever felt bear hide? Counting in the thick fur I suspect most blows would glance off. Remember that the bear is moving very fast. And all it needs to do is tag you once and you're toast.

I'm talking serious ninja-level combat reflexes here, though. You're probably thinking of just Secret Agent level reflexes. Step it up another notch. I'm imagining the guy is all wall-jumping off trees and doing scissor-kicks and stuff.

Dogs can keep a bear at bay, but only because they're faster than a bear, and they aren't trying to kill it. They can harass the bear and stay just out of range forever. Your man with a knife has neither advantage.

Though it's not really an exact comparison, primitive man must have been in situations like this, where small groups armed with spears and such (that would have been more dull, and weaker, if longer range) took down bears, and cave bears, and special "boss area" bears that got stronger the more you hurt them. And primitive man would not have the kind of bear-fighting training and sports enhancing beverages today's athlete would.

Imagine trying to stab a swerving Mini Cooper coming at you at 30 mph. You might get it a few times, but if you need to tag it several dozen times the odds are going to go against you.

I have actually tried doing this, and usually the guy in the Mini Cooper just speeds away.

By: Zonker

Zonker — Wed, 05 May 2004 19:42:41 -0800

"I think it would be possible to trick the bear, and when it was confused, plunge the knife into it repeatedly."
I know! Let us taunt it! It may become so cross that it will make a mistake!

By: nicwolff

nicwolff — Wed, 05 May 2004 19:44:03 -0800

y6, you're overestimating the average weight of a bear.

By: Hildago

Hildago — Wed, 05 May 2004 19:46:51 -0800

I know! Let us taunt it! It may become so cross that it will make a mistake!

It worked with George Foreman, damn it.

By: yeoz

yeoz — Wed, 05 May 2004 20:32:43 -0800

This was bought up before by amberglow, but, no one seemed to care. Coating the knife in a fast-acting poison is close to ideal, but, it might not be enough to kill it before it kills you.

A biological agent in addition to poison might be fairly effective too. But, that probably won't be enough, which leads me to my final suggestion.

So, I propose that the knife be coated in a high-yield contact explosive instead, and the knife itself, be made out of depleted uranium or whatever-radioactive-crap-you-have-lying-around. (Aim for the eyes!)

By: y6y6y6

y6y6y6 — Wed, 05 May 2004 20:39:45 -0800

"If I had a bullet wound, I'd probably work it into conversations as much as possible."

That would depend on why you had the bullet hole. For instance it might be something that is better bragged about than explained. I'm just adding some perspective to guy with a knife. I have a through and through bullet hole, and if someone was trying to kill me with a knife that wound wouldn't have slowed me down one tiny bit. Probably not the norm, but from my experience I would guess that if you stuck a pissed off bear with a knife it wouldn't even feel it until after it had ripped out your throat.

" where small groups armed with spears and such"

This is totally different. If you have three men with spears on of them can always be behind the bear. Which puts the bear on the defensive. It's not a fair comparison. With one man the bear can concentrate on killing you. It's used to fighting one on one with 1500 pound meat eaters with massive fangs and powerful claws. One guy with a knife, who is obligated to get close enough to score solid blows over and over, is a cake walk. Several people attacking from all sides is not something bears need to deal with from an evolutionary stand point.

"took down bears"

I suspect that many of these kills can after the animal was wounded and tracked for days until it was very weak. I don't think we're allowing your super ninja agent kicking guy that option.

"y6, you're overestimating the average weight of a bear."

Your link supports my 1500 pound hypothetical bear. The heaviest griz on record is 1496. And if we're going to have the knife guy fight some pathetic "average" bear then what's the point?

And a poison knife is cheating. If we allow cheating then just have the knife guy drop a 500 pound knife on the bear from a plane or something.

By: dg

dg — Wed, 05 May 2004 20:52:06 -0800

Sure, bears can run at 35 mph, but for how long? How fast can a shit-scared man run and for how long? The way I see it, the only sure way to win this fight is if you can make the bear run itself into the ground and drop from exhaustion. Otherwise, you are SOL in a big way. Grizzlies are big, mean and tough. Men (by comparison) are puny, scared and weak. If there is a book running on this, I will put everything I own on the bear please
well, everything except my MeFi membership.

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Wed, 05 May 2004 21:24:29 -0800

I'm pretty sure there's no way a man could beat a blue whale in a fair fight, knife or not

Whaddaya mean? It's got no arms and no legs and can't reach around to its back. You just take the first bite on the back and keep chew, chew, chewin' your way to sweet blubbery victory.

Okay, not everyone could do it. But Patrick Duffy could.

And "Sweet Blubbery Victory" is a great name for a band.

By: Hildago

Hildago — Wed, 05 May 2004 21:48:42 -0800

Zing!

By: darkpony

darkpony — Wed, 05 May 2004 21:51:31 -0800

I think it would make a good comic (self link).

By: Salmonberry

Salmonberry — Wed, 05 May 2004 22:18:50 -0800

You could win, if you tag teamed with a couple of dumb, fun-loving Bull Moose and maybe sharp-tongued but really soft-hearted and wise Cougar. Then - with teamwork - you could take down the bear and rid the forest of it's evil tyrant.

By: daver

daver — Wed, 05 May 2004 22:48:59 -0800

Ok Hackworth. Kwanstar, why?

By: seanyboy

seanyboy — Thu, 06 May 2004 00:05:08 -0800

A Bear fighting training session

By: vito90

vito90 — Thu, 06 May 2004 09:52:52 -0800

This is the most awesomest thread ever.

By: shinnin

shinnin — Thu, 06 May 2004 09:56:32 -0800

This guy fought off a polar bear with a pocket knife. And polar bears are WAY BIGGER AND MEANER then grizzley bears.

By: ewagoner

ewagoner — Thu, 06 May 2004 10:02:28 -0800

Follow-up: Will there ever be a boy born who can swim faster than a shark?

By: nicwolff

nicwolff — Thu, 06 May 2004 10:09:02 -0800

From shinnin's link: "[...] I was beside the bear's head and I stabbed it with an upper cut below the jaw in the neck a couple of times," he said. [...] The bear ran off. While there was some fur and blood on the 9cm blade, Fortier said he didn't think he hurt the bear badly.

By: five fresh fish

five fresh fish — Thu, 06 May 2004 10:11:34 -0800

Polar bears are one of the very few animals, perhaps the only animal, that considers humans to be prey. They look at people and think "Mmmm. Food."

All the other Big Scary Animals look at a human and think "Hmmm. Fellow predator. Better be careful."

"Sure, bears can run at 35 mph, but for how long? How fast can a shit-scared man run and for how long?"

Not nearly fast enough and not nearly long enough. Read the Bear Attack book.

By: shinnin

shinnin — Thu, 06 May 2004 10:15:05 -0800

five fresh fish: my understanding is also that polar bears are the one and only animal that hunts humans for food when healthy. Even tigers only do it when injured or old and feeble.

By: furiousthought

furiousthought — Thu, 06 May 2004 10:37:16 -0800

Healthy humans or healthy polar bears?

Okay, so what's the biggest, scariest, determined animal adversary a typical young man can learn to take consistently with a knife? I say wolf, hyena, maybe possibly mountain lion. An ostrich would kick the guy's ass though.

By: Capn

Capn — Thu, 06 May 2004 10:41:17 -0800

Is the man allowed to use The Force?

Okay, so what's the biggest, scariest, determined animal adversary a typical young man can learn to take consistently with a knife?
The 72oz Steak Challenge at the Lone Star restraunt.

By: Hildago

Hildago — Thu, 06 May 2004 11:19:27 -0800

In a sense it's not even fair, though. Can a man kill a grizzly bear? Yes. With a gun, from a hundred yards away. Because tool-use and ingenuity are human advantages. Strength, size, claws and teeth are the bear's. A human with a knife could totally kick a weak, small, toothless bear's ass. For instance, a baby bear.

So the question is, "Could a typical young man, armed only with a knife, be trained to consistently 'win' fights with a baby bear? Assume no element of surprise."

I say YES.

By: stuartmm

stuartmm — Thu, 06 May 2004 11:24:50 -0800

dg , five fresh fish is very right;
One of the most memorable sections from the bear attack book is basically;
" Do not run they will catch you. Do not climb a tree as they can RUN up the tree faster and all you will find yourself doing is fighting the bear in a tree."

By: COBRA!

COBRA! — Thu, 06 May 2004 11:41:48 -0800

OK. If the entire membership pool of Metafilter were locked inside Target Center with a healthy adult grizzly bear, how many of us would die before we brought the thing down with sheer numbers? Assume that nobody's wearing anything tougher than a t-shirt, and that Target Center has been stripped of anything that could readily be improvised into a weapon.

By: agregoli

agregoli — Thu, 06 May 2004 11:56:35 -0800

I doubt a bear would fight 1,000, much less the entire MeFi pop. They're not stupid.

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Thu, 06 May 2004 11:57:52 -0800

Target Center has been stripped of anything that could readily be improvised into a weapon

Nonsense. Children and the short make handy bludgeons if swung by the feet.

Or you could tie a couple of babies together with a t-shirt or two and use 'em as a bolo.

By: Capn

Capn — Thu, 06 May 2004 12:25:42 -0800

Assume that nobody's wearing anything tougher than a t-shirt

I assume the bulk of the casualties would be self-inflicted from being confronted with so many pantsless mefia while pantsless.

(I am the king of no pants).

Back to the original topic, what about the bear, could the bear use The Force?

By: amberglow

amberglow — Thu, 06 May 2004 12:48:11 -0800

what ROU said. : >

By: five fresh fish

five fresh fish — Thu, 06 May 2004 13:32:16 -0800

The Target Center isn't a challenge for anyone who's reasonably quick on their feet. All you have to do is be a bit faster than the next guy. The bear ain't gonna hunt you if it's had a good meal.

Bottom line is that you just don't fight grizzlies. And they don't want to fight you. They're only dangerous under rare circumstances: they're terribly ill from lack of food, you've startled them while on a hike, or you've stupidly (or accidently, I suppose) got yourself in between Ma bear and her cubs.

When they do attack, the best strategy seems to be to play dead. The startled/mother bears will generally only abuse you until they feel you're no longer a threat. Unfortunately, the ill ones will devour you.

Black bears are a whole other situation, though. They really don't want to be involved, so your best bet is to fight back. They'll run away given half a chance. Unless, of course, they're ill, in which case they'll devour you...

By: ColdChef

ColdChef — Thu, 06 May 2004 14:23:22 -0800

How about, instead of a Target store, it was a Chuck E Cheese restaurant? You think a bear could navigate the ball pit? Or maybe we could lure it into the batting cage.

By: snarfodox

snarfodox — Thu, 06 May 2004 14:45:46 -0800

How long can the knife be? Perhaps a sword (made as sharp as modern technology can make it) might do the trick by lopping off whole bear limbs.

By: LionIndex

LionIndex — Thu, 06 May 2004 14:49:10 -0800

snarfodox, the question states 6-8", which would not meet even Crocodile Dundee's definition of "knife".

By: Hildago

Hildago — Thu, 06 May 2004 15:22:23 -0800

Can the knife shoot fire?

Assuming yes, my strategy would be to gain the high ground over the bear, by either climbing a tree (in the forest), onto a display shelf (in Target), or in that gallery where the animatronic band plays (in Chuck E. Cheese's) and just fucking laying into that bear with fire from my knife.

By: snarfodox

snarfodox — Thu, 06 May 2004 15:34:18 -0800

Living in Australia I feel entirely qualified to say: Bah. Thats not a knife.

By: Sangre Azul

Sangre Azul — Thu, 06 May 2004 15:49:53 -0800

I guess that's all $14 will buy some folks.

By: five fresh fish

five fresh fish — Thu, 06 May 2004 19:03:56 -0800

Lay into the animatronic band instead. People will love you.

Don't climb the tree. Grizzlies generally don't climb trees. They just knock them over.

Living in Australia, you've got far more things to worry about than a few mostly-harmless bears. Damn near everything in that crazy country is lethal.

By: Space Coyote

Space Coyote — Thu, 06 May 2004 21:31:44 -0800

Except the koala bears, ironically.

By: five fresh fish

five fresh fish — Thu, 06 May 2004 21:47:11 -0800

No, I've heard they hide up in the trees, and then drop down on unsuspecting passers-by, bouncing off the poor victim's head, rending them unconscious.

Very dangerous, the koalas.

By: quonsar

quonsar — Mon, 10 May 2004 13:41:37 -0800

kwantzar is actually minya.

By: Mossy

Mossy — Mon, 10 May 2004 14:22:40 -0800

five fresh fish - that's actually the Australian drop bear, not the koala.

I reckon if she wore a yellow jump suit and had a Hattori Hanzo knife she'd win any day.

I need to watch less movies..

By: knapah

knapah — Mon, 10 May 2004 15:30:34 -0800

well, if somehow you managed to get the bear in the eyes first and blind it, then you'd have a fair chance. you'd just have to dodge the flailing limbs a lot.

think triffid versus blind human.

and mossy's right, a hattori hanzo knife would work perfectly. and we both need to watch less movies....

By: Dark Messiah

Dark Messiah — Mon, 10 May 2004 18:53:01 -0800

I suppose it would be possible, but highly impractical. I think after kicking one bear's ass, I'd consider that "consistent" enough for one life-time. I think a knife is the wrong weapon, but a ranged one such as a poleaxe or a flail... I mean, the bear has like over a foot of reach on a human, so it's not even remotely fair to stick the human with a piddly little knife.

Considering no one has offered up how to kill one grizzly, let alone many grizzlies, I think it's safe to say that the answer is "no".

If anyone's willing to try, please send footage; so as to discourage other grizzly grapplers. :)

By: deborah

deborah — Thu, 13 May 2004 23:29:50 -0800

How about, instead of a Target store, it was a Chuck E Cheese restaurant?

Pffft. If you managed to lure a bear into a Chuck E Cheese, it'd willingly commit suicide.